Negativity Stinks

[Phranp 46]

OP... I don't think you should be apologizing for your viewpoints. If you're original intent was to vent about some people whining about no weight loss...without looking at their own bad habits... I think you did it well.

I am in total agreement with you on your original post. I'm not very big into sugar coating things or giving false hopes or promises.

Everyone has made it a point to say that this is a support group. But I think many take that as an opportunity to act like whining children. I can't judge this... but I will say that it sometimes deters other hopefuls from getting banded.

To me, whining and complaining should only happen AFTER the fact. This means a couple months of good diet tracking, exercise, and over-all behavior modifications. Then if you are still not averaging 1-2 lbs per week... it's time to ask questions.

What also gets me is that some people blame their surgeons about their lack of knowledge or pre-surgery information. This, to me, is unacceptable. Now I'm not on the side of the surgeon. I know for a FACT that there are less competent surgeons out there and those that are just motivated by cash.

But this does not make an excuse for anyone to blame their surgeon about their lack of weight loss. Being on the forum, I'm thinking it's not a stretch to assume that these people have access to the internet. How about doing some research? Researching all the pros and cons... all the possible side effects, ADEs, and/or failures, etc.

Most people want and demand informed consent on their part...but expect the physician and their surgical team to provide all of it. "Is that really too much to ask from your doctor?", you may ask. It's actually not. You would expect your surgeon to be able to tell you EVERYTHING about the process. But apparently there are surgeons who do not (or cannot). But either case... YOU should have researched about that surgical team beforehand... so for me..the fault lies in you (the misinformed patient).

Harsh? I know. But this isn't a blackjack table at the MGM. This is your life..your health. Why gamble? Do your research. Educate yourself. Then make an informed decision.

You know, Wheels, I am not in disagreement with everything that you said but ... there are surgeons out ther selling newbies a bill of goods better than any "ambulance chaser" could. And some, while experienced surgeons, are new to the lapband biz and do a fine job with the surgery but cannot (I did not say "will not") offer support via staff, support groups, etc. My surgeon was the latter. A great guy, but I knew from the first fill that he was "experimenting" on me. But it all turned out okay and he didn't charge me for the fills ... so how could I complain? I did quite a bit of research before surgery, but it didn't quite sink in until ... hmmm ... maybe when my surgeon said "I'll see you in 1 week for your post op and in two more weeks you can have your first fill." It was then that I had an "aha" moment. Nevertheless I pressed on and told myself to be patient ... and I was/am. But, I am older and regardless of how much weight I lose (or if I get a tummy tuck), it will never be appropriate for me to wear a bikini. MY KIDS WOULD DISOWN ME. LOL I am good (mostly) with the pace at which I am losing and I am clear that I alone bear responsibility for my success.

I think that an important point is that most doctors don't mention when "selling" the band is that your success is based on what "you" are willing to DO to achieve it. That even goes for those that say their journey has been a breeze. These people changed their diet and their thinking. That's a BIG deal for an obese person.

Sometimes people don't do extensive research because they feel the doc has answered all their questions ... sometimes people don't know what questions to ask. So, yes, once the "truth" hits them after surgery they whine a bit. Hey, when I was young I'm sure I whined a lot. LOL Think about it, how out of control must persons life be to become obese? So, after being banded and finding out that they must learn to "control" themselves ... that there is NO magic bullet, well ... you know the drill ... I'm sure you've seen it here time and time again. People are people and will always complain.

My hope/wish for them is that eventually they will take stock of their situation and do what they need to do to get where they want to be. It takes alllll kinds ....

All the best to you on your journey.

~Fran

[Rachel412 116]

I think that an important point is that most doctors don't mention when "selling" the band is that your success is based on what "you" are willing to DO to achieve it. That even goes for those that say their journey has been a breeze. These people changed their diet and their thinking. That's a BIG deal for an obese person.

I totally agree. And even though my nutritionist said it to me, over and over again, I really didn't get it until after I'd had he surgery and it was all in my hands.

[asksdf 5]

I'm all about being supportive on a support forum. The thing is, some people just need some tough love and reality checks. When you have people admitting they aren't following their doctor's orders "because they can handle it", what are we supposed to say?

[HarperClaire 0]

I admit, I found this forum and blasted onto it with a ton of negativity, I have a Dr. who didn't share much, an insurance company who got me banded within a couple months, no nutritionist or a support group with them. People come here myself include because we are scared, frustrated and trying to navigate through this. I'm glad I found this site and after I ranted, I got a lot of great feedback . I've read and already learned a ton and I feel in general not alone. I hope you can offer the newbie's your experience and give ranting a break it's good to vent, it helps prevent people from going on killing rampages or at the very least from drinking enough malts to be put in a sugar coma:)

[stateofzen 46]

I think it's easy to forget that just because us "oldies" have been here-read that, it doesn't mean the newbies have. Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated with the hundredth "it's a week after major surgery and I've only lost 10 lbs" post, but then I remind myself that to that person, it's new and confusing and scary. We've all been there to some degree and as far as I'm concerned, very few people would take the time to find this board and post to ask for support if they weren't really interested in success. So I try not to let my occasional annoyance get in the way of truly supporting someone who needs it.

[mauraclegg 29]

personally I am all for supporting those who are looking for support. I was banded without a support group, except for me myself and I. I would love to be able to help those who are looking for true help and are all about helping themselves too - it was the complaining that was getting to me (as the OP). Trust me, I would love to go out and eat some pizza or go to McDonalds and eat a large french fries, but I know I would puke and gain wait if I did that.

[Debora Anne 3]

AGREE with you totally - I spent 2 years researching bariatric surgeries and watching and asking qiestions from everyone I knew or met that had Bariatric surgery - My Dr office has been supportive as well as informative however it is up to me to get additional details and ASK Questions

OP... I don't think you should be apologizing for your viewpoints. If you're original intent was to vent about some people whining about no weight loss...without looking at their own bad habits... I think you did it well.

I am in total agreement with you on your original post. I'm not very big into sugar coating things or giving false hopes or promises.

Everyone has made it a point to say that this is a support group. But I think many take that as an opportunity to act like whining children. I can't judge this... but I will say that it sometimes deters other hopefuls from getting banded.

To me, whining and complaining should only happen AFTER the fact. This means a couple months of good diet tracking, exercise, and over-all behavior modifications. Then if you are still not averaging 1-2 lbs per week... it's time to ask questions.

What also gets me is that some people blame their surgeons about their lack of knowledge or pre-surgery information. This, to me, is unacceptable. Now I'm not on the side of the surgeon. I know for a FACT that there are less competent surgeons out there and those that are just motivated by cash.

But this does not make an excuse for anyone to blame their surgeon about their lack of weight loss. Being on the forum, I'm thinking it's not a stretch to assume that these people have access to the internet. How about doing some research? Researching all the pros and cons... all the possible side effects, ADEs, and/or failures, etc.

Most people want and demand informed consent on their part...but expect the physician and their surgical team to provide all of it. "Is that really too much to ask from your doctor?", you may ask. It's actually not. You would expect your surgeon to be able to tell you EVERYTHING about the process. But apparently there are surgeons who do not (or cannot). But either case... YOU should have researched about that surgical team beforehand... so for me..the fault lies in you (the misinformed patient).

Harsh? I know. But this isn't a blackjack table at the MGM. This is your life..your health. Why gamble? Do your research. Educate yourself. Then make an informed decision.

[Juliat 6]

I think it's easy to forget that just because us "oldies" have been here-read that, it doesn't mean the newbies have. Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated with the hundredth "it's a week after major surgery and I've only lost 10 lbs" post, but then I remind myself that to that person, it's new and confusing and scary. We've all been there to some degree and as far as I'm concerned, very few people would take the time to find this board and post to ask for support if they weren't really interested in success. So I try not to let my occasional annoyance get in the way of truly supporting someone who needs it.

Well said!