so sorry its long.... I'm so scared and confused...

Well, it goes something like this... day 1- mess up... I tell myself... I'll do better tomorrow....day 2- start well, mess up, I'll do better tomorrow.... fast forward to the end and 3 out of 14 days I stayed under 1350 calories. I never stayed under 1200 like I was told to. Holy cow if I had the ability why would I need surgery?!!!! There were a few days when I panicked and ate a lot... a lot... thinking... I'll never be able to do this again!!!

Wow, I thought I was so so so ready! I've been in counseling for my eating disorder for years. I've told myself... I AM READY! But, If I can't make it through the pre-op diet, am I?! Tomorrow my fasting starts...liquids only. Wednesday a.m. is my surgery. I'm wondering if I shouldn't go through with it. Most of my friends say... don't worry, you will do fine because you KNOW you can't mess up after its done. I made the mistake of reading postings where people had written that they had no pre-op diet. That was all I needed to tell myself... if they didn't...then why should I? I had other friends tell me... omg! go out there and eat whatever you want! its your last chance!! Again, all I needed...someone gave me permission to cheat...so I did. If I can't make it on this liquid fast for the next 3 days... I'm postponing the surgery. Obviously its some sort of sabotage. Am I just scared? IS there some part of me that I haven't acknowledged that doesn't want this? I was so sure, so convinced I was ready!

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I so scared when all I want is to be healthy! For goodness sakes I work out like crazy and am even in TWO nutrition classes. Why can't I keep the dang food out of my mouth!!!??? My counselor says I'm addicted to food... that it is my comfort. I lead a very stressful, often lonely, life. Food has always been my friend. I have to say goodbye and yet, handle it EVERY day of my life and not take part in it (at least most of the stuff I like anyhow and very little of every thing else). At least alcoholics and drug addicts can stay away from it, keep it out of the house, not go to clubs, etc. I can't escape food. My husband, I swear he's been sabotaging me as well....bringing home all my favorite things....allowing me to cheat.... Maybe he doesn't want me to lose weight? I'm terrified...absolutely terrified. I'm very angry at myself for failing repeatedly over the years...that I couldn't do it on my own. OMG I think I'm resenting this surgery! I'm pissed at myself. Angry for failing, angry for being weak, angry for being angry. this sucks.

Last week a young woman died at our local hospital. The doctor that told me (my ortho...btw I now need knee surgery and have arthritis in my upper spine... grrrr)...that that woman had had the Lap band surgery a few weeks prior to her death. That scared the crap out of me. I have children to take care of!!!!! I can't leave them! Is this selfish to take that risk?

What the heck am I doing?

Take a deep breath!!! You can do this!

1. You can still do okay on the pre-op, the purpose is to shrink the liver because they doctor has to flip and go around your liver for surgery, it will shrink quickly if you do Clear liquids or whatever diet doc told you. In 4 days you still can do this on clear liquids.

2. My husband too, would always bring me home goodies, but once he saw my eating less, he got the hint. I'm betting yours will too. If not, just tell him nicely to bring you home some good Protein drinks

3. As for the food addiction, you may still struggle with that. The band will control your hunger to some degree so you can get a better grip on this. But, I won't lie, you can sabotage yourself. As you have probably read on this board, there are people that continue to eat Cookies and milk and no weight loss surgery can stop you from consuming liquid calories or sugars that go down easily.

Let the band control your hunger, and you control what you put in your mouth and you will do okay!

Hang in there!!!

---I missed the part about the lady dying....look anytime you go under anesthesia there is a risk, but people don't die JUST from the lapband. Surely that lady died due to other complications. Google it and you will read that lapband deaths and serious injuries are extremely low....

Take a deep breath!!! You can do this!

1. You can still do okay on the pre-op, the purpose is to shrink the liver because they doctor has to flip and go around your liver for surgery, it will shrink quickly if you do clear liquids or whatever diet doc told you. In 4 days you still can do this on clear liquids.

2. My husband too, would always bring me home goodies, but once he saw my eating less, he got the hint. I'm betting yours will too. If not, just tell him nicely to bring you home some good Protein drinks

3. As for the food addiction, you may still struggle with that. The band will control your hunger to some degree so you can get a better grip on this. But, I won't lie, you can sabotage yourself. As you have probably read on this board, there are people that continue to eat Cookies and milk and no weight loss surgery can stop you from consuming liquid calories or sugars that go down easily.

Let the band control your hunger, and you control what you put in your mouth and you will do okay!

Hang in there!!!

Thank you so much! I know this is going to sound stupid.... but can I have my Protein Drinks? They are not clear though. There are no real guidelines listed ...it just says...liquids only... Of course I'm going to measure and keep the calories down. I don't drink soda, etc.... I was thinking things like my protein drinks, broth, tea, and thins like the Naked brand juices...carrot, green machine, etc.... Any other advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm so scared I can't sleep. and I NEED to sleep.... that's another eating trigger...sleep deprivation.

Doctors give different pre-op diets, some people get a full range of liquids like protein drinks and stuff, mine put me on clear liquids for a week. That consisted of sugar free jello, broth, sugar free popsicles, coffee, tea, diet drinks and sweetener ( non dairy creamer was okay)--and I lost 9 pounds that week and my "liver looked good". It was a tough diet, but it worked!

wow. just....wow. I just checked my binder.... the one the surgeons office gave me w/ all the info. It just says any thing that goes "thru a straw"...no chunky soup, etc..

I'm going to do my best. I can do this. wow, what if they get in there and my liver doesn't "look good?" Well, I have a couple calls to make Monday a.m. for sure. lol. thanks again for your advice and comforting words. I'm going to try and go to sleep. I can't wait until the day comes when I don't have to struggle with the stupid cpap mask.

bless you ...and have a good night :-)

You'll do fine! Do your best! The doctor is just trying to keep you safer and not damage your liver, so the more shrinking the better. We are overweight when we start this and our livers are fatty anyway....not to make the diet sound unimportant...but think about it, we are different weights when we get the surgery, so all livers will be different sizes and dif amounts of fat remaining.....you can't get rid of all your liver fat until you are a skinny minny.....so just do your best! Get a good nights sleep!

wow. just....wow. I just checked my binder.... the one the surgeons office gave me w/ all the info. It just says any thing that goes "thru a straw"...no chunky soup, etc..

I'm going to do my best. I can do this. wow, what if they get in there and my liver doesn't "look good?" Well, I have a couple calls to make Monday a.m. for sure. lol. thanks again for your advice and comforting words. I'm going to try and go to sleep. I can't wait until the day comes when I don't have to struggle with the stupid cpap mask.

bless you ...and have a good night :-)

I also have problems with my knees. I had a knee replacement one one knee three tears ago. The other one was hurting me a lot and I knew if I did not do something about my weight I was going to end up in a wheel chair just like my mother. Ii do not want my kids taking care if me and thru will be if I do not follow through.

I have lost 42 lbs. So far and I am now able to walk with a lot more comfort that I ever did before lap band surgery!

You will do fine with the surgery, just remember why this is so important to you. Good Luck!

Ok, take a breath!

That surgeon should not have been talking about other patients. I believe it is against the law. Shame on him!

Keep reading YOUR surgeon's instructions and follow those as closely as you can. Protein drinks will go through a straw, so yes, they are fine. If it says that you switch to clear liquids 24 hours before, then you move to clears. If not, then you don't have to. It seems doctors have varied pre-op plans. You must do your best to follow the one prescribed by YOUR doctor. He knows your health history and what condition your liver might be in.

As to a hubby bringing in your favorites...well, I'd throw it at him and say this isn't helping me right now. In time you will have to come to terms with the fact that you had this surgery and have dietary needs that your family does not. He has a right to eat what he wants and it might be your favorite that you can no longer eat.

But right now? While you are struggling..that's just...well, either mean, or he doesn't even realized he's doing it. Talk to him about it if you can. If not, then leave the room when he brings it in. You have to take care of YOU. YOU are responsible for yourself.

thank you! I finally did get some sleep...just took some deep breathing, prayers, and focusing on the "bigger picture." Sadly...and Kind of funny... I dreamed of food all night long. I mean... it was nutz! Junk food, good food, steaks, you name it... all went through my dreams. LOL...

You'll do fine! Do your best! The doctor is just trying to keep you safer and not damage your liver, so the more shrinking the better. We are overweight when we start this and our livers are fatty anyway....not to make the diet sound unimportant...but think about it, we are different weights when we get the surgery, so all livers will be different sizes and dif amounts of fat remaining.....you can't get rid of all your liver fat until you are a skinny minny.....so just do your best! Get a good nights sleep!

OMG, I have to share with you that I know exactly how you feel! It's like you said exactly what I was thinking and going through too. My surgery is in 5 days and I was having the exact same issue. I even called my dietician and asked if she had any advice for me because I was really struggling with the Pre-op diet. I felt like, if I can't do it now, will I be able to do it after I have surgery? Exactly what you had said, I thought I was totally ready, and then I get to the pre-op diet and I totally blow it. It was hard for me to grasp too, because there are people in my nutrition class that had a different surgeon and he didn't require them to do any pre-op diet at all, but my surgeon does. I was like, What? That's not fair! But I do realize why my doctor wants us to do the liquid diet, but OMG is it difficult to do. Especially when you go from over-eating to just protien shakes. I did the same thing, I would start out doing great but by the end of the night, I was famished, and would eat crackers or something solid. Then I would be so mad at myself for eating them. I also felt the same about wanting to eat everything that I love like it''s the last time that I will ever get to have it. I LOVE food, and it is my comfort too. I know exactly how you feel. I am going to make a huge effort to follow my pre-op diet until Friday, but believe me, I know how hard it is and exactly how you feel. Good Good Luck with everything, Don't postpone your surgery, my dietician said the pre-op diet is something that a lot of people struggle with. Just think of all the good things that will come from getting the Lap-Band. I am right here with you. Please let me know how everything is going. You can do it! I can too!

so sorry its long.... I'm so scared and confused...

Well, it goes something like this... day 1- mess up... I tell myself... I'll do better tomorrow....day 2- start well, mess up, I'll do better tomorrow.... fast forward to the end and 3 out of 14 days I stayed under 1350 calories. I never stayed under 1200 like I was told to. Holy cow if I had the ability why would I need surgery?!!!! There were a few days when I panicked and ate a lot... a lot... thinking... I'll never be able to do this again!!!

Wow, I thought I was so so so ready! I've been in counseling for my eating disorder for years. I've told myself... I AM READY! But, If I can't make it through the pre-op diet, am I?! Tomorrow my fasting starts...liquids only. Wednesday a.m. is my surgery. I'm wondering if I shouldn't go through with it. Most of my friends say... don't worry, you will do fine because you KNOW you can't mess up after its done. I made the mistake of reading postings where people had written that they had no pre-op diet. That was all I needed to tell myself... if they didn't...then why should I? I had other friends tell me... omg! go out there and eat whatever you want! its your last chance!! Again, all I needed...someone gave me permission to cheat...so I did. If I can't make it on this liquid fast for the next 3 days... I'm postponing the surgery. Obviously its some sort of sabotage. Am I just scared? IS there some part of me that I haven't acknowledged that doesn't want this? I was so sure, so convinced I was ready!

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I so scared when all I want is to be healthy! For goodness sakes I work out like crazy and am even in TWO nutrition classes. Why can't I keep the dang food out of my mouth!!!??? My counselor says I'm addicted to food... that it is my comfort. I lead a very stressful, often lonely, life. Food has always been my friend. I have to say goodbye and yet, handle it EVERY day of my life and not take part in it (at least most of the stuff I like anyhow and very little of every thing else). At least alcoholics and drug addicts can stay away from it, keep it out of the house, not go to clubs, etc. I can't escape food. My husband, I swear he's been sabotaging me as well....bringing home all my favorite things....allowing me to cheat.... Maybe he doesn't want me to lose weight? I'm terrified...absolutely terrified. I'm very angry at myself for failing repeatedly over the years...that I couldn't do it on my own. OMG I think I'm resenting this surgery! I'm pissed at myself. Angry for failing, angry for being weak, angry for being angry. this sucks.

Last week a young woman died at our local hospital. The doctor that told me (my ortho...btw I now need knee surgery and have arthritis in my upper spine... grrrr)...that that woman had had the Lap band surgery a few weeks prior to her death. That scared the crap out of me. I have children to take care of!!!!! I can't leave them! Is this selfish to take that risk?

What the heck am I doing?

My mother had her first knee replacement in her late forties!! Then she had her hip replaced in her early 50's, a couple years later... her other knee. She's 57 and next month will have her other hip replaced. She's battled w/ being overweight after having my brother at 30. Her mom had major joint problems as well. I dont' want that life!!!! My dad resents her because he wanted to travel after retirement but she can't do the things he wants to do. I don't want THAT life either. :-( That's why I'm having this surgery. I was so active pre weight gain. I can still run/jog (2 miles in 28 minutes is what I'm up to and can walk an hour). I can no longer do incline training because the pain in my knee is awful. Even driving hurts. I'm glad to hear you're doing better since surgery. i can't wait until I can post that I did my 10 mile hike that I did when I first met my husband! :-)

I also have problems with my knees. I had a knee replacement one one knee three tears ago. The other one was hurting me a lot and I knew if I did not do something about my weight I was going to end up in a wheel chair just like my mother. Ii do not want my kids taking care if me and thru will be if I do not follow through.

I have lost 42 lbs. So far and I am now able to walk with a lot more comfort that I ever did before lap band surgery!

You will do fine with the surgery, just remember why this is so important to you. Good Luck!

I got teary eyed reading that! Thank you. So far I haven't cheated aside from the unconscious toss of Cereal in my mouth this a.m. when I was pouring my daughter her bowl of cereal. I grabbed a few pieces popped them in and mid chew went... oops... I stood there w/ this chewed cereal in my mouth thinking...what do I do? spit it out? LOL. I just shrugged and swallowed it. But man it made me really aware of how EASY it is to just absent mindedly eat! One of my problems being a mom...always popping just a little bit of their food in my mouth! Last night I dreamt of food all night (no joke) and this morning I washed my hair w/ this new shampoo I got for brunettes (just had my hair colored back to my natural color from blonde) and so help me god... it is scented like chocolate!!!! LOL LOL. Not to mention I'm close to that time of the month and it is when I'm the most ravenous and vulnerable. I jokingly told my friend that this was the absolute WORST date my surgeon could have assigned me. During a holiday focused around candy candy candy and right at my cycle. Could he be more cruel!??? LOL Oh well... time to find out what I'm really made of. I will keep you informed!!! :-)

trust me... IF I can do this... YOU can do this!!! We're in this together!!!!

renee

OMG, I have to share with you that I know exactly how you feel! It's like you said exactly what I was thinking and going through too. My surgery is in 5 days and I was having the exact same issue. I even called my dietician and asked if she had any advice for me because I was really struggling with the Pre-op diet. I felt like, if I can't do it now, will I be able to do it after I have surgery? Exactly what you had said, I thought I was totally ready, and then I get to the pre-op diet and I totally blow it. It was hard for me to grasp too, because there are people in my nutrition class that had a different surgeon and he didn't require them to do any pre-op diet at all, but my surgeon does. I was like, What? That's not fair! But I do realize why my doctor wants us to do the liquid diet, but OMG is it difficult to do. Especially when you go from over-eating to just protien shakes. I did the same thing, I would start out doing great but by the end of the night, I was famished, and would eat crackers or something solid. Then I would be so mad at myself for eating them. I also felt the same about wanting to eat everything that I love like it''s the last time that I will ever get to have it. I LOVE food, and it is my comfort too. I know exactly how you feel. I am going to make a huge effort to follow my pre-op diet until Friday, but believe me, I know how hard it is and exactly how you feel. Good Good Luck with everything, Don't postpone your surgery, my dietician said the pre-op diet is something that a lot of people struggle with. Just think of all the good things that will come from getting the Lap-Band. I am right here with you. Please let me know how everything is going. You can do it! I can too!

I know right! I was so excited about getting my surgery that I didn't consider the date of it. How sad is it that I considered rescheduling my surgery because Easter is two days after, and my whole entire family will be in town and going to brunch. I have to be there because I made the plans way before I knew my surgery date. My Mother-in-Law always makes me a huge Easter basket filled with candy. UUUGGh! I guess I will watching everyone else while I sip my clear liquids! Although I am determined not to let it bother me.

I can't imagine how hard it is to have children to make easter baskets for. I am sure it gets easier once you have the surgery. I will be thinking about you on your surgery day, Again, Good Luck!

Tracy

I don't know if this will help or aggravate you, but my doctor didn't have any sort of pre-surgery diet. I was told not to gain any weight, but that was it.

The reason I'm saying this is I've been on Clear liquids for the past week and I've really done fine, I haven't messed up even once. So it wasn't like I was used to clear liquids before I had the surgery, kwim? In general after surgery you don't WANT to eat because your innards are so sore and swollen.

OMG I did the same thing! When I got the date I was thrilled. It wasn't until the pre-op (failed) diet that I started thinking... ah man! Seriously? no chocolate at Easter! So not fair!" LOL So that's one of the reasons why I did so poorly those 2 weeks. I was...uh... getting in my easter candy! ha ha. Sad, but true. LOL. I have been fasting on liquids for 2 straight days. I have done really good. I think is the whole "shrink your liver" thing that scares me into behaving. I have to say I AM hungry rather quickly after a shake or some Soup. I've been getting dizzy headaches and my tummy growls all night long...well, it did last night anyhow... I'm assuming the same thing will happen tonight. My energy levels are dropping. I hope that passes with time. I am the kind of person that wants to make sure EVERYTHING is in order before I go somewhere and I work and work and work to make sure all is right in the house, etc... but this time I'm having to come to the realization that I may have to leave some stuff incomplete. It kills me. But I'm TIRED. I just keep telling myself... its not going to last its not going to last its NOT going to last. I'm down 20lbs from my highest in december of 260. I was shocked to see the scale say 240 today. It was motivating for me to keep going. well, that and not wanting to, you know, have problems on the operating table... :-)

For Easter I planned ahead and got all of the basket stuff taken care of. I put coins in most of the eggs and just a little candy and have asked my husband to do it cuz oh what I would give for a piece of flippin' chocolate right now!!!! Or just ONE jelly bean..lol. I've never been big on giving giant easter baskets because my kids are very picky when it comes to sweets because thank God I've always limited it with them....so...they really don't like much of it. Guess who always ends up eating the candy?? Yep.. ME. This year, their piggy banks will get fat and nothing else! LOL

We head down to the hotel tomorrow night. I have to check in at the hospital at 6:30 am...surgery scheduled for 9am. I'm to the point where I'm like...lets get this over with so I can get on to healing and get back to eating teeny tiny bites of food! At least it will be something!!! :-)

hang in there

renee

I know right! I was so excited about getting my surgery that I didn't consider the date of it. How sad is it that I considered rescheduling my surgery because Easter is two days after, and my whole entire family will be in town and going to brunch. I have to be there because I made the plans way before I knew my surgery date. My Mother-in-Law always makes me a huge Easter basket filled with candy. UUUGGh! I guess I will watching everyone else while I sip my clear liquids! Although I am determined not to let it bother me.

I can't imagine how hard it is to have children to make easter baskets for. I am sure it gets easier once you have the surgery. I will be thinking about you on your surgery day, Again, Good Luck!

Tracy