Hi everyone,

I don't post much on the site, but I need to vent and rant for just a second. I'm devastated because I finally worked up the nerves to ask this cute guy at work if he wanted to go to lunch, and he replied that today wouldn't work because he was really busy. I know there's an upgrade going on this weekend, so he was legitimately busy, but this is what gets me. He didn't say "maybe some other time" or "I'll take a raincheck" or anything like that. Simply "Sorry, today won't work". Am I over-reacting? I feel like such an idiot for even asking.

I should have prefaced this with we don't really work together. We used to be on the same team, but I just got moved to a different floor because my work is more suited to another team.

In my mind, his reply pretty much equals flat-out rejection because if he were remotely interested he would have offered some sort of alternative. And to make it less awkward, I told him if he could feel free to invite anyone else who may have wanted to tag along.

Help me with this!! I don't want to be a basket case or drama queen, but I'm 33 and SO lonely. When I finally decide to be a little more assertive in going after I want, this is what I get. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't know where to go to even find potentials.

What are your thoughts? I feel like such a high-schooler with a stupid teenage crush, and I have no idea where to go from here.

Thanks for listening!

PS - one small "victory" is that even though I feel like crap, I haven't turned to food for comfort!!

Good advice! I just have to go for it. I just found out my contract is up here at the end of November. So, on the one hand, I feel a sense of urgency. And on the other hand, maybe that's my motivation -- like you said, I don't see him often, and I'll be done here next month anyway.

He's off today (he's off every other Friday), but I'll see what I can make happen next week. I'll keep you posted.

BTW sandworms, CONGRATULATIONS on being banded!! :-) I hope you have a swift recovery.

Sota, just put on your "confident girl panties" and ask this cat out!! Your friends are right....email is not appropriate here.

Sandworms is 100% correct. If he turns you down, it would be relatively easy to just...never see him again.

Hey Everyone!

I promised to keep you updated, and even though the update isn't good, here it is anyway. Long story short is that there's been absolutely no movement because I'm a loser. I rarely see the guy anymore, and when I do see him there's never an opp to "bust a move". Or maybe there is an opp and I'm just too dumb to know it. So I've pretty much given up, and yeah, I'll always wonder what could have been blah blah blah. But I just CAN'T figure out a way to make anything happen. So there you go -- there's the update. I fully expect to be told that I'm spineless and I suck, and I deserve it! :-)

Oh I have enjoyed reading this whole thread! Dating is so darn hard but please don't be so hard on yourself, you are definately NOT abnormal. It might just be a sign that you are not ready to date someone just yet. I can receive 10 compliments if I am out and it does not have half the affect on me that ONE negative comment does and that is just the way us ladies our programmed. That is how I know I am not ready to date and not ready for rejection just yet. I know we will never know until we try but we have to be ready to hear the NO as well as the Yes answer from someone! Good luck and just give yourself some time girl!

Nah, you're neither spineless nor do you suck. No judgements here. You just asked for advice and got some. :huh2:

Hang in there, your time will come. By the way, don't leaves notes or become the secret admirer type thing. I have someone stalking me at work, leaving notes on my desk and car, I have no idea who it is, while flattering, also scary.

As I look at my current self, I don't think I fit the typical mold for someone to desire. Over 300 lbs, middle aged, still have my hair though, married with 2 older kids, why would someone want me??? I just can't see it. My wife laughed and snickered at the last note and told me the perfume on the paper was bad. She likes bringing back to earth hard, :thumbup:.

Like others have said, guys are stupid and signals dropping in not always out best feature. Up front and blunt always works best with most guys I know, then there are no mixed messages.

This thread has been so interesting. I will say one thing from a chick's perspective though - if a guy is interested, he will reciprocate when you make the first move. Even if the first move is a subtle one on your part. When a guy is interested, he makes sure you know.

I know a lot of the guys here have been saying that you need to be more patently obvious that you're interested, but my advice to you is this: one cute guy does not your worth make! There are plenty of guys out there, and your CONFIDENCE will be a large part of what draws them in. If I were you (and I have been you once upon a time!) I would concentrate on learning to love yourself, and feeling good about yourself, because trust me, that's what a lot of guys react to. I never had problems meeting men even when I was big because I loved myself. When I didn't love myself, they didn't care about me either. Funny that!

And if a guy doesn't seem to be getting your signals, chances are it's coz he doesn't want to. Should that hurt you? Hell no! Coz he's only one person, and someone cuter and much nicer may be just right round the corner who will think you're the bomb. Believe that and you will be fine!

Don't sell yourself short.

Hunny, I'm 40 years old, and newly single (since May) and take it from me, it's not about your age, it's about you! This guy may be cute but no one is worth that much hard work. Look around, there will be more to come, and ones with whom you will have better results! Once you are happy within yourself, and happy with your life, they will come. Trust me. Make yourself happy first.

So maybe I made some progress after all?! Tonight was happy hour again, and I got to sit next to him and chat him up a bit. I think it went really well. I didn't work my way up to asking him out, but I think I paved the way where I would feel comfortable doing so. My contract is ending, so my last day there is 12.03 (and I'm out all next week). So basically, I have one week -- the week of the 29th -- to ish or get off the pot. I think my leaving is the perfect opp to say "Let's keep in touch. Would you be interested in meeting up somewhere after work?" or something along those lines. I have to work out the specifics. I'm kinda happy, I think!! :-)

Here's the Reader's Digest version of an update. I FINALLY asked Ole Boy if he wanted to go out for drinks/appetizers after work (via email because I no longer work at the company) and he said that he couldn't go because his family is celebrating Christmas tonight. He added that he's in and out of the office next week, so he'll "probably have to wait until next year". I'm feeling pretty good about that response because I'm sure he's legitimately busy, and he replied to my email right away. So maybe all is not lost after all!

i give you a LOT of credit... i've never once asked a guy out... ever.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

whether you end up going out or not, i think its awesome that you had enough courage to ask him!

The one time I asked a guy out (who we ended up being best friends), was back in the day when Pretty Woman came out! lol... my heart was thumping so hard I thought I was going to pass out. He said yes and we've been friends ever since. We both married someone else but I will never forget that day

So keep up the work, if it doesn't work out just remember you gave it your all!

PS - one small "victory" is that even though I feel like crap, I haven't turned to food for comfort!!

Hey Toni - Just wanted to say great job on this - that's pretty major - If you feel like you've been shut down so badly - and still didn't need to turn to food to comfort yourself - way to go girl! You don't need a man when you're that strong and amazing

The guy responded that this Tuesday or Wednesday of next week would work for him. We're supposed to be meeting up for drinks after work. Not wanting to sound desperate or always available, I responded that Wednesday works better with my schedule than Tuesday. (However, at the time, I had absolutely NOTHING planned for Tuesday.) So now I need to think of a place to go AND what to wear. This is more difficult than I thought. I hadn't planned this far in advance.

The guy responded that this Tuesday or Wednesday of next week would work for him. We're supposed to be meeting up for drinks after work. Not wanting to sound desperate or always available, I responded that Wednesday works better with my schedule than Tuesday. (However, at the time, I had absolutely NOTHING planned for Tuesday.) So now I need to think of a place to go AND what to wear. This is more difficult than I thought. I hadn't planned this far in advance.