Kalipso2

thank you, jen... i appreciate your support. i never thought i'd go from obese to anorexic. every pound i gain back i have to use extreme will power to NOT purge and to continue to eat. the thing is... i was happy at 145 pounds and i don't know what triggered me to go on a weight loss bender so to speak. i make myself eat something every 2 hours... using my phone alarm as a reminder... but i can't seem to get above 120. while my heart knows i look horribly thin my brain sees every pound gained as a failure.

i'm a little nervous... i'm 4.5 years post-op and have lost all my weight plus some i probably shouldn't have lost. i haven't been to my surgeon since my 2 year anniversary. the last 2 years i've been bulimic/anorexic leaning more towards bulimia for the most part until the last few months. i'm in therapy, i see a nutritionist and psychiatrist now and am slowly gaining weight but not enough. i decided to go see my surgeon and see how my band looks under flouro. if i haven't done some damage these past 2 years, i'll be surprised. i only have 4.5cc in my band now and i'm thinking of having some removed. i'd like to gain 15 pounds back. if you were me, how much would you have removed? my support team seems to think i shouldn't take any out since i weighed and maintained for months before i let my habits get out of control. any thoughts?

i'm with maegan... i like my scars. the only one you can still see is the one where my port is. it's raised up a little but since i can wear a bikini this summer (woot! woot!) everything tanned up very nice.

my surgeon is 4 hours away... each way. since i was self pay, cost was an issue but when i met with him i felt the most comfortable with him than any of the other surgeons i met with. even 4 years later i can still email him and he'll answer any of my questions within 24 hours. yes, it was a hassle the first year while getting fills (or unfills) every month but you have to trust your surgeon and he was the one!

before surgery i used to do that.... compare myself to all the other women around me. i STILL do it even though i lost 70 pounds and went from 213 to 144.

i was totally excited when i started losing weight... now, i scare myself sometimes. i'm smaller now than i've ever been... even in high school. i recently bought dress pants in a size 6 and that's NEVER happened. the other day i put a pair on and they were loose. i don't know why but the thought of wearing a size 4 or smaller terrifies me! i wear a small top now too... if i lose more weight, what size will i fit in to??? i've become a shopaholic too... thankfully i'm single and have no kids because Kohl's is my best friend. every spring and fall for the past 3 years i've had to buy entire new wardrobes... including shoes!

coming from someone who is 3 years post-op.... eat while you can! your eating will never be the same again! you might be able to eat the same foods but never near the same amount ever again!! i had 2 weeks of "last meals" before my surgery!

yes, i had to remove my piercings. i could have put my belly ring back in but my stomach was so bloated and ugly i kept it out. i re-pierced it about a year later though.

i saw a therapist for years after i had a bad breakup with "the love of my life". i truly support the idea of talking to someone who can be 100% nonjudgemental. talking to family members and friends is nice but they can be judgemental at times. BUT therapy isn't easy. i cried all the time during my sessions because we were digging deep into my past but i knew i had to sort through all those feelings. i stopped therapy about 4 years ago and have thought about going back again to work through my issues with food. there is nothing shameful about wanting or needing help!!

i think that's a great idea.... working towards something! i've had this tankini bathing suit that i bought 5 years ago and it didn't fit then.... i've been working towards losing weight so it WILL fit and this summer i'll be rockin' that tankini!

i wonder what your home situation is... are you married or live alone? have kids? it sounds like you need to have someone prepare your meals for you until you're able to do it yourself.... almost have a 24 hour caretaker who will do all the shopping and all the cooking until you are able to make the right choices. i had been diagnosed with an eating disorder because of my love of binging. my psychiatrist wanted me to participate in an in-patient treatment. is that something you could do?

hi steve... welcome! i live in the cleveland area too but i was banded in cincinnati. good luck on your journey!

i'm one of the lucky ones... my surgeon allows carbonated beverages 3 months post-surgery so i still drink 1 diet pepsi a day. right after surgery you're learning new ways of eating and drinking. you're learning to take small bites and eat slowly and take small sips of drinks. for me, after awhile, the drinking hasn't been an issue. now, i haven't chugged a 20 ounce bottle of Water at one time but i can take 3 drinks right in a row without any problems.