renebeau

As a hopeful sleever, your post inspires me. Very well said. Thank you for "putting it out there"!

My personal weak spot is birthday cake! I think I have eaten nearly a 1/4 sheet in one evening! Costco makes these amazing sheet cakes with a middle layer of either cheesecake or chocolate mousse! With buttercream frosting!!! I would think if it's birthday cake, you should be able to eat as much as you want! Hence my current condition...

Thank you, Tiffy, Shonda, and Vegas. I already feel welcomed! I really appreciate the way you all are willing to share your personal experiences. I think this is the best place to get info and support. I look forward to being an active member! :thumbup1: Ren?

Hi sleevers! Are any of you from the Houston area? I am still pre-op and would love to talk to someone from my area who has had the VSG. I was considering the band, but I am now wanting to get the sleeve. I am 46, BMI 33, type 1 diabetes, HBP, hypothyroid, high cholesterol. OK, I am more than just those things! I am also artsy-fartsy, love beads, cooking, and dogs. I would appreciate hearing some first-hand experiences! Ren?

Hi Lynh, I, too, started looking at the band and now want the sleeve. I am pre-op and hope to get my sleeve at the first of 2010. My ins. does not cover the sleeve, so I will be self pay. I wish you luck on your journey! Looks like we will be doing it together! Ren?

I went back to see the LPC that my dr. uses for his bariatric patients yesterday. She thinks I should go with the sleeve. I am feeking more positive after talking with her. I think the sleeve is the right surgery for me. My GFs are in support of me doing the surgery. My husband... not so much. I have not told him I want the sleeve - he still thinks I want the band. I am worried about him not wanting me to do it, since it is drastic and permanent. Also, with a 33 BMI, I will be self pay. We can afford it, but I know my DH would rather not spend the money (cheapskate). The therapist, Deborah, taled to me about my inertia. I had been feeling so shameful about my "laziness" and feeling like it was a permanent character flaw, like it was all that I am. She told me she did not see me as lazy. And she's right. When it is something I want to do, I am NOT lazy. I have 2 master's degrees and am accomplished at my job. How could I do those things if I was "lazy"? I have been internalizing my husband's values - you have to work hard, if it's too easy it's not worth it, don't pay for something you can do yourself, etc. I had to fight to get a maid, because he thinks we should do all of the stuff she does (I HATE cleaning). And by looking for my self worth from my husband, I felt like a failure, since I am not doing the things he thinks are valuable. Wow. What a revelation that was! I have to start doing things for me. I can say that we will pay someone to landscape the yard, or paint the living room, or wash my car. He might not agree, but that doesn't mean that I can't still do those things. We don't have to agree on everything (again, what a revelation!). And now the power in the relationship is changing. I inherited $ from my mom (died Feb. 09) which allows me to have more freedom. I am almost to the point of thinking that he can't say no to me anymore! So I will take care of myself. I will have the surgery. YAY for ME!!!

Hi sleevers! I have been researching lap band for several months now, and am now considering the sleeve. I am a low BMI (currently 33) and have type 1 diabetes, hypertension, & high cholesterol. I have seen several bandsters make the switch on lapbandtalk. I would love to hear from any of you that were going to get or actually had the band, then went with the sleeve. It is permanent (obviously) so I want to make the most well-informed decision I can. Thanks for your input.:ohmy:

Awesome!!! Isn't that how skinny people operate? That IS a breakthrough!!! I predict great success for you with the band!!! :confused:

LBT is great for information, which is good and bad! Just when I thougt I had committed to doing LB, I ran across the sleeve info, and now I am thinking it might be a better option. I like that there is little maintenance (no fills) and no device left inside me. I will meet w/my surgeon to talk about it, and spend some more time on the VSG website. I am afraid of the complcations associated with Lap Band, like erosions, slippage, etc. It seems that LB is falling out of favor in Europe and Australia, where they have been doing it longer. I will also see whether my ins will cover LB. If not, and I will have to self pay, then I might go with the sleeve. It is such a major decision. I am open to other's thoughts/opinions...:smile2:

LBT is great for information, which is good and bad! Just when I thougt I had committed to doing LB, I ran across the sleeve info, and now I am thinking it might be a better option. I like that there is little maintenance (no fills) and no device left inside me. I will meet w/my surgeon to talk about it, and spend some more time on the VSG website. I am afraid of the complcations associated with Lap Band, like erosions, slippage, etc. It seems that LB is falling out of favor in Europe and Australia, where they have been doing it longer. I will also see whether my ins will cover LB. If not, and I will have to self pay, then I might go with the sleeve. It is such a major decision. I am open to other's thoughts/opinions...

me too, ldswims. I also have Cigna - but I think they have different coverage for different employers. I am waiting on insurance decision also. I guess they want to see how serious we are by giving us so many hoops to jump thru.

Hi everleigh! I am in the same boat. I have been thinking all along about the band and just recently am considering the sleeve. Please do update your blog as you learn more. I will talk to my surgeon about it, too, and post to my blog. Maybe we can help each other!

So where can you get those big girl panties? I don't think I have any! :thumbup: That is a terrific idea about the Protein drinks. Is there one you like more than others? Wow - one month from 1st appt to surgery? That seems really fast! Dr. SL does not require me to do a presurgery diet (thank God) because I am under 300 lbs. But I am totally dreading the "bandster hell" that will follow surgery. I am indulging every whim now in anticipation of the deprivation. I think I will feel more compliant after surgery after having been so out of control before. Let me know when/where you guys will meet - I'd love to chat in person!:cursing: René PS - the ticker thing was pretty easy. There are instructions on this site somewhere. If you get stuck, I can try to help you...

Wow - you go, girl!!! You are already on your way. Keep up the good work - you can do it!!!

Thank you, Susan! I feel welcomed! My ins is Cigna. I just had my psyc consult and will meet w/Dr. St. Laurent for the indiv consult when he gets my psyc eval next week. Then we submit, and the long, long wait. If I am not approved, I plan to self pay. I am currently "saying goodbye" to all of my food friends - fast food, buffets, Diet Cherry Coke, huge amounts...:thumbup: So what has been the hardest part of the lap band journey for you? Is there anything you would change/do differently? Again, thank you for the warm welcome! René

Hey, girls, may I join you on this thread? I am from the Spring/Cypress area and I am not yet banded. I plan to have Dr. St. Laurent do mine, hopefully early January. I am waiting to see if insurance will cover the surgery. If not, I will likely self pay. I intend to paticipate in my doctor's support group, but an informal group meeting would be great (if you'll have me!:thumbup:)! Good luck to you all! René

Hi Miles - I am right there with you. I am a low BMI and am trying to get ins. approval. If I can't, I will pay out of pocket. I, too, fear that when I can't numb myself with food I won't be ok. That I won't be able to "deal with my life" as you aptly put it. I had my psyc consult yesterday and found it extremely helpful. I feel more assured that I can do it. I am commited to LB journey. Just think about what it will be like if you DON'T get banded...

Thank you, ldswims. I really didn't think anyone would read my upchuck of thoughts/feelings, much less respond! And, no, you are not being preachy or bossy. This epiphany I had is still very new and I am still coming to grips with it. It actually feels less horrible now that I see it written. Less shame, somehow. I am open to other perspectives - I appreciate your words.

I feel for you! It is amazing how those few comments can be so hurtful. I am sorry that your family was so critical. I feel the same way about feeling "fat" at 130 lbs. and refusing to look at pictures of myself now. I know I am a lot more forgiving of other people than I am of myself. It is all relative. To a 120 lb person, 200 lbs is FAT. To a 300 lb person, 200 is great! You are right - HEALTHY is healthy...and beautiful!!!

I had my eval with a therapist last night. She confirmed that I was a good candidate for WLS and LB. It was great talking to her. I had forgotten how good it feels to open yourself up like that. I used to do indiv and group therapy, years ago (just after college). I have been a school counselor for 10 years and ran an alcohol treatment study as a therapist for a time - you would think I would know how important talk therapy is! While talking to her, I articulated some of the feelings I have been having. She suggested journaling, and I thought, "Aha! I can blog on lapbandtalk!" I have come to the conclusion that I am a spoiled brat.:ohmy: I never really experienced much hardship in my life. I have never been really poor, never did without anything growing up. I hated cleaning my room or any other "manual labor" and would get "stomach aches" when required to do something I didn't want to do. (Ugh. This sounds so terrible! But I have to be honest if I am going to get past it.) I have suffered bouts of depression and had low self confidence for a long time. My confidence has improved, but I think there is still part of me that feels "unworthy". The therapist named my view as "self-indulgent". Totally. I do not want to feel discomfort of any kind. I want to have what I want, when I want it. I don't want limits. I feel like I "deserve" to have whatever I want, including food.:mad: What am I rewarding myself for? I am quick to take medicine for any discomfort, headache, allergies, etc. The therapist talked about the feelings I am suppressing with this self-indulgent behavior. If I didn't distract myself with food, what else would be bothering me? It is so hard to identify! I know I fear feeling sad. I lost my mom Feb 09 and my dog Aug 09. I went up on my Lexapro for a time, but I still cried a lot. Some days, I cried pretty much all day. It was horrible. I am so afraid that feeling sad will push me into that dark pit of depression. I still take Lexapro, and it helps, but I know how it feels to be so low...and I don't want to be there.:frown: Then there is the depressioon that being fat brings. I hate feeling the inertia that keeps me on the couch. I am an artist - but I don't feel like doing anything. I have bajillions of beads, art supplies, etc...but I don't seem able to do anything with them. Why? I have no desire/energy to cook. It used to be a passion. Now, frozen something is a relief - nothing to worry about. I worry that I will end up like my mom: sitting ALL DAY in fron to the TV, doing NOTHING, including bathing, eating, dressing, or anything that requires effort. I get those feelings periodically. Scary. So how do I start? How can I make myself do things? I don't WANT to push myself. I hate discomfort. I told the alcoholics in group that cravings (for alcohol) are like a wave, and they will crest and then pass. Somehow, I can't talke my own advice. I don't want to feel "hunger". Also, I worry about there being "enough" of anything for me, esp. food. Is 1 bottle of wine enough to bring to a party? Is an 8 oz steak enough? Are three yams enough? I buy way too much food. I feels like there is never enough. I envy our cat. She gets all the food/petting and sleep she wants. When she wants more, she just asks. I could sleep all day. I have vivid dreams that sometimes are better than life.:wub: Wow. I do ramble on. But it feels good to get it out there. These are all thoughts/feelings I discovered or articulated last night. I think I need some more therapy. :smile2:

I had my eval with a therapist last night. She confirmed that I was a good candidate for WLS and LB. It was great talking to her. I had forgotten how good it feels to open yourself up like that. I used to do indiv and group therapy, years ago (just after college). I have been a school counselor for 10 years and ran an alcohol treatment study as a therapist for a time - you would think I would know how important talk therapy is! While talking to her, I articulated some of the feelings I have been having. She suggested journaling, and I thought, "Aha! I can blog on lapbandtalk!" I have come to the conclusion that I am a spoiled brat.:drool: I never really experienced much hardship in my life. I have never been really poor, never did without anything growing up. I hated cleaning my room or any other "manual labor" and would get "stomach aches" when required to do something I didn't want to do. (Ugh. This sounds so terrible! But I have to be honest if I am going to get past it.) I have suffered bouts of depression and had low self confidence for a long time. My confidence has improved, but I think there is still part of me that feels "unworthy". The therapist named my view as "self-indulgent". Totally. I do not want to feel discomfort of any kind. I want to have what I want, when I want it. I don't want limits. I feel like I "deserve" to have whatever I want, including food.:drool: What am I rewarding myself for? I am quick to take medicine for any discomfort, headache, allergies, etc. The therapist talked about the feelings I am suppressing with this self-indulgent behavior. If I didn't distract myself with food, what else would be bothering me? It is so hard to identify! I know I fear feeling sad. I lost my mom Feb 09 and my dog Aug 09. I went up on my Lexapro for a time, but I still cried a lot. Some days, I cried pretty much all day. It was horrible. I am so afraid that feeling sad will push me into that dark pit of depression. I still take Lexapro, and it helps, but I know how it feels to be so low...and I don't want to be there.:drool: Then there is the depressioon that being fat brings. I hate feeling the inertia that keeps me on the couch. I am an artist - but I don't feel like doing anything. I have bajillions of beads, art supplies, etc...but I don't seem able to do anything with them. Why? I have no desire/energy to cook. It used to be a passion. Now, frozen something is a relief - nothing to worry about. I worry that I will end up like my mom: sitting ALL DAY in fron to the TV, doing NOTHING, including bathing, eating, dressing, or anything that requires effort. I get those feelings periodically. Scary. So how do I start? How can I make myself do things? I don't WANT to push myself. I hate discomfort. I told the alcoholics in group that cravings (for alcohol) are like a wave, and they will crest and then pass. Somehow, I can't talke my own advice. I don't want to feel "hunger". Also, I worry about there being "enough" of anything for me, esp. food. Is 1 bottle of wine enough to bring to a party? Is an 8 oz steak enough? Are three yams enough? I buy way too much food. I feels like there is never enough. I envy our cat. She gets all the food/petting and sleep she wants. When she wants more, she just asks. I could sleep all day. I have vivid dreams that sometimes are better than life. Wow. I do ramble on. But it feels good to get it out there. These are all thoughts/feelings I discovered or articulated last night. I think I need some more therapy.

Congrats on the changes you have already made! IMHO, it's ok to have a little of the carbs - it is moderation I seek. I, too, LOVE carbs. I don't think they have to be eliminated completely. I think a carb free life is not worth living! But that's just me.

Heddy, thank you for your post. Hearing about your struggle helps me feel more committed and is a reality check. I am still pre-op, but need to hear about the pitfalls. Congratulations on your new feeling of commitment! You sound like you are ready for your next weight loss journey! Good luck to you!

Amy - you said it all, and very well! I think it is unrealistic to say you can never eat the foods you love, ever again. Who wants to live like that! I am still pre-band, but I look forward to just eating a small amount of normal food. I have also read that many bandsters lost their taste for unhealthy foods. I would welcome that change, too. I went to a weight loss seminar with a strict doctor, and then with my chosen doctor. There was a huge difference in their outlooks. The first doc said no more unhealthy foods, period. I think he was trying to weed out the possible "slow losers" or those for whom the band might fail. My current doc is more lenient, saying that I can eat most things I want, just in smaller portions. Moderation has not been my strong suit. I hope the band can help me with that.

I think she was trying to reassure herself that her daughter shouldn't have the surgery. It was totally about HER SITUATION and not about you. What a bitch.