Hello VST community. WOW.. I am finding this such a wonderful place to come. I am Chandra, almost 42 and making the choice to reach for my life..the life I'm supposed to be having not the one I'm hiding from by having the VSG. I am having surgery with Dr. Mark Pleatman in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan on Nov. 17th.
I was feeling a mixed ray of emotions over the weekend.. wanting to eat that last big meal..get in all my foods that I love to stuff in and find it ironic that I don't have much of an appetite..being nervous about going under and the slight fear of not waking up.. being overwhelmed by the nutrition class and wondering if I will truly be able to live without my beloved sugar for the rest of my life and without my best friend FOOD in general... that truly is a very uneasy feeling for me.
Coming here the past day has reinvigorated me into knowing this IS my choice. This is the choice I made that I need and I am on the right path. I am almost scared of the successes.. not knowing what it will feel like to be successful with losing weight and yet so ready and so anxious and so happy to be choosing to change.
What will life be like if I don't feel like the fattest person in the crowd anymore? What will life be like if I can turn around my health now and live a better and longer life in the future? What will it feel like to be happier with myself and will there be a day that I look at myself for more than the 2 second quick check in the mirror.. will I like what I see.. will I smile more? What will it feel like to be able to choose clothing from more stores? sound silly.. maybe to someone who hasn't felt fat and limited by life by being fat. For me the simplicity and desire to just be able to "Live" my life is one of the most amazing forces behind me choosing to have surgery.
It has not been an easy road, I have had to battle my primary care physician, fight my insurance, and more importantly reassure my family and friends that this is something I need. Letting people in on how miserable I am has made me start my journey months ago and made me face all kinds of emotions.
I am choosing this mostly for my health...I won't lie.. I really would like to look better as well... but to change my health now before it gets more out of control is no longer a choice as much as a necessity. I am also looking forward to gradually coming out of the shell that I climb into and hide from being so embarrassed about the way I look... the way I feel. I often feel like everyone is staring at me because I'm fat.. I don't do as much in public as I used to and am looking forward to regaining the exhilarance of just LIVING!
OK... new to blogging.. new to throwing myslef out there.. hope that this may help ONE person the way reading others blogs and posts has encouraged me.
Today is my last day of normal food.. and though it's only 7:20 am.. Im wondering why my husband isn't up serving me the breakfast of a lifetime.. :ohmy:~ (not like I haven't had a 1,000 of those.. or 1,000 days of this is my last big day to eat I start another diet tomorrow).. there is always "tomorrow" happening in my life but now.....
My tomorrow is the start of a better ME.. my tomorrow is.......
Tomorrow I go on a clear liquid diet and the next day,Tuesday, I will be having surgery. I will blog as soon as I get home and update with how it went, how I feel and my vow is to be honest and trust in my choice and faith that there is something greater out there leading me to this choice.
Have a wonderful day and be good to yourself!
~Chandra
