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sleeve? maybe?

LBT is great for information, which is good and bad! Just when I thougt I had committed to doing LB, I ran across the sleeve info, and now I am thinking it might be a better option. I like that there is little maintenance (no fills) and no device left inside me.   I will meet w/my surgeon to talk about it, and spend some more time on the VSG website. I am afraid of the complcations associated with Lap Band, like erosions, slippage, etc. It seems that LB is falling out of favor in Europe and Australia, where they have been doing it longer.   I will also see whether my ins will cover LB. If not, and I will have to self pay, then I might go with the sleeve.   It is such a major decision. I am open to other's thoughts/opinions...:smile2:
renebeau

renebeau

3
 

psych eval

I had my eval with a therapist last night. She confirmed that I was a good candidate for WLS and LB. It was great talking to her. I had forgotten how good it feels to open yourself up like that. I used to do indiv and group therapy, years ago (just after college). I have been a school counselor for 10 years and ran an alcohol treatment study as a therapist for a time - you would think I would know how important talk therapy is!   While talking to her, I articulated some of the feelings I have been having. She suggested journaling, and I thought, "Aha! I can blog on lapbandtalk!"   I have come to the conclusion that I am a spoiled brat.:ohmy: I never really experienced much hardship in my life. I have never been really poor, never did without anything growing up. I hated cleaning my room or any other "manual labor" and would get "stomach aches" when required to do something I didn't want to do. (Ugh. This sounds so terrible! But I have to be honest if I am going to get past it.) I have suffered bouts of depression and had low self confidence for a long time. My confidence has improved, but I think there is still part of me that feels "unworthy".   The therapist named my view as "self-indulgent". Totally. I do not want to feel discomfort of any kind. I want to have what I want, when I want it. I don't want limits. I feel like I "deserve" to have whatever I want, including food.:mad:   What am I rewarding myself for? I am quick to take medicine for any discomfort, headache, allergies, etc.   The therapist talked about the feelings I am suppressing with this self-indulgent behavior. If I didn't distract myself with food, what else would be bothering me? It is so hard to identify!   I know I fear feeling sad. I lost my mom Feb 09 and my dog Aug 09. I went up on my Lexapro for a time, but I still cried a lot. Some days, I cried pretty much all day. It was horrible. I am so afraid that feeling sad will push me into that dark pit of depression. I still take Lexapro, and it helps, but I know how it feels to be so low...and I don't want to be there.:frown:   Then there is the depressioon that being fat brings. I hate feeling the inertia that keeps me on the couch. I am an artist - but I don't feel like doing anything. I have bajillions of beads, art supplies, etc...but I don't seem able to do anything with them. Why? I have no desire/energy to cook. It used to be a passion. Now, frozen something is a relief - nothing to worry about. I worry that I will end up like my mom: sitting ALL DAY in fron to the TV, doing NOTHING, including bathing, eating, dressing, or anything that requires effort. I get those feelings periodically. Scary.   So how do I start? How can I make myself do things? I don't WANT to push myself. I hate discomfort. I told the alcoholics in group that cravings (for alcohol) are like a wave, and they will crest and then pass. Somehow, I can't talke my own advice. I don't want to feel "hunger".   Also, I worry about there being "enough" of anything for me, esp. food. Is 1 bottle of wine enough to bring to a party? Is an 8 oz steak enough? Are three yams enough? I buy way too much food. I feels like there is never enough.   I envy our cat. She gets all the food/petting and sleep she wants. When she wants more, she just asks. I could sleep all day. I have vivid dreams that sometimes are better than life.:wub:   Wow. I do ramble on. But it feels good to get it out there.   These are all thoughts/feelings I discovered or articulated last night. I think I need some more therapy. :smile2:
renebeau

renebeau

3
 

still pre-surgery...

My dr.'s office says my paperwork looks good to be submitted to my insurance company. Now I have the "enviable" task of meeting the weight requirement. I need to gain about 15 lbs to meet the insurance requirements. I will wear weights of some kind, but in the meanwhile, I am "saying goodbye" to all of my fast food friends and snacking. I have been at the same weight for several years. I think my body wants to keep me there. It is hard to gain weight (amazing!) now. I am on new thyroid meds which may have something to do with it. My guess is, I will hit this weight again and plateau here when I start losing.   I feel ready. All of this gorging is kind of making me sick of eating. I suppose that will help while I endure Bandster Hell!   I look around me and I wonder - what is going to happen to all of the fat people (like me) around me? Obesity truly is an epidemic. Is there some biochemistry issue that is keeping all of us fat? One would think our bodies would resist being overweight - evolutionally. I know we are made to store fat for energy reserves, but this much? Maybe someday a scientist will figure it out. Until then, I'm with the band!
renebeau

renebeau

1
 

If I could do it myself...

I've not been banded yet - I'm still exploring whether my insurance will cover it. I keep going back and forth...could I just eat like I have the band and lose weight? Of course, I know that if I could do it by myself, I already would have! :crying: Truthfully, it is my fear of giving up my food that makes me shy away from the commitment of the band. I have to admit, I am terrified to give up all of the food I love so much. I love to cook, and food gives me so much pleasure. How will it be to go to my fav Mexican food restaurant and not eat a whole basket of chips? Will I be able to? How will I cook meals for my husband and me - He eats so little anyway, and if I can only eat 1/2 cup of food, I think I will have to relearn to cook! And I am a total carboholic. I live for bread! What will it be like to have only a small bite (or worse - none at all!) of crusty french bread? And rice? How about sushi? Champagne? (sigh):thumbup: It is like saying goodbye to a friend...
renebeau

renebeau

6
 

Should I or shouldn't I?

Well, my husband thinks I am "throwing money" at my problem by getting the band. I want to be free from my compulsion to over eat. As a type 1 diabetic, my endo is all for the band. It will bring down my A1c, my weight, my lipids, my blood pressure. Of course, hubby thinks I should "just eat less and exercise more". Why is it that thin people think fat people don't know what to do to lose weight!   I only need to lose about 70 lbs. I have been successful losing weight in the past, but it always comes back and then some. The thing is, I can afford to self pay. I want to do it. How do I convince my skinny husband?:thumbup:
renebeau

renebeau

4
 

newbie

I am a type one diabetic since age 30 (16 years); my BMI is 32. I attended a seminar with Dr. Matthew St. Laurent last Monday, and I am trying to decide if surgery is right for me. I am wondering if I'll be able to give up all of the food I love...bread especially. It is hard to imagine feeling satiated after a few bites of food. Also, being insulin dependent, how will I manage a clear liquid diet? I am afraid my blood sugar will drop and I won't be able to ingest enough carbs to get it back to normal fast enough. Anyone else have these issues?:huh2:
renebeau

renebeau

3
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