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So, I went to my first pre op doctor's appt today and am excited to say that I am down 27lbs so far. The down side is that she wants me to stay on the liquid diet for one more week because she says that she does a very tight sleeve. But overall she said I am doing good and I really do feel great!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 1 month Sleeve Anniversary to me! It's my 1 month Sleeve-versary and well, it's been a rough one! I just spent the last 4 days fighting the urge to smoke a cigarette because I'm struggling with my coping skills (and I haven't smoked in YEARS!!!). I drove 9 hours one way, just to see my grandmother who's terminally ill in Hospice in FL. My sleeve acted more as a shock collar because I kept eating terrible foods. Two bites in was throwing up. My sleeve is teaching me to change my behavior, but with so much emotional stuff going on in my life lately it's really been testing me to make the right decisions with food. This indeed is a journey, of learning and understanding. <3 Knowing my past habits, I know I would have derailed already and would have binged ate at certain emotional crossroads. At my family dinner on Saturday night, family I hadn't seen in years gathered to say their final goodbyes to my grandmother- and then came the food. Food I would have eaten and eaten and eaten and never stopped. But my sleeve didn't let me fail. I know this sleeve is the best decision I have ever made. Even when I had the urge to give up on myself, my sleeve wouldn't let me. It keeps me honest. It keeps me accountable. And for that I'm so very, very, very, grateful. I could only imagine how much my life will change in 6 months, just the progress in the last month has been such a welcomed relief and gives me hope of a better tomorrow. I might not be at goal weight right now, but I'm getting closer and closer everyday. And I see progress- which is much more than I can say for any diet I've ever been on before. And I don't feel deprived. Now that I'm 4 weeks out, I can eat anything I want- except I don't want the garbage, since I can only get a few bites in, I want to make them count with good delicious flavored food. Me, chicken, and steak, are now BFF's. I <3 my Sleeve. Height: 5'9 Heighest Weight: 216 1st Goal Weight: 169 Sleeved 8/17/2012 @ 216 lbs Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2) Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2) Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8) Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)

Today and tomorrow are the last days I will be able to eat whatever I want. My surgery is 9/26 and I should have started pre-op on the 12th, but I mistakenly had my mind set on ten days' pre-op so I am sticking with that. The psychological willingness to do this seems very fragile to me; i.e., not the surgery itself, but my part in changing my lifestyle. I am a compulsive overeater, addicted to food, seeking comfort. I don't see how surgery is going to change that; yet it is a last ditch effort. I quit drinking; I quit smoking; I don't want to die addicted to food. I don't like being a slave to it. I want to get out from under this addiction, and that is the hopeful goal of my surgery. I know that once established healthy habits become the norm and preference; at least that's my past experience with it. So, there's all that. I am counting on prayer to pick up the difference between what I can do and what I must do. That's how I got through drinking and smoking withdrawal, which can be and were for me lengthy and torturous. Or, you could just say, I was a mess, felt like I was losing my mind. God got me through it ODAAT. But I have a family . . . and spending this money on sleeve surgery instead of having my son's tonsils removed or a down payment on a new truck my husband truly needs for work seems terribly selfish. We are hoping that once I have the surgery I will lead the family into better eating habits. No junk for me, none for you. My son has issues with his weight and while he's too old for me to dictate, we hope that healthier foods at home will help him. So, it;s all about me. Of course, I look forward to the hoped for personal evolution weight loss can bring--new energy, ambition, freedom of movement, clothing, desire to go out, dress up, etc. I particularly miss yoga and hope that I will find joy in that again. If you read this and want to comment, please do. I wouldn't write it here if I didn't want to share how I feel.

This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do. You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again.... Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think? The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again. Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.

Believe it or not no one will pay attention to what you eat if you don't call attention to it... I eat out a lot for business and no one ever mentions it. TheY are too busy stuffing their faces. Since you will be attending a buffet that's actually easier... Take a little bit of what you want and eat a few bites of it... I promise if you don't mention it... No be will ask since its obvious you have been losing weight. Happy holidays!

I had a very nice supper last night with family. Everyone prayed for me when the meal was blessed. It was a grand finale of the old days and my dad outdid himself. Today I had my first protein shake. I'm so relieved it quenched my hunger. I am going to make it through this day, and beyond that, I'm not going to wonder. Caffeine hasn't been the huge withdrawal I expected. I don't know yet if that's God's grace or just a delayed onset. I am eager for the surgery to be done and over with. Still 10 days away.

Good luck to you!!! It is soooo worth it!! [sharedmedia=trackers:tickers:3321] [sharedmedia=trackers:tickers:3322]

Check out www.khanacademy.org . You can pick any subject and start as basic as you need. It definitely is less traumatic for me than trying to have my kids explain anything! And of course it's online so it's there whenever you feel like checking something out. Good luck!