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So, I went to my first pre op doctor's appt today and am excited to say that I am down 27lbs so far. The down side is that she wants me to stay on the liquid diet for one more week because she says that she does a very tight sleeve. But overall she said I am doing good and I really do feel great!!!!!!!!!!!

Today and tomorrow are the last days I will be able to eat whatever I want. My surgery is 9/26 and I should have started pre-op on the 12th, but I mistakenly had my mind set on ten days' pre-op so I am sticking with that. The psychological willingness to do this seems very fragile to me; i.e., not the surgery itself, but my part in changing my lifestyle. I am a compulsive overeater, addicted to food, seeking comfort. I don't see how surgery is going to change that; yet it is a last ditch effort. I quit drinking; I quit smoking; I don't want to die addicted to food. I don't like being a slave to it. I want to get out from under this addiction, and that is the hopeful goal of my surgery. I know that once established healthy habits become the norm and preference; at least that's my past experience with it. So, there's all that. I am counting on prayer to pick up the difference between what I can do and what I must do. That's how I got through drinking and smoking withdrawal, which can be and were for me lengthy and torturous. Or, you could just say, I was a mess, felt like I was losing my mind. God got me through it ODAAT. But I have a family . . . and spending this money on sleeve surgery instead of having my son's tonsils removed or a down payment on a new truck my husband truly needs for work seems terribly selfish. We are hoping that once I have the surgery I will lead the family into better eating habits. No junk for me, none for you. My son has issues with his weight and while he's too old for me to dictate, we hope that healthier foods at home will help him. So, it;s all about me. Of course, I look forward to the hoped for personal evolution weight loss can bring--new energy, ambition, freedom of movement, clothing, desire to go out, dress up, etc. I particularly miss yoga and hope that I will find joy in that again. If you read this and want to comment, please do. I wouldn't write it here if I didn't want to share how I feel.

I am now 5 days post-op. I feel pretty good. Seem to have gas after I eat, but pain has been minimal. I have been craving meat and I am a vegetarian. It hasn't been easy getting in my protein because I do get full easily. Returning to work tomorrow, not really looking forward to going back. I have one more week at this job and will be starting a new job the following week. I am looking for postive change, positive people and a new skinny me. Here's to positve changes in life "toast".

Howdy fellow sleevers!!!! It has been quite some time since my last posting and I have a bit to say. If you have been following my blog you have seen my ups and downs, my struggles with anxiety and other emotions, my issues with being able to eat and getting nauseous when eating, and my early morning troubles. I am here today to tell you that things are finally starting to stabilize! I had my 6 week check up with my doctor a while ago and told him about how hard it is for me to eat or drink in the mornings, how I feel like crap in the morning, and how it takes me hours to get going. He assures me the by between month 3 and 4 that should stabilize. Well...It is finally starting to do just that. I am starting to feel better in the mornings and eating or drinking in the morning is getting easier. I am even doing better at work in the mornings and have improved mental clarity and focus! I still have some normalization that needs to happen, but given my current pace, I am sure that by month 4 I will be feeling 100% better. My emotional state is improving as well. I have not required an anxiety pill for almost a month now and was able to work through my stress and anxiety by myself. I had a death in the family that caused me to begin to have a panic attack, but I managed it without drugs! I am feeling more confident, happy, and healthy each day! I am able to eat more normal foods and enjoy the company of others when I eat. It feels so good now that things are starting to get normal. I still cannot eat soft (untoasted) bread, but that will come at around the 6 month mark along with pasta. I was actually able to eat sushi the other day which made me sssssssssssoooooooooooooo happy!!! I love sushi, it was one of my favorite things before my surgery and I am so glad that I can still enjoy it! I am trying new stuff daily and finding it getting easier and easier to eat. I still struggle with eating 4 ounces in 20-30 minutes, but I know that that will happen in time as well. For now I take about 45 minutes to eat. Things are really starting to happen for me and I am filled with joy, relief, and a positive outlook. For any of you that are struggling, hang in there...it will get better. You will have ups and downs (I still do from time to time), but this was a good choice and soon you will be thinner, happier, and above all healthier!!! Ciao 4 Now!

This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do. You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again.... Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think? The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again. Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.

Believe it or not no one will pay attention to what you eat if you don't call attention to it... I eat out a lot for business and no one ever mentions it. TheY are too busy stuffing their faces. Since you will be attending a buffet that's actually easier... Take a little bit of what you want and eat a few bites of it... I promise if you don't mention it... No be will ask since its obvious you have been losing weight. Happy holidays!

Check out www.khanacademy.org . You can pick any subject and start as basic as you need. It definitely is less traumatic for me than trying to have my kids explain anything! And of course it's online so it's there whenever you feel like checking something out. Good luck!

I am excited about exercising....I can't wait to see what's next to do. I change it up every day so that I won't get bored....LOL. My husband signed me up to the local health club and I am happy, I can't wait until tomorrow ( Monday) to go to health club. I have 50 pd. to go and I can't wait ( weight) to get it off. I love me!!