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A Year of Possibilities
 

Last Meal And Testament

Happy New Year to the new me.   My surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning and I am excited yet petrified. I begin my pre-op liquid diet tomorrow, so my eating in 2012 will never again be what it has been.   What it has been, if I take a realistic and reflective view of things, is awful. I have been big my whole life and the teasing began on the first day of kindergarten. How is it that kids can be so cruel? By the time I hit age 8, I was depressed and compulsively overate to deal with my poor self-esteem. My family shopped at the military commissary, so we always had a value-sized 10 gallon tub of cream ice (not to be confused with ice cream - that love affair came later) and I would routinely sneak scoops of it. Eating in secret became a specialty. My brother and sister would sell Krispy Kreme doughnuts as fundraisers for their extracurriculars, and of course my family had to have a dozen. Somehow the doughnuts would magically disappear - at my hands, sneak eating behind the pantry door. I distinctly remember even using my fingernail to scrape off and eat the extra glazed topping that had stuck to the container. And whatever happened to that whole loaf of bread? By the time I became a latch-key kid in seventh grade, I had perfected the art of NEVER eating in front of people. I was also twelve years old and spending miserable days shopping in the women's department for frumpy sacks to cover my form. In eighth grade, I was wearing my mother's shirts until grunge hit the scene and I learned I could easily hide behind stringy, greasy hair, flannel shirts, and my dad's combat boots. I even sought validation from an abusive boyfriend, which only led to more out of control binge eating and the beginnings of my venture into self-mutilation. I was hurting and didn't know how to express it. I would eat to the point of nausea and beg God for the will to vomit. He never answered that prayer, thankfully, as I have an extreme fear of vomiting stemming from a bout of stomach flu when I was about six years old.   Life continued and so did the compulsive overeating and self-mutilating. When I finally realized the stem of my behaviors in my senior year of high school, I sat down with a pack of Chips Ahoy and ate the entire thing in one sitting. That was the last time I binge ate. The following Autumn I was finally diagnosed with moderate depression, medicated, and began the long uphill battle toward fixing my mental state. Three years of therapy and medication and several failed attempts at surviving in the work force later, I became a dental assistant for the husband of my father's boss. I loved what I was doing and felt I did it well, so I went to school to become certified and registered. My boss even offered to pay for my schooling, but it was important to me to do it on my own so I struck a deal that he could reimburse me if I made straight As. I did, and he was good to his word.   Now, it may seem like things were all better by then, but they weren't. I was still making unwise choices, both with food and in life. I did what is called "self-sabotage," which means that when I would see myself being successful, I would intentionally do something to muck it up. Consequently, I lost three separate assisting jobs because of my own personal issues. I got a new job at a pediatric office and vowed to myself I would work harder, but in the grand scheme of things I wasn't satisfied with where I was in life. I felt like I had wasted time - nearly six years - trying to make myself better. I knew I wanted more. So I decided to go back to school. I picked a very small Bible college where two friends who also had depression and food issues were attending successfully. This proved to be a great decision for me, because every day I had people praying for me. I even had a professor who advocated for me when my medication (I put myself back on anti-depressants as a precaution) had the opposite of its intended effects. Through making new friends who accepted me for who I was and working hard, I got to a point where I was feeling pretty good about me. The very last time I self-mutilated was Christmas Eve 2004, but I still wasn't at the right place mentally.   My epiphany came the following summer. I realized while working on a research paper for my Humanity, Sin, and Salvation class that depression had been a part of me for most of my life. Rather than continuing to fight against it, I needed to learn to work with it. That summer, that class, that paper changed my life. I can now say, on the eve of 2012, that I live a satisfied life without medication, mutilation, or binging and am about to embark on a journey to repair the physical effects of years of depression (combined with genetics and a love affair with two men named Ben and Jerry). I worked really hard to get my mental self healthy and happy. It took years, but has been well worth it. I now have not just my BS, but also an MAEd and teach at a great special needs school in Kuwait. My life has taken me on a journey halfway around the world and it is amazing. I look back and know that everything has brought me to where I am now, here listening to the call to prayer on the last night of 2011 thinking about my future and how much brighter it is going to be because of everything I have experienced and will experience. I know that my LapBand will be a journey and will take time, too, but I am glad that I am mentally ready for the struggles that are to come. I have an awesome support team in place - most specifically my parents and several friends, including a bander - who are cheering me on for every step of the way.   Tonight I am treating myself to steak l'entrecote and tomorrow I begin my first of four pre-op liquid diet days. Never again will my life be the same. I can't wait to see what possibilities are in store for me.
meloney

meloney

3
The beginning....
 

Eleven Days Out - Feeling Better.

I just realized I don't have pain when I lay in my bed anymore. I slept through the night for the last two nights!   I weighed myself one time after surgery (7 days) and lost 16 pounds but after reading about so many people seeing stalls in weight loss after a couple of weeks, I decided to wait until my post surgery appointment to weigh again. I'm anxious but I don't have accurate scales so I think I'm better off just waiting.   Gas still sucks and I'm starting to think this is going to be forever. I've tried everything I can think of and everything I've read here. None of it helps much. I took medicine every day of my life for acid reflux before surgery and it always fixed it - Now nothing works.   Before the surgery I took a time released sleeping pill every night. That pill doesn't work anymore. I am taking the same medicine but 10 less mg and not time released now. Don't know why that change happened.   I have been really tired this week and I think part of it is from going back to work so soon but then again if I sit around at home I have to keep getting up and walking to get rid of the gas so I might as well be at work.   I guess I didn't realize until I read this post that I must be feeling a little down. I think I'm feeling confused and anxious because I used to be content to be at home watching tv when I wasn't at work. Now I'm starting to feel less content with sitting at home. Kinda scary - I might have to actually start doing things outside of home for social reasons!
Starting Out

Starting Out

1
twold's Blog
 

First Post

So I am now 3 weeks post op and waiting on my first fill. Went to see the doctor yesterday and asked if I could accelerate the fill but I need to wait for the port to fuse is scar tissue. The concern for me is that the first two weeks were great and I even lost 10 pounds but now I am into solid foods and my appetite is coming back, which is my main issue anyway. I did very well on the liquid Optifast 800 and am contemplating staying on that until the first fill to continue to loss since I have 3 weeks to go. I have lost just under 70 pounds since I was first saw the doctor to decide to go to lap band and it is noticeable in my face and upper body that I have lost weight. I want this to be a lifestyle change so I am trying to determine how to cope with the next 3 weeks until fill #1. I know that often it takes several fills to get it right which means 2 months between each and I have set what I hope is a reasonable goal of losing 70 pounds by Christmas of 2012. I have a secondary goal to join a gym and go once I drop below 300 which would be right around next holiday season as well.   For me this is as much about changing how I think about food as it is about losing weight. My spouse is in shape as is my child, but no one in my family was growing up. My spouse does not want to understand the mental hangups I have and my weight has been an issue in our marriage so I know that I have to deal with this part on my own. It makes it difficult, but I am someone who likes a challenge. I was very open with everyone who knows me about doing the lap band; I think I was to force the issue on myself that I cannot not lose weight since everyone knows that I did the surgery. The procedure was a snap, I did not need any pain pills and was back at work in several days. So far so good, just now that I am not having issues with solid foods and need to wait three weeks for the first fill I am in my first challenge phase where I have to learn how to make good decisions about food. I have done well so far and after a couple of parties I am still down 7 from surgery date so I think I will be able to weather the time, but I need to stay focused and hopefully writing this down will be helpful for me.
twold

twold

1
Is that a Fat Joke?
 

Is That A Fat Joke?

Hi! I'm Maggie. I'm having lap band surgery January 10th. This has been a year long "pre-surgery" journey for me leading up to the surgery with disappointing insurance requirement changes and hoops to jump through, but its all a part of the journey.   "Is that a Fat Joke?" is what I've named my blog. I often make fat jokes/comments about myself, especially at work. Co-workers will always say, oh stop! My response is always, "it's ok, I know I'm fat- it's not a big secret to anyone". Kind of hard to hide 300+ lbs! Through this journey I hope to obviously not only take control of my health, my body, the physical number on the scale, but also to gain control of dealing with why I feed my emotions with food. This surgery is afterall just a tool, certainly not a fix-all, fix-quick solution. Although I like to make people laugh, today I am making the committment to STOP hiding behind "the fat jokes"........So this skinny girl walks into a bar. I'll keep working on my material!
mags2u

mags2u

2
Rockabilly89's Blog
 

Post-op Day 1

I still can't believe I finally got my lapband! It's pretty surreal, but the pain I'm experiencing today reassures me it really happened lol. I've been lucky enough to have very supportive parents and boyfriend here taking care of me since I got home though. I cannot express how excited I am about where this new journey will take me. I have been overweight since I was 6 & can't even imagine what it'll be like to finally feel "normal" with regards to my weight. I'm so happy that I found LapBandTalk, I don't personally know anyone else who has had this procedure & have decided to only tell a select few close to me so I love that I can come online and find support from so many great people who know exactly what I am going through!   I had my surgery yesterday around 230pm and was out the door by 5pm (Really quick!). The pain medicine has been helping a lot. My incisions haven't caused me much pain, but the gas that they use for surgery is horrible. I try to walk as much as I can to get it out of my body but my shoulder begins to hurt pretty quick. I slept sitting up on my couch last night because the pain. I'm hoping I will be able to sleep in my bed again In a day or two.   My diet post-op has mostly consisted of protein shakes, soup, and popsicles. I haven't been very hungry which is making this liquid diet easy so far, I just hope it stays this way! lol.   Good luck to all of us on our new lives!
rockabilly89

rockabilly89

3
JoyceReal's Blog
 

Happy New Year

Working late tonight, but that is ok, cause then it is a three day weekend!! YAY. Time to spend with Hubby makes me a happy girl! I am stuck at 230 and it aint budging. I get my third fill on the 11th of January!! I need it. Hope you all have a great new year.
Joyce Real

Joyce Real

0
laurelita's Blog
 

Post Op

I did it! I'm finally on the other side. Surgery day was definitely the hardest. I wanted something to drink the entire day but that wasn't allowed. To keep my mouth moist I brushed my teeth and gargled water. The hospital gave me a binder and that made things so much easier. I was able to get in and out of bed with ease and walking was so much easier. My back and stomach were supported and no pain. I walked the entire night and I think that was my key to success. It awoke my bowels and I didn't have any of the horrible gas pain. The day after surgery I had my upper gi test to check for leaks. I sipped the barium. They kept trying to get me to drink more, but I knew sipping was advised. Sipping is so important and probably the most frustrating. No more gulping. I need to keep moving so I'm planning a walk with husband to get me back in the swing of things. The hunger is gone. I'm no longer starving or agonizingly hungry. I don't have the urge to stick whatever is nearby in my mouth. It's the most peculiar feeling. Wishing you all the best on your journeys.
laurelita

laurelita

2
Soon to be me's Blog
 

Seriously?

So here I am on day 11 post-op. In the first seven days I lost over 10 lbs. the last 4 days, i have not lost a thing. :n ( Im so dissapointed, i feel like im doing something wrong... I always seemed to get stuck at 236, on every diet I went on, and here is 236 again. not budging. It just dosen't make sense to me, i barely eat a thing, i get in all my fluids and protien..im pretty bummed today.
Soon to be me

Soon to be me

7
emmy78's Blog
 

Ups And Downs

Ok so I havent blogged in a while..... if I am honest with myself its because I was gaining a little weight..... I started solid food about 2 weeks ago and found that I could eat anything I wanted (except rice) and as much as I wanted. Needless to say Christmas was a treat!!! SO before I started solids I was at 246.6 and then I started eating and went up to 251 in 2 weeks....I guess it should be expected but it is still mentally hard to deal with...I got my 1st fill yesterday 12/29 ...3cc's (which my dr says it usually not enough) so I was back on my liquid diet for a day. I weighed this am and was back to 246.6 ....Just ate my 1st "meal" after my fill.... I had a grilled chicken sandwich from Chick Fil A... it went down easy (took about 10-12mins to eat it just to make sure). I dont really know how I feel right now...I can't tell if I am full to full or still hungry. I think that it is totally in my head, I think I am still hungry becuase I would normally have fries or coleslaw as a side and to not have anything but the chicken is a huge step for me. and no drink.   I have cleareance to go back to the gym which I plan on going on Monday, and am looking forward to. I have to be firm and stay on a strict schedule it is so easy to say I dont want to go today.   On a lighter note I got the x-box connect for Christmas and it is so much fun. Not to mention that it was a great workout!!! I worked up a sweat and my heart rate was up when I was done..guess I could fill in doing this when I don't feel like getting my stuff together to go to the gym
emmy78

emmy78

2
putasleeveonit's Blog
 

I Am Transformed

I am just about 12 weeks post op, and I feel really great about my progress so far.   I love my ticker because it describes how my journey feels right now:     I feel great! The clouds are gone! The storm is gone! The excess weight and inches are gone! Usually at this weight I wear a bigger clothing size, but I'm fitting into clothes that usually fit when I'm 5 to 10 pounds slimmer. I've been jogging (in place on the Wii) for 20 mins about 3 times a week on average, and I've tried to keep my protein intake high. Of course, I'm not doing as well with the holidays, and I'm also very sick right now.   I just wanted to post a positive blog about my experience with VSG surgery. I think it was my best option for losing weight without being able to sabotage all of my progress in 2 weeks!   Good luck to everyone and happy New Year!
putasleeveonit

putasleeveonit

2
sexymomma001's Blog
 

Oh No! My First Boo Boo : ( & Question About Smart One /healthy Choice Frozen Meals

Well Ladies mother nature rolled around since surgery and i just had to have my M&M's I dont feel too bad though I look darn great for 1 month post op, PLUS I was cramping so bad I did not eat anything else besides a protein bar for breakfast and some water and a BC powder for pain (YUK) .... I must take a pic and add it....but anyhow just thought I would share ...   Oh ...is anyone else using weight watcher frozen dinners when you dont feel like cooking anything and you know those days of driving through a fast food place are over? I find myself just grabing a weight watcher frozen dinner or a healthy choice dinner I try to grab the ones UNDER 300 calories....mainly I do this for lunch because breakfast is usually 2 scambled eggs, or a protein bar and for lunch DRY lemon pepper tuna, and dinner a frozen dinner or a protein shake.     I am going to have my first fill Jan 5th so .....Just wondering if anybody else is using anything else with thier band to achieve maximum weight loss .....Example: Lap Band, Excercise, Weight watcher meals & snacks
sexymomma001

sexymomma001

5
The beginning....
 

Wow - So Many Things Have Changed So Fast.

I had gastric sleeve surgery on December 20, 2011. I had no idea how drastically my tastes and feelings would change. I thought I paid total attention in the seminars and I was well informed about all of the issues. Now I know I was kind of blinded by the light! My surgeon and the center I went through were excellent about informing me. I guess I was missing little pieces of information and maybe I still wouldn't catch them or necessarily believe them if I started this all over again.   I think the first thing I didn't take seriously enough was that my tastes would change. The first week - every single thing tasted awful except milk. Unfortunately after surgery I developed lactose intolerance. The lactaid made me puke so no milk for me. That problem was short lived and I can have milk again! I didn't care for milk before the surgery now I crave milk!   I am (was) a sweet tea addict. I admit I wanted it so bad I cheated and took a few drinks. It didn't taste good anymore. I kind of feel like I'm in mourning for sweet tea. I know it is good for me that I didn't like the taste anymore but it has been a staple for me since I was a kid.   I was so excited when I could have cottage cheese - I used to love it - Don't anymore.   I ate the first scrambled egg with a tiny amount of melted cheese last night. It tasted so good! I threw it all up later but it still tasted great when I was eating it so as soon as I learn how to eat slow enough and chew enough time I know there is one thing that tastes good.   I know I am still in a learning phase with this and things will get better but right now I feel more preoccupied with food than I ever have in my life.
Starting Out

Starting Out

0
Msfotobug's Blog
 

Having Problems - Is This Normal?

Can't sleep. Killer pressure on the left side of my head, I know its because of the lap band because when my chest tightens I feel pain in my left shoulder and left side of head...not sure why or if this is normal. I think my band is really really tight. I'm on "mushy" this week and all I had today was a protein shake, mash potatoes and a broth soup and sips of water. So I don't think I'm stuck or anything, I really don't know what's going on but the pressure is painful. Going to call my dr first thing in the morning.             12:45 PM (NEXT DAY) Updating my blog. The nurse called me back from the weight loss place and thank God she said this is normal and says it sounds like I'm VERY dehydrated. I had only been getting in 4oz of water so today I'm going to go back to all liquids so things can calm down a bit. I had oatmeal 2 days ago w/ tiny raisins and apples (From McDonalds) and on about the 2nd or 3rd apple I could then tell maybe I shouldn't be eating apples, it wasn't as "soft" as I though it could be (green apples are usually soft) and maybe part of that is stuck (reason I'm having this tightening in my chest) ???? They are even considering taking some of the fill out if I can't get enough water in today. Right now I'm trying to drink a protein shake though I'm not hungry at all. Each sip the pressure in my head comes on full force. It's very painful making me NOT want to finish this protein shake, but I know I need to get some fluids in. Has anyone else experience this? What did you do? (Thanks)       UPDATE: January 4, 2012 - Yesterday I went back to the doctors and they removed ALL of my saline out. It was 5.5cc's, she said that was a lot. She did not put it back in, however told me to get children's liquid ADVIL to help w/ the swelling. Yesterday for the first time ever I was able to get in 32oz of liquids before going to bed, that was awesome and I thought everything would be okay however at 4:32 this morning nausea and pressure headaches (over my left eye socket) woke me up again. I read if vomiting too much, it could cause the band to slip. I pray I do not have to get surgery all over again. That would be a nightmare. I'm really scared now.
Msfotobug

Msfotobug

2
sheilamj1fan's Journal
 

Day 4 Of Liquids

Okay, I have to make sure I stay consistent with my documenting.   Today I ran 3 miles Had about 40oz. of water and a glass of wine (Chardonnay) and some dried cranberries (sweetened ) No protein today, I have to do better, but I may have a cup of watered down cream of chicken soup (Maybe)
sheilamj1fan

sheilamj1fan

3
Caribear's Blog
 

Small Changes And Big Responsibilities

Recently one of the lovely ladies on the forum suggested using appetizer flatware to eat with, because it is smaller than regular flatware, yet more dignified than eating with baby silverware. I agree, I would not be totally thrilled with having to eat all my meals off of a fork with a cartoon character on it. I combined that idea with another idea from another lovely lady, which was doing a "trial-run" of sorts with an imaginary band. (The people on this forum are so creative and so smart!) So I went out and bought an appetizer set with forks, spoons, plates and bowls, and have been using them to eat with lately. Well, I have been using the forks and spoons. Well, when I have been able to eat, I have used the forks and spoons. I just got over a nasty virus that acted almost exactly like strep throat, and so was on a liquid-and-popsicle diet for over a week out of pure necessity.   I know that it's pretty early in the process yet, but I want to make sure that I get used to taking things slowly. In the past, "slow" was not in my vocabulary when it came to food. I would wolf down a plate full of food before my brain could even register it, then go back and get seconds just so I could taste it. Through a slow process and lots of therapy, I started changing my habits and have now gotten to the point where I can eat like a "normal" person for the most part. When I am stressed, I still battle with the urge to eat as much as possible in the shortest amount of time. But I have so many reasons to change, and so changing I am. Slowly, but still.   One of the biggest reasons I have to do all this changing is my sweet baby boy. He just turned three in October, and he is a little sponge. Everything we do, he picks it up, whether we think he is paying attention or not. So how does someone like me raise a child who doesn't have a seriously unhealthy relationship with food?   I have come to the realization that I have to lead by example and change the relationship I have with food. I have been working with my therapist to try and change my habits, as well as deal with the underlying issues that caused me to form those habits in the first place. I try not to reward him with food or candy, but at the same time I don't make anything off-limits either. Don't get me wrong, I don't let him eat a bag of M&M's right before bedtime, but if he wants a few of them during the day that's fine with me. I also don't push him to finish all the food on his plate, which was a HUGE struggle for me. I was a product of the "clean your plate because there's starving children in Africa" mindset, and I don't want to pass that on to him. We just make sure to tell him that he doesn't have to eat it all, but he can't expect to say he's done with his dinner and then eat a bunch of junk food. So now he eats what he feels comfortable eating, and if he's still hungry later he can have a healthy snack. And now that I am going through the process of being banded, I am telling him about how it's important to stay active and be mindful of what you are eating.   I sat him down and had a little talk with him about how our bodies are gifts that God has given us, and how it's important to take care of them. I said that I hadn't realized what a great thing God had done for me, and I didn't take care of my body like I should have. So now God has shown me a path to take that will help me make my body healthy again so that I can play with him and take care of him like I was meant to. I tried to make it as relatable as I could, but I didn't think he was paying attention. Until yesterday, that is. He came up to me while I was sitting on the couch, put his little hands on my belly, and said "Mommy, you going to go see the doctor God showed you and he going to make your belly smaller so you can play with me?"   So now I have another thing to add to my list of reasons to have the surgery: I have the responsibility of having a little pair of eyes watching everything I do, and I am responsible for shaping his ideas about his weight and his body and how he takes care of himself. It is a heavy responsibility to bear, but I know that he is worth it.
Caribear

Caribear

2
Becky's Road to Wellness
 

10 Lb Weight Loss And Why I Began The Journey!

I went to the gym today and was on the sit down bike for an hour without realizing it. I was playing Trade Nations and Words with Friends on my iphone the whole time so the time must have whizzed on by. I don't own a scale at home so only weigh myself at the gym like once a week so I don't get discouraged. It said 260!! I don't remember the last time I was that weight, had to have been in junior high when I wore a size 16.   Thus far, I've lost like 40 lbs since the surgery and pre-op liquid diet. My biggest weight was 400 lbs right out of college so I joined Weight Watchers. $90 short later, I was still 400 but was addicted to their ice cream sandwiches. I slowly started losing the weight over the years by ceasing all fast food and soda so finally reached 300 but could not lose another pound. I was at my high school weight now so figured it was OK and maintained that weight somehow.   Things all changed when I turned 29 and my mom died of cancer at only 52. It was so hard visiting her at Parkland hospital in Dallas. She was always 100 lbs + heavier than I but she loss 200 lbs as she lay there with a tube down her throat. I was hoping things would get better for her but her body lost the fight. I kept having images in my head of myself in her place but there was no family visiting me. I've never had a boyfriend and have only been on one date in college in my life. My weight had always been the excuse for why I couldn't have a love life like everyone else seemed to have. I was only 29 but felt my knees hurt when I walked, had sleep apnea, hypothyroidism and high blood pressure. Things were only going to get worse for me in the years to come. Right then and there I knew I had to do something, but what?   A few days after my mom's death I found myself at work trying to hide my tears. I had started the job only last year so didn't want to ask for some time off. A lady named Felicia that I had been well-acquainted with came by and was looking so much slimmer. It turned out that she had had bariatric sleeve surgery back in December but bought some clothes that fit her. I had never heard about sleeve surgery but was going to get the band back when I was 24. My dad's insurance would not cover it since I was going to be 25 and off the plan the following year. Felicia told me all about the sleeve surgery and even told me her doctor's name, Wade Barker M.D. He was in our insurance's network so would be covered! I immediately searched for him and found his website, then submitted a form.   A few hours later, a nice receptionist at his office called me and I made an appointment for the following Thursday for a consultation. I knew that I had made the right step towards taking control of my life instead of let my food addiction dig me an early grave.   Now I am almost 1 month post-op and have lost 40 lbs. When I walk I no longer feel pain, sleep better and hope my high blood pressure will be gone when I go back for the monthly follow up appointment in January. I know now that I am on the fast track to wellness and have my whole life ahead of me. The future is finally clear with the food craving and addiction completely gone. My new addiction has been cable TV but I'm trying to force myself to be more productive with my time. (:   Lots of love, Becky
MoonSiren

MoonSiren

2
Nicole76's Blog
 

Acid

All I can say is ACID!! and a whole lot of it! No matter what I do all I can tast smell is acid!!! I brushing my teeth all the time they feel like the are wearing swetters. No matter what I eat drink it sour belly.   My belly makes the gurgling noise .. so loud my dad could hear it! lol   today I had a pice of chese I chewed it 20 times it was so wonderful! I need something to soke up all the acid in my belly! what should I do .. only 9 days out and dont see nutritionist until next tueseday and my Dr, the following week he on vacation!
Nicole76

Nicole76

4
Keep on Trying
 

Holiday Loser

Well, this has to be a first. I have actually lost weight over the holidays. About 10 pounds! It isn't like I tried to lose ... I actually cheated quite often. I made at least a couple dozen batches of english toffee and sampled all the goodies brought into the house as well as the office.   But, there lies the difference from this year to years past. Sampled. Not overloaded. Not engourged. Plus, I am exercising more and not overloading at mealtimes, either. I just wonder how much I would be down if I hadn't sampled.   Which makes me wonder ... I am now in the 180's weight-wise. I am working out and lifting weights, but I am suprised that I am still losing at the rate I am. I don't want to turn into some whimpy looking dude with a bunch of extra skin dangling all over the place ... But, I can still feel fat around my body, so ... I guess there is more to lose. I can pretty much eat anything I want. Bread still feels lumpy, so I have one bite every few days.
PdxMan

PdxMan

3
I'm in control now.
 

T- Minus 30 Days To Sleeve

In 30 days I will be giving myself the best tool I can find to get my life back. I have tried for a couple of years now to work with insurance companies and it just didn't work out. Either they didn't cover the procedure, didn't deem it medically necessary, or I lost my insurance as soon as I got approval, or my employer didn't pay my insurance premiums - its just been one thing after another. I tried 5 times with insurance companies. Not always their fault, certainly not mine. This time, I've got the power in my own hands. I have the funds to do it myself (pay for the surgery, not perform the surgery - although I would if they would let me! haha) I'll be heading to Mexico the day after my birthday to have the surgery. Dr. Almanza will be performing it. I have done a TON of research. I know that this is the best option for me. I probably won't stay in the recovery house, but at the hotel with my husband. I can't stand being around people when I don't feel well - especially if they don't feel well too. I would like to have my husband be comfortable and he won't be unless he's WITH me. I understand that I will be in a surgical clinic - I'm fine with that - in fact, I prefer it. Hospitals are the biggest source of infections there is - why? because there's SICK people there! I don't feel I need an ICU on hand. I don't have any comorbidities to worry about. I'm actually in relatively good health now that I'm past the heavy metal poisoning and unfortunately I'm left with about 200 lbs extra of me from the aftermath of the treatment of chelation and steroids. I of course didn't help matters - I was weak and couldn't exercise. I was pumped full of steroids and was unsatiably hungry at all times. I made poor food choices a lot of the time. Would I still be in this situation if I had made the best food choices? Yes. But probably not as bad. In conjunction with my surgery, I'll have additional treatment for all the steroid damage. I'm looking forward to getting my life back. It hasn't been all that long that I've been without it. This all started in late 2007. So its been 4 years. 4 years since I've been a size 10. 4 years since I ran 5 miles a day. 4 years since my husband looked at me like I was absolutely the only person on the planet besides him. 4 years since I've had the confidence to be who I am. I can't wait to have that back. Just recently, I've realized my actual size. Wow did that hit me hard. Before, and sometimes still, I feel myself to be a "normal" sized person. Hopefully that will help with body image issues. My body was never perfect, but I was comfortable with it. That's all I want to be - healthy, active, and comfortable. Here's to that goal.
circa

circa

3
Erica Joy Rowsey's Blog
 

Rewriting The Old Lies.

I've noticed that I have these certain scripts that I go to constantly. I have learned that I can "get away" with semi-solid foods even though it's not past two weeks yet. So, I say to myself (or try to rationalize) that this is completely ok, and that it's not fair that my family can have sweets and whatnot when I can't. So my resolve falters and I find myself in my room on my bed, crying because I'm a failure (or so i have labeled myself).   The other thing I find is that so often things happen so fast that I can't seem to get a handle on them. It was like this even before my surgery, and I don't quite know why I thought it would change after, because it certainly hasn't. I find myself saying my scripts, and before I know it, the deed is done, and I can't take it back.   So what do I do? What is the solution for a Jesus girl (term I LOVE--from Lysa Terkeurst's "Made to Crave") like me?   I've been praying about it, and I'm still not quite sure. Except maybe for praying scripture, and tearing myself away from the situation. Also, I think writing in my journal would help--I'm kind of an obsessive writer... and writing in my journal is one of the biggest ways I am able to feel free enough to pray.   But I think the solution is probably in prevention. Seeing a thought coming, being on guard all the time, and praying for God's strength to see me through. Because I can't fool myself into thinking that I can do this on my own. It's not possible. I need divine willpower, and a shield made of miracles. And God is the only One who can provide those things for me.   Anyway, those were just some thoughts I've been having..   If there are any prayer requests, I would love to take the time to pray for you. Erica
lifestartingnow

lifestartingnow

3
zil's Blog
 

Happy To Report...

Happy to report that I am back on track. I officially closed the holidays on Monday night and Tuesday brought a new and improved me. My food choices have been right on track and I have managed to make it to the gym. I even started doing some more exercises...I must confess I don't like the ARC trainer, but I do try it for a few minutes. Riding 30 minutes on the bike and doing the treadmill for at least 1/2 mile - even managing to do a little. Have moved onto leg exercises, figured I would not be able to walk this morning, but all is fine. Next dr visit is on Monday, Jan 2, 2012...I am ready.
zil

zil

0

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