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My Time Has Come :-)

Tomorrow is the BIG day, surgery is at 9:30 and I'm scared to death. I've been a nervous wreak all day and I just cant calm down. OMG what the hell I'm I doing Lol, ok just calm down (this is so sad I'm talking to myself Lol).

NIKIMAC

NIKIMAC

 

Tomorrow Is My Big Day

The day has finally come, tomorrow I will have my lap band removed. I dont know if I should laugh or cry. I'm just ready to go to bed and wake up from this nightmare. Ive been living a life in HELL for the last few months and I just really dont have to words for it anymore. I just ask that you all keep me in your prayers and light a candle.

NIKIMAC

NIKIMAC

 

Pre-Surgery

I love this site ! I am still in the decision making stage. I have been struggling with this burden of lugging around all this weight and I am now ready to do this IF I find the right surgeon. I am going to a seminar in Hollywood ,Florida on Nov. 6,2012. I am concerned about the time off from work. I only have a couple weeks of sick time. Fearful that I don't lose the weight and fearful I don and then it comes back!Wondering if your not hungry after surgery and your completely healed? I wonder if everyone drinks the same protein drinks as weight lifters. I wonder how many supplements you take post op? How soon can you go back to work? How long is the pre surgery prep time and what is it? 1st of many entries for now, Hattie

Hattie

Hattie

 

Wow! Pretty Cool - A Blog

Well here I am on my new blog. I'm not sure where to start so I will just ramble a minute. I had RNY in June 2008. My starting weight was 328 lbs. I lost down to 175 lbs. in about 13 months. I did pretty well and maintained until after my oldest son passed away in December 2010. I literally fell off the wagon and gained back weight, a lot of weight. I was shocked to find I weighed 246 lbs. I was so disappointed and scared that I cried. How could I have let this happen? Looking back there were several opportunities to get a grip but I didn't.   Fast forward to October 5-6, 2012. I attended the Obesity Help Conference here in Atlanta. I walked away with a renewed sense of "I can do this". I went back to basics and eliminated the carbs, made protein my first priority, drinking my water and walking. This past Monday I weighed 225.2. I know I have a ways to go but I'm on the right track!     Joyful

joyfulinga

joyfulinga

 

Two Weeks... Well Technically 13 Days!

Wow. Time has gone by SO fast. It felt like I just posted that I had a month to go, and now here it is the two week mark. I am almost perfect on my liquid diet. I say almost because I had some crackers (4) the other night to help take some medication. I haven't weighed myself yet, but I probably will on Friday.   November 13th! It is just around the corner. I am really busy at work so that helps. Next week is my last week at work and then I will be off until December 3rd. I have a lot to do before I go on leave.   I am going to clean out my closet this weekend. I am going to donate everything that is slightly big on me now as well as most of the rest of my clothes that fit too. I have a lot of clothes in smaller sizes from when I grew too big to fit into them, way in the back of my closet. I figure why wait until after surgery to do it? I have pjs and comfortable clothes (T-shirts, Sweats, etc) to wear while I am healing and the clothes I am donating, I don't ever want to see again. Bye-bye size 22, so long size 20. I have 18 and 16 waiting for me. I CANNOT wait to say sayanora to those as well. I haven't been a single digit size since BEFORE grade school.   I am taking pics this weekend along with taking my measurements.

dwbrown1978

dwbrown1978

 

Halloween Night

In years past this has been the night (okay one of the nights) I wished my kids would go to bed without incident.  Why?  So that their Dad and I could raid their candy!   Tonight this ritual will still take place, only without me.  I won't be able to participate because I am choosing not to cheat myself.  I'm still on Kaiser's 6-month pre-op eating plan.  Well not really a plan but more like proof that you can eat well for 6 consecutive months.    So I've decided while my husband and cousins (oh yes, we will have company for the first time ever on Halloween) raid the kids' bags, I will try something else.  Yes, this took a lot of planning.  I went from frustrated, to sad, to angry (at myself for having to even refrain myself), to acceptance - - this is me and I have to learn to deal.   At first I thought I'd just go to bed early.  But come on, really, could I go to bed with my cousins over?  Then I thought I would make a shake...nah, I want something crunchy.  Oh well I guess I'll just sit and watch them have fun.  Then it hit me...get rid of the stupid all or nothing thinking.    I want to participate but I know I can't afford to cheat.  Sure I could lose the 2 lbs. again that I've already lost but why even set myself up?  Rather, I'll have my own version of "candy" (a granola bar that fits into my plan) and then go walk my dog. 

TwinsMama

TwinsMama

 

I'm A Walking Melting Wax Figure!

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain.   I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step.   As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!!   So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

tmorgan813

tmorgan813

 

My Fears

So I've been thinking a lot about the aspects of the sleeve that scare me.  I'm pretty good at letting my imagination run wild so I've come up with the following: Loose skin - yes, I'll admit I want to look darn good after going through such a drastic weightloss process.  I see that as a sort of reward for all the hard work.  What if I look worse with loose skin than I look now with the weight?  I love my curves and being tall I've been told I carry them well, but I know they are conspiring against me long term.  So I have to lose weight to stay healthy but man would I like to have a nice firm look post-weight loss.
    Big head - okay this is sort of comical but yes, I don't want my already big "apple-ish" head to look like a bobble head.  This is one of those things that logically seems stupid but in my mind seems like a real concern.
    Questions - what happens when someone I haven't seen in years sees me and asks how I lost the weight?  Will I tell them about my surgery, tell them I changed my diet and started exercising, heck change the subject?  I wonder about that but guess this is one of those in the moment decisions based on who I'm talking to.
    Shopping - will I go overboard now that I can afford cheaper clothes?  I am already the shop until I drop type...what happens when it takes me longer to drop?  Will I go overboard and thus broke? I'm sure my hubby won't let that happen, but still I wonder if I'll be one of those people who trade an addiction to food in for an addiction to shopping.
    Socializing -  I have a few friends who have struggled with their weight and thus we tend to have "active" social events.  However, more of my friends live to eat and our events ALWAYS involve food.  How will I handle these events as I'm working hard to lose the weight?  Will I have to not attend or always show up early/late (way before/after the meal)?
    Pain/complications/death - let me be frank...I am a pure punk don't handle pain well.  My c-section took forever to heal and even 3 years after I still had pain when attempting to work out.  Thus, I stopped really working out on a regular basis.  What if this surgery feels like that?  Or worse, what if I have the same limited mobility for months after this surgery that I had after my c-section and can't work out like my doctor wants? Or even worse, what if I do this and it takes me from my husband and children?  This especially concerns me because I don't have any health problems other than the extra weight.
    Going bald - (see big head above) I have very fine hair.  The thought of my scalp showing is well "not hot" in my Tamar Braxton voice.  I am of the mindset that hair grows back, but I would also like to keep my hair if possible.  I go through great pains to make my hair look full and thick now, so with even less...well, that would be a real challenge.
    What if all this doesn't work/last - I'm sure everyone has thought this at some point.  I worry that I may be the only person in history for which this doesn't accomplish my goal.  I have about 200 lbs to lose and I worry that I just won't make it to goal.  I understand the goal is to be healthier but right now I have no health problems other than the extra weight.  What if my goal of getting to onederland just doesn't happen?I realize when I look at my list that I have read in the forums at least one topic on each (maybe not the big head fear) of these and it feels good not to be alone.  In reading one post a Sleeve Veteran said (paraphrasing here) that it is normal to wonder and fear the unknown about this surgery.  That makes me feel better about taking this seriously and also lets me know I am committed enough to not let the not-so-glamorous parts of this surgery deter me.

It feels good to get these fears out in the open and to laugh at how silly some of these sound.  

TwinsMama

TwinsMama

 

"psych"-Ed For Surgery

Yesterday was my second psych eval. The first one was 18 months ago when I first looked into the surgery, so unfortunately, it was no longer valid for this attempt. It went very well, and he approved me to move forward, just like the first one did. Now that that's done, I have my last D/E appt on Tuesday 11/6, and then on Thursday 11/8 I will sit down with the surgeon. Hopefully later that day or the next day, my insurance will be filed, and then it's time to wait. (Have I mentioned I'm not a good waiter? Well, I'm not.)   Though everything seems to be completely on track, I'll feel much better about this after I've gotten my insurance approval and there is a date on the calendar. It's hard for me right now because I'm excited about all of this, yet I'm afraid to get too excited. So, I'll just have to wait. (Sigh) And as I've said before, other people don't get it. Oh well, upward and onward.

JennieDK

JennieDK

 

My Sleeve Realization

By reading my blog's title you no doubt know that I am a Type A personality.  I've been this way for pretty much my entire life.  The biggest hurdle for me in deciding to have WLS (for over 2 years now) is that I am the type of person who can usually do anything I set my mind to.   I have always believed and found if one person could do something and I tried hard enough I could do it too.  The problem is that there are truly some things for which I could use a little help.  For me it is losing weight, keeping the weight off.   For years I didn't want to believe that I needed help.  Every Jan. 1st I thought, okay this year, I'll buckle down and just lose the weight.  How hard could it be, people on TV, in magazines, etc. do this every day.  I'll be one of them.  I won't take the easy way out (WLS).   So year after year, I not only didn't lose, I gained...and gained well.  Did I mention I'm also a high achiever?  If there were pounds to be gained, I gained them.  It seemed like no matter what I did, the weight not only packed on, but packed on in abundance.  I'd lose a bit and then gain more than I lost.   Finally, I thought okay this is it.  Obviously I need help so I'll go meet with a nutritionist.  I did and let me tell you, I have never felt so confused/lost/helpless in all my life.  Sure those pyramid charts look great but man, who in the world can construct a meal hitting every food group, with the right portions, and live any kind of life?  I'd literally have to spend all day planning meals...who has that kind of time???   But I'm determined, I will do this, I need to do this I figured.  So she and I came up with a menu.  Well let me tell you about that menu...I ate that menu every day for 3 weeks.  Why?  I didn't want to eat anything wrong.  So at my next apt she had me weigh in.  Great, surely I would have lost something.  Lord please let me have lost something.   I stepped on the scale and sure enough I gained.  Yup, with all that weighing and eating and buying ONLY what she told me to, I still gained weight.  Talk about a bummer.  Again, if there are pounds to be gained they would find me.   I looked at her at that moment and said, I need more help.  That moment was major for me.  I'm not used to needing asking for help.  That took both humility and courage for me to say that out loud.   My Nut then looked at me and said surgery might be the answer for me.  Then she looked at me and asked, so how was it?  By this time I'm sad, frustrated, and ready to shake this little woman.  How was what I asked her (not in my most pleasant voice that's for sure).    She said how was it to weigh your food and restrict your diet.  I told her at first it was a challenge (although I'd done it before during other countless diets) but had I lost weight I'd think it was worth it.  I wasn't hungry this time like during the other diets.  She then went on to explain that my body was in starvation mode.  I wasn't eating enough (a big girl not eating enough...really????) and by finally eating the right foods in the right quantities, in the long run with surgery I could meet or even surpass my weight loss goals.   Clever!  She helped me see that WLS was not in any way the easy way out and that help was available if I would just get over myself seek it. I needed that.  I had mixed feelings about surgery because again (my mind began telling me) I could do this if only I just buckled down...or so I thought.  It took a while but now I'm at peace with my decision.   There is still some disappointment in myself that I could not somehow just do something that would make the weight fall off.  But I'm dealing with that.  I also had to realize that it is okay to ask for help.  That asking for help is not being weak, but rather being wise.   This is going to be a challenge but I'm approaching this process with a feeling of relaxation and a one-day-at-a-time attitude as opposed to an I-have-to-control-this attitude.  I understand I have to be in control of what I eat and how I exercise my body, but I don't have to feel like I need to control every minute of this process.  That helps a lot and makes this much different than any of the other times I've tried to lose weight.  

TwinsMama

TwinsMama

 

The Importance Of Knowing Your Natural Body Shape

You can look great in no matter what you wear as long as you dress for your body shape, Having this information is the key to the key to looking great no matter what size or weight you are. The four basic bady shapes are;   Ruler (Rectangle/Banana Shape) Shoulders, hips, waist are almost the same size.
Very little indentation at the waist (<10) inches
Well-proportioned upper and lower body
Hourglass Well-proportioned upper and lower body
Shoulders and hips almost the same size
Dramatic indentation (>10) inches at the waistline
Spoon (Pear Shape) Larger lower body and smaller upper body
Shoulders narrower than the hips
Tend to gain weight below your waist.
Cone (Apple Shape) Bigger on the top half of their bodies than on the bottom half.
Slim hips and legs
Tend to gain waist above the waist.
This is just a general overview of the basic body types. You can take your measurements and find tons of calculators online that will not only tell you your body shape, but give you amazing tips on how to dress for your shape so that you look great everyday.         FYI I'm a (RULER) Do you know yours?   Amanda Out!!!

Amanda1982

Amanda1982

 

2 Months Out And Down 37 Lbs!

I was sleeved Aug 28th and have lost 37lbs. Lost pretty slow this past month but now have lost 4 lbs this week! I am very proud of myself and feel great. I'm gradually getting into my old clothes and I am 19 lbs. away from my goal wt. I had originally set my goal for 120 but changed it to 130 I feel that this is a more realistic goal. I'm very small framed so if i get to 120-125 lbs that's great, but i feel 130 is a good stopping point for me. I'll be able to wear ALL of the clothes in my closet at 130lbs. I take my MSF motorcycle riding course this next weekend and get my permit today! I'm so excited. I have a brand new Harley Sportster sitting in the garage that I have never ridden. That is my reward for losing this wt. my husband and I rewarded me this way. I want to be thin , dark, and on the road by this next summer. It will be a dream come true. It could be called a Mid-life Crisis by some i guess. Whatever it is I can't wait to make it come true. I have the boots, the jacket,the helmet (of course, won't ride without it),all I need is to learn to ride it!LOL! Thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts...

slojo

slojo

 

Losing It.

http://badges.myfitnesspal.com/badges/show/3126/266/31260266.weight-lost-sm.gif" border="0"> MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie">http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Calorie Counter  

Jenilou78

Jenilou78

 

85 Lbs Lost Reward:)

My little reward for losing 85 lbs!! 1ct diamond pendant... just a little somethin' from the hubby Now, I did want to reward myself at the -100 lbs mark, but who am I to tell the man no?!   THANK YOU SLEEVE!!!   What was some of your rewards for reaching a goal?

LaBelle509

LaBelle509

 

Pain Pain Go Away

I am scared about pain after the surgery... Can anyone tell me what the Drs give for the pain? I have 4 children and Im afraid that I will be hurting and I dont want them to be scared! And can anyone tell me any thing they did to feel more comfortable after surgery...I dont want to seem like a "BIG" baby but I am ! lol

JerseyGirl1979

JerseyGirl1979

 

Outfit Catalog!

Have you ever gone into your closet and said " I have nothing to wear"? If you are a woman I'm sure you have lol. Anyway I had this great idea that I wanted to share with all of you. If you have a phone with a camera on it, take a picture of yourself everyday in a different outfit everyday try to only include your favorite ones. (The ones where you say "hey I really look great in this") before you know it you will have a outfit catalog to go to on the days you just don't know what to wear :-)     Amanda Out!!!!

Amanda1982

Amanda1982

 

Trip Report And Pms!

Our mini holiday went gr8.Fabulous beach,I have a tan for the first time ever.Dont know why but I tanned brown.I am of the pink kind with blond hair and have never tanned.I use a factor 50 and it wasnt even that hot anymore,but Im tanned.The kids say it looks gr8.   The hotel was really super,got bumped up to their grand suite.If I knew that in advance I would have packed some food as it has a lounge dining room and kitchen (the rich locals take their housekeepers with to cook) It was a pleasant surprise though and we thoroughly enjoyed the luxury of it.I think it was because we phoned and asked if there was a freezer compartment in the minibar as I had some special dietary needs..lol.Dont know why else we go the grand treatment.   The hotel food was soooo boring.Not really in line with the rest of the hotel at all.So I just didnt eat a lot at all.A bite from my friends plate or my kids.   Now,unfortunately I came back with serious PMS.I am one of these sleevers that become a bottomless pitt when I have my TOM.It is crazy that I can eat double my usual portions and I can eat way more frequently as well.And I have been very undisciplined for the past 2 days.I even had a small chocolate two nights in a row and found out what caused the candida in my mouth for the first 3 months post surgery.I use to have small amout of honey in my tea once a day then.I couldnt get rid of this white stuff on my toungue and in my throat for 3 months and just as I was losing hope,it went away.But the honey was finished and I decided to start using sweetener.   After the first chocolate I did find my tongue had an irritating coating didnt think much of it but had to brush it off this morning.Well,2 hours after I ate the chocolate tonight I felt it again.And it must be aggressive overgrowth to appear that fast.   I cannot use sugar.Isnt that amazing?For the rest of my days I will be sugarfree as I absolutely hate the feeling on my tongue.Get obsessed with it it bothers me so much.This must be a blessing from the Lord as I can see it,better altogether to have a reason to be sugarfree than just a choice to be sugarfree...lol   Tomorrow I will try to go and play squash.Need the exercise as I have been skipping exercise a lot.Did play yesterday though.   My weight is still the same and I have decided to make a mini goal for myself.Ideally I would want to weigh under 180 before our December holiday but I will have to start woking a bit harder for that.A friend that is a personal trainer has been burning to work with me to help me tone.Might take him up on it as I have 7 weeks before the holiday.That might make a significant difference before I go.   The heat is gone and everyone is out running in the evening.Might start that up again as well, a bit slower this time as to not lose all my energy with over exercizing again.   Well,I still love my sleeve and will eat protein pancakes one meal a day again from tomorrow to help the weight loss again.   My hairloss seems to have slowed down a lot as well.I still dont see too much regrowth yet but that will come.Might even go for highlights for the first time since surgery.I was scared one would be able to see my scalp if I made the hair lighter so I just let it grow out since surgery.I also wish I knew what I would look like with short hair as I really feel like cutting it quite short but havent had short hair in 25 years.A bit scared I will look terrible.Older or fatter or just plain uglier.   Thats me for now!Will push the water and good clean eating for the next 7 weeks for great results.

desertmom

desertmom

 

Hurricane Sandy...

So Hurricane Sandy passed us by yesterday and last night. All family and friends accounted for and safe with minimal property damage. Lots of down trees and wires. Here in New Hampshire as bad as it was we were certainly lucky unlike our friends to the South. NY and NJ are a mess. We have been without power since 5:30pm yesterday and estimates for restoration stand at about 8pm tomorrow. I couldn't imagine what this would have been like if it were combined with a snow storm.   My Wife said she doesn't understand how people in the "olden days" survived without electricity. LOL. I told her it is the only life they knew. You cannot miss what you've never had.   So until we get power back it looks like I will be commuting to the Office in order to work. Here is a pic from the down the street from my office.

Jim1967

Jim1967

 

Fear Of Shopping

I don't know if any of you have had this, but I just realized I am scared to go out shopping for new clothes.   I had surgery in June and have lost 41 lbs, I feel good and many of my clothes are way to big, but some fit really great now. I have gotten to the point I only have 1 pair of jean that don't fall off and I need to go shopping, but I am scared. I have never had a problem going out in public or shopping before- I love to go out and about.   What scares me is trying on clothes. I know some of my clothes I have had to take to good will, but others still fit well. I am scared I will go pick up a pair of jeans and go try them on and they won't fit. I haven't purchased jeans in 2 years. I am scared the ones I had stretched and I will find I am not down as many sizes as I would like to be and that it will discourage me. When I had surgery I had gotten to the point that all the clothes in my closet were getting snug and I refused to go up a size. It's such a mental thing. I want some new things, but I HATE trying on clothes.   I know I am smaller, my husband tells me everyday that I am doing great and he is loving my new hour glass shape minus the bumps and lumps. But I still have a long ways to go. 41 lbs down, but 60 plus to go to be at goal. It's not that I am afraid I'm not going to get there, it's just that I don't want to shop yet and see myself in those 360 mirrors. I know I have to, it's getting cold and I must get some long pants that don't sag.   Hopefully, I will get the courage this weekend to make the trek.

Kime-lou

Kime-lou

 

Dad's Dr Apt Tomorrow

Dad's oncologist apt is tomorrow at 10am. I'm a bit nervous because we should find out how much the cancer spread in his lungs. My parents were over my house yesterday, and dad talked to me (on the side) telling me that his lower left side was bothering me. Kidneys maybe? Or, just a strain?   No point in guessing as I'll be sure to ask the Dr.   For anyone that is reading this, if you read my recent posts, you'll know my 86 yr old awesome dad is in stage 4 of cancer, but has been kicking it's ass for about 20 months now without chemo or pills. I go to all his oncologists apt's because my parents are Castellian (spanish from Spain), and while they have lived in the U.S. over 50 years, they struggle with English sometimes. I'm there to make sure that not a darn thing gets lost in the translation.   Oh daddy, if I could just make the pain stay away....

Domika03

Domika03

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

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