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ajtexas's Blog
 

Don?t wanna play anymore!

I am so sick of playing by the band rules; I just want to break one or two of them. Eat a big huge meal, take big bites, or wolf food down in ten minutes flat.   Wish I could have a break and not think about my food choices, my portion size, how I eat, my water intake, and exercise, ugh….   Calgon take me away!   Do you feel that way some days? I’m sure we all do. So how do we get past this?   There are some who have reached their goal and have been maintaining for years. They say they think like a thin person. They never think of food.   Will I ever be like that?   I reached my goal in December and have been maintaining since then.   Has it been easy? NO.   It has been the most difficult part of my journey so far. But, I won’t give up because I look in the mirror and I really like the person that looks back at me.   So, I will continue to play the game. I will make health food choices, take small bites (hubby calls them band-bites), drink water and exercise. I will do this for the rest of my life because I am worth it!
♕ajtexas♕

♕ajtexas♕

7
LOSINGLOOSEY's Blog
 

This is where it really begins....

"Have you ever thought of yourself as small?" The psychiatrist's nose wrinkled and he appeared puzzled - but, not half as puzzled as I was....I'm sitting here before you - getting clearance for bariatric surgery, the sides of your chair are pushing into my thighs, and you have the nerve to ask me "have I ever thought of myself as small!!" Really?   Small is definitely a foreign word to me....and going through with Gastric Sleeve Surgery is like traveling to a far off land - Africa, Vietnam....I'm learning the language, the culture...and I'm trying to learn about myself in that land. Thank God for forums like this, that people like me can become more comfortable and at ease with everything about this surgery.   Until now, I've known friends that have gone through it - some successful, some not. And, I had the horrible experience of a coworker that actually died a week after the gastric bypass in 2001. So, you can imagine the feedback I've been receiving from the coworkers, that I still work with, when I tell them what I'm going to do! Not the most positive, to say the least!   But, after tons of research, and more research, and being told by two doctors that the need for me to do something is greater than the need to not - I am going to do it!   So, here I am - 12 weeks out - my surgery is tentatively scheduled for August 19th. But, I'm anxious - I can't wait - and keep eating and eating - until that date. I need to start it now! Each week, I'm going to do something to modify my diet or change my eating patterns, so - the day after surgery, I won't be in some incredible shock. I want to ease into the surgery....   Here's the format:   May 27, 2013 12 weeks post op - Current weight: 320.2 Goal weight: 172 Height: 5'10"   My weekly diet modifications:   Change from regular coffee to half reg/half decaf Change from regular bread to light bread Change from potatoes and rice to cottage cheese   My weekly behavioral modifications:   Eat dinner minus the television - this means, the TV cannot be turned on and I will focus more on the food that I am eating.   Pre surgery tasks -   No appointments this week, but I do need to complete the exercises for the psychologist's second visit   Ok - so there it is - next week, I'll be hopefully reporting a weight loss - maybe one or two pounds...and I'll tell you what's next........
LOSINGLOOSEY

LOSINGLOOSEY

0
A Long Road To Happiness
 

Week 1 Post Op: Emotional Roller Coaster

Hey Everyone, I got home from the hospital on Thursday and since then I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have had so many highs and lows! All I could think of when I went home was " what have I done?" and "is this really worth it?" I had to talk to people to calm myself down. Between the pain and the mental hunger, I was really starting to regret this surgery.   To those of you who think it will be an "easy fix," it won't be. My journey through this WLS has been very difficult. I'm going on my 4th week of having no food, and having hundreds of different cravings. And when you see people eating something you are craving, it is NOT easy. You are so tempted to take a bite of food and you can't. Just plain dieting and exercise is easier than this surgery. So why did I get the surgery? I counted calories and went to the gym 5-6 days a week. Did cardio, lifted weights...busted my ass. I lost 10 lbs, gained 5, lost 2 gained 20. It was ridiculous. I couldn't lose the weight on my own. No matter what I tried...L.A weight loss, counting calories, portion control, "low fat" everything, cut out junk food, no soda ever, saw a dietitian every month for 3 years trying to fix my "eating habits" that to them were not even poor.   Since I started this program, I lost over 20-25 lbs. I started at 270ish and now I am 246lbs 1 week post op. It works, it's great. I feel better about myself knowing that I am trying- but it is difficult.   This week I tried to focus on pain control. I have fibromyalgia and the surgery pain has been very much so heightened since the Cymbalta wore off entirely. I can't take the only medication that seems to work for me because it can't be crushed. It is for anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia pain....So this week was full of just that. Anxiety, Depression and Fibromyalgia pain. Yesterday I felt every staple, every bruise, every muscle spasm times 10. I cried, I suffered and I medicated. Last night I tried to sleep as much as possible because the pain was intense. I woke up feeling better. So far, so good. I was able to drink 4 oz of a diluted protein shake in 40 minutes. Swelling has gone down. All week I have been trying to keep hydrated but it was difficult with swelling. I started liquids on Wednesday, I was only able to handle a sip here and there. Thursday- Friday I sipped on water and water w/ crystal light. At first it took 1/2 of 1oz to make me feel full. now I can drink about 2oz in under 30 minutes and feel full.... Yesterday I was able to drink 4 oz of a protein shake in 1 hour...small sips of course. stopping when I feel full.... Today, 4 oz in 40 minutes. No gas pain, no difficulty!   I feel like the hardest part is almost over and things are definitely getting easier. I feel happier and motivated. Little to no pain! Today is a good day! I'm looking forward to week 3 when I can start to have thicker liquids. Yogurt, applesauce. When all you can "eat" is clear liquids...broth that I don't and never did like, water with or without crystal light, popsicles, jello all sugar free of course... That applesauce begins looking like a ham dinner. seriously.
ChrissyVon

ChrissyVon

0
stept04's Blog
 

Sitting here waiting

Well, here I sit, nervous, anxious, and excited. I have all kinds of things running around in my head. I trust my surgeon but people do make mistakes, I'm so ready for this but at the same time worried something might go wrong. I've been trying to keep my self occupied but it has not seemed to help. I've got 2 days till my surgery, I'm on the liquid diet. Which means I can't use any food at all to cope, and I guess that will be true for the future as well. I've learned so many great things here,and also learned about the bad things. But I wanted to be well informed, and I think that was accomplished. I'm just trying to pass time till I move over to the other side, (I don't know if I like the way that sounds,being that I'm going into surgery and all ). So I'll say til I wake up from surgery with my band and no complications(please,please). I'm glad to have this place to come back to after surgery to help me with the rest of my journey. Plus it's helping keep me busy so the days go by faster. I do have a book I read that helps I switch back and forth between the two. I wounder if other people were like this before their surgery. The closer it gets the slower it goes. I have been watching movies too. I think I need to watch another one. I know I am just rambling but I don't have anyone else to talk to right now. So that's when I blog. I think I'm done for now. I'm going to go eat some "soup" and watch a movie.   ~~~Stephanie
stept04

stept04

2
MandyRN15's Blog
 

Getting Nervous but excited to start my new life!

I am starting to get nervous! My surgery is on June 4th and the time is ticking away. I have started the pre-op diet and all I can say is I am hungry and grumpy. I have even resorted to chewing up small bits of food and spitting it out.(I know this is sad) I am hoping this will get easier. I am 32 years old and have decided to make this change for me. I was staring at my 3 year old last October, putting her to sleep, when I realized, I want to be around to see her get married and have children and be able to be in her life. At that moment I started to cry over what I had done to my body. My 3 year old looked up at me and said," don't cry mommy, it will be okay." She is a old soul. I made a vow right then that I would do everything to be around for both my children, my husband, and myself. I wasn't always obese. I was heavier but really toned for most of my childhood and early adulthood( I danced 40-50 hours a week). When I hit 22 I was faced with a life crisis when my ex-boyfriend was in a horrible accident. I chose to stay by his side and for his whole hospital stay(1 year) I stuck by him. This meant no exercise, and constant fast food and cafeteria food. I blossomed from 180 pounds to 290 in a year. I was disgusted with myself. Two years later, we had grown apart and I finally decided I was going to lose the weight. I went to my doctor and he gave me some nice pills and they worked. I lost 90 pounds. I was so happy!!! Then I got off the pills and gained it all back. I am now looking for a permanent solution. I was looking into the Lap Band but after going to a seminar quickly changed my mind. I have several friends who have had this done and they are so happy. I can't wait to feel healthy again. I hate feeling exhausted and disgusting. If anyone has any ideas how to make it through this pre-op diet please feel free to comment. Thank you!!!
MandyRN15

MandyRN15

5
zempress' Blog
 

Binging

Well after celebrating, what do i do?? BINGE! I still do not understand how my new stomach allows this. Disappointed in myself.
zempress

zempress

6
Gastric Sleeve Surgery - An Unexpected Journey
 

I Need A New Grocery Store :-(

Ahh, progress. We have a new supermarket in my neighborhood. It is beautiful, brightly lit, with almost anything you could want, from artisan bread to flat screen TVs.   And as with all businesses, they are doing everything they can to make the shopping experience as awesome as possible.   But they may have jumped the shark on this one:   There is automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh and pretty. Just before it goes on, you hear distant thunder and smell fresh rain.   When you pass the fruits, you smell fresh cut apples and peaches.   When you pass the vegetables, you smell hot buttered corn on the cob.   When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.   In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and sausages.   When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.   The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.   I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
joatsaint

joatsaint

3
abridgie's Blog
 

Summer is here

I'm happy to say I reached my 100lb mark (second mile stone) in 5 months! I'm comfortable wearing shorts around family which i haven't done it years! I've started couch25K as well. I would have never thought I'd be running! My goal is to run in the color me rad 5k next summer. I'm extremely happy with my success and I hope everyone else is enjoying this tool we've been given!
abridgie

abridgie

2
CdnExpat's Blog
 

Today's THE Day.

When I started this journey, my ultimate goal was to be in the best shape I could be by the time I turned 50.   Today is that day. :wub:   Tangibly, I hardly resemble the person who started this journey. People who have not seen me in awhile regularly walk right past, not recognising me. This has on occasions been very funny, and on others, not so nice as people have reacted in ways that are surprisingly negative. One thing that has come up more than once is the immediate assumption that I've been very ill, or worse, that I've got something terminal. I've chosen not to talk about having surgery for a variety of reasons, and my stock answer to "What have you done?!" has become, "I eat a lot less and exercise a lot more."   Intangibly, I know myself to be in a very different space internally than I was a year ago. Having the surgery did not change some of the serious issues that come with having gained so much weight and those don't go away with the weight. I've had to work hard to reprogram the default software. Old habits die very hard, and when mindlessness returns as a result of stress, or life events, the response is destructive. I've been five weeks at the same weight, but a week of no exercise and mindless grazing caused a small weight gain... panic!! It was a short, sharp, and needful lesson on the need for me to continue to care for ME. No matter how stressful work gets, or what life events happen, if I don't choose to take care of myself no matter what, all this work will be for nothing.   Not gonna let that happen. Did some serious self care, bought a treadmill so I could run again (it's too hot outside) and went through my journal of the past year, reminding myself of the affirmations I'd found helpful, of the progress I'd made, and of the reasons I have made this choice.   So, today I celebrate 50 years... losing 86 pounds... ...regularly running 7K ...biking 20K with my husband 2 - 3 x week, and being pronounced "completely healthy" by my GP. Yay me.   If you're still working at your goals, keep on. Gather up the support you need whenever you need it, and don't give up. Celebrate the little milestones (I found Bling is perfect for celebrating every 10 pounds lost ) and ruthlessly prune your closet as you shrink out of clothes. Think in possibilities and make plans for a future that is different than your present.   I know I need goals, and I plan to run a 10K race with my daughter in August. But first, I'm going to go river rafting in Bosnia to mark the achievements of the past year.   Hopefully, I won't drown.
CdnExpat

CdnExpat

5
zempress' Blog
 

Weight Loss

After three weeks of eating very well, and exercising I have lost 8 pounds! I am almost where my normal weight range would be, but I am really looking forward to going beyond my normal weight And going much much lower. This surgery certainly is not the magic cure, but it has definitely given me motivation. It Is motivating because I know there's no way I can get back to where I was weight wise. This is the end of the yo-yo effect.
zempress

zempress

0
LadyDiva618's Blog
 

Was feeling kinda lonely today.

Today I woke up kinda sad every work day at 630am my best friend Lesley calls me and we talk until I get to work. Every 2nd and 4th Thursday she calls me and asks me how was my support group. I got none of those calls last night because Lesley is deployed for 3 months. You would of thought that I would be used to this by now but she is my accountability buddy. So instead of me overeating at work, on my lunch break I went shopping any brought me some shoes as a treat to myself. I just love my new shoes. It’s graduation party weekend for me. I am trying to figure out how I am going to handle it. I was thinking about at one party just have a bottle water in my hands at all times and socialize. Then eat at the last party. Sunday I only have to go to one party and I will eat there depending on what they are having. I am only on week 4 post op so my options are slim but I doubt they will be serving seafood at a High School graduation party. I might bring my mini cooler and put it a couple of protein shakes in my car. My tooth doesn’t hurt as much as it did on Wednesday but I am just taking it slow and making sure I chew my food thoroughly. The pain is tolerable and I think I will be alright.   Thanks for reading.
LadyDiva618

LadyDiva618

3
Jillian's Journey
 

Two Weeks Out!

I am feeling great!! Here are the stats:   Highest: 298 Pre-op 277 Surgery: 261 (I did 4 weeks pre-op voluntarily) Home: 271 (Fluid I guess?) Today: 252   25 since the start of my pre-op! 46 over all from my highest! WHOOP WHOOP! I can’t believe I am a scant 3 lbs away from my 240s… which I haven’t seen since 2005!! Then when I reach 230-235, I am going to try on my wedding dress from my second wedding – I am greedily hoping that day will be June 19 – the same day I take my Motorcycle drivers test. Two victories in one day will be quite fitting I think! 17 lbs in 26 days? It’s possible… but the journey is amazing.   My clothes are fitting better, I see a difference in my face and I can feel the difference in my tummy – and my incisions are ITCHY!!! (Which means they are healing nicely!)   The first week of clear liquids got to me a little bit… I was missing the comfort feeling of food, although I must say I wasn’t feeling hungry in the traditional sense. I have read that quite a few people have had trouble getting their protein in, so I am glad that I tried a few products before surgery, because the one I have, Alpine Punch by Isopure, is super easy to get in and digest. It mixes just like Crystal Light, and the consistency is nice and thin. I also opted for G2 Gatorade over the last two weeks instead of water, to ensure my electrolytes stay exactly where they need to be. I have been taking a chewable multivitamin, B12 and Caltrate every day 2x, along with finishing my prescriptions. I am down to one left (my acid blocker), twice a day for 45 more days… so that will just be daily routine with vitamins for some time to come.   Needless to say by the time day 8 came, I could not wait to eat some low fat cottage cheese and thicker soups!! I made two recipes that are absolutely delicious!! Celery Root soup, and Curried Sweet Potato. On their own they do not offer much in the way of protein but they have proven to be great low cal, healthy tummy trainers and have helped me experiment with how fast or slow and how much to eat. I’ll post the recipes below. I have also had a zero fat yogurt here and there, and decaf coffee with cream from Tim Hortons. That’s pretty exciting stuff, although I have noticed that the added fat in the cream tends to travel at the speed of light (sorry TMI) however, at this point I am using that as a tool!   Monday starts the mushy foods “Things I could eat if I had no teeth” phase and I am pretty darn excited about that! Mmmmm…. Baked fish, Scrambled eggs, hummus! I can’t wait!!   I don’t think there is much more to say at this point. Doing really well, feeling great. Oh, and last week I contacted my surgeon; Dr. Rodriguez via email because I had a question and he responded within 30 minutes. I will never be able to express how amazing he and his surgical team are.   Highly recommended!!     Celery Root Soup Ingredients: Small Chopped Onion
1 tbsp of butter / margarine
4 cups of chicken broth (low sodium is best)
2 tsp of thyme
1 large celery root
Preparation: Peel and chop celery root into small cubes, set aside
Place onion and butter over medium heat in a pot and simmer until onion is soft
Pour chicken broth into pot with onions/butter and add in chopped up celery root (there should be enough broth to cover all vegetable)
Add thyme
Add broth and bring to boil; reduce heat, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until celery root is tender.
With immersion blender or in blender, puree soup.
Curried Sweet Potato Soup Ingredients 2 sweet potatoes (2-1/4 lb)
1 tbsp vegetable oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbsp minced gingerroot, (or 1 tsp/5 mL ground ginger)
2 tsp mild curry paste (or curry powder with a touch of water to make a paste)
4 cups vegetable or chicken broth
Preparation Peel and cut sweet potatoes into 1/2-inch (1 cm) cubes; set aside.
In large saucepan, heat oil over medium heat; cook onion, garlic, gingerroot and curry paste, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes or until softened.
Add sweet potatoes; stir for 1 minute or until coated.
Add broth and bring to boil; reduce heat, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until potatoes are tender.
With immersion blender or in blender, puree soup.
CHEERS!
JillianMarie73

JillianMarie73

3
lucy00us' Blog
 

Pre surgery struggles

Hello everyone! This is my first blog and post ever! so I'll try my best.   I've been overweight all my life. I became obese in my early adulthood years and even more after the birth of my second child. I'm at my top weight ever at 334 lbs. I've been considering weight loss surgery for many years, but I always end up trying to lose the weight on my own and obviously it has not worked. In December 2012, I decided it was time to get serious about getting back my health. I went for my first consultation in January 2013 and started my pre-surgery insurance requirements. I started weight in visits with my surgeon in February and since then I had my psychologist evaluation in February, endoscopy and colonoscopy in March and had to get Iron infusions with a hematologist due to iron deficiency anemia.   I went for my last weight in yesterday and was very excited about having done my part with all the appointments and follow ups. I guess the excitement and happiness didn't last me long because the program coordinator informed me today that they messed up and that I needed one more weight in and that my surgeon doesn't have all the reports from the different doctors I've seen I'm a little disappointed because I thought that my surgeon and his staff would have things a little better organized and that they'd let me know if they needed more information or were missing paperwork before my last weight in.   I have a lot of things going on at work and it's very hard not to be able to plan and have "life" on hold until I can have the definite date of surgery. I've read many post in this blogging community and it helps to read about people's experiences and what everyone else have gone through pre and post-surgery.   I hope that writing about my own dilemmas will help me and other people having the same issues.   Wish me luck! Lucy
lucy00us

lucy00us

4
NeverBeTheSameAgain's Blog
 

MY 521LB LIFE part 3

Me: Im sorry doctor u must have the wrong # Doc: Mrs. White, 07/15/83 Me: Yes Doc: yes maam, we have ur blood test results back & u r pregnant..whn was ur last cycle Me: 1 1/2 yrs ago...pregnant the doctors told me that I would NEVER be able 2 have kids again Doc: well God didnt see it that way, u need 2 make an appointment asap so we can see how far along u are, have a good day Mrs. White & Congratulations. I hung up that phone & I thought how can I bring another baby in2 all of this drama. So I went in the room & woke Josh up, I told him wht the doctor told me & this clown jumped up & said, "Ima be a daddy, I love u & we are going 2 make this work..this is our miracle baby!" I looked at him, I was very shocked because we were not in the best place in our marriage & foolish me thinkin maybe this will fix everything, I couldnt be more wrong. Went 2 the doctor & I was already 4months. A few weeks passed & I told my mom about it & she was not excited at all because she said if ur husband loved u he would provide for yall instead of sitting at home everyday waiting on u 2 do it, now here u are pregnant again, what are you going 2 do? I got so mad with her because I was thinkin, I need ur support not ur criticism but hey thats moma so I just said yes maam & we hung up. When I turned 2 months, the doctors diagnosed me as high risk & put me on complete bed rest, so of course that meant I had 2 stop working. Josh, not working as usual said, "maybe we should just move back home with our parents." I said, "if we do we wont make it, because my mom wont let u come 2 her house so we will be seperated" that was right up his alley 2 not have 2 be with his family & able 2 do whatever he wanted 2 do. Anyway, we moved..oh & his mom lived on the next street from my mom so it wasnt like we were far apart. When Josh moved in with his mom he got a job at an emergency shelter for runaway kids, 1 of my friends got him on up there. He started workin, so he had the car all the time & I was in my mother's dinning room sleeping on the couch EVERY night while he was "working". Well 1 day my friend called me & said, "I need 2 tell u something, Josh is tlking 2 1 of the women up here, I already told her that he was married but Im just giving u the heads up." Clearly, that is 1 of the most embarrassing things 2 hear from a friend & the bad part was u would think that since MY friend got him on that he would be on his best behavior since he knew me & her tlked ALL the time...smh. He barely came around 2 my moms house 2 see me & the baby, my moms dinning room is down stairs by the kitchen, when everybody was sleep I would cook meals for myself & go right back 2 that couch & cry myself 2 sleep EVERY night. I felt like he didnt really want this baby & it was causing more problems than we already had. 1 day I had a doctors appointment & I had 2 get an EKG & heart ultrasound...the technician asked me, "Mrs. White have u ever had a heart attack?" I said, "no! why?" He said u have scars on ur heart that shows signs of a heart attack they are called infarts" I said, "I dont think so, I never went 2 the hospital with that kinda problem" He said, Mrs. White I beleive u had a heart attack & didnt know it, u are only 24 yrs old this should not be on ur heart at all." I started 2 cry because he was right, I had taken so much pain, hurt, drama, lies, & STRESS from this marriage that it was literally killing me. A few months later, my family gave me a baby shower which Josh did not show up 2 because he said my family does not like him so why would he come & be all in their faces. I told him they dont like because of those reasons right there, keep in my I NEVER told anybody in my family about the cheating & fighting that went on all this time. After the baby shower, he told me he was tired of me whinning & complaining all the time & he was done with me. Of course being 8 months pregnant I was completely emotional & I begged him 2 stay with me atleast until after the baby was born & if he wanted 2 be done after that then fine, he agreed. The doctors, called me in 2 talk about delivery they told me that it was extremely risky 2 deliver me by c-section becuase I was so over weight & that none of the doctors would try 2 save me in an emergency situation & I was like so u would just let me die? She said, "ur just too big", that hurt me so bad & again I was thinking this baby is causing so many problems. On October 22, 2008 my mother's bday..my mom, Josh & I went 2 the hosptial for the c-section...he was acting so stupid, he didnt want 2 ride with my mom, he didnt sit with us when we got there, he kept leaving 2 go outside while we waited and of course my mom was pissed. Around 10 am they took me in the back 2 be preped & Josh came with, when the nurses left the room he reminded me that after I have the baby that we were done..I started crying & I just remember this feeling of failure & defeat all the things that I excepted thru this marriage & he's the 1 saying he's done with me. I was wheeled 2 the O.R. I had another healthy baby boy, but this time since I was so heavy the epidural didnt work so they put me 2 sleep. They tried so much medicine that it took me 6 hrs 2 wake up. Once I was in the room & the baby was there my mom said, "she was going home & takin my oldest son with her", I said, "ok see u later, I'm fine"...when she left, Josh started leaving the room like every hr, now for this c-section I got cut on top of my stomach so I could barely move. The baby started crying & I couldnt even get up 2 pick him up, so he cried unitl the nurse came in or until Josh decided 2 come back in the room. The last time Josh came back, he said, "I'm about 2 go, my ride out there 2 get me & I have 2 work 2night anyway so, call ur moma 2 come back up here cuz I'm out." I said, "who coming 2 get u" he said, "thats no longer ur business, its over." I said, "but Josh" he said, "man look I dont want 2 hear all that crying its over" & he left. The next few days in the hosp was so hard because I couldnt barely move but I pushed my way thru it so I could go home. On the last day, I called my mom & told her that we were being discharged & could she come get us, she said, "yes, I'm going 2 send Josh in my truck." I wanted 2 tell her about what happened but I kept it 2 myself as usual. He walked in the room about a hr later, he grabbed all the baby stuff & the baby, told me 2 come on & at the time I was walkin bent over with a pillow in front of me because I was hurting so bad. The nurse told him 2 push me in a wheel chair & he did, he pushed me 2 the car & didnt even help me get in. On the way home, I asked him 2 please dont hit the bumps hard because it hurts my stomach & he said, "stop being dramatic"..I knew then that this BOY never loved me. When we got 2 my moms house, I had 2 go upstairs so I could be in an actual bed with the baby plus I had a serious cut the couch wasnt good enough. My mom has 16 stairs & each stair I went up felt like I was being ripped apart, I cried like a baby tryin 2 make it up there & Josh just stood behind me like it he really didnt care. I got upstairs, sat on the bed he put the baby down & he left. I cried until I was out of tears 2 cry. I remember later that day, I was upstairs with the baby...my moma, sister, aunt were all down stairs & I tried 2 lay down, I had staples at the time...& I could not lay all the way down but I couldnt get back up...I was in so much pain, I knew I was about 2 die it hurt that bad. I couldnt scream so I called Josh, who is right around the corner & I asked him 2 please come help me he said," man why u called me, u need 2 call ur moma she there" & he hung up. I called my moma & she came 2 help me but I couldnt believe that he was really doing ME like this. He came 2 see the baby every now & then, he told me that he quit that job the night he left the hosp, I asked him why didnt u come back & he said for what? A few weeks past by & he came over 2 see us & he said, "we need 2 get out of our parents house & try 2 fix our marriage & if it doesnt work this time we need 2 just let it go for real", me with my stupid self..didnt think about how we both not working, didnt think about all the things he done 2 me up until this point & I said, "ok, I will find us a place this week." smh so stupid. We moved, & things were the EXACT same. I noticed that I wasnt as involved with the new baby as I was with my other son & actually I felt kinda funny around him...I didnt want 2 hold him, feed him, change his pamper..something was wrong. One night we went 2 an anniversary party at him moms house & it was a few ppl there, 2 girls walked in that I didnt know & they were there with his moms best friend...I didnt think anything of it. Well maybe a few weeks later, I seen a strange # in his phone so I called it & sure enough it was 1 of the girls from the party. So, after all of this we are back where we started again. Upon further investigation of his phone, I found out that he was bck talkin 2 Keisha a girl named Keturah & the girl from the party. I had enough yall this was so old. One night in the truck, I was in the back seat with the baby who was then 1 month & he was crying & crying & crying...I just opened the door, got out & started walkin the other way. Josh, drove behind me & told me 2 get in the car, I said, "I cant handle this, every since that baby was born its been problem after problem" but in reality there was ALWAYS problems I just somehow laid all the blame on that poor baby. My mom made me a doctors appointment & they diagnosed me with post partum depression & said, "I didnt need 2 be alone with the baby." We went back home & my moma told Josh, he said ok but that didnt stop him, he told me, "if I did anything 2 his baby he was going 2 kill me." A few weeks passed, & I was taking my cousin around 2 find apartments..while in the parking lot of Kroger's a guy came up 2 the truck & said, "hi beautiful, get a pen" I said, "for what?" he said, "so u can take down my #" I said, "excuse me, I'm married (so stupid)" he said, "ok im sorry but let me give u my # anyway in case u change ur mind" he wrote his # down on some paper & put it on the windsheild & he said, "talk 2 u later" I rolled my eyes & I was thinkin he sure is bold...lol. When my cousin came out of the store I asked her 2 get the # after I looked around 2 make sure he was gone..lol. I figured Im not goin 2 call him but I'll just hold on 2 it. 2 weeks later, I woke up in the middle of the night because the baby was crying. I called for Josh so he could get the baby but no answer back, I got up walked past the baby crying in the crib & looked around the house, there was no Josh. I got my phone 2 call him & it was 4 am, so I called him & he didnt answer, I called that phone about 15 times & finally he answer only 2 say 1 of his friends had a blow out so he went 2 help them bullshit. Anyway, I gave the baby a bottle & he come strolling in the house at 6...I was up gettin our son ready 4 school & as soon as he feel asleep, I was out the door. That day,I was at my moms house..she told me that she was goin somewhere & she wasnt taking my baby with her & that I needed 2 get over whatever was wrong with me & be that baby's mother then she left. While I sat there, I was looking thru my purse for something & came across the Kroger's dude #, during this time the baby started crying..I just looked at him for about 5 mins..then I picked him up & he looked at me with those big brown eyes & i feel in love with my baby...whatever was wrong with me was gone in an instant. I cried & held him so tight, I told him how sorry I was & that I promise 2 be his mother from now on. I couldnt believe that I let 2 months pass by & I didnt hold this baby, whip his tears, nothing..but whoever I was before just left at that moment. I picked up my phone & I called the Kroger's dude, it rung & rung then he answered & said," hello" I said, "hi" & he said, "I knew u would call!" TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my baby
smjuroska's Blog
 

Tell me something good...

My good news this Friday is I am done with all my pre-op appointments and it is a long weekend! What a crazy ride this has been! Hoping my surgery and recovery will be a little less stressful! I had the last meeting for the psy eval yesterday. I ofcourse was approved or "passed"! All those crazy questions I had to answers determined I was highly intelligent and a controlling ! HA! I could have told them that without taking a test! Whatever, it is behind me now. I am still not able to schedule my last appointment with my surgeon...waiting for all my labs to come in! Really how hard is it to fax results to one place to another! I do all the time, it takes like, 2 seconds! That is the appointment I get my offical surgery date. I have alot of things on hold waiting for that date! When to get a flight for my mom, when Bailey my daughter will be going back with my mom to NC to visit for the summer, day care arrangments, our annual summer get-away and the list goes on! I hate having things unresolved! I guess that's my inpatience and inability to control taking over! I should become a psycologist! HAHAHA! Time to get this show on the road! Happy Friday! What is your something good?
smjuroska

smjuroska

5
lellow's Blog
 

almost 4 weeks post op and I'm already thinking of more surgery

I must be nuts. My boyfriend keeps reminding me how miserable I was in the week after my band replacement 4 weeks ago. But honestly I don't care. Or I don't remember!   I came into a little bit of money and I want to get lipo done. Even at my lowest weight (BMI of 21) I had pockets of fat that wouldn't go away - my inner thighs, my love handles (above my body lift scar) and upper back fat (near my bra line). I remember trying to lose more and more trying to get rid of those spots and while I did manage to reduce them, they were never really 'gone' and the rest of me was looking VERY thin, as in "you could see my ribs clearly in the valley of my cleavage" thin.   So I've made some decisions - I like the weight I'm at now, a BMI of 24. I look voluptuous, womanly and healthy. I want to stay looking like that. But I want to get those stubborn pockets of fat out. Contour this body so it doesn't look lumpy, like it always did until I got way too thin.   I have tossed this up over and over the last few days. I know it's about vanity. I know I look good for my age (43) and am fit and healthy, and to spend that sort of money on me again seems, I don't know, a bit indulgent.   But then I think - why not? The money came from my hard work. Some of it is going to paying some money off our mortgage off and doing stuff around the house, boring stuff like that. Why can't I spend some of it on me? Plus, as I've always said when people ask me how I justified the WLS and the body lift and the breast augmentation, that most people spend more than I have on a luxury car they drive for a couple of hours a day. I drive this body 24/7, so why shouldn't I spend that money on it?   The boyfriend is worried about me going under the knife again quite so soon, so while I have a consult with a PS on Tuesday, I'm thinking of waiting for a couple of months before I go ahead. But I won't lie, if he says it's no problem to do it now, I'd probably go ahead! Lol!   No pain, no gain. With weight loss and everything else.
lellow

lellow

3
Steph's Blog
 

Get Off The Scale!

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.   Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.   It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
KAATNS

KAATNS

5
zempress' Blog
 

Finally! Shopping Time?

Finally, people are really noticing my weight loss. It has been almost 2 months. I really expected the weight to just drop off of me, but That is not the case. I have been working really really hard; it is nice that people are starting to notice. I put on a shirt that was extremely small last fall. Not only did it fit today, it was also loose! I think another two or three weeks may require me to do some shopping! Yippee!!!
zempress

zempress

0
raggmopp68's Blog
 

9 weeks, 28lbs and feeling great

I'm 9 weeks post-op and have lost 28lbs. My clothes are looking sloppy and I'm feeling great about it. I have absolutely no regrets about this decision. I did start to fell like I could handle a few tortilla chips and a slice of bread here and there, not a smart decision. I researched the process of Ketosis that is happening to my body and decided if I wanted to take advantage of this small window of about 9 months to 1 year when the weight loss is most likely to happen, I had better get serious and stop eating simple carbohydrates. I have done that now and feel really good about it. I guess I was trying to test my sleeve or something. I will be diligent about what goes in my mouth knowing that "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels". Yea Me! Getting enough water has been the hardest part of this journey and I am so trying to get better with that. Like so many people have said, "I wish I had done this sooner", better late than never. When I have lost 50 lbs, I will share pictures. Thanks for reading.
raggmopp68

raggmopp68

0
HappyCat's Blog
 

#5 Allergies, Anyone?

Oh, boy. Well, since the day after the surgery, I noticed some pimply looking bumps here and there on my stomach, arms and legs. I understood this was normal in some sense, as such a major shock to the body would manifest in many ways. I didn't worry about it too much. Then, last night I started itching all over madly and noticed many more bumps, plus raised welts all over my stomach, top of my legs, underarms, back and especially painful welts all over/under my breasts. I took a cool shower and applied hydrocortisone wherever I could see redness, but still woke up in the middle of the night, scratching. By this morning I woke up in considerable pain and horrible itchiness. Even my scalp was affected by then. So, I called my surgeon's office to find out what I should do. Apparently, I have developed an allergy to something as yet unknown. Since I had recently started taking the Centrum chewable vitamins, the nurse told me to stop taking them immediately. I may have an allergy to one of the dyes or other ingredients. As soon as we figure it out, I will update this post.   They did not want to put me on prednisone so soon after my surgery, so it's children's liquid Benadryl every four hours, a daily 10mg of Zyrtec, Aveeno oatmeal baths, aloe vera and calamine lotion for the duration. Sidebar: children's liquid anything (besides grape Dimetapp) is a form of cruelty! Yuck! After an oatmeal bath and slathering of calamine lotion and the two meds, I am feeling much less itchy and was able to take a much needed nap.   So, the adventure continues... And I'm off for another bath.   Have a great afternoon/evening, everyone and thanks for listening
HappyCat

HappyCat

2

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