Tired of People Saying: "You Really Don't Look Lika You Need That!!"

[ncarreras 0]

Just venting a little...

I am 226 pounds, 5'2". BMI around 41. However, most people say i don't look "that heavy" because I have a lot of muscle mass. Lately, when I tell people I am having the lap band surgery in October, about 80% of them tell me: "you are not "that fat", "you really don't need it", "how did you get the insurance to cover it", "are you sure you want to do that, I've heard bad things", "you are healthy" and the classic, "so you are going that route? why don't you try other things?"... My insurance did NOT cover it, so I have to pay out of pocket. :w00t:

Anyway... all that to say, I decided not to tell anyone else until after the surgery. Who people think they are to judge how "fat" or "not that fat" anyone is...

Blah, blah... lol I know some of you can relate... I am super excited about my upcoming surgery and now I just tell them.. just watch me! :blushing:

I'M NOT LISTENING.... LALALALALA (covering ears)

[Chasidy 0]

That's the things that people have been saying to me for two months now. I can't help but think they are just being polite and really don't believe what they are saying. I look in the mirror everyday I know what I look like.

[ncarreras 0]

That is interesting, I never looked at it that way. I was just thinking that they truly believe that I am not "that fat"... but in some cases, you might be right. And I do agree that each individual should be able to decide when "too fat" is fat enough for you.

Did your insurance cover it?

I wonder if there are more low-BMI'ers out there having the same experience and how you handle it. Did you quit telling people that you are having surgery? It can get to you after a while. When you are bigger, I think people seem to be more supportive (but I might be wrong...)

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Wait, you are mad because people don't think you are fat? Are you sure? LOL

Actually 41 isn't a low BMI! :w00t: (I know because I was just tinkering around with the calculator wondering when I'd be in just the "obese" range instead of the "check your numbers" range)

Bottom line, who cares? They think you look good like you are and that is making you angry so why give a rip if they think you should have surgery? You have to do what pleases you and you know you need it! :blushing:

I don't think they are being polite so much as being honest. It's complimentary, to my way of thinking (well most of it anyway)

And if they think that now, you'd better brace for the commentary you're going to get as you lose. They'll probably think you're sick or something! You'll just have to tune 'em out!

[Cortney75 0]

I know what you mean. That is why I did not want to tell anyone about my surgery. I did tell my sister and grandmother and a very close friend. But other than that the only one that knew was my husband, brother in law and step son (hes 6 and don't think he is going to run around telling anyone)

I am glad I didn't since my husband not thinking posted his status message on FB when I was in surgery that he was waiting for me to come out of surgery.

Since I have had several questions and just don't know how to answer them. I have kinda blown most of them off. I still don't want them to know until I start losing to say see this is why I did it because it works where everything else has failed me!

Good luck to you but I know how it feels.

[mosean6278 0]

I know just how you feel. I have been thinking about the lap band for 5 years now. and talking to everyone who I know that has had it done. I talked to the surgeon everytime I saw him ( i work at a hospital ) and I would get the same responses. ex: why dont you just try wieght watchers? Well, because I've done WW so many times, I could teach the class! or, all you need to do is exercise more and eat right. Yes, I know, I am not stupid!! I was banded 9-1-09, and I didnt tell anyone but 1 friend. AND I only told her, because I needed a ride home from the surgery center ! I even threatened (lol) the Dr. that he better not say a word, of course he knows not to, but I was just making sure. :w00t:

[wacogurl 0]

I understand how you feel!... I told 2 people and they did the same thing... Me and you our about the same size Im 5' and 220 so i completely understand but after having to explain myself which i felt i shouldnt have too... I decided its my buisness and who cares what they think!! I am just going to let them OOO and AAHH over me when I am thin! Thats what I want and they have no place to tell me or you dont need that... If i feel I want it for what ever reason I want it then I am going to do that! So I wish you luck and dont let it bother you... just let them be amazed and tell you how great you look!

[ncarreras 0]

It is so encouraging to know that there are some others out there in the same situation! Thanks for listening to my blah, blah, blah... :-)

LOL restless monkey! It is all a matter of perspective, isn't it? I should see it as a compliment. And I do, although I know I am not healthy.

Wacogurl, mosean6278, courtney75, and chasidy - Good luck to all!

I am very happy that my partner and son are soooo supportive. They are the ones that matter, since they live with me. We are going to prove them all wrong! :laugh:

[dratdee 0]

I so agree with you!!! It is so frustrating! I went to check out a gym near my house yesterday that I am planning on joining after the surgery. I was talking to the owner (who is also the personal trainer) and was telling him about getting the lap band. He stps back, looks at me and says "you dont need that, just give me the money that you are paying and Ill make you look better than you ever thought you could. I could have kicked him. My response was "well, lucky for me, insurance covers the procedure, but they dont cover you. c-ya

[RebeccaJ 0]

Great answer, Dratde. I have told people, and I am very upfront about the whole process. That can be good, but it can be bad as well. I was banded two weeks ago, and I already have some people asking, "How much are you going to lose this week?" like I can control it week by week with a calculator or something. I have told everyone that lap band is slower than gastric in the weight loss, but I am in it for the long haul rather than doing it quickly. I want to be healthy, not a fashion model. I may never get down to what the doctors think I should weigh (150), but I am a lot better off than I was in January when I was at 419. My diet before surgery and the 23 pounds I lost on the pre-op diet and in the last two weeks have made me feel a lot better already. Good luck, and keep posting!

[ncarreras 0]

That was good dratdee!!! Good for you!!!

I don't deny that a personal trainer is a great tool... but people who do not struggle with weight have no clue. It seems to me like you are not going to be joining that gym... LOL

[Danyett 0]

I am at the beginning of my journey. I have my first consult this Tuesday 9/15. So I am just now telling people and running into this. Or them telling me I am pretty and don't need to change to be attractive. I say thank you, but that doesn’t stop my back pain or me feet from throbbing or any other physical weight issues I have. Yes I can lose weight and have many times but it’s the keeping it off that is the problem for me. It boils down to this: it is my choice and the right choice for me. My partner and my family support me so that’s all that really matters to me.:laugh:

Danyett

[gracie mae 0]

Same here - I am jsut over 5 ft and started at 228. Had an UGI this week and the radilogist (female) your being banded a tiny thing like you?

Cripes! I have ham hocks for legs, can't breath and my heart may be enlarged. It is not all about the outside.

[soocalchic 1,087]

OMG I have gotten the same response from every one my husband includeed I'm 5'8 and 250 (315) at my highest. I went in to get my upper GI and the GI doc was like so how much have you lost already. Mind you this was before he started the procedure. I was like WTF i havent been banded yet. Same thing at the lab where i got my blood work done the phlebotomist was like "i want to get banded also how much have you lost you look great" I was like i havent been banded yet and she was like "are you sure you want to you probrobly dont need it".. I was like mind your own buisness lady..

Edited September 12, 2009 by soocalchic

[Jachut 487]

This is such a touchy issue - even people who are obese themselves bicker over this one. There's been so many debates on here about whether someone is fat enough for surgery, lol.

Fat is fat is fat, I dont see the point in waiting till your ginormously massive, barely mobile and in serious poor health before doing something about a weight problem.

but like cosmetic surgery, this is very much a personal decision and its not for anyone else to decide what is acceptable for you.