Have any of you 'divorced' your families? I know that sounds so mean, but my fathers' side of the family is absolutely awful to me, and I am getting ready to go have dinner with them (haven't seen them in months). They are just AWFUL to me, and blame my weight on my mother who is obese as well and act embarrassed of me.

Last time my grandmother left a room I was in (on CHRISTMAS), she hugged me, grabbed my face with two hands, and at the top of her lungs said, "You are so gorgeous....STOP EATING!" and looked at everyone, laughing like she had finally put me in my place. My thin half-sister who never liked me constantly forwards me information on personal trainers and fad diets. My sister-in-law talks about how everyone BUT her always tells her "Can you believe how huge she got?" Like she is doing me a favor by tattling on me, when she is really just putting me down passive-aggressively. My grandmother left me a message saying that she saw on the news why I am fat, and it's because the "part of your head that tells you when you are full is broken so you just eat and eat and eat." Mind you, I never eat around them because I am mortified. I just seriously, cannot take this anymore.

Grandma called yesterday because I finally agreed to come over and they are treating it like a huge deal, and she said "I never understand what to cook for you, tell me what you want, but it can't be donuts."

I don't even like donuts? There is some old-person staple that makes them think I sit around and eat dozens of donuts? I don't even remember the last time I had a fricken donut.

She plays it off as being nice and caring and wanting to "make me happy" but then I freak out and lose it on them and they all attack me saying I'm spoiled and picky and things always have to be just perfect for me. I ended up telling her, "You guys give me such a hard time with my weight, I will just eat at home!" Next morning I received the same call, this time she said, "I just don't understand which part of the chicken you can eat." Sorry to say this, but grandma is an idiot - always has been.

All I am to them is an overweight person. They don't even know who I am. I'm 250 of disgrace, or something. Thanks for letting me vent, I just really really really want to talk to some people who have families like this. Sometimes I think the only reason I talk to ANY of them is because I love my dad so much. My mom says I should have nothing to do with them.

PS they know nothing about my ventures to get a band, and clearly never will...

Any advice?? Thank you so much

No Blue, this is my father's side of the family, I would save my mom's life any day, she is my best friend and was the only thing keeping me sane when his side of the family was tearing me apart, not sure where you read that about her.

Gina - that is plain awful and evil, and I am sorry that's how they treated you!I can absolutely relate, but that is truly brutal. Do you intend on seeing them when you get to goal? Do they know about your surgery? Elusive, it's my dad's family, not my husband (I'm actually single) but I completely agreed with what you said. I recently cut ties with many many friends because they were just plain awful. Now I have a lot less to do on the weekends, but I don't have to have anything to do with their lifestyles I don't agree with or their negative energies. And I never thought about it, but you are SO RIGHT that they will find other stuff, like not doing it sooner or having a band in the first place. Thanks again for all the insight.

Gina - that is plain awful and evil, and I am sorry that's how they treated you!I can absolutely relate, but that is truly brutal. Do you intend on seeing them when you get to goal? Do they know about your surgery? Elusive, it's my dad's family, not my husband (I'm actually single) but I completely agreed with what you said. I recently cut ties with many many friends because they were just plain awful. Now I have a lot less to do on the weekends, but I don't have to have anything to do with their lifestyles I don't agree with or their negative energies. And I never thought about it, but you are SO RIGHT that they will find other stuff, like not doing it sooner or having a band in the first place. Thanks again for all the insight.

I will not tell them I had the surgery. My mom use to make ugly comments about my friends that had gastric bypass, like there was something wrong with them to resort to surgery.

My husband left me for another woman when my oldest was 17mos and I was 3mos pregnant. My family could not believe how shocked I was. My mom told me, "Well what did you expect him to do after you gained so much weight". No support at all.

Elusive, it's my dad's family, not my husband

Aunts, uncles, cousins? Lose 'em. Don't look back.

I recently cut ties with many many friends because they were just plain awful. Now I have a lot less to do on the weekends, but I don't have to have anything to do with their lifestyles I don't agree with or their negative energies.

You will soon have plenty to do on the weekends. Just learn there are other options.

Just because they're related doesn't make them non-toxic.

Some people need to be left behind. Move on, and f' em.

It was incredibly easy to go through the surgery and not tell them. It was hard the days after not to tell my dad who I love so much, but now that I'm healing, I can't wait to see their faces. They don't deserve to know what I did. They'll never give me credit for it if they know. I am happy with the decision I made! Having my mom here to support me was enough. I don't know what I would've done without her. I feel so bad for people who don't at least have one spectacular parent But still, the other side of the family is about to crap themselves when I start losing a lot :rolleyes2: he he!

I lost my oldest sister 4 years ago, she loved me no matter what. I also lost my mother 2 years ago who was my strongest supporter. No matter what decisions I made in my life she supported them, whether she agreed with them or not. And she wouldn't let anyone else cut me down in her presence either. No that she is gone I hear about how I should just eat better and exercise, how they don't agree with my lifestyle, how my cousin's daughter had bypass and almost died, etc. etc.

I wish I still had my mom here to support me. I know my Dad is just worried, although I am 5 weeks out and he is fine now. But my siblings are on my nerves all the time. My whole family is overweight, all have type II diabetes and a mutitude of other health problems. I lost my oldest sister almost 4 years ago at age 52 from Lymphoma. I do not want to continue on the path of obesity and end up dying at a young age like she did.

I Have always said friends are family that you choose, so I choose to tell them about my journey and let my family by birth find out some other way! (I only see my siblings on special occassions cause they drive me crazy trying to "save" me all the time). I know that it may seem that I am whining about them when they arent that bad, it is just I have had a lifetime of them not accepting me as I am, that I am sick of it.

So I say to all of the Bandsters: Stay away from people who try to infuence you in a negative way. Seek only positive people to share your life with, cause life is too short to constantly be put down!