This was a post on the craigslist forum on the w4w. I go hang out there while I'm at work to kill time when I'm not buzy or waiting for a phone call.

Help!! Relationship issues : / < ccLIFE03 > 07/16 01:49:39

Okay since I don't have too many lesbian friends i am turning to CL for my help.

I have been in a relationship for about a good 3 years.

I love my girlfriend but over time she has dwindled her shows of going above and beyond and has started to slowly gain weight.

Now I am no super model but I do try my best to stay in shape because she did fall in love with my body as well as my emotional attributes.

Since she has started to gain weight i have hinted at the fact that maybe WE need to work out and it didn't work. I have stated the thing women hate to hear, me personally - that she is gaining some weight; didn't work.

That one actually backfired leading to her growing insecure and defensive rather than hearing me out.

She says if i REALLY love her I am going to continue to love her but she is putting on too much that it's gotten to the point that I'm losing the physical attraction at rapid rates.

I don't know if i should be feeling this way but I don't wanna cheat but I'm afraid maybe years from now at the rate we're going, I'll lose all physical attraction and I might.

IS THIS WRONG? I always thought you do everything you can for your partner and if I'm crying out to her and she's making me deal with it, is it because I'm wrong or what?

I'm so confused can anyone please help me out

Here was my reply to HER

What did you expect < ReadySteadyandGo > 07/16 05:12:25

If you have been with her for three years, then I would think your love would be strong enough to handle some butt jiggle.

Of course she got insecure. Do you think that she is ecstatic to be gaining weight? Really? Maybe it really bothers her and here you go and tell her how fat she is and that she needs to lose weight.

If you concerned about her health, thats one thing. It was a good idea to say that you both need to work out but it didn't work so you just called her fat?

She will work out when she feels ready to change something. You can't humilate her into working out or losing weight, or you shouldn't because that would be cruel.

If you love her as you say you do. Then you would love her fat, sick, healthy, skinny, or muscular. People get older, things happen. Maybe she is depressed. Maybe you should reach out to her. Or maybe her metobolism is slowing down...I don't know how old you guys are.

If you can't love her for some extra weight, then maybe your not the girlfriend you thought (and she thought) you were.

Then again, you know whats important to you, and if you have to have a lean girlfriend and you can't get over it and love her anyway, then maybe it's time to move on. I just feel really sorry for your girlfriend, who has given you "three good years" of her life and is being rejected for not being as hot as she used to be. But better for you to both find out now then in another 10 years.

nicely said, ready. nicely said.

This was very interesting to read, and I am surprised more people have not responded.

Do people (especially ones that have been together for 3 years) really not know the art of communication? Have we become such an electronic world that we have forgotten how to sit down with our partners and talk, and I mean TALK ~ not just a comment about "maybe we should work out together".

I am a 39yo gay male, and my partner is 19yo; in December we will have been together 2 years. Before we got together, I never thought much about my health, my weight, or my long term. However, after spending just a year with him, I knew that I wanted to be around for him as long as I could. So, it was announced that my insurance would finally cover the lap band procedure. Did I just go and sign up? NO! I sat down with my partner and told him my thoughts.

Part of the reason he fell in love with me was because I was an older "bigger" man, a BEAR if you will. I was 340lbs and 37 when we met! So ok, how am I going to suddenly become thin (thinner) without discussing it with him? We sat and talked a long time about it, the decision wasn't completely made for several weeks. My constant question to him was, "will you still love me and be attracted to me if I am thin?". What I love even more about him was that he didn't lie, he said he didn't know. It is very similar to asking your partner if they would mind if you had a sex change, you will NOT be the same person they fell in love with. I gave him time, he gave me time and we sat down again, and TOGETHER, as a COUPLE we made the decision for me to go forward with the lap band. He realized that he would rather have me around for a lifetime than be with someone that he was just attracted to physically, he realized he loved ALL of me! Now I am banded, have lost 52lbs and am more healthy than I have ever been in my life; and most importantly, I know that I have a partner that I can talk to and who will be honest with me. How much more rewarding can you get.

So I say to the girl who was upset with her girlfriends weight, instead of asking her to work out, did you try sitting down with her and talking about how she feels, and is there something she is going through causing her weight gain? Did you ask her if there is anything you can do to help her (and suggesting working out is not asking a question). Did you ask if she is happy with herself? Perhaps you need to look closer at yourself, she has given YOU a good 3 years, but have you given HER a good 3 years? My suggestion to you would be to take a class on etiquette, couth, and communication because it seems you lack all 3! In any relationship our goal is to support our partner, encourage our partner, and the two most important are LOVE and RESPECT our partner. So I suggest she rethink things, and decide if she loves her partner, or her partners body; and if she can't answer that honestly, she needs to give her partner the respect she deserves and move on.

Sorry if I went off there a bit, but I feel pretty strongly about relationships, and that girl who made the post on Craigs List needs some help!

Jason

I agree.

Do you know what I would do to my girlfriend if she brought a picture of me 7 years ago and said, Look at how good you used to look baby. ?

Oh it wouldn't be pretty.

Thankfully I am with a loving, caring, intelligent lady who values her life.

That was a good reply neptune. I was just got so deeply offended when I read her original post.

I haven't been on this group forum in a while. But I read through this thread and it just suprises me. I guess its because I have never come across a lesbian that is all about looks. Yeah we all check out the hot chicks but when it comes down to it we settle down with a personality. I have been with the same girl for 14 years. Threw thin and thick! And now hopefuly thin again soon. We love each other, so looks don't matter!!!!! Yeah I went after her beacuse of her looks back in the day but shes the same person she was back then and so am I.

We both have gained alot of weight over the years and we both want to lose it. But I never once said uh hun your fat, think you could lose some weight? And she has never said it to me. We both are more like as long as your healthy I dont care what your size is. Love is not about size or about looks, love is unconditional. If a person want another person to lose weight to look good, there is no love there what so ever!!!!!

Readysteadygo, your reply post to her is great. I think this chick is a selfish pig. She must be a straight male asshole in lesbian clothing. LOL!!!

Not necessarily a straight male. More like a very young girl (more emphasis on mental maturity than age). A lot of the new wave of young lesbian/bisexual women seem to have this 'lookest' thing going on. I blame the number of very thin, sexy lesbians that have popped up on mainstream tv for it. At first women-loving women were invisible, then suddenly they only because acceptable if they were the 'we fill straight men's fantasy idea of a lesbian' ilk. I think many younger women have gotten caught up in the whole 'its how you look' thing that's going on.

Its a shame, but hey, they grow and learn. As I've always said, I may be with you because you're beautiful but what have I got if I go blind tomorrow? Looks aren't everything.