female only Ahem...very personal :)

[1bayougirl 0]

He's not selfish really. He is just clueless. He was married for 25 years and I am the only other person he has had sex with. It's mostly my fault for not saying anything.

I really can't figure out which position we would have to be in for me to help myself. I don't really like being on top as I have this problem with getting UTI's and that is one sure way I will get one. It hasn't seemed to matter anyway. My body is just not co-operating.

I find that a warming lotion (flavored like strawberry champagne, for you both) helps immensely, add a SMALL non threatening vibrating divicE to his scrotum (no asking) and he'll loosen up and get curious. You should talk to hiim about your needs, nicely-"you know, i really love to be touched ____" "it makes me want you so much" TRUST ME- HE'LL APPRECIATE IT.

remember, pleasing you, will make him feel good about himself and his abilities as a lover and a man as well.

do you agree"whosyourdaddy"?

Edited July 29, 2008 by 1bayougirl

[whosyadaddy 0]

i agree. Men dont want to feel like they need to be told how to do it but the fact is sometimes they do need to be told. So you got to be o so careful.

Of course we want to feel like a super stud but you can tell us how to become a better one. Thats why places like this are good. You can get a feel for what women want.

[Cathrine Ray 0]

OMG :eek: :rolleyes2: :tt2:

[Kat817 19]

I think a main point is being missed here, and that is that Denise needs to figure out what works for her, before she can let bf know what works for her. And self exploration is the only way she is going to figure that out, with or without toys.

Then once you figure out what feels best.....the best way to let him know-----show him! He won't mind watching I betcha!!!

Go to Walmart and buy the vibrator ring, the battery power is quiet, it is not gonna wake the kids or freak out the neighbors!! Make a fun time of it. Sex is wonderful when it is soft, and loving and romantic....but sex is wonderful when it is full of laughs and exploration with one another too.

If this is a new relationship---then he seriously does not have any history of you to compare to. This is your chance to come out of yourself a bit, and show your daring, fun filled side! Touch him, touch yourself.....say naughty things if you feel like it!

Open up with yourself, and it will allow you to open up with him.

Most of all, have fun----and enjoy the discoveries together---it will add another dimension to your relationship that only the 2 of you share.

Kat

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Kat thanks for chiming in. I sometimes can't even believe I have shared all this on an open forum. Sometimes in chat I wonder if people think

"here comes that weirdo" when I sign in.

I have never been able to let myself talk dirty. I guess I am inhibited. I can think those thoughts though and that helps.

Are you talking about the one I saw in Walmart with the condoms? I couldn't really tell what it was all about. I will examine the package further. My daughter was with me when I saw it. Or is there another one that you saw at Walmart? I looked by the Astroglide and that was where I saw something by Trojan and couldn't figure out what it was.

I know what works for me. Here comes that inhibition again. I have no desire for him to use a vibrator on me. I can do that myself. I want that really close feeling I get when I'm with someone holding them close while I orgasm. I don't think it's anything he is not doing because he is doing all the things that have worked for me with my husband and other bf's.

I keep telling him practice makes perfect. I absolutely refuse to fake it and I know a lot of women do that.

I wish my part in this thread and my other one called a sex question could be a pm. I hate that it's here for the whole world to see. But I guess I am desperate enough to ask my fellow bandsters what is working for them.

Edited July 30, 2008 by Oregondaisy

[Kat817 19]

As far as wanting your ???'s in PM---if there is ever a question about anything band related or not, you are welcome to PM me.

As for the rings you saw in Walmart----they are a silicone ring with a small vibrator attached. The ring goes around the base of his penis, and will sit then right in the area of your clit----sending the vibrations to both of you, but in more of your most sensitive areas than his. The vibrator attached is small, say as big around as your pinkie finger and about and inch or an inch and a half long. They are not expensive----get one and try it! If it does not do it for you, there is not much lost, but an openess with your boyfriend has been gained!

The problem with inhibitions is that they hurt you both. You might be perfectly able to use the vibrator on yourself, but he might also really get off using it on you----and those feelings of excitement are contagious.

Same with the words you think to yourself----it might thrill him to hear it---if it thrills him, that translates to better times for you too!

I do understand the closeness involved in holding someone as you orgasm. But there are many positions you are not holding one another----same as when you are brought to that point in any other manner than penetration. That is not to say it has to be that way each time. I feel there are times it is advantageous to both ways! Of course I love the closeness of that with my husband, but I am also selfish enough to admit that through oral or other means, when I orgasm----it is all about ME!! I can totally relax and enjoy it for what it is! Then I can enjoy the after glow cuddled up if I choose! I would not want a steady diet of one or the other, I enjoy both!

There are times, especially if one is trying too hard, that it is just not going to happen. That does not mean the act itself is not pleasurable. I enjoy the giving of the pleasure as well as receiving. Just enjoy one another, do some experimenting, and playing around with positions....and let one another know how much you want to be with one another. At this point it seems like you are at risk of making sex a job. A job with a goal. Kind of like how infertility messes with a sex life. Sex is not just sex anymore, there is a goal. And while I know you DO have goal, and it is one you totally deserve----don't forget to enjoy what you are getting, in a search for the almighty "O".

Womens bodies are all different, and weight, age, and menopause all affect us. What used to be easily reached and arroused is now often times more hooded, and has now got a fat pad over it etc. This was all mentioned by my PS when we discussed the mons lift with my TT. It is not just you---it is common enough that it is even a surgery offered in and of itself, not just with TT's.

So knowing this, if you do a little self exploration, you might more easily figure out what ways will work better.

Read your own signature line......if you want the results changed, you need to change the way you're doing things!!!

Most of all enjoy the learning!!!

Kat

[Telecia 1]

I have never seen a ring like that. I would like to find that. We don't have Krogers here. I really don't want to go into a sex shop. I saw something at Walmart when looking for the astroglide and it was with the condoms. I couldn't figure out if it was just a ring or if it was some sort of different condom. I am not up on which condoms feel the best.

I got a little closer last night. We are headed in the right direction. I

talked to him about it, and just like I thought, he had no clue. He was trying different things but I need to tell him to be more gentle. Plus I was almost there and he started talking which broke my concentration.

We tried the astroglide he we both liked it.

yea the ones you can get in average stores are mostlty 1 use with a condom type things, but its a cheap way to try something out. I don't like shopping online but we have 2 nice stores here locally that are clean and not sleezy at all, ones called sensations. cant remember the name of the other one. But often you can actually fell the products before you buy them. To get an idea and the people behind the counter can be awefull informative, after all they deal with this stuff every day and can advise you in your shopping. And most won't remember you from the next customer, unless you really act super nervous/excited etc.

My BF Was the manager of a adult store for 9+ years that his best friend owned so he got me over the shyness part of walking into one fast. lol.

I Know the shops here if you buy an item that takes batteries they will open the package and make sure it works before letting you walk out of the store, after all its not like you can return it :rolleyes2: They often will have sample too of the various lotions & lubes so you can check out the flavorsand or effects for yourself before laying out 8-15$ for a bottle of stuff.. You just gotta ask

Kat had some great advice!!

I think a main point is being missed here, and that is that Denise needs to figure out what works for her, before she can let bf know what works for her. And self exploration is the only way she is going to figure that out, with or without toys.

Then once you figure out what feels best.....the best way to let him know-----show him! He won't mind watching I betcha!!!

Go to Walmart and buy the vibrator ring, the battery power is quiet, it is not gonna wake the kids or freak out the neighbors!! Make a fun time of it. Sex is wonderful when it is soft, and loving and romantic....but sex is wonderful when it is full of laughs and exploration with one another too.

Yea I know how shyness can be. 8 years with my BF And I still can't talk dirty lol. and he STILL makes me blush. but I am getting there. but as often as I have been involved in discussions like this I have never yet ran across a guy who is turned off by his woman knowing how to please herself. Heck quite the oposite many guys find it to be a huge turn on! Maybe its time to experiment on yourself first! Nothing wrong with that at all.

Some of the best times have been full of laughs and giggles, trying new toys a new roleplay scenerio or such. He is always telling me how it makes him feel good to know I am happy and satisfied and I know what he means. It does make you feel good to know your pleasing your partner and I would be upset with him if there was something I could do better and he didn't tell me so.

[1bayougirl 0]

i agree. Men dont want to feel like they need to be told how to do it but the fact is sometimes they do need to be told. So you got to be o so careful.

Of course we want to feel like a super stud but you can tell us how to become a better one. Thats why places like this are good. You can get a feel for what women want.

i, for one, am glad you're in here. I appreciate your perspective.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I will check out the one I saw in Walmart by the condoms. I really thought it was more of condom, like the ones that say "ribbed for her pleasure"

No, this is not a job. I really enjoy making love with him. I really don't get it because this was never a problem when I was younger, but then it's been years since then. My last bf needed viagra and didn't like that fact so we weren't very sexual. This guy is great and I would really like to have an orgasm however he could give me one, but nothing seems to be working.

I know the feeling from when I was on anitdepressants where you get almost there but it never happens. That is what this is like. A lot of people have complained about antidepressants ruining their sex life, but I am not on any medication other than hormones.

[Kat817 19]

The vibrating rings like you are speaking of in Walmart usually do come with a condom, but are not attached to it----you can use it, or make a Water balloon out of it----one is not necessary for the other.

Kat

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I sent a pm to whosyadaddy but haven't gotten a response from him. I am curious as what kind they are using.

[1bayougirl 0]

Don't worry so much over having an orgasm and instead, relax and enjoy each other. you may be worrying yourself out of one.

How can you enjoy something when your so stressed about it?

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

oh I am not really stressed about it. It's not like we try every day. He only stays over on the weekends. it's really sounding like more of a big deal in here.

I am really stressed that every time we do it, I get a uti. maybe that's what's making me not relax. hard to relax when you know your'e going to get a uti. I see a urologist next week. I hope he can help

[newhope4me 0]

To help with the UTI, you should urinate after you have intercourse. This is suppossed to "wash" away any little nasties that may have made their way in.

Have you ever had an orgasm on your own at all? For the longest time, i never did. Then I read this book about female sexuality (was printed like in the 70's i believe) and one of the women in there always used the bathtub faucet. I tried that and it worked.

Also, the more one has sex, they more they want it and the more relaxed you become. If you can familiarize yourself with yourself during the week, then by the weekend, you should be more than ready.

I know that feeling your speaking about regarding antidepressants, o, how i hated that! It was the worst. So glad i'm off them now too

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

oh yea. i can orgasm alone easily. and I used to orgasm with a partner too, so this problem is new to me.

I do go to the bathroom as soon as we are done and it doesn't help. My daughter told me today to use a condom and that would help. my bf has a vasectomy and I have been through menopause so we aren't using them. I wasn't worried about std's because i am the only person he has been with after his 25 yr marriage broke up.