My surgery is scheduled for 6/19/2008, and I have told four people (my best friend, who sent me the info about it in the first place, my mom, and my two sisters), and that is all I had planned to tell. (I realize different people have different views on whether they want to tell people about the surgery) Apparently, I failed to specify to them that it's a private decision that I don't want to be broadcast.

My sister had a cook-out tonight, and invited a couple that have been family friends for years. After dinner, the wife turns to me and asks if I'm excited about my upcoming surgery! I was so mad! My mom wasn't in the room, so I confronted her about 10 minutes later and asked who all she had told. She apologized and said no one else - and that the only reason she had told this person was because several months ago (before I had decided to do it or even mentioned the possibility to my mom), the woman had said to my mom that I should think about getting WLS. So I guess my mom decided it was OK to tell her when I did make that decision.

I understand that my mom wants someone to talk to about her concerns for me. And this woman is probably the ideal person to talk to - two of her kids were banded (non-adjustable) many years ago. Both were very successful, although her daughter had to have hers removed for some reason (she was losing too much weight). But, still... It's MY surgery, and MY decision who should know.

And the kicker - after she told me she had told no one else, I asked her specifically if she had told my brother (who is in town this week), and she said "Yes, but he's your brother." Argh! She's probably told my other brother, as well (and he's very judgmental).

So, I told her to not tell anyone else.

Thanks for letting me vent! (I tried to call my best friend, but I guess she's already in bed)

I was only going to tell DH (of course!), my mom and one of my best friends but I did end up talking to one of my uncles about it last month b/c he's in the medical field and I wanted his advice on looking at the surgeons in Kaiser and he used to work for them (Kaiser, not the surgeons). He was a big help. He asked my reasons for it and I told him. He's very supportive.

My mom had bypass many years ago and she's very supportive. I've asked her not to tell anyone in the family as I'm not sure I'm going to tell anyone else about it. Part of it its that I'm still in process, so there's no news very often. I don't want to be constantly talking about how nothing is happening. I also did WW and lost about 60 lbs (since gained most of it back and working to get more off) and got tired of everyone asking me about it, can I eat such and such, how much I've lost, etc. I just don't want to deal with that again. If I tell anyone, it'll be just a few here and there, not everyone.

DH and I decided not to tell any of his family yet. His mom can't keep her loving mouth shut. Many years ago she and I were talking about DH and I adopting. He was still on the fence and I told her not to tell a soul b/c I didn't want us to have any pressure from anyone. We needed to wade through this ourselves. Well a few weeks later I get an e-mail from MIL's best friend all happy b/c we're going to adopt!!! WTF!!! I replied that we were just thinking about it and MIL wasn't supposed to talk about it so could she not say anything to anyone about it. I'll spare you the details but she went all drama queen on me and I had to shut her up. Pissed me off that I even had to deal with it. (We did eventually adopt and have a beautiful 2 yr old DD now!)

You have to be really sure when telling people and knowing that if you do, it may not be a "secret" anymore. It's hard. Hang in there. Let her know you're disappointed but then try to forgive her. She is your mom.

Best wishes on your journey!!

Moms, gotta love them. I made no secret of mine, but only told a handful of people before the surgery that I felt needed to know. The day after surgery my mother takes my son to school for me. She proceeds to chat with the school receptionist who she's known for years. Guess what she tells her. A week later, I take my son to school, and here comes the Music Teacher, with all kinds of questions about it! 3 months later at the school field day, some mom I've never spoken to comes up and asks me how it's been after the surgery, because she had it too. Schools are such havens for gossip!

I'm not offended and everyone's been really nice, but I'd rather have told them myself. And believe me, I do ask them who told them each time someone brings it up...and it's a different source of the info every time, confirming my lap band surgery news ran rampant!

Tina