I'm going to finally be a WOMAN!

Coal · September 12, 2003

Ok before you tell me this is not THAT kind of board, hear me out. I've been called a "tomboy" all my life. Tomboy, brute, one of the guys, ect. But there is a woman hiding in this body that is screaming to get out. Right now she can't be heard because all the fat tends to muffle her. When I took a long look in the mirrow (yack) I noticed I was looking at a tired, very sad young lady who has been watching the world go by day by day. I'm now 31 years old and I haven't lived yet. I try to make myself invisible in my long, dark colored T-shirts, nothing that stands out. No make up or jewelry or anything that could catch someone's attention. My hair is long because I can pull it over my shoulders to hide my double chin. I notice that I wear sunglasses alot not because the sun is bright but because it helps to hide me. If only they made full body size sunglasses! I don't go out much because I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. All this is about to change. Someone very special is about to step out of her fat coffin and show the world who she really is. I AM A WOMAN! I am intelligent, fun loving, compassionate, independent, and beautiful. Beautiful.....me! Maybe my weight shouldn't have altered my life so much. But then again maybe there was a purpose behind it all. I know what it is like to be invisible. I have a strong desire to help the "underdog". Everyone deserves the chance to be who they really are no matter what society demands. Even if this band does nothing to help my image, I've made a decision today. I will no longer let life pass me by. I'm coming out of my adipose armour! I'm in the game!

Lulu · September 12, 2003

Coal, you are a diamond already! Anyone who has such beautiful thoughts and can express it so eloquently is a true gem! I also hid far too long behind many different facades, never feeling as though I measured up to other people's standards. It took me decades to realize that I'm OK even with all my excess weight, and am trying to live life to the fullest in spite of it. And now with this new tool maybe my "outsides" will someday catch up with my "insides." I firmly believe that without having gone through these years of frustration, humiliation, and self-loathing, I would never feel the compassion I now have for others - no matter what their physical, mental, emotional or spiritual condition may be. Those of us who go through this metomorphosis will be better people because of what we have gone through. How can you possibly have understanding for others if you haven't experienced it yourself?? You are half-way there already! You go girl!!!!!!!!

donali · September 12, 2003

Kudos and cheers! I'm so proud of you!!

Candace Corner · September 15, 2003

Good luck!!!! I know how you feel. I just got the letter from my insurance company, they have approved me!!!!! YEA!!! Let me know how you are doing!!! I call my doctor tomorrow!!!! Congrats and I know you will do well.

Candace

LaughingGirl · September 30, 2003

I know what you mean. A lot of the time I feel like I'm neuter-gender (an "it") because none of the guys I meet ever see me as more than the jolly friend. Never the girlfriend potential. I DO always do my hair and makeup so that at least people can see that I tried, but it's rare that I feel truly feminine. And I'm a real girly-girl on the inside (you should see my foofy house!), so it really bothers me that it doesn't translate well on the outside.

I can't wait to be on the losing side.