[Rant]

For the woman that recently came back into my life,

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was too fat and basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's getting laid more often, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.

3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger.

So, lady/ladies please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and they certainly don't fucking want you now!!

[Rant]

I feel better now...:hurray:

Holy Crap! I must have been absent when they taught us that!!! You don't say!

and this absolve me of my right to piss and moan...how??? it was quite cathartic actually, for me anyway.

:tt1::biggrin::frown:

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I never said you didn't have the right. Just like I have the right to read your bitter rant, and your sarcastic reply, and deduce that real "nice guys" rarely have to announce the fact so loudly. Perhaps she blew you off for reasons different than the ones you assume.

In any case, I'm glad for you that your life is improving and hope you develop the self-esteem to stop taking stuff like this so personally. A rant every now and then is a healthy thing, I agree.

Derick, I loved your rant and sadly it has in the past been true for me.I was always attracted to men with a dark side. It has caused me a lot of pain. I always left the nice guy for some jerk.I am older now, and hope I have learned enough to grab on to the next nice guy that comes my way. Of course it would help if he was rich! LOL Donna

I just laughed at those girls because I knew I wasn't the "dating" type, but would be a great Dad and husband...and am!

I was lucky and patient enough to wait (seemed like forever) and then one day (13 years ago) she walked into my life...

I agree with your post - I was always the nice girl. Luckily, I am married and happy now - the same guys that pulled me to the side to talk to me about their girl problems and how they can't find anyone . . . blah . . . still are looking and looking, and still finding the sleazy girls - amazing how all the sleazy girls are still single, still sleazy and look like Tammy Fae after a long night of partying. :-) I am glad I was the nice girl.

Derrik, I am sorry someone did you wrong dear!

In regards to your rant I agree 110%. I married an asshole and I get paid back everyday if that helps you any. :eek: I will live my life regretting dropping the nice one. He found someone good for him and you will too, someday she will regret it. I know, trust me...

That's a funny post, Derrick but it works both ways. Sure, those hot girls were just using the "nice guys" for emotional support and had no intention of ever dating them. Sadly, in my hey day (back in the Dark Ages), I was one of those and I have lived to regret it. However, on the other hand, all those "nice guys" weren't mooning after Miss Plain or Miss Shy or Miss Plump, sitting in the corner, now were they? If the "nice guys" are going to fall all over themselves being an emotional support crutch for the local hottie, is it really all the girl's fault for taking advantage of his willingness to be a doormat?