Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

"What happened to all the nice guys?"



Recommended Posts

[Rant]

For the woman that recently came back into my life,

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was too fat and basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's getting laid more often, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.

3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger.

So, lady/ladies please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and they certainly don't fucking want you now!!

[Rant]

I feel better now...:hurray:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Women arent going to realize just how true this is, or wont let their selfs believe it. Those that were "teaser's" in the past I have seen are the lonely one's now day's.

Yes, revenge is sweet!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Derick,

Wow, sounds like she really hurt you and I'm sorry, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I will say that this happens to girls too. I was always the chubby buddy to the cute guy who would talk about all his girl problems and then ask me how come he couldn't find a girl who he could talk to like he talked to me. I get it. I was lucky though, I found a guy like you right before my surgery who didn't care that I was fat, and he was the typical nice guy who had always gotten passed over and screwed around. Well, it's been two years now and we are still going strong. You have every right to be pissed off, but please don't let some stupid bitch turn you into an asshole. Trust me, it will take some time but you will find someone who will love and appreciate you. There's NOTHING sexier than a nice guy :hurray:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I LIKE nice guys. They just don't seem to like me :hurray:

I think esp. for myself, that a nice guy, who can devote his attention and time to a woman is an amazing thing.

I also think someone having the balls to ask me out, well, thats nice too.

Having said that, I realize its a sensitive subject, and I'm just trying to give you another side of the situation that is felt by SOME women.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah....that was me ...in my single life. hence my screen name. can't tell you how many times i heard" you're a nice guy, but...." luckily i finally found the right one, and we've been married 5 yrs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah....that was me ...in my single life. hence my screen name. can't tell you how many times i heard" you're a nice guy, but...." luckily i finally found the right one, and we've been married 5 yrs.

Yeah... or how about this one... "But, your just like a brother to me." That was the bane of my existence in jr. High and High school. luckily, like miztrniceguy... I found the one that saw me for more than a brother... that was 11 years ago! Freshman year in college and we have never looked back! 2 kiddos, a house, dog... man, it's the American Dream! Oh yeah... we have all the bills to go with the A.D. too! LOL.:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Derick, I'm sorry for your pain, but I must point out, Your post does not sound like that of a nice guy. It sounds like that of a violently angry man. And I don't know you, so I'll not pass judgement, But I hope now that you are looking better and feeling better about yourself you did not turn into a shallow individual as you describe your ex-friend to be. Further more, what was it that attracted you to this girl in the first place. It appears she doesn't have a whole lot to offer and is more of a user and a taker. So it leaves me to wonder if it was her good looks that had you so devoted in the first place? It is possible that this is not the case. But be honest with yourself. If your attraction to her was mostly physical, wouldn't you expect the same from her?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry but I can't get behind your rant. There is a difference between platonic and physical relationships. You were physically unattractive to that person. Her choice and whether or not you agree there is nothing wrong with that.

You need to drop all the bitterness displayed in your post and move on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Derick,

We don't all suck. I married a nice guy. Because he's a nice guy. I have known several women/girls (I won't call them ladies) who do exactly what you describe, and frankly, it makes me sick to watch it. The poor guys on the receiving end of it are usually making it VERY clear that they are interested, and the women use that to their advantage, because it's easy to lean on a guy who's crazy about you, string him along, and then dump him when they find their next love interest. And keep stringing along the nice guy for the next time they need someone to fall back on.

I hear where you're coming from, and I just have to say, RANT AWAY!

And on a side note, nice guys DO get the RIGHT girl. You just have to find her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry but I can't get behind your rant. There is a difference between platonic and physical relationships.

Holy Crap! I must have been absent when they taught us that!!! You don't say!

You were physically unattractive to that person. Her choice and whether or not you agree there is nothing wrong with that.

and this absolve me of my right to piss and moan...how??? it was quite cathartic actually, for me anyway.

You need to drop all the bitterness displayed in your post and move on.

:tt1::biggrin::frown:

......................... /´¯/)

......................,/¯ ..//

...................../... ./ /

............./´¯/'...'/´¯ ¯`·¸

........../'/.../..../... ..../¨¯

........('(...´(..´...... ,~/'...')

........................ ../..../

..........''............ . _.·´

........................ ..(

........................ ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 2 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×