male only "What happened to all the nice guys?"

[DerickM 1]

[Rant]

For the woman that recently came back into my life,

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was too fat and basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's getting laid more often, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.

3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger.

So, lady/ladies please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and they certainly don't fucking want you now!!

[Rant]

I feel better now...:hurray:

[AppleGuy08 0]

wow man, that is exactly how ive felt, now and in the past. So very true...every word of it.

[SteveInKansas 0]

Women arent going to realize just how true this is, or wont let their selfs believe it. Those that were "teaser's" in the past I have seen are the lonely one's now day's.

Yes, revenge is sweet!

[BRANDYK 0]

Derick,

Wow, sounds like she really hurt you and I'm sorry, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I will say that this happens to girls too. I was always the chubby buddy to the cute guy who would talk about all his girl problems and then ask me how come he couldn't find a girl who he could talk to like he talked to me. I get it. I was lucky though, I found a guy like you right before my surgery who didn't care that I was fat, and he was the typical nice guy who had always gotten passed over and screwed around. Well, it's been two years now and we are still going strong. You have every right to be pissed off, but please don't let some stupid bitch turn you into an asshole. Trust me, it will take some time but you will find someone who will love and appreciate you. There's NOTHING sexier than a nice guy :hurray:

[Angelica 1]

Just sayin..

Heartless Bitches International - "Nice Guys = BLEAH!"

[MyKdsDad 1]

Oh, well, Angelica, I (we) rest our case.....

[Angelica 1]

I LIKE nice guys. They just don't seem to like me :hurray:

I think esp. for myself, that a nice guy, who can devote his attention and time to a woman is an amazing thing.

I also think someone having the balls to ask me out, well, thats nice too.

Having said that, I realize its a sensitive subject, and I'm just trying to give you another side of the situation that is felt by SOME women.

[miztrniceguy 1]

yeah....that was me ...in my single life. hence my screen name. can't tell you how many times i heard" you're a nice guy, but...." luckily i finally found the right one, and we've been married 5 yrs.

[TxArcher 2]

yeah....that was me ...in my single life. hence my screen name. can't tell you how many times i heard" you're a nice guy, but...." luckily i finally found the right one, and we've been married 5 yrs.

Yeah... or how about this one... "But, your just like a brother to me." That was the bane of my existence in jr. High and High school. luckily, like miztrniceguy... I found the one that saw me for more than a brother... that was 11 years ago! Freshman year in college and we have never looked back! 2 kiddos, a house, dog... man, it's the American Dream! Oh yeah... we have all the bills to go with the A.D. too! LOL.

[healthyagain 0]

Derick, I'm sorry for your pain, but I must point out, Your post does not sound like that of a nice guy. It sounds like that of a violently angry man. And I don't know you, so I'll not pass judgement, But I hope now that you are looking better and feeling better about yourself you did not turn into a shallow individual as you describe your ex-friend to be. Further more, what was it that attracted you to this girl in the first place. It appears she doesn't have a whole lot to offer and is more of a user and a taker. So it leaves me to wonder if it was her good looks that had you so devoted in the first place? It is possible that this is not the case. But be honest with yourself. If your attraction to her was mostly physical, wouldn't you expect the same from her?

[healthyagain 0]

Oops...Sorry...Got your post on "new Posts" didn't realize it was from the men's room...Sorry for butting in where I don't belong...

[AirKuhl 1]

Sorry but I can't get behind your rant. There is a difference between platonic and physical relationships. You were physically unattractive to that person. Her choice and whether or not you agree there is nothing wrong with that.

You need to drop all the bitterness displayed in your post and move on.

[travelgirl 3]

Derick,

We don't all suck. I married a nice guy. Because he's a nice guy. I have known several women/girls (I won't call them ladies) who do exactly what you describe, and frankly, it makes me sick to watch it. The poor guys on the receiving end of it are usually making it VERY clear that they are interested, and the women use that to their advantage, because it's easy to lean on a guy who's crazy about you, string him along, and then dump him when they find their next love interest. And keep stringing along the nice guy for the next time they need someone to fall back on.

I hear where you're coming from, and I just have to say, RANT AWAY!

And on a side note, nice guys DO get the RIGHT girl. You just have to find her.

[DerickM 1]

Sorry but I can't get behind your rant. There is a difference between platonic and physical relationships.

Holy Crap! I must have been absent when they taught us that!!! You don't say!

You were physically unattractive to that person. Her choice and whether or not you agree there is nothing wrong with that.

and this absolve me of my right to piss and moan...how??? it was quite cathartic actually, for me anyway.

You need to drop all the bitterness displayed in your post and move on.

:tt1::biggrin::frown:

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[Manatee 3]

best of craigslist : "What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"