Pre-Op negative feedback from friends.....

[KarenH 0]

My surgery date is scheduled for January 25th. I am happy and excited about my decision to have this surgery, but at the same time I have a few doubts. I have

heard from my brother, my best friend and my boss that maybe this isn't really

necessary. "You've lost weight before." "Couldn't you just watch what you're eating and hire a personal trainer instead?" While I don't think they quite understand the effect of their statements will have/nor do they intend them to be negative(?), it still hurts! These statements make me doubt my decision for the long term. I have

debates with myself all the time. Bottom line - I have been overweight for 20 years, I have sleep apnea, the beginnings of diabetes and I am not getting any younger!

I want to sleep without a cpap! buy regular size clothes! have some energy! Thanks for letting me vent. I am sure we have all experienced these negative comments. K

[ConnieC 0]

Sugar;

Iam 46 years old and have fought a weight problem all my life. Its time to have a little help with this problem. If your family, friends keep making comments about how you could do it on your own, dont you think you woud have done it? Yes WLS is a tool and if you let it, it will work!! Dont let ANY ONE undermine your commitment!! Do this for you!!

Connie

[KYteacher 0]

I heard the same remarks. I don't think mine were negatively intended, I just think they were trying to have my best interest at heart. WLS is a serious step and not to be taken lightly. I didn't take it lightly I researched for two years, but some people didn't realize that. Try to remember they only care about you. You do what you feel is best for you.

[babbs3772 1]

I think that sometimes people are negative in their opinions of any type of weight loss surgery, it is just a gut reaction for many. However, some times people just don't know how to embrace this decision you have made, either from their own fears or insecurities.

I say - you only live once, life is not a dress rehearsal - get out there and dance! Do what you need to do for you and the rest will fall into place - good luck to you!!!

[stepoffaith 0]

Some will agree with your decision, some will not. But you can not make this decision based on what others will think about you. I have worried about what others have thought of me for years but I have to do this for me. There are many comments on this site that remind of this fact. There is one that said he told his wife that he was double her size, he would have to lose a whole person and that made her understand. My mother will never understand why I had to quote resort to surgery. But thats okay because she doesn't have to understand. I have to do this for me not any one else. Just make sure you are making the right choice for you - that is all that is important.

[misspeesh95621 0]

I too am in the pre-op stage, and I have chose to tell anyone who will listen about my choice...My thinking is that it will be obvious soon enough, and I am looking for support. I too am getting mixed responses from a small few friends and co-workers. I know that the comments are fear based and that they have spent little to no time researching their reasoning, where as we have spent so much time researching our decision. My bottom line is that we are reaching for support not help with the decision. Find those who support, because they will end up being there, the last thing we need to hear is I told you so....

[greeneyez 3]

Hi K. I have been very lucky with the supportiveness of my friends and relatives. I haven't told many, but those I have have been pretty good. My boss was the only one who was a bit "wierded out" by it, asking "do you think that's a little drastic?". I told her that it isn't for everyone, but it is the right choice for me.

Remember the reasons why you are doing it. I would guess that you aren't doing it for your friends and relatives, but so that you can get your life back. Good luck with your surgery.

Jen

[Candle 11]

Explain to these people (or just remind yourself) that the band isn't only about losing the weight but KEEPING IT OFF! Yes, you've been able to lose weight in the past (most of us are in the same boat - professional dieters) but you've never been able to keep the weight off.

So far I have been really successful with no restriction. Before surgery my BF made a few comments about trying diet and exercise one last time and since surgery he's asked a few times if I feel like I did all this for nothing because I'm not really using my band yet. The answer is NO!! For me the band is all about maintenance - the part we all seem to fail at. In most cases gaining back more than we lost.

The band isn't for everyone but it does help A LOT of people and if you really work at, you will be successful! You're so close to surgery now a lot of these fears are going to creep in - this is normal. Hang tough - the surgery will be over soon and the real journey is about to begin!

I’m so excited for you! Best of luck.

[abby1 0]

That was one reason I chose only to tell a select few people. Some friends family members have not seen me since surgery and I will have to decide what to tell them when I see. I may just say I am on a medically supervised diet, which is true. I know who supports me and who doesn't :cry and I choose to be involved with those who will support me.

[JanetNBama 3]

Keeping it off is the reason I made my decision to have the surgery. Sure, I could give it another try, sure, I can lose 10 - 20 - 30 pounds, and sure, it's a very big decision. But - I am the one that has to deal with the health issues, I am the one that has to deal with the fact that 98% of obese people who lose a significant amount of weight, gain it back. Health reasons aside, as if that's not bad enough, I am the one that has to deal with the feel of not being worthy because I don't fit into the booth at the restaurant, don't fit on the rides at the amusement park, and can't find those cute shoes that I absolutely ADORE in a WIDE or DOUBLE WIDE width, and I am the one that has to deal with ME at the end of the day.

Alot of people mean well, and alot of people just DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Two people at my work really ticked me off - one was a 5'7" - 130 lb "WOMAN" that had the nerve to say "LETS TRY WEIGHT WATCHERS" when I told a group at lunch that I was having lap band surgery. LETS???? Who are you to have the nerve to say that to me? Another is a body builder that knows exactly what to eat to keep every nerve, muscle and cell healthy - and kept looking at me with disapproval when he was in my office as well as giving me his 2 cents each time he could - so I finally had to tell him to back off.

Point is, listen to them if you HAVE to, but don't absorb. It will hinder your ability to make the best decision for yourself. I'm only one week out - thought I was dying day 1-3 but I'm so much better now - and already have lost weight. Am I excited about being "smaller"? - SURE, but I'm more excited about the possibility of being around for my family longer, and not being on my sleep APNEA machine forever, and to stop taking the meds I have to take due to my weight.

Best of luck - sorry for the BOOK, but keep your heart, and head in the right place - FOCUSED ON YOU!

[jenncore 0]

It frustrates me so much when people are so negative about a surgery they know very little about. This is about you so please don't let anyone convince you that it's not the right thing. I am 100 pds overweight not because I can't lose weight, because I can't keep it off. I have lost and gained the same weight over and over again. I chose the lapband because I knew it would help with my weightloss but more importantly, help me keep the weight off long term.

You still have time to make your decision. You'll know it's the right thing to do deep in your heart. There's a reason why you started this process so don't let the ignorance of others cause you doubt. I wish you the best in whatever you chose. I had my surgery on 12/26/07 and I have to tell you it was the best decision I ever made!

Good luck!

Jenn

[Apples2 19]

Hi Karen, from another Karen. Sounds like you've done your research and made your decision. This lap band process is ALL YOURS. You can invite only the people that you feel will be supportive in on your process. The others with negative opinions might just have to sit this one out.

I, too, have heard all the negatives. And, as said by others above, most people are just concerned. I have told only a few good friends, my sons and, of course, my husband. I tend to have a short reply for my friends that suggest I really don't need to do the lap because I have lost close to 40lbs on my pre-op diet. It is just a matter of them not understanding the process. My answer is "I have done the research, feel it is a non-evasive procedure and it is going to provide me with a lifetime tool for weight maintenance". I then give them my surgeon's internet site so they can look into it further.

I plan on living and loving this band for what it will help me achieve. My friends (that call me their very best friend in the whole world...I wonder) that cannot understand or don't take the time to find out a little bit about what I am going through and will go through with this band, might have to sit by the wayside while I am on this journey. This is a lot of work and I don't have time for negativity.

I thank God for my very supportive husband and my adult sons that will be there for me no matter what. I am doing this for all the right reasons and I will not let another person doubt what I am doing.

Hang in there, Karen. Try to have a quick response to negative our doubtful friends and co-workers. Just know in your heart what you are doing is the right thing for you. Take care.

[Ceradad 10]

I am going to rat myself out here. A couple years ago, one of our officers decided to have the lapband surgery. He is a little shorter than me and our builds were a little bit different. But the weight difference was not as much as most thought it to be. When he told us he was getting the surgery, I openly stated to all that would listen that he was taking "the easy way out".:thumbup:

Then, after listening to him, doing my own research and talking to my dr, I realized that you had to treat it like a tool to HELP you lose weight. It was no guarantee.

I started to seriously consider it for myself as I had pretty much lost all control of my weight and was approaching 400 much to quick. I was banded on 8/28/07. I have lost right about 90 lbs. (haven't weighed myself in a wk as I am at a plateau) and actually doing better than he is.

However, when people ask me why I am doing better than he is, I simply tell them I don't know. It is not my place to figure why some lose better than others. The only thing I will say (here, nowhere else) is he doesn't concentrate on exercise. He only does the diets. But, that is what he figures for him. As long as he is happy with how he is doing, so am I.

Basically, if someone is trying to downplay what needs to be done, educate them. I am a converted "know-it-all" when it comes to WLS.

[Karen101 0]

I remember a year ago when a friend told me she was going to Weight Watchers and that she had lost some weight and was feeling better about herself. My response: "Oh, I've done that in the past and it didn't work for me, I don't do groups well." Needless to say we have moved on from friends to acquaintences, and not because I wanted to. I am ashamed of my response and more ashamed that I was so unfeeling and not able to positively acknowledge her decision to take back her life. We all have life's lessons presented to us, but what is important is what we take away from our experiences. You are doing this for yourself, not anyone else. Congratulations!

[Apples2 19]

We've all been there where we were not totally understanding of others and what they were going through. I am sure most people who respond negatively to others do not mean to do so. I just feel that close friends and family should at least educate themselves somewhat so THEN they can assess our situation and decide if they want to support our decision or not. I have been supportive of every one of my friends in one way or the other over the years and now I feel like I am sitting on an island with no one that understands except for my immediate family (I have no family members other than DH and sons). Good friends need to know (just listen) what their friend is going through.

I will just wait and see how this all pans out. I might be surprised at which of my friends end up being supportive.