Weightloss being noticed: dealing with comments from others?

[lily06 54]

Hi All !

I hope everyone is doing well on their journey,

As usual, when i don’t know who to turn to regarding my VSG journey i turn to the forum 🤣

For a little backstory i had VSG surgery in early april of this year, so it’s been 7 months so far.

I’m now down 88 pounds / 40kg

And for the first time throughout these 7 months i’ve started getting comments from people about how much weight i’ve lost.

Mainly from coworkers, or friends i haven’t seen in a while - « wow you’ve lost so much weight » or « you’ve melted away the pounds » or « you look completely different » …

The issue is i have no idea how to react ! I never know what to say i feel awkward and weird when someone says this to me … and i’m not usually the kind of person to not react it’s just so strange to me that i can’t seem to find the words.

Shouldn’t i be proud ? It’s what i wanted after all …

Does or has anyone else felt the same ? How did you navigate the comments ?

[Bypass2Freedom 1,045]

I am definitely dealing with the same thing at the moment!

I think I have just been so used to compliments being a rarity, or when I was bigger I remember the compliments being:

"you are pretty for a bigger girl", or "you have such a lovely face" - very easy to read between the lines there!

So for people to actually be complimenting & perceiving my body it is a strange experience. Sometimes I don't mind, but for the most part I find it unusual and I don't like being looked at, especially when I can't see any change in myself 😂

Usually I just say thank you and move on, but if someone were to actually say something outwardly offensive to me, I'd probably say something!

[catwoman7 11,285]

yes- I went through that. I just said "thanks" - and if they asked how they did it, it depended on who was asking. Normal-sized people and people I didn't know well I just said I was working with a dietitian and exercising like crazy. Skinny people believe that crap. If it was another obese person who seemed genuinely interested, I usually told them the truth.

I was very glad when the comments finally stopped - because now almost everyone I know either never knew me when I was fat, or they've seen me since I lost all the weight. Occasionally (actually, rarely) I'll see someone I knew from years ago who only knew me as fat - but oddly, they usually don't say anything. Maybe they figure I lost the weight a long time ago - or took it off very slowly - or have some kind of medical issue - but luckily, it doesn't come up.

[lily06 54]

I’m glad i’m not the only one. I just found myself reacting awkwardly it’s crazy. I also think i’m someone who would never comment something like that except to a close friend or family member so i find it weirdly intrusive !

[ShoppGirl 5,076]

For me I’m just starting to notice that people treat me differently. People just being nicer and going out of their way to help me in stores. Customers striking up small talk conversations with me WAY more often. It’s just weird. I have always been told that life is a fashion show growing up and I sadly finally admit that it’s true. After losing all my weight for the sleeve quickly, gaining it back and now loosing again with the revision I am seriously not imagining this. Some people are just that superficial…a lot actually. It breaks my heart for the heavier me and other obese people.

[BabySpoons 632]

1 hour ago, lily06 said:

Shouldn’t i be proud ? It’s what i wanted after all …

We should be proud. Even though some ignorant people don't realize how much work goes into losing the weight after WLS. If they even know we had it.

At first, I told everyone. I didn't care who knew. But now, like Catwoman, I only share with those I feel can benefit from my experience. The comments were hard for me to take at first too. I even had someone tell me I need to learn to take a compliment.

I took that advice and simply say thank you and smile. But if anything negative or passive aggressive is said, all bets are off. LOL

[BabySpoons 632]

6 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

For me I’m just starting to notice that people treat me differently. People just being nicer and going out of their way to help me in stores. Customers striking up small talk conversations with me WAY more often. It’s just weird. I have always been told that life is a fashion show growing up and I sadly finally admit that it’s true. After losing all my weight for the sleeve quickly, gaining it back and now loosing again with the revision I am seriously not imagining this. Some people are just that superficial…a lot actually. It breaks my heart for the heavier me and other obese people.

SO SOOOO TRUE^^^^ It angers me how well I am treated by others now and how they respond to me. So helpful, etc. Breaks my heart too.

Another downside.... I am getting unwanted attention from men again. Approaching me on my walks or while I'm out in public. It kind of scares me. 😱

[summerseeker 2,417]

3 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

yes- I went through that. I just said "thanks" - and if they asked how they did it, it depended on who was asking. Normal-sized people and people I didn't know well I just said I was working with a dietitian and exercising like crazy. Skinny people believe that crap. If it was another obese person who seemed genuinely interested, I usually told them the truth.

I learned this from Catwoman 7 and used it

[ShoppGirl 5,076]

3 hours ago, BabySpoons said:

SO SOOOO TRUE^^^^ It angers me how well I am treated by others now and how they respond to me. So helpful, etc. Breaks my heart too.

Another downside.... I am getting unwanted attention from men again. Approaching me on my walks or while I'm out in public. It kind of scares me. 😱

Yea. I don’t like that either. Some of them are over the top with it too. They figure we should see it as a compliment but I’m like just let me be. Especially when you don’t respond like you are interested. Take the hint dude!!

[BabySpoons 632]

19 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Some of them are over the top with it too. They figure we should see it as a compliment

Honestly, one of the things I didn't miss when I became morbidly obese. There is a big difference between a kind compliment and a lewd suggestive comment. Now that I've lost a lot of my chest size, it's cut down on that BS considerably. Hahahaa!

[ShoppGirl 5,076]

21 hours ago, BabySpoons said:

Honestly, one of the things I didn't miss when I became morbidly obese. There is a big difference between a kind compliment and a lewd suggestive comment. Now that I've lost a lot of my chest size, it's cut down on that BS considerably. Hahahaa!

My go to now is to find someway to incorporate my husband into the conversation. Like if we’re in a parking lot, I will stop and say oh my husband was thinking about getting one of them cars. Even if it’s not true, just to mention that I have a husband. I figure if they still keep it up at that point I can just be blatantly rude because they are definitely being rude trying to flirt with a married woman.

[lily06 54]

Yup but sadly that doesn’t deter most men .. i actually think these idiots see it as a challenge to get to flirt with a married woman !

[ShoppGirl 5,076]

1 hour ago, lily06 said:

Yup but sadly that doesn’t deter most men .. i actually think these idiots see it as a challenge to get to flirt with a married woman !

Yea. It’s unfortunate but your right.

[Tomo 1,196]

On 10/14/2024 at 8:02 AM, lily06 said:

Hi All !

I hope everyone is doing well on their journey,

As usual, when i don’t know who to turn to regarding my VSG journey i turn to the forum 🤣

For a little backstory i had VSG surgery in early april of this year, so it’s been 7 months so far.

I’m now down 88 pounds / 40kg

And for the first time throughout these 7 months i’ve started getting comments from people about how much weight i’ve lost.

Mainly from coworkers, or friends i haven’t seen in a while - « wow you’ve lost so much weight » or « you’ve melted away the pounds » or « you look completely different » …

The issue is i have no idea how to react ! I never know what to say i feel awkward and weird when someone says this to me … and i’m not usually the kind of person to not react it’s just so strange to me that i can’t seem to find the words.

Shouldn’t i be proud ? It’s what i wanted after all …

Does or has anyone else felt the same ? How did you navigate the comments ?

It's been years but I just usually say thank you if it's positive. At times, I get negative comments like I look like a cancer patient so I better gain weight or I should gain a little weight because "you look older". The latter are always from family. My reply to the latter is "I'd really be healthy than have high blood pressure..." Like others, I don't give too much information if asked how I lost the weight, unless they can benefit from it.

[ShoppGirl 5,076]

There was this older lady in my craft group, and I told them that I had surgery because I figured it was more people to make me feel accountable. This is a revision surgery for me and the last time I didn’t tell people like that and it didn’t work out so well so I’m trying a different approach. Anyways, she is about 80 years old and she said to me she just wanted to tell me how happy she is for me because since my surgery, I have really blossomed. She said that I i have a healthy glow about me and I’ve really come out of my shell in terms of confidence and it shows. I think that was probably the nicest compliment I’ve ever had in terms of my weight loss. I just appreciated that it wasn’t about superficial things. Maybe there’s hope for all these superficial people that when they get a little older, they will view things in terms of stuff that actually matters.

Edited October 19, 2024 by ShoppGirl