Hi friends. I had my gastric sleeve surgery on November 14th, and everything went smoothly. Pre-up was a breeze for me, I was excited, and generally my mood was good and looking forward to the future. Today, Ten days later and physically I am doing well, I think. I am having a mind over matter problem when it comes to “eating” well drinking my “food”, you know what I mean. Nothing and I mean nothing appeals to me accept really cold water and ice. I hate to sound so dramatic but I am repulsed by anything else, protein shakes, broth, etc etc. it’s not that I can’t keep it down or the taste is that bad (even if it is) it’s my brain. I see myself and I look different, I have definitely lost weight and that’s awesome but I have been really depressed. I don’t even know why, it’s not because of this reason or that reason. I feel lost is the best way to describe it. Like it’s not me here right. I don’t feel like I used to, I don’t even enjoy things that I used to. I feel really alone and like I am in some foreign place where I don’t even know myself. My husband has been supportive but when I try to explain this he goes into the “well this is what you wanted” lecture and I feel worse so I don’t really talk to anyone about it because well yeah this was my doing, my choice. No one wants to hear me complain. I was really curious to know if anyone else who is close to where I am in my “journey” have had these feelings. Maybe I’m just going crazy. Thanks for obliging me, it even feels better to type this out.

I know that after the surgery my hormones went crazy. I had stopped my periods for over 4 months before the surgery but they came back and stayed for the next 9 months. Now that I'm losing weight way slower my periods have stopped again and my moods have stabilized. So some of the depression is probably from that but I also got some of that alone/lost feeling too. Mine may not be the same but I felt and still feel lost between worlds. I have no idea how to act or dress or even talk as a normal sized person but I don't fit into my over weight world anymore. My version of self is as an over weight person so I have to figure out how to be a new me. I thought it would come natural but it hasn't happened that way for me yet. I'm sure its something that will be fixed eventually with practice. I hope you feel better soon though and that you can start enjoying life and food again. Hugs!

Thank you so much for your kind words and for telling me your story. You put it in a perspective I had not and what you are saying is so true about feeling lost between two worlds. I also got my period the 2nd day I returned home from the hospital (talk about timing) and my hormones are vicious and it didn’t even cross my mind that a lot of this may be linked to that, hell it makes a lot more sense now. You nailed it on the head. I appreciate you and wish you all the best! Thank you.

I just want to add that it's okay to feel good and bad about a single decision. This is one of those things that has good and bad aspects to it and just because it was a "choice" doesn't equal no feelings about the stress of it. I think it's going to feel like dropping myself into a foreign country where I don't know the culture anymore and I'm prepared to give myself grace with it. I think it's a good idea to share here and just get hugs from the people around you who care but don't know how to help right now? I hope you heal quickly.

You are in a foreign place. What you are doing to completely alien to what you’ve done before. The surgery, eating plans, your recovery, and so on. Part of this journey is learning things about yourself & your relationship with food & eating. And add the hormonal flushes, it’s no wonder you feel lost & not yourself (or the self you knew).

It may not seem like it will but it does get easier & better as you feel more comfortable & confident about what you’re doing in regards your eating & activity, you’re fully healed & your hormones are more settled.

Anesthesia can mess with our bodies for a while after surgery, and it has been clinically shown that major surgery can trigger depressive episodes in people. What you are experiencing is completely normal even though it sucks. Add to that hormonal changes, and body changes, and changes in the nutrients you get, and recovering from a major surgery and yeah, you could feel pretty down!

I'm 3 1/2 weeks post op. Some days are good and some days aren't so good. I've heard the first 3 months are really challenging and the first year takes a lot of resilience and adjustment. Next time your husband starts with the "this is what you wanted" I'd kindly remind him that those words are not supportive and guilt trips are not necessary. That you are cognizant of the fact that you wanted bariatric surgery to lose weight and improve your health, but NONE of us can even begin to understand the fullness of an experience before we actually have it...and living this experience is feeling challenging right now. Even the BEST things for us often come with distinct downsides. You are allowed to be upset! You are allowed to say this is a struggle! What would be more supportive of him would be for him to validate your feelings and assure you that things won't always feel like this, but while they do, he's there for you. I'm sure he's doing what he can, but everyone deserves feedback when their words are making it harder for you to deal with what you are dealing with.

I too feel a little off kilter from the world right now. Any surgery brings grief with it when it alters your body. Let yourself grieve. You are in a liminal space right now, transforming from one version of yourself to another. Much like the caterpillar who winds itself into a cocoon, you have had to bury yourself into this new experience, and you will never be the same. Some parts of you have to die so that other parts of you can blossom forth and live. When you finally come out of this cocoon, flying will be so thrilling!! But in the meantime, the transformation sucks! LOL I don't think caterpillars think the process is fun either...

You will get through it! Seems quite a few get feeling off. Our body's hormones have changed, not eating comfort foods, lifestyle changes are apparent. It should wear off before too long, but if it doesn't then you should talk to your Dr about it. I was in a humdrum for a week, it all seemed to change once I was able to start even eating puree and getting other food in.