Struggling… the evil voice is back.

[mcipanda 121]

I am 10 weeks post op and have only lost 20lbs. It’s so slow and I have been fighting cravings every day for the last six weeks. I started exercising, built muscle and the hunger set in.

Today I caved, had some sugar free candies and a slice of medium ham/pineapple pizza (no crust) and a half cup of Fairlife chocolate milk.

I ended with 77 carbs!! Normally I try to keep it below 40. I’m sitting here and I feel like there’s this little disordered eating voice in my body laughing at me like “muahaha! Today we regain control of you! It’s only a matter of time before we stop this train and back it up!”

I can literally sense my body storing fat. Okay not literally… but it feels that way.

im about to hit my first big milestone once I go under 180 and I wonder if I’m self sabotaging? Do I really think I deserve this? What if I’m one of the statistics that doesn’t lose their weight?

Ugh I’m so scared that I’m going to mess this up. Please tell me I’m not alone? Does anyone ever feel this way? 😢

[Fred in Pa 231]

You are not alone! I had my surgery on March 1, so I’m just a few weeks ahead of you and my appetite has also returned.

Please do not be too hard on yourself, because that anxiety is what drains your confidence and willpower.

I have found that the exercising is what creates the hunger and deep hunger creates the cravings. So before I exercise, I have a Protein portion. A shake or high protein yogurt. I also do the same right after…fill your pouch. Try to keep it full with good food and protein.

I have also felt that if I properly hydrate, the cravings are fewer…so make sure you are drinking a lot before, during, and after your exercise.

Good luck and hang in there, you are not alone!

PS: I, too, had a slice of pizza last week and had the same mental reactions. It wasn’t worth it.

[summerseeker 1,851]

I don't know what's wrong with what you ate. I am allowed to eat everything. I just can not eat potato, rice and Pasta. I have sugar free sweets on occasion. My hubby is diabetic so we always have them in the house. I drink strawberry milk every week on my dieticians advice, to up my calorie intake and give me a little energy boost. You said you had crust less pizza, so that's ham, pineapple and melted cheese ? I do not see anything wrong with that. I do not have to count carbs so I can not say its good or bad. I choose to count calories and my Protein intake. Just to make sure I am honest. I am up to 1200 calories a day and 80 grams of protein

Speak to your team, do you need to be so restricted that you feel you are cheating or sabotaging yourself when you are just eating what seams to me to be ok food choices ? As @Fred in Pa says fill up with protein, before and after exercise. My dietician would say eat some nuts.

We all need to find our own way eventually. I really don't want to be the old me who thought all foods were bad unless they were an undressed salad. I just want to eat a lot less than I did.

[summerset 5,261]

7 hours ago, mcipanda said:

had some sugar free candies and a slice of medium ham/pineapple pizza (no crust) and a half cup of Fairlife chocolate milk.

So? How many calories was that?

7 hours ago, mcipanda said:

I ended with 77 carbs!! Normally I try to keep it below 40.

Why? Eating low carb is not necessary. Low carb is a trend, just like low fat was in the 90s. It's calories that count. Eat less than your body burns and you're going to lose weight, low carb or not.

Restricting yourself more than the situation calls for means setting yourself up for burnout without it being necessary

7 hours ago, mcipanda said:

im about to hit my first big milestone once I go under 180 and I wonder if I’m self sabotaging?

No, your body is fighting back. Put a normal weight person who've never had eating issues on a diet like yours and watch them freaking out and getting obsessed with food.

Your body needs nutrients - also your mind needs nutrients (yes, that includes macronutrients like carbohydrates as well), even while losing weight.

[summerset 5,261]

3 hours ago, Fred in Pa said:

PS: I, too, had a slice of pizza last week and had the same mental reactions. It wasn’t worth it.

The pizza, the mental reaction or both?

[Fred in Pa 231]

33 minutes ago, summerset said:

The pizza, the mental reaction or both?

I am a firm believer that food addiction is just like most others. With that in mind, having a slice of pizza is like “It’s just one little shot of tequila” for an alcoholic. One leads to two…and so one.

I am also a firm believer that this is the main reason people gain back weight or completely fail after Bariatric surgery.

It’s a constant struggle.

Keeping that perspective, one slice of pizza is not worth it. I’m not perfect and will fail at times but keeping the above perspective helps to ensure I will be successful in the long run. If I tell myself that one slice is fine, I will soon convince myself that so is two.

Edited May 27, 2023 by Fred in Pa

[catwoman7 10,867]

not all programs are low-carb, so the 77 carbs shouldn't matter one way or the other. When I was in weight loss mode, I was averaging around 80 carbs a day, and would sometimes get up to 100 (I wasn't counting them because my program didn't restrict carbs, but I knew how many I was getting because I'd see it in my tracker).

also, with regard to pizza, I was eating the toppings off one slice of pizza when I was about was about where you're at (I probably only had it once every couple of months, though)

so I don't think what you're eating is necessarily a problem. I noticed that you also started at a lower weight than many of us, so you're not going to lose as quickly as someone who started out 50, 100, or 150 lbs heavier than you, so there's that. And on top of that, keep in mind that the closer you get to goal, the slower those lbs are going to come off. There were months near the end of my journey (i.e, within 20 or 30 lbs of my goal) that I'd lose a pound or two, besides really working at it. But...I did eventually get to my goal - it just took a lot of work and time.

[learn2cook 492]

Like the others have shared, your weight is lower so loosing will be slower. My program doesn’t count carbs either, but I only give them side eye because they might make me dump.

food isn’t evil, it nourishes us and keeps us healthy and alive. Diet culture encourages this good/bad thinking. If you’re feeling stuck in rewind over fears and anxiety about eating and falling into old habits, it will only help you to seek a therapist who specializes in disordered eating. Like old me used to wake up in the middle of the night to eat 1-2 lbs of M&M’s in secret. Then I would run 4-6 miles for two weeks everyday to even out the calories. Newer me says, let’s do some yoga to get the feeling out of my body, then journal to explore the feelings that are honestly bothering me. That’s how therapy helps you to differentiate and evolve.

Are you throwing all your energy and attention into making pizza, milk and a few candies into a monumental experience of all your life efforts? Or is pizza just pizza? Only you know.

[mcipanda 121]

Thank you everyone who responded, I needed that logical thinking and reassurance.

@Fred in Pa i really appreciate the recommendations around exercise before and after. I’m going to try that. Also thanks for sharing your pizza moment. It makes me feel less the villain of myself and more human.

@summerseeker I’ve been following along with your posts since I came here back in February and am always given a level head after reading your responses. You’re right that I shouldn’t make food the enemy; I just want to eat less overall while taking in good stuff.

@summerset my team has me on 90 Protein, 40 carbs and around 25-35 fat per day. I have been given the goal of keeping all of that within 800 calories until my fifth month I believe. I’m not perfect, I often go slightly over or under the 800. When I started adding exercise, my routine blew up because of the hunger Fred mentioned. I’ve been struggling to modify my intake to support exercise without exceeding the limits until I speak with my dietician again next month. I will email her today and ask if I should adjust these limits given my added activity.

@learn2cook you’re so right about therapy. I do have a therapist I’ve been seeing for many years. I didn’t realize I had disordered eating until I started this process, but now I realize it has been there since I was a kid…. And she knew it too… I need to journal again. That’s a great idea. It helps calm that voice that torments me in my head, the one that simplifies food to “good” or “bad” and attempts to label me the same way.

@catwoman7 great thoughts around starting weight and loss rate. It’s so hard not to compare myself. On the one hand I know losing slower will help with skin elasticity, but I also feel like I’m failing or doing something wrong until a friend like you reminds me of the reality. Thanks for that 🙏

[Tomo 1,137]

Just echoing others about low carb. My carbs during weightloss (and now) have always been high. I eat 5 to 7 servings of anti-inflammatory fruits and/or vegetables a day to deter inflammation which contributes to Leptin resistance (feel full hormone).

[mcipanda 121]

On 5/28/2023 at 11:18 AM, Tomo said:

Just echoing others about low carb. My carbs during weightloss (and now) have always been high. I eat 5 to 7 servings of anti-inflammatory fruits and/or vegetables a day to deter inflammation which contributes to Leptin resistance (feel full hormone).

Oh wow I didn’t know.. I need to look more into this. Thanks Tomo!

[summerset 5,261]

Fun fact: whenever my boss is on vacation I tend to drop weight, years and years after surgery. High stress job, little time to eat. Part of my meals of the day is usually fruit. The containers I use for a mixed fruit salad holds about 450 g.

Sandwiches, wraps, quick bean Pasta dishes... everything not-too-unhealthy, tasty and quick - and carbs all the way.

It's the calories that makes or breaks it, folks. The calories. Not some magic macronutrient balance.

[summerset 5,261]

On 5/27/2023 at 3:14 PM, Fred in Pa said:

I am a firm believer that food addiction is just like most others.

That's where our opinions differ.

IMO people try to be "abstinent" (perfect) and then fail, having never addressed the black-and-white-all-or-nothing thinking.

Edited May 30, 2023 by summerset

[Not sure 48]

I limit my simple carbs like bread, rice and Pasta to less than 30g day, but don’t limit complex carbs. It is not just about calories in and out, macros play a big part in weight loss. I’m 7 months post op, appetite came back at 5 months but I go by the simple rules of Protein, non starchy carbs, and unadultered fruit. I have lost 145lbs and now maintaining my weight at 180lbs. All that being said I track everything going into my body and all energy expenditures to ensure that I’m on track, just my way to ensure I don’t slip. My dietitian has said to live by the 80-20 rule, follow 80% of the time and save 20% for a cheat day, I have been brave enough to try for fear of slipping back to old habits. Best of luck, wishing you all the success to meet your goals.

[Fred in Pa 231]

16 hours ago, summerset said:

That's where our opinions differ.

IMO people try to be "abstinent" (perfect) and then fail, having never addressed the black-and-white-all-or-nothing thinking.

Isn’t that the beauty of this website? People can voice varying opinions and have civil discussions.

I thought about posting a more lengthy discussion on my position, but can sum it up in a simple sentence, you can’t compromise with addiction.

To add, no one is perfect and, like I said, it is a constant struggle with failures along the way. A.constant.struggle.

Finally, yes, yes, yes…a deep dive into the issues is required like any other addiction. It’s only through the introspection and observation that one can determine the reasons and hopefully find solutions.