Am I the only miserable one?

[amylittlelbs 10]

Hi all,

I'd really like to hear only from those that have experienced similar feelings. I've turned to Facebook groups but only get responses from people that haven't experienced what I'm going through and hasn't helped. I'm seeing a psychologist soon but would like to hear from you.

Bit of a backstory. I was so close to getting surgery a few years back on the NHS, my motivation was at it's peak and was excited to eat healthier. That was stopped as I moved and there's no support where I am from the NHS, in the meantime I went back to eating whatever I wanted and big portions of it.

I managed to get approved by my insurance and it all happened very quickly and I got my bypass on the 20th Jan. Initially I was very excited but the harsh reality of the LRD made me flip 180.

Before the surgery I'd never think of food because I forgot to eat due to ADHD. My issue was I'd eat mammoth portions in the evening.

Since the surgery all I think of is food, and all the food that got me obese in the first place. I'm not looking forward to or caring for simple meals, I just want pizza or Chinese.

I'm not doing anything I shouldn't whilst I'm healing but I'm worried this obsession with naughty food won't go away and the guilt of me even thinking about it is killing me.

Is it normal to be looking forward to the "normal" food? Any time I ask people they say they don't have cravings or think about it and that I need to remember why I'm doing this. All valid but not helpful.

My motivation is non-existent which is sad as I have had the motivation before

Sent from my Pixel 6 Pro using BariatricPal mobile app

[SuziDavis 549]

I think everyone probably goes through a mourning period of sorts. But it gets better. I won't lie and say I don't miss ice cream some times. but when the weight starts falling off, its all worth it.

[naynay77 31]

When I first came home from the hospital, there were all these pizza commercials on and pizza was my favorite food. All I could think about was pizza and cake. Since then I tried the ricotta bake and the no crust pizza and it subsided those thoughts, but I find that I don't like pizza/marina based foods like spaghetti and lasagna anymore. The sauce is very acidic to me now and I no longer crave it or want it. Also, I used to love chicken tenders and French fries, but after taking a bite, it made me feel so sick that I don't want fried foods or high fatty foods anymore either or half and half in my coffee or hot tea. I definitely went through a mourning period and am still finding my way through this journey.

[summerseeker 2,398]

This is a tough surgery, its so difficult to believe we will ever eat normally again. I know from this forum that we will be able to eat take away foods in the future but just not to the extent that we could before. Yes I have felt loss and early on real regret because I had it tough. I personally am getting used to eating Chinese and Thai foods without the delicious rice and noodles. It just is not the same as before.

If I had the choice of big stomach back or keep my weight loss then in a heartbeat I would say I love the new me so 'meh' to the carbs

[SuziDavis 549]

24 minutes ago, naynay77 said:

When I first came home from the hospital, there were all these pizza commercials on and pizza was my favorite food. All I could think about was pizza and cake. Since then I tried the ricotta bake and the no crust pizza and it subsided those thoughts, but I find that I don't like pizza/marina based foods like spaghetti and lasagna anymore. The sauce is very acidic to me now and I no longer crave it or want it. Also, I used to love chicken tenders and French fries, but after taking a bite, it made me feel so sick that I don't want fried foods or high fatty foods anymore either or half and half in my coffee or hot tea. I definitely went through a mourning period and am still finding my way through this journey.

Your tastes will change big time, I can't eat certain things anymore and its stuff I used to love. I think it makes life easier.

[The Greater Fool 2,072]

Similar to you @amylittlelbs, I was a binge eater pre-op. My feelings were if one was good ten was better. As you said, therapy would not hurt.

Since my Gastric Bypass was open, meaning I was cut open from stem to stern and closed up with about 35 staples plus a bonus drain. Needless to say I was in a fair bit of pain. Unfortunately, even pre-op, pain made eating nearly impossible. My plan in the first 6 weeks called for pureed foods, 3 meals of 3oz Protein + 1oz veggies. It didn't take long for me to want anything I could actually chew. Puree just doesn't satisfy the need. My fantasies ran to any chewable food.

In the puree period, after I got my staples out which got rid a most of my pain, I found eating extra flavorful and extra spicy food items. It was much better than bland. Even pureed flavorful food is still favorable, so it made bland, mush into flavorful, well, mush.

Having learned how much flavor and spice helped during puree I continued the same with my food food, I just kept the portions to plan size. I did all sorts of Thai food focusing on the meat portions with some of the spicy sauces. Mongolian BBQ made plenty of appearances. Same with Italian foods, but watched the sauces because of the tendency toward fat, but I had enough to get the flavor. I could do a lot of spicy and bold flavors on 3-4oz of protein and 1oz of veggies per meal.

Cravings: I certainly had cravings to which I gave in as often as necessary while staying within my plan. You specifically mentioned pizza which should be no problem if you can live without the crust, which I did when my family had pizza.

Motivation: You had motivation and it's understandable that it could waiver when you believe the idea that you can never eat good food again. Who cares if your thin if you can't enjoy a big part of your life that good food can be.

How can you succeed if you feel completely deprived.

The truth is that you can be compliant to your plan and still eat wonderful flavors. The key element to our post-op eating is portion size, focusing on protein first. You will enjoy your meals and the happiness you once received by overeating you will now associate with healthy, flavorful meals.

You will hopefully never return to your previous eating habits, but you can establish new ones that will be just as satisfying in different ways. You will be able to enjoy eating wonderful foods, living a healthier life, and you may be able to participate in things that currently elude you.

Good luck,

Tek

[RaiderRhode 36]

I'm so glad to see this post and all the responses. I have surgery on monday and I'm so afraid I'm going to regret it because I love food. I just keep reminding myself that I love myself more than I love food, I'm doing this for my health more than anything. Its still lingering in my mind, because culturally food has been such a big thing, but as far as I can tell I can try things later on in smaller portions or find healthier alternatives.

[bypass24jan2023 14]

I’m nearly three weeks and have been on an emotional roller coaster but I’m already getting better through talking honestly with my surgeon, asking questions of him, reminding myself of my why and just accepting it’s done! Get on with it haha

I will be seeing a therapist though but after 10 days of tears I had enough of myself.

One thing I don’t do now is google or check historical threads. I’m keen to live for now and the future, what will be will be.

[SuziDavis 549]

16 hours ago, bypass24jan2023 said:

I’m nearly three weeks and have been on an emotional roller coaster but I’m already getting better through talking honestly with my surgeon, asking questions of him, reminding myself of my why and just accepting it’s done! Get on with it haha

I will be seeing a therapist though but after 10 days of tears I had enough of myself.

One thing I don’t do now is google or check historical threads. I’m keen to live for now and the future, what will be will be.

It definitely helps to have people going through the same. Your family won't get it. This forum has helped out so much.

[smc124 118]

I’m struggling right now too. I’m not regretting but wishing there was a fast forward. Like you I take adderall for adhd and had similar eating pattern before starting this process with not eating much during the day but then a huge meal in evening -often a take away when the adderall wears off.

I’m having a bit of the opposite problem. I’m finding food really unappealing right now. Just looking at a piece of meat (especially grilled chicken and Turkey meatballs)or smelling it is enough to turn me off. I’m struggling to tolerate vegetables, I’m still experiencing nausea semi regularly. Worse than all of those things I have really low energy. I may be 60lbs lighter than I was 6 months ago when I had my first consultation with my surgeon but I the tiredness I feel 10 weeks out from surgery is as if I was still dragging that weight around.

I try to be very active and truly enjoy excercise esp swimming and weightlifting which I do in the mornings but by 4pm the exhaustion strikes and by 6p it’s like the thought of getting out of bed let alone preparing dinner feels like a gargantuan task.

I’m exceeding my Protein and hydration targets and feel like I’m following all the rules, the weight loss feels controlled and stable, but I now seem to dread eating and am dreaming of the days I’ll see my pre surgery energy level. So even know I remain positive about the outlook overall in future, real time feelings in the present moment are like you somewhat miserable. And you know what, I think it’s okay to feel that way and not pretend everything is great. The reality is change comes from struggle and rewriting a lifetime of psychologically treating food as a comfort or enemy, or indulgence rather than what it truly is - the fuel for our bodies - at least for me probably requires this misery to reset.

Wishing you some comfort to cravings. One food joy I was able to find was creating a Greek yogurt topping bar, having previously never liked Greek yogurt this now is a bright spot in my food day. I hope can find at least one comfort like me.

Early on I did also have mental craving for egg rolls and other normal foods so I think what you experiencing is probably normal - since you mentioned Chinese I’m linking to a recipe that satisfied that craving for me. You should be able to have it as soon as you are allowed veg.
https://stylishcravings.com/low-carb-easy-make-egg-roll-bowl/

Again hoping you find comfort soon and if you ever need to vent feel free to message me.

[amylittlelbs 10]

These responses are really lovely, I've had such a bad experience in Facebook groups getting lecturered telling me this year is the most I'll make of the surgery ... they're right but I don't need lectures. I need reassurance, so thanks everyone.

I'm really trying my best to think of this as a positive and remind myself of the above, because I know I'll feel worse if a year down the line I didn't lose as much as I wanted.

I still struggle with the cravings and guilt of cravings but I'm coping ...

On 2/9/2023 at 7:49 PM, SuziDavis said:

Your tastes will change big time, I can't eat certain things anymore and its stuff I used to love. I think it makes life easier.

I don't have to have my hopes up on this, I swear I've been out of the norm since the day of surgery. I was told I wouldn't crave certain things, I'd struggle to eat my whole portion per sitting etc - and so far I've had the cravings (worse than pre-op) and I'm able to eat my whole portion in a sitting. I'd love for this to be the case and not enjoy some of the foods I did, but I don't want to put false hope on myself

20 hours ago, bypass24jan2023 said:

I’m nearly three weeks and have been on an emotional roller coaster but I’m already getting better through talking honestly with my surgeon, asking questions of him, reminding myself of my why and just accepting it’s done! Get on with it haha

I will be seeing a therapist though but after 10 days of tears I had enough of myself.

One thing I don’t do now is google or check historical threads. I’m keen to live for now and the future, what will be will be.

If you need a chat, please drop me a message. Seems like we're in the same boat! I've left the facebook groups and trying really hard to not compare myself to others, hopefully that'll help us

22 hours ago, RaiderRhode said:

I'm so glad to see this post and all the responses. I have surgery on monday and I'm so afraid I'm going to regret it because I love food. I just keep reminding myself that I love myself more than I love food, I'm doing this for my health more than anything. Its still lingering in my mind, because culturally food has been such a big thing, but as far as I can tell I can try things later on in smaller portions or find healthier alternatives.

Keep that thought strong in your head! I know what it felt like once, part of my problem is that I was so close to surgery a few years ago and was shattered so I went off the rails and lost motivation. I'm yet to find the motivation to look forward to a healthier me, I'm sure I'll get there!

[BigSue 1,430]

I'm 2.5 years post-op from gastric bypass. I think weight loss surgery can help make major changes to your relationship with food and eating, but it takes a lot of time and work to undo the habits and mindset you've developed throughout your life up to this point.

I had read that a lot of people experience changes in their tastes after surgery, and I hoped that would be the case for me but was not optimistic. I mentioned this hope to the psychiatrist during my psych eval for the surgery, and he kind of laughed at this idea and told me not to count on it. I've always been a picky eater with a long list of vegetables and cuisines that I wouldn't eat. Some people say that after surgery, food tastes different (e.g., anything sweet tastes too sweet), but that was not my experience, so I figured I wasn't one of the lucky ones whose tastes would change.

Well, fast-forward to now and my tastes have changed... sort of. It's hard to explain because foods taste the same now as they did before surgery, but my likes and dislikes have changed a lot. I used to hate seafood and now I love it. I eat all kinds of vegetables that I used to hate. I'm not sure if my tastes have changed or I just have more of an open mind, or maybe having to go through the pre-op liquid diet and post-op stages made me appreciate real food more when I reintroduced it. Either way, I'm eating healthy foods every day and loving them.

Before surgery, I loved watching cooking shows like Top Chef and Great British Baking Show. For the first several months after surgery, I couldn't bear to watch cooking shows. I hated even seeing food commercials on TV. It just made me sad and angry to see foods that I could no longer eat. But eventually, I got to a point where I could see food and cooking without the emotional attachment. I can watch Great British Baking Show and appreciate the cakes and Cookies they make without being sad that I can't eat them.

Once I got to the point of reintroducing solid food, I put a lot of effort into recreating "bariatric-friendly" versions of foods I used to eat -- especially pizza. Pizza was my kryptonite, and before surgery, I could not get enough pizza. I could have eaten pizza every day and never gotten tired of it. After surgery, I tried chicken crust pizza, and making pizza with low-carb tortilla for the crust, topped with sugar-free marinara, low fat mozzarella, and turkey pepperoni. But I also started trying healthy recipes that I found on Pinterest, and eventually, I stopped craving pizza. I haven't had anything resembling pizza (even a healthy version) in well over a year and I don't care. If you put two plates in front of me, one with a slice of pizza and one with grilled salmon and roasted vegetables, I would go straight for the salmon and not even be tempted by the pizza. This is just wild to me because three years ago, I wouldn't have eaten salmon if it were the only food available, and I never could have passed up a slice of pizza.

Sometimes I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience because before surgery, I couldn't imagine being the health nut with a refrigerator full of fresh produce and no junk food in the house, eating grilled fish and cauliflower rice and salad with fat-free dressing, but here I am. I am constantly finding new, healthy, delicious recipes. Every single day, I eat healthy food and think, "Holy crap, this is delicious!" I honestly enjoy food more now than I did when I was eating whatever I wanted with wild abandon. It took me a long time to get here, and I can't promise that you or anyone else will have the same experiences after weight loss surgery, but my relationship with food has changed more than I could have imagined.

[Blessd1 68]

2 hours ago, BigSue said:

I'm 2.5 years post-op from gastric bypass. I think weight loss surgery can help make major changes to your relationship with food and eating, but it takes a lot of time and work to undo the habits and mindset you've developed throughout your life up to this point.

I had read that a lot of people experience changes in their tastes after surgery, and I hoped that would be the case for me but was not optimistic. I mentioned this hope to the psychiatrist during my psych eval for the surgery, and he kind of laughed at this idea and told me not to count on it. I've always been a picky eater with a long list of vegetables and cuisines that I wouldn't eat. Some people say that after surgery, food tastes different (e.g., anything sweet tastes too sweet), but that was not my experience, so I figured I wasn't one of the lucky ones whose tastes would change.

Well, fast-forward to now and my tastes have changed... sort of. It's hard to explain because foods taste the same now as they did before surgery, but my likes and dislikes have changed a lot. I used to hate seafood and now I love it. I eat all kinds of vegetables that I used to hate. I'm not sure if my tastes have changed or I just have more of an open mind, or maybe having to go through the pre-op liquid diet and post-op stages made me appreciate real food more when I reintroduced it. Either way, I'm eating healthy foods every day and loving them.

Before surgery, I loved watching cooking shows like Top Chef and Great British Baking Show. For the first several months after surgery, I couldn't bear to watch cooking shows. I hated even seeing food commercials on TV. It just made me sad and angry to see foods that I could no longer eat. But eventually, I got to a point where I could see food and cooking without the emotional attachment. I can watch Great British Baking Show and appreciate the cakes and Cookies they make without being sad that I can't eat them.

Once I got to the point of reintroducing solid food, I put a lot of effort into recreating "bariatric-friendly" versions of foods I used to eat -- especially pizza. pizza was my kryptonite, and before surgery, I could not get enough pizza. I could have eaten pizza every day and never gotten tired of it. After surgery, I tried chicken crust pizza, and making pizza with low-carb tortilla for the crust, topped with sugar-free marinara, low fat mozzarella, and turkey pepperoni. But I also started trying healthy recipes that I found on Pinterest, and eventually, I stopped craving pizza. I haven't had anything resembling pizza (even a healthy version) in well over a year and I don't care. If you put two plates in front of me, one with a slice of pizza and one with grilled salmon and roasted vegetables, I would go straight for the salmon and not even be tempted by the pizza. This is just wild to me because three years ago, I wouldn't have eaten salmon if it were the only food available, and I never could have passed up a slice of pizza.

Sometimes I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience because before surgery, I couldn't imagine being the health nut with a refrigerator full of fresh produce and no junk food in the house, eating grilled fish and cauliflower rice and salad with fat-free dressing, but here I am. I am constantly finding new, healthy, delicious recipes. Every single day, I eat healthy food and think, "Holy crap, this is delicious!" I honestly enjoy food more now than I did when I was eating whatever I wanted with wild abandon. It took me a long time to get here, and I can't promise that you or anyone else will have the same experiences after weight loss surgery, but my relationship with food has changed more than I could have imagined.

Thanks so much @BigSuefor this thoughtful and honest response. This is why I love this forum!

I'm six weeks out from a planned gastric bypass and really struggling to wrap my head around the fact that my relationship with food will change permanently. I'm sincerely hoping that it's for the better, much the way you have described. Thanks for sharing, it does bring some comfort. 🙂

[naynay77 31]

2 hours ago, BigSue said:

I'm 2.5 years post-op from gastric bypass. I think weight loss surgery can help make major changes to your relationship with food and eating, but it takes a lot of time and work to undo the habits and mindset you've developed throughout your life up to this point.

I had read that a lot of people experience changes in their tastes after surgery, and I hoped that would be the case for me but was not optimistic. I mentioned this hope to the psychiatrist during my psych eval for the surgery, and he kind of laughed at this idea and told me not to count on it. I've always been a picky eater with a long list of vegetables and cuisines that I wouldn't eat. Some people say that after surgery, food tastes different (e.g., anything sweet tastes too sweet), but that was not my experience, so I figured I wasn't one of the lucky ones whose tastes would change.

Well, fast-forward to now and my tastes have changed... sort of. It's hard to explain because foods taste the same now as they did before surgery, but my likes and dislikes have changed a lot. I used to hate seafood and now I love it. I eat all kinds of vegetables that I used to hate. I'm not sure if my tastes have changed or I just have more of an open mind, or maybe having to go through the pre-op liquid diet and post-op stages made me appreciate real food more when I reintroduced it. Either way, I'm eating healthy foods every day and loving them.

Before surgery, I loved watching cooking shows like Top Chef and Great British Baking Show. For the first several months after surgery, I couldn't bear to watch cooking shows. I hated even seeing food commercials on TV. It just made me sad and angry to see foods that I could no longer eat. But eventually, I got to a point where I could see food and cooking without the emotional attachment. I can watch Great British Baking Show and appreciate the cakes and Cookies they make without being sad that I can't eat them.

Once I got to the point of reintroducing solid food, I put a lot of effort into recreating "bariatric-friendly" versions of foods I used to eat -- especially pizza. pizza was my kryptonite, and before surgery, I could not get enough pizza. I could have eaten pizza every day and never gotten tired of it. After surgery, I tried chicken crust pizza, and making pizza with low-carb tortilla for the crust, topped with sugar-free marinara, low fat mozzarella, and turkey pepperoni. But I also started trying healthy recipes that I found on Pinterest, and eventually, I stopped craving pizza. I haven't had anything resembling pizza (even a healthy version) in well over a year and I don't care. If you put two plates in front of me, one with a slice of pizza and one with grilled salmon and roasted vegetables, I would go straight for the salmon and not even be tempted by the pizza. This is just wild to me because three years ago, I wouldn't have eaten salmon if it were the only food available, and I never could have passed up a slice of pizza.

Sometimes I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience because before surgery, I couldn't imagine being the health nut with a refrigerator full of fresh produce and no junk food in the house, eating grilled fish and cauliflower rice and salad with fat-free dressing, but here I am. I am constantly finding new, healthy, delicious recipes. Every single day, I eat healthy food and think, "Holy crap, this is delicious!" I honestly enjoy food more now than I did when I was eating whatever I wanted with wild abandon. It took me a long time to get here, and I can't promise that you or anyone else will have the same experiences after weight loss surgery, but my relationship with food has changed more than I could have imagined.

I'm so grateful for your post also. I've been craving seafood like crazy, however I'm still having a hard time with vegetables. I changed from liking half and half to wanting fairlife high Protein lactose free skim milk. Before surgery I could eat grapenuts Cereal in half and half now that makes me nauseous just from the thought of it. Half and half smells like butter to me, it's really hard to explain. I'm petrified of eating anything fried because of how sick it makes me, before surgery I ate fried chicken strips almost daily telling myself that it was healthy..... While I still miss my relationship with pizza and fried chicken strips, I'm learning to enjoy my new relationship with food. I'm grateful for this forum because I can reach out to others who are going through the same thing that I am and I can talk through it or research it and realize that I'm not alone. That sometimes this to shall pass or this is my new normal.

[MarTheTeacher 7]

On 2/9/2023 at 5:28 PM, bypass24jan2023 said:

I’m nearly three weeks and have been on an emotional roller coaster but I’m already getting better through talking honestly with my surgeon, asking questions of him, reminding myself of my why and just accepting it’s done! Get on with it haha

I will be seeing a therapist though but after 10 days of tears I had enough of myself.

One thing I don’t do now is google or check historical threads. I’m keen to live for now and the future, what will be will be.

how are you feeling now.