Negative comments from family members

[Jennimic 32]

18 hours ago, fourmonthspreop said:

I just need to vent because im so upset about this sometimes. Does anyone deal with negative comments from family members about your surgery? It's not so much about the fact that I got surgery but moreso constant questioning of my success. Like they're always like "what's gonna stop you from just gaining it all back?" "You might just go back to your old habits." "How are things gonna be any different this time?" "You got to the point of needing weight loss surgery to lose weight so how can you be successful?" That's actually what my brother just said to me and it made me so sad and upset. I've been working so hard to do it right this time but they just discredit me like it's another half baked idea. I wish they'd just tell me I got this and not question my dedication. I put in so much work to get where I am both mentally and physically. I made a comment about making sugar free brownie dip for my birthday and my family member said "isn't that what got you to this point in the first place, wanting to eat things like that?" And it just broke me like I'm not allowed to still Celebrate things with food. The all or nothing mindset is what drove my binge eating for years. All I want is to have a healthy relationship with all food and I'm finally in a place where I feel like I can, and then these comments are made. They make me feel like a failure or that I'm thinking incorrectly. I know deep down how far I've come but some days it really gets to me and tears me down. I'm sorry at this point I'm just venting. I just wish they'd recognize my successes and not constantly question my ability. Ughhhh

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Whew....that is a lot and I am so so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else. I do hope you realize that the problem is squarely on their shoulders. Over the past few years I made the decision to not allow people to speak to me this way. You will need to take a stand for yourself and tell this person that their negative comments are no longer welcomed on this subject and unless they have something positive to contribute, they can keep their negativity to themselves.

P.S. You have got this

[Guest]

18 hours ago, fourmonthspreop said:

"You got to the point of needing weight loss surgery to lose weight so how can you be successful?"

Just rereading your post and I find this to be an absolutely grotesque comment. How can you be successful? Because that's the definition of success: overcoming.

[fourmonthspreop 525]

Yeah. It's crazy how the people close to me just don't believe in me. Most days I handle it really well but sometimes it all comes to a boiling point and I need to let it out somewhere.

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[Spinoza 1,526]

Sorry you're getting this from the very people who should be urging you on. I'm another person who has only told my partner and children. Most people have no idea what bariatric surgery involves and the dedication it takes to make it work for you. But despite all this - YOU'RE DOING IT and that's the best way to prove you were right!!!!! 💪

[Jennimic 32]

18 minutes ago, fourmonthspreop said:

Yeah. It's crazy how the people close to me just don't believe in me. Most days I handle it really well but sometimes it all comes to a boiling point and I need to let it out somewhere.

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Completely understand, vent away, we have got you!!

[Guest]

18 minutes ago, fourmonthspreop said:

Yeah. It's crazy how the people close to me just don't believe in me. Most days I handle it really well but sometimes it all comes to a boiling point and I need to let it out somewhere.

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Just remember you have everything you need to be successful already and you know that because you're already on the road to success. You are the hero of your own story.

[ShoppGirl 5,076]

I forget how lucky I am to have supportive people around me. That being said I didn’t tell my mom until after I had the surgery for just that reason. I wasn’t sure how she would react. Turns out she was just very curious about it and still doesn’t really understand but that’s better than what you are dealing with. I’m so sorry. It sounds to me like they may actually be a bit jealous that you have set yourself up to succeed. Perhaps that makes them not love what they see when they look in the mirror so to speak. Regardless of why they are acting the way they are though you didn’t do any of this for their approval. Just try to keep that in mind.

[berryboo97 16]

Yes, which is why I have not told anyone outside of my realm of those who I know will support me.

I agree with telling them it is no longer up for discussion. Depending on your relationship with then maybe let them know those comments are very negative.

I know for me, people who make this comments have a tendency to make comments about everything/anything I do in other areas of my life. Which I started setting boundaries not allowing those who demean or belittle me in mg circle. Not blaming them, but at the same time these folks are the same one that makes me want to emotional eat and never want to help be part of the solution.


Just remember to take care of you, and you are doing this for you. Speak up!
Those who are bothered by you speaking up don’t matter (let them go) and those who matter don’t mind you speaking up. They will be respectful and understanding.

[thinblueline 63]

First of all you are NOT a failure you are doing what makes you happy and getting healthy if they cant see that then its on them the name calling and making you feel like you have nothing to offer they are dead wrong i'm proud of you and you should be proud you losing weight is not at all easy so try and be gentle with you and do your best to ignore them and if they have nothing nice to say to you then just walk away tune them out and act as though they dont exist, take are of yourself and remember you're worth it plus they sound jealous because of all the hard work you know they see you're doing, keep in touch if you want , it would be nice to make friends and chat with, plus i am brand new on here, take care...😎

[fourmonthspreop 525]

Thanks everyone...really. Your encouragement means a lot to me. I want this so bad and will put myself first.
Also hi! Welcome to the community. Feel free to message me. I'm always around for a chat.

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[amypeanutsunshine 4]

I am sorry [emoji17] you don't have the best support. Hopefully they stop and realize you are doing this to better your health, life and don't let the negative comments get if you need send me a message I am here for you. My family don't have any positive comments for me and the surgery I am doing to get health from my weight.[emoji6][emoji3]

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[LilaNicole20 254]

What sucks about this is that you’re still in a trauma environment and it may be the stress that you’re feeling that is causing you to want that brownie dip. We could  learn to break the unhealthy relationships we have with food - and that includes not using food to Celebrate life but instead using food to nourish and sustain. I’m not trying to correct you - just an analysis. The trauma keeps repeating. How old are you? Can you move away from them? It is hard to establish boundaries with our primary families but that is what is required here. They need to know that they cannot talk to you like that anymore. You need positive support or no support. Not passive aggressive comments that tell you they’re betting against you. That’s not a fair starting place. 

I think they are afraid to see you succeed and they’re unaware of what their words are doing to you.
Prove them wrong. Prove yourself right.
This is the season that we bet on ourselves!

Chin up. You got this.

[LilaNicole20 254]

Also, eat the sugar free brownie dip. Just don’t over do it all at once. Quench the craving and then save it for next time. Brownie often has a lot of oil, so you want to avoid that. 

[Rachael101 28]

Sounds very toxic honestly, I couldn't take that kind of attitude day in day out. All i can say is put the family on a back burner and focus on yourself because you and your journey is much more important then anything they could ever say!

Edited March 21, 2022 by Rachael101

[ms.sss 15,861]

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

It sucks that they suck, but u can’t change them any more than they can change you.

If you can’t just physically leave the situation, just let them say their peace and reply with something like “you are right, i’ll think about it”, or something equally non-commital. People love being told they are right.

Then change the subject.

Good luck! ❤️ We are rooting for you!

Edited March 21, 2022 by ms.sss