My husband and I separated a couple months ago and are just waiting on court availability to finalize our divorce. I’ve just started dipping my toe in the dating world. It’s fun on some levels. However, I can’t help but feel a little (probably misplaced) resentment. Suddenly I’m a bit of a hot commodity. While on dating websites before my marriage, when I was 140 lbs heavier, I had few show interest. Now I’m overwhelmed with messages. It kind of messes with my brain to go from someone seen as undesirable to someone desirable. I’m still the same person, just in different packaging I guess. It’s frustrating to realize how much my value as a person was minimized due to my weight ?

I've been married for a long time but registered for the "BBF" module on Bumble (Bumble is, of course, a dating site - but they have a module for people just looking for (same sex) friends - the BBF module). A couple of times I've switched over to the dating module for a few minutes, just out of curiosity. It's pretty clear on my profile that I'm married and not looking, but the couple of times I've gotten on the dating side for like 15 minutes, I'm suddenly bombarded with "likes" (or whatever they call them). WTH? Of course, I don't respond since I'm not in the market, but like you, I wonder if this would have happened when I was 200 lbs heavier. Doubtful.

Proceed with caution on Dating sites.

I think that people will test many boundaries/limits because there are very few real world repercussions for dishonesty.

Also, looks seem to matter the most on apps that are basically 5 second interviews.

That being said I met my BF on a dating site (post WLS & pre plastics)

Good luck! ❤️

On 05/19/2021 at 11:01, GreenTealael said:

Proceed with caution on Dating sites.

I think that people will test many boundaries/limits because there are very few real world repercussions for dishonesty.



Also, looks seem to matter the most on apps that are basically 5 second interviews.

That being said I met my BF on a dating site (post WLS & pre plastics)

Good luck! ❤️

For sure! Being a psych nurse I have a highly attuned BS detector ?

1 hour ago, catwoman7 said:

I've been married for a long time but registered for the "BBF" module on Bumble (Bumble is, of course, a dating site - but they have a module for people just looking for (same sex) friends - the BBF module). A couple of times I've switched over to the dating module for a few minutes, just out of curiosity. It's pretty clear on my profile that I'm married and not looking, but the couple of times I've gotten on the dating side for like 15 minutes, I'm suddenly bombarded with "likes" (or whatever they call them). WTH? Of course, I don't respond since I'm not in the market, but like you, I wonder if this would have happened when I was 200 lbs heavier. Doubtful.

Does your spouse know of your curiosity?

3 minutes ago, Darkerthanblack1964 said:

Does your spouse know of your curiosity?

yep - I told him I got on that module and what happened. I'm not curious in that I want to date anyone. I just wanted to see what kind of men in the 50-70 age group get on these things. Answer: lots.

They are most likely chatbots.

2 hours ago, kristieshannon said:

For sure! Being a psych nurse I have a highly attuned BS detector ?

Catfishing is still a huge problem ?

I met my husband online 18 years ago. It's is crazy. Had a guy with a picture of a couple in his profile. Me: - sorry I don't talk to married guys. Him - It's okay. My wife picks them out for me. Me - ? Now, I'm not shaming anyone if that's your lifestyle. I was just really naive 18 yrs ago and didn't think that that REALLY happened in real life!

13 minutes ago, njlimmer said:

I met my husband online 18 years ago. It's is crazy. Had a guy with a picture of a couple in his profile. Me: - sorry I don't talk to married guys. Him - It's okay. My wife picks them out for me. Me - ? Now, I'm not shaming anyone if that's your lifestyle. I was just really naive 18 yrs ago and didn't think that that REALLY happened in real life!

I'm kind of wondering if some of these guys who "liked" me might have thought I was in an open marriage or something. I made it pretty clear on my profile that I was married and not in the market, but I guess they either don't read...or don't care. Or again, that I'm in an open marriage. At any rate, of course I never responded to any of them. But it was just...weird.

7 minutes ago, catwoman7 said:

I'm kind of wondering if some of these guys who "liked" me might have thought I was in an open marriage or something. I made it pretty clear on my profile that I was married and not in the market, but I guess they either don't read...or don't care. Or again, that I'm in an open marriage. At any rate, of course I never responded to any of them. But it was just...weird.

They don't read it. On my profile, I was pretty honest about what I was looking for. Another guy messaged me and said he was looking for a bisexual who would wear black leather and participate in swinging. (Again...no shame to anyone but that was NOWHERE on my profile.) I told him that I didn't think I was what he was looking for. He told me that I'd never know unless I tried. Also, the number of guys who tried to get me to go away with them. One guy told me he'd take me to Jamaica - we had never met or anything. I have a better sense of self-preservation than that!

1 minute ago, njlimmer said:

They don't read it. On my profile, I was pretty honest about what I was looking for. Another guy messaged me and said he was looking for a bisexual who would wear black leather and participate in swinging. (Again...no shame to anyone but that was NOWHERE on my profile.) I told him that I didn't think I was what he was looking for. He told me that I'd never know unless I tried. Also, the number of guys who tried to get me to go away with them. One guy told me he'd take me to Jamaica - we had never met or anything. I have a better sense of self-preservation than that!

OMG - that would freak me out!!! I'd probably end up deleting my profile!

4 hours ago, njlimmer said:

They don't read it. On my profile, I was pretty honest about what I was looking for. Another guy messaged me and said he was looking for a bisexual who would wear black leather and participate in swinging. (Again...no shame to anyone but that was NOWHERE on my profile.) I told him that I didn't think I was what he was looking for. He told me that I'd never know unless I tried. Also, the number of guys who tried to get me to go away with them. One guy told me he'd take me to Jamaica - we had never met or anything. I have a better sense of self-preservation than that!

I had a guy (in real life, not online) ask me out for the first time by asking if I wanted to go to Hawaii with him. I mean, dude really...can we start with coffee first? LOL ?

13 hours ago, Jaelzion said:

I had a guy (in real life, not online) ask me out for the first time by asking if I wanted to go to Hawaii with him. I mean, dude really...can we start with coffee first? LOL ?

Did you take him up on any offer?

I did online dating a lot many years ago. I got one very good relationship out of it. We eventually stopped dating, but we're still very close (I'm visiting him this weekend - it's complicated). After that guy and I broke up I met another guy and we went out for about a month until he broke up with me because he wasn't attracted to my body type - and that was after I had just lost 100 lbs. I was devastated. Of course, we're still friends, and I met some wonderful people through him.

I don't know where people meet if not online. I work from home, I don't go to religious services, and I'm no longer in college. I'm definitely not going to hang out in bars, since I don't drink and I can't hear a darned thing in loud places. Maybe after I lose weight if I'm feeling secure enough I'll try online dating again, but I still am very picky. I am happy with my complicated relationship with my ex-boyfriend (the one I'm visiting) except that he doesn't like to travel and that's my passion.

Join something. Learn to play golf, tennis, kayaking, dance lessons, biking, rowing, the gun range, archery, bowling. The more you widen the circle the more people you meet, go one town over for some of these.

Or volunteer somewhere, habitat for hummanity, the humane shelter.

Edited July 13, 20215 yr by Sosewsue61