I really need some support right now. This is long, so I apologize in advance. This board was just the best place for me to turn to.

I have 2 best friends - I've been friends with both of them for 26 years (since I was 5). One ® is obese, the other (K) has basically been a size 6 or 8 her whole life, and is just trying to lose the last 10 lbs from her pregnancy.

My obese friend ® is the one who invited me to attend the lapband seminar with her. Afterwards, with the information, I was much at ease and begin considering it, especially since it was much less dangerous than gastric bypass, and I know at least 5 people who have successfully had gastric. It turned out R's insurance excluded the surgery, but I've been approved and am having it Dec 28th.

So far, only my mom, dad, and my friend "R" who invited me to the seminar know that I'm having lapband surgery.

Out of the blue today, my skinny friend "K" asked if I ever went to that seminar with "R" and what she thought of it. I told her it wasn't covered under her insurance, and she said "Good" and then started talking about how she didn't think people should have surgery just to lose weight, etc.

So I'm sitting here, knowing I'm having it in 3 weeks listening to this (which reaffirmed my decision not to tell her because she obviously won't be supportive). I did make a comment to her that when people have 100-150 lbs to lose, its practically impossible to lose it on your own and keep it off. She said yeah, I've been trying to just lose 10 lbs.

To make a long story short, now I am doubting myself. Wondering if I am putting myself at risk of dying "just to lose weight" when I could leave my 15 year old son without a mother. He will be out of town with my father when I have the surgery. He sees his dad, who doesn't even pay child support or attend his birthday parties or sports events, etc 2 days a month. His dad lives a totally different lifestyle - its always been just the two of us (me & my son). I couldn't forgive myself if I elected to do something that caused my son to lose me (even though I guess I would be dead I wouldn't even know).

As you can see, my state of mind is not good right now...I don't know why I am letting my friend affect me like this. Now I'm thinking about death. Something that I hadn't really worried about after I saw the video of the actual surgery.

I've always had a fear of dying and leaving my son to end up living with his father. It took a lot for me to be strong enough to undergo this surgery. Its not a decision I took lightly. I've had surgery before (cesearean when I had him) and that was much more invasive, and I was up taking care of him the next day, and obviously I lived.

I don't know what I'm looking for in writing this post......maybe just letting my fears out, maybe asking if others had the same fear, or dealt with the same situation with a friend. I should be able to tell my best friend that I'm having surgery, but she has always been a very judgemental person.

Thanks in advance for any wise words....

((((big old giant hugs)))) for you!!! You have helped your son see you in a new light. You have forged a whole new bond with him, and showed him, you have begun thinking of him as a man.

I am willing to bet he will be one of your biggest supporters! Glad Dad come through too---and I like that you eased sons mind, should something ever happen to you from whatever cause.

Sounds like you are on your way---------good Luck----it has been such an awesome change with my band, I love it, only wish I had discovered it sooner!

Congrats on taking charge of your new life!!

Kat

I'm curious how your obese friend who couldn't get the surgery felt knowing that you will get it and she can't? Was she supportive? Jealous? is she going to pay for one herself?

The reason I ask is because I'm in a situation right now where me and two other friends are all obese and me and one of them are going for the lap band, but the third one can't. I'm not sure how the third one will feel when/if we get ours and start losing. It's always been us three chubbies everywhere, going out to eat, etc, and now she might feel left out or something....

Good point! It would be terribly difficult to be the left out one, whether intentional or not. You want what is best for your friends, but you want it for you too! Difficult situation.

Kat

She has been very supportive. I did feel really bad that I am getting it done, when I went to the seminar to support her because I knew she wouldn't go along. So I credit her for bringing me there, where I got accurate information and was able to make this choice. At first, I felt very guilty any time I would brint it up.

I did talk to her, and I asked her if it bothered her for me to talk about it - that I did not want to be insensitive to her. I asked her to be honest, that I wouldn't be offended and I would totally understand.

But she is glad one of us can get it, and she says I am her "guinea pig" for the surgery. Both her and her husband plan to change jobs within the next year, so she's hoping that they will get new insurance coverage.

She has been a great friend and has supported me so much in this. I think it may be harder once I lose a lot of weight, but I think we will make it through that. After 26 years, we've made it thru worst!

I told my Dad and step-mom the other night that I was getting the band...the first thing out of both their mouths was "OMG you aren't really going to do something that risky??" I immediately told them that I didn't want to hear any negativity about this and they could either support me or not say anything at all. Why are people so afraid of change? Now if something goes wrong all I will hear is "We told you not to do this". If everything goes well, I won't get an apology for their negativity!! And unfortunately, my whole family except my grown children are like that! But I don't care what they think! I am doing this to live longer and be healthier. Hang in there.