Hi all,

I suffered from Anorexia in my teen years. I was still overweight then, but would not eat for 5-13 days at a time, starving myself, then I would binge. When I got into my 20's it was just too hard to do...I was too hungry to starve myself, plus I was living in the real world with a job and school, so I had to eat.

Now that I have the band, I find it easier for these feelings of being able to deny myself food and not eat. It gives me the same feeling of "control" that I used to have when I was an anorexic.

For example, I just had revision surgery 2 days ago and I haven't eaten anything yet. I am afraid to eat, because sometimes once you start eating, the hunger comes back. I am not on a post-op diet (not required by dr) but I am choosing to not eat mainly because I want to lose weight. These port problems have set me back on my progress and I am desperate to make this work! I did have a Protein shake yesterday though, bc I figure I need to protein to heal.

Just wondering if anyone has struggled with these same feelings?

I understand it and I feel it too. Most days, I feel fine. I want to eat my healthy portions and good foods. A few days, I'm still prone to binging. And, yet a few more days, if I'm honest, I "enjoy" the emotional rollercoaster of not eating. I'll drink a couple of lattes, so there's no complete dearth of calories, but I enjoy the empty feeling.

It's just another variation on my food issues, though it's new, of course, since banding.

Tulip, I had a period of Anorexia, and Exercise Bulimia and just plain old compulsive overeating that left me heavy. I use a process called "The Work" to deal with the thinking that was behind alot of it. If you want, I would be glad to send you a kit with how to use this simple, free tool, and a mini-version of the book about it called "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. No charge - I just love to share it with other bandsters. Just email me your address at private@meetingyourmind.com and I will send it to you with a CD that explains it all too - it's excellent once you hear it in action and you do it with yourself (you can do it with others and that is very helpful too)

Never felt anorexic, but the head issues we all face are tough ones....... at most I've felt a tad bullemic because I'm a stress and speed eater........ sometimes I take a bite of chewy garlic bread and chew it for the texture and taste and then spit it out because I know that it will not go through.....

Yesterday I spent the day in tears because I was soooooo stressed and I COULD NOT EAT......... my dh was like.. (why are you crying?) and I just bawled harder saying..... I CAN'T EAT and I'm STRESSED and so this is OBVIOUSLY MY OUTLET.. so I've got to work on a better outlet and more import different habbits.........

(Off topic)

Damn Tracy! You look good! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the monthly photos, very good idea!

Interesting topic! I havent read all the replies so forgive me if I'm repeating but I think a lot of bandsters SOUND anorexic with the way they talk. They obviously secretly enjoy eating virtually nothing and it really worries me. Its so unhealthy and dysfunctional, the band is not meant to be enforced bulimia or anorexia, its a tool for managing a healthy intake of food and regulating out of control appetites.

It is not evil to enjoy food, to love cooking, eating and sharing food with your family, nor is it detrimental to a healthy diet. It is not necessary to log every bite you eat or live your life on a diet counting calories either - granted many people do like a strict disciplined routine and each to their own - but its not the only way to lose weight.

Many people seem to view their banded lives as punishment for having been bad before. I viewed mine as a way to take care of myself and treat myself with respect. I feed my body healthy, fresh and organic food and I love it! I enjoy everything I eat, I take a lot of care with what I eat for the most part (am prone to eating utter crap at times of stress and getting by on sweet carbs). Its a pleasure to be eating the way I do. I do get a thrill out of being full so quickly, anyone would after a lifetime of being a piggy, but I have always concentrated on healthy eating, not dieting.

What you want is to manage a balanced healthy enjoyable lifestyle, not simply swap one eating disorder for another. Living your life on a super strict diet, well you may have gotten your body healthier but have you really made the mental adjustment? Dieting is for losing weight and many people have to do it to lose, so its not unhealthy or wrong, but its not forever, you do need to be able to move onto more of a lifestyle. To be afraid of food and to have to "control" it in that way is not any improvement on being obese and out of control with your eating if you ask me.

Sorry if that offends but I think people totally miss the point of trying to achieve a life where food doesnt control you.<!-- google_ad_section_end --><!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

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Jacqui,

Well said. I am not in a battle, or at war with my beautiful sweet body anymore. I had to come to that, for me, BEFORE I got my band. I did a lot of work around my dysfunctional thoughts about body and food and self. And there is now NOTHING I hate about my body. It is my dearest and most loyal friend, even at 207#.

I got the band to better serve my body, myself, and others. I have no illusion that thinner will make me happier - tried that many times and it didn't work. I had to find Peace and Happiness and THEN I was ready to get healthy from a place of absolute love. It's very exciting and kind.

Thanks for your post!

First of all, it's a shame that cQQlgirl would make such comments regarding whether or not you're truly a recovering anorexic!!!!! It's unfortuate that many people don't have any education on this subject but choose to question whether or not individuals have really had an eating disorder. Do you think this is a game Tulip is playing? Like she really wants people to think she has or, still has an eating disorder for fun!!!!! cQQlgirl get educated before you make such comments!!! Tulip, I too suffer an eating disorder and have since the 6th grade. I've been in therapy for years, and I'm also in an eating disorder group for anorexics, binge eaters, and bulimics. As you know, they all have the same reasons for beginning. I would recommend trying to find a group in your area that supports eating disorders to help you thru this. I was affraid to tell my group that I was having the surgery for fear of what they would say..............they are supporting me and are ready to be there for me. I totally understand where you're coming from and know that you'll overcome this with help from someone that has knowledge in this matter. Bubblegum