I got my lapband on October 3rd. I lost my best friend on November 16th!

Here is the email that I received:

Dear Amy,

Well, this is not going to be what you want to get from me, but hey

"let's be honest before we start lying to each other". (That is what I normally say to her.) I'm really

sorry, but I am not going to be able to come up next weekend. (She was suppose to come up to Canada for the weekend.) As I always say, if you're not living on the edge- you're taking up too much space; however I seem to be way too close to the edge as of right now. I'm really trying to be rational and not get overly emotional while still

allowing myself to feel these days as that seems to be the healthiest

space for me. (I think she is preparing me for what is coming next...) Let me explain: this will be train of thought, stream of

consciousness style as that's when I can get most honest with myself.

Right now I need a break. I don't know how much of it is you, but I'm

definitely aware of how much of it is me. A lot of this will sound

accusatory; I wish it didn't. I've lied to you so much in the last few

months specifically about your weight loss surgery. I'm pretty sure that's

what got me started on the bad feelings. It wasn't all bad by

any means. It was actually so wonderful in my suspended world of

denial for awhile. I said most things to keep the peace and got so many

wonderful memories and good times recently, so it seemed worth it- but

it's seeping into the rest of my life and the web is getting too tangled

now. ( I told her a few months ago that I was having WLS and she seemed really cool with it. We had a fantastic summer, and had some kick-ass trips.) I wish I could have told you how much I didn't want you to

mutilate your body, how much I thought that there were other things that should have been tried first. (We talked in length about all of my options, and the proceedure.) I just went along with everything you said because I was afraid of making you angry. (This is so not true she ALWAYS speaks her mind. That is what I like about her.) I thought I was willing to exchange your happiness for my integrity, but it turns out I'm not. Now I cansee some of the fruits of your labor, not really the weight loss-(I have lost 30 pounds and two pant sizes; there is no way she could not tell!) I think I'm just programmed not to care about that; my family always

said I was so much happier in the arms of a 'big' person even as a

baby that my tummy would stop hurting and I would just fall asleep.(Huh???)

Still, I do see that you look healthy and seem to be proud of all your hard work. I want to be supportive, yet I'm not there. I might get there and I might never. I finally like my

body in the past couple of years, even more than I ever could have when I was thin. (She has been working out and I am very proud of her. She is not overweight.) I love how strong and energetic I always feel- not sick and weak like I did in college. Right now I just know that the holiday season is never really as easy

as I I also know that I have way too much wrapped up in

diet hell. I really can't begin to explain what any kind of food

restriction does to me, how emotional that issue is. Yes, you've

heard me say it- and unless I screamed it in the street for 24 hours

straight I fear you couldn't possibly get it. (She does not like it that I refuse to eat sugar and wheat product. I did not make her make me special meals, or eat different foods. I just didn't eat bread or sugar, and that freaked her out.) So that's the major

dilemma right now- how to deal supportively with you while dealing with that

side of me that just doesn't see a happy normal between us about this

issue. All I can see is that I'm terrified of being in a household

where the 'mother' has extreme diet restrictions and I just can't do it

right now. (I guess her mother dieted a lot.) I think it's making me hypersensitive to lots of other small

things. I can feel myself over-relating to you as if you were my mom

and I can't do that anymore. (Since I can't eat bread...therefore I must be her mom...I guess.) It will literally push me over the edge.

When I joke about walking a fine line, it's not really a joke. I

barely made it through this past weekend and I'm not ready to try it again

right now. I feel bad that I

lied to you. I want you to be so successful in your endeavor.

You feel bad you lied to me? How about writing me this email? Today I lost over 150 pound because of my lapband. She was my best friend for 25 years. I am so sad I am going to bed.

Cookielover, you carry on and be strong! I told one of my closest friends who weighs about 100 lbs more than i do and she was not supportive at all. Wantobeme....I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, I agree with you on this one.

One more thing...what kind of a friend ends 25 years because you don't want to eat wheat and sugar???? You are making her hypertensive, how dare you? LOL. Maybe it's the bread and sugar making her hypertensive, I know it makes me feel pretty cruddy when I eat it. You take care of you honey.

AND did I miss something b/c Amy your friend is not skinny and as a fellow fat chick I can call her not skinny! NOT SKINNY

Guess the one good thing about us all having this done is you will find out who your real friends are in the end. I told everyone b/c I didn't want to have to deal with the questions. Its our life, our choice! I don't think any of us would discourage someone to not quit smoking, why can't we make the same decision for ourselves and health not to be fat!

I keep thinking as I get older things or people will stop shocking but but they never do......:paranoid

Cookie - I just want to tell you that you responded to this terrible hurt with such courage and integrity that I really admire you! I had to break up with my boyfriend of over a year when I told him I was looking into this surgery and he made very similar arguments against it..."I don't want you to be cut up", "you can't afford it", "why wouldn't you just use more willpower to control what you eat", "why don't you hire a personal trainer for all that money?"...etc.... It was horrific to find out that he had such issues that he could not see beyond his own needs to recognize how I couldn't afford NOT to have this surgery for my own health. We split up prior to me making my decision about surgery but I am much happier without him now. I did not see at the time how much negativity he was bringing to me.

I hope that you can heal from this hurt and eventually find that you are better off without her in your life. I have to say again that I really admire how you handled this situation with such maturity and the letter you wrote was just perfectly worded and I hope will make you feel empowered - as you should be. I would be proud and amazed to have a friend like you! Keep looking after yourself so you can share your love with someone who really appreciates and reciprocates it.

Hugs...

o she will be back. Give it a cuple of weeks and she be emailing you again.

I agree. She will be back.

There are a lot of things here that do not make sense. She does not seem stable.

I never realized that thinner people felt that way when we became thinner than them. That's very interesting to know.

Is you "EX" friend single? Did a lot of the things you two do together revolve around eating out and things relating to food? I know that can be an issue.

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" width="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">It sounds as if your friend is still not being honest with you. Her lame cover-up excuses have more holes than swiss cheese.

Reading between the lines, (and lies), this is what I think she meant to say:

Dear Amy,

I can't tell you how much I am hurt that you had WLS. I mean, I am the skinny one! I am the center of attention! And now I hate you for taking that away from me! I could try to stay skinnier than you, so I can keep up my rep, but NO FAIR! You had WLS, and I have to do it on my own! WWHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You were my wounded bird. You made me feel good about myself, especially when you and I were in public together.

The boys always looked at me... now I have competition? I hate you for that. I am going to take a break from you because I can't handle the emotional stress this has caused me. In the meantime, i am going to try to find another fat friend that can boost my confidence once again.

Thanks for being my 'friend', but your purpose has now dissolved.

Sincerely,

Best Friend w/ Major Self Issues

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</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

This is exactly what i was thinking when i read the email!

I'm my group therapy pre-op sessions we were told about this. People losing friends over the surgery, its so sad. They can not understand what we have gine thru to get to this point!!

I guess she was never a true friend!!

You all do realize that this post is close to 3 years old right?

Whatever "friends" I lose because I'm getting thin and healthy were never my friends to begin with . POOF be gone!!!

i agre with wanttobeme.... shes just bitter and jealous! your better off without her toxic vibes!

I got my lapband on October 3rd. I lost my best friend on November 16th!

Here is the email that I received:

Dear Amy,

Well, this is not going to be what you want to get from me, but hey

"let's be honest before we start lying to each other". (That is what I normally say to her.) I'm really

sorry, but I am not going to be able to come up next weekend. (She was suppose to come up to Canada for the weekend.) As I always say, if you're not living on the edge- you're taking up too much space; however I seem to be way too close to the edge as of right now. I'm really trying to be rational and not get overly emotional while still

allowing myself to feel these days as that seems to be the healthiest

space for me. (I think she is preparing me for what is coming next...) Let me explain: this will be train of thought, stream of

consciousness style as that's when I can get most honest with myself.

Right now I need a break. I don't know how much of it is you, but I'm

definitely aware of how much of it is me. A lot of this will sound

accusatory; I wish it didn't. I've lied to you so much in the last few

months specifically about your weight loss surgery. I'm pretty sure that's

what got me started on the bad feelings. It wasn't all bad by

any means. It was actually so wonderful in my suspended world of

denial for awhile. I said most things to keep the peace and got so many

wonderful memories and good times recently, so it seemed worth it- but

it's seeping into the rest of my life and the web is getting too tangled

now. ( I told her a few months ago that I was having WLS and she seemed really cool with it. We had a fantastic summer, and had some kick-ass trips.) I wish I could have told you how much I didn't want you to

mutilate your body, how much I thought that there were other things that should have been tried first. (We talked in length about all of my options, and the proceedure.) I just went along with everything you said because I was afraid of making you angry. (This is so not true she ALWAYS speaks her mind. That is what I like about her.) I thought I was willing to exchange your happiness for my integrity, but it turns out I'm not. Now I cansee some of the fruits of your labor, not really the weight loss-(I have lost 30 pounds and two pant sizes; there is no way she could not tell!) I think I'm just programmed not to care about that; my family always

said I was so much happier in the arms of a 'big' person even as a

baby that my tummy would stop hurting and I would just fall asleep.(Huh???)

Still, I do see that you look healthy and seem to be proud of all your hard work. I want to be supportive, yet I'm not there. I might get there and I might never. I finally like my

body in the past couple of years, even more than I ever could have when I was thin. (She has been working out and I am very proud of her. She is not overweight.) I love how strong and energetic I always feel- not sick and weak like I did in college. Right now I just know that the holiday season is never really as easy

as I I also know that I have way too much wrapped up in

diet hell. I really can't begin to explain what any kind of food

restriction does to me, how emotional that issue is. Yes, you've

heard me say it- and unless I screamed it in the street for 24 hours

straight I fear you couldn't possibly get it. (She does not like it that I refuse to eat sugar and wheat product. I did not make her make me special meals, or eat different foods. I just didn't eat bread or sugar, and that freaked her out.) So that's the major

dilemma right now- how to deal supportively with you while dealing with that

side of me that just doesn't see a happy normal between us about this

issue. All I can see is that I'm terrified of being in a household

where the 'mother' has extreme diet restrictions and I just can't do it

right now. (I guess her mother dieted a lot.) I think it's making me hypersensitive to lots of other small

things. I can feel myself over-relating to you as if you were my mom

and I can't do that anymore. (Since I can't eat bread...therefore I must be her mom...I guess.) It will literally push me over the edge.

When I joke about walking a fine line, it's not really a joke. I

barely made it through this past weekend and I'm not ready to try it again

right now. I feel bad that I

lied to you. I want you to be so successful in your endeavor.

You feel bad you lied to me? How about writing me this email? Today I lost over 150 pound because of my lapband. She was my best friend for 25 years. I am so sad I am going to bed.

Cookie lover,

My heart goes out to you, but this nitwit was never a true friend to you to begin with. She has some if not a lot of mental issues and she is trying to down you with your fantastic results from weight loss. Please don't let this bother you, she was just a person with a phony facade pretending to be your friend. REAL friends don't do this kind of stuff to a wonderful person like you. Congrats on your weight loss and don't let this get you down or think less of you in any way shape or form.

This is exactly what i was thinking when i read the email!

Me.... too..... I agree with Want2beme

my coach told me some thing one day.... If you want to feel pretty, hang around people who are ugly. So I guess someone told your friend..... If you want to feel skinny and have more self confidence hang around people fatter than you... with no self confidence.

I think this is her issue.... I would not take her back as a friend. Your better off with out her "drama"

Congrats on your success, keep up the great work.

You guys do know this thread is over 3 years old and the OP hasn't posted in what looks like forever so may not even be here?

.

Yeah. Too bad. I'm curious if the crazy insecure "friend" ever crawled back.

Originally posted in 2007.

Where is Cookielover today?

I would love an update!

want2beme was right on target! This friend is jealous of your success. She tries to make it sound like it's all about you and how brave she has been trying to hold back- but it is really about all her insercurities. Your weigh loss has threatened her on some emotional level. She is a coward for writing you a letter like that without so much as a follow up phone call!