Sorry, the sex is bad!

[hammer1 1]

I agree with you on that. My concern in this was not whether the guy was a "jerk" or not, but rather how the person who was hurt could maybe keep that from happening to her again!

Hammer

[Teresajo 0]

Just consider him a practice run. If he's not willing to give your

relationship more than five weeks to grow, you might as well throw him

to the curb now. Be happy you didn't invest more time in a loser. It'll get

better plus half the fun is in the hunting.

[marjon9 6]

Just consider him a practice run. If he's not willing to give your

relationship more than five weeks to grow, you might as well throw him

to the curb now. Be happy you didn't invest more time in a loser. It'll get

better plus half the fun is in the hunting.

Oh, I see. Whenever a relationship does not work out over a five week period, the guy is a "loser." It seems to me a lot of the time people don't want a second date, let alone a five week fling. How long must a guy give a relationship a chance to "grow" before he is no longer a "loser"?

I swear, some of the comments on this thread are a bit ridiculous. The fact is, most five week relationships don't work out. This is normal life among adults. There is no basis for the conclusion that someone is a "loser" simply because they did not give it more time to "grow."

[green 6]

That's why I used to take the shotgun approach to dating: sleep with lots of different guys and some of them are bound to work out. :eyebrows:

[juliegeraci 7]

There are plently of men out there that love plus size woman. You just need to find one. You will have increased benefit once you lose the extra 50 lbs. Just be straight forward with the men and they will come to you. Good luck.

[green 6]

The mantra which I and my other overweight middle-aged grrlfriends have always liked to use is this: The deeper the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'. Most of us are chubbly-wubblies. We say this and then we fall about laughing. Of course the fact that we have been drinking wine helps.

While I agree with Marjon's point that it is unrealistic for anyone to believe that a 5 week relationship should lead to love and marriage and a baby carriage, I think that there exists a, well, a set of dumpage protocols, and that it was the violation of these which has the majority of us who have been posting on this thread up in arms.

The truth is that when one individual choses to dump another fairly early on in a relationship the Miss Manner's rules of kindness and politeness demand that the Dumper leaves the Dumpee with his or her ego and self-respect intact. This means that the one who is choosing to bail presents the usual shopworn excuses: it is not about you, it is about me; I have decided to try to give my relationship with my ex a second chance. Why do decent people do this? Well, it is because we all recognise that we are putting ourselves in a vulnerable position when we are putting ourselves out there. And that this act of bravery on the part of one singleton merits a sensitive and kind treatment on the part of his or her fellow singletons, all the ones who are actively dating.

This is why kind people do not say: I am dumping you because the sex is lousy, because you give lousy head, because you have a micro-dick, because I need a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers in order to find your package, because your personal hygiene is so bad that I have seen blind men hanging outside your house with their fishing equipment at 5 ayem. These are all cruel, hurtful, and counter-productive comments. They display nothing more than malice and a desire to wound someone who has taken a chance by opening him or herself up to you. In fact, whenever I am confronted with this sort of energetic malice I am inclined to wonder how much of this is true and how much of this is just an expression of simple, brute cruelty, a kind of wanton psychological vandalism, on the part of the cat who is doing the dumping.

I do want to say that I have blotted the bleeding egos of male buddies who have been badly dumped by mean grrls. I have also had my sexual performance dissed, for apparently no good reason, by a guy who later showed up for seconds of the same shitty sex. Ugh! Go figure, eh.

[enterprise01 0]

Well said Green. There are also a number of people who are just users. Men and women are both guilty of this. A guy who is a player will pretend to be interested in the girl and pretend to be moving toward a fulfilling relationship when in fact he only wants the sex. Once he gets the sex, he moves on. This is entirely different from the guy who hooks up with a girl, likes her at first, later realizes a relationship isn't going work, and then moves on. The player is an intentionally deceitful piece of sh*t who never gives another thought to the women he uses. I suspect that the guy who dumped the OP is a player. And I also suspect he dumped her in such a harsh way to deter her from contacting him again.

(Some women are also players, except instead of sex, they are after money or material things.)

[marjon9 6]

The mantra which I and my other overweight middle-aged grrlfriends have always liked to use is this: The deeper the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'. Most of us are chubbly-wubblies. We say this and then we fall about laughing. Of course the fact that we have been drinking wine helps.

While I agree with Marjon's point that it is unrealistic for anyone to believe that a 5 week relationship should lead to love and marriage and a baby carriage, I think that there exists a, well, a set of dumpage protocols, and that it was the violation of these which has the majority of us who have been posting on this thread up in arms.

The truth is that when one individual choses to dump another fairly early on in a relationship the Miss Manner's rules of kindness and politeness demand that the Dumper leaves the Dumpee with his or her ego and self-respect intact. This means that the one who is choosing to bail presents the usual shopworn excuses: it is not about you, it is about me; I have decided to try to give my relationship with my ex a second chance. Why do decent people do this? Well, it is because we all recognise that we are putting ourselves in a vulnerable position when we are putting ourselves out there. And that this act of bravery on the part of one singleton merits a sensitive and kind treatment on the part of his or her fellow singletons, all the ones who are actively dating.

This is why kind people do not say: I am dumping you because the sex is lousy, because you give lousy head, because you have a micro-dick, because I need a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers in order to find your package, because your personal hygiene is so bad that I have seen blind men hanging outside your house with their fishing equipment at 5 ayem. These are all cruel, hurtful, and counter-productive comments. They display nothing more than malice and a desire to wound someone who has taken a chance by opening him or herself up to you. In fact, whenever I am confronted with this sort of energetic malice I am inclined to wonder how much of this is true and how much of this is just an expression of simple, brute cruelty, a kind of wanton psychological vandalism, on the part of the cat who is doing the dumping.

I do want to say that I have blotted the bleeding egos of male buddies who have been badly dumped by mean grrls. I have also had my sexual performance dissed, for apparently no good reason, by a guy who later showed up for seconds of the same shitty sex. Ugh! Go figure, eh.

Good points, green

[musicalmomma 1]

I'll never understand why people need to kick other people when they're already down...says a lot about a person...but I digress...

Back to the ORIGINAL post & poster...I'm sorry you've been hurt. It's not a good feeling and it definitely shakes ones confidence when you think it's going great, then you get shocked with a 'sorry, but, buh-bye'.

You never called the guy a jerk...and whether he is or not...YOU are hurting and I'm sorry. :hug:

Hang in there sistah!

[phyllisc 0]

Dating just sucks. I have always hated it. Either you like him and he could care less or you are being pursued by someone you are not attracted to. I actually prefered being dumped to having to dump someone. I never liked hurting feelings and found it easier to get over being dumped than to get rid of someone I just wasn't ga ga over.

Anyway, I think it is hard to meet up with the right person so you just have to be pragmatic about it. Unless someone is crazy about you and you feel the same, why bother. You can't make someone love you. You just have to move on and keep at it untill the right one comes along.

Keep working on yourself and feel good about you, others will notice.

[WildCat Mom 1]

What does port revision mean? Did you have problems ? I feel a mild pinching quite often at my port site, should I be concerned?

[green 6]

Hi, Wildcat. You would do better to post your enquiry on the Lapband Support Area of this site. You will be certain to receive more answers to your enquiry. As for my advice, I would suggest that you ask your surgeon. Usually port revision takes place when the port has flipped as far as I know - but I admit to knowing very little about this topic.

[pippinje 0]

Hi, Wildcat. You would do better to post your enquiry on the Lapband Support Area of this site. You will be certain to receive more answers to your enquiry. As for my advice, I would suggest that you ask your surgeon. Usually port revision takes place when the port has flipped as far as I know - but I admit to knowing very little about this topic.

Well said. :humble:

[want2beme 2]

Hey there! It's me! The chick who got dumped! haha

I love everybody's thoughts and opinions on this issue, I really do! Thank you so much... even the ones that were hard to take - in, I did! I totally think that ALL OF YOU are right and I thank you so much for all of the comments. No matter what you said, I really think I am doing better because of it. I realize now the mistakes I made and also that I am worth more than that.

I am happy to say, that I am 90% over this guy now and it just took a little time, but I am a new woman now. I am going to take dating slowly. I am not going to jump into the first thing that walks my way. My son also deserves better than that.

In fact, I was gonna ask... ARE THERE ANY SINGLE GUYS OUT THERE IN THE SACRAMENTO AREA? (California?)???

LOL

Thanks again to all of you!

[jennibee 3]

I had a guy tell me once (when I was out dancing with my "skinny" friends) that he thought it must be hard to look like I do and have friends who are thin and pretty. I told him that it must be hard to only have a two inch penis and that he only wishes that somebody like me would give his sorry behind a chance. I figure it this way, if he had to make himself feel better by trying to make me feel bad then he is a pathetic human being. The man that will love you no matter what size you are is out there waiting to be discovered. Don't let his a-hole get you down.