Hi everyone,

I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.

I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant [emoji39]). I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.

Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.

Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person [emoji28][emoji39]), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.

Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.

I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.

Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space [emoji173]

Laura

Hi everyone,
I'm fairly new on here and not sure if this is the right section to post in, but here it goes.
I had gastric sleeve surgery on the 27th of February in 2018. I've since lost around 35 kilos (desperately trying to lose more/ feeling a bit stuck... but that's a whole other rant [emoji39]). I've been really beyond happy about my weight loss, I'm feeling more confident in myself than I've ever been before (a miracle, really), I obviously still have low moments and my self esteem isn't that high, but it's just good to finally feel okay in my body.
Before my surgery, I was always picked on by my family (especially my paternal grandmother and grandfather), I know it came from genuine "worry", but the way it was managed just destroyed whatever esteem I had at the time. I mean in the way of always suggesting new diets (without knowing what I was currently doing), harsh or sly comments and what not. One of the worse ones was when they met my current partner, and my granny took me aside and said "he's absolutely gorgeous, now all you have to do is lose some weight to keep him!". That one cut me pretty deep.
Due to the shame around the weight, I didn't tell anyone about my surgery, not even my partner. My family doesn't know that I went to hospital, and as far as my work, friends, partner or anyone else knows, I had gallbladder/gallstone surgery. I still feel so ashamed that I lied, especially to my partner. He doesn't judge and I've talked about it with him based around a "what if it was something else" concept (yes, I'm very much a "what if" person [emoji28][emoji39]), and as much as I adore him I just don't feel ready to tell him (he has gotten drunk before and shared things that I've told him, this is the one topic I don't want him sharing). Don't get me wrong, he is such a beautiful man and I love him to bits, I'm just scared that my secret won't stay a secret or that it will accidentally slip as it won't be a big thing for him.
Long story short, no one knows I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I'm sure that people expect it (my mum drunkenly accused me of having it done), though I am using everything I have to keep it a secret.
I was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has done the same thing or kept their surgery a secret, too.
Thanks for reading my rant and making this a safe space [emoji173]
Laura

Wups, didn't mean to post twice! [emoji28]

I am not a big fan of lying. I am a private person so only the ones close to me have heard it from my mouth. Others heard it from the gossip I guess. So If people ask I either say I have had surgery or tell them it is private. I won't deny it. Also, if something happens to you (for example an accident or if you have drunk/eaten something toxic) and you have passed out, people do need to know about your surgery so they know they can't intubate your stomach to empty it and adjust the medicines to the ones you can stomach. (pun intended ;))

But...

If you feel comfortable keeping this to yourself, and very uncomfortable sharing, it IS personal, so you can choose to do so. If your boyfriend/husband tells stuff if he is drunk... I can imagine you don't want to share it. I think there are other problems lurking though, which need to be fixed before you have a safe environment to share this. Till that time, you can keep it to yourself.

Wishing you wisdom, whichever you choose

Hello I definitely understand where you’re coming from.. if you’re happy with keeping it to yourself then it’s okay .. but I think you just need to be honest to yourself don’t tell them for them, tell them for yourself. Do what makes you happy .. the ones that care won’t judge you because they will be happy you’re choosing a healthier life that will help you live longer. There will always be someone to say something negative but those people are the ones living miserable with no happiness in their heart.. support from loved ones is very much needed and you’re very strong for going through this whole process and even surgery and after surgery without telling anyone .. just remember be true to yourself and do what makes you happy, for you!!

There are lots of opinions on this subject, but I wouldn't feel one ounce of regret in not telling. In fact, I feel regret telling some of the people I did. Funny thing is, the people I regret telling aren't the ones I thought I would, some I thought would be supportive and keep their lame opinions to themselves. When you get to the point you think you may want to tell someone ask yourself if you would be ok with that person sharing YOUR surgery. Unless you trust someone 100% the chances are others will find out. You can always share your story later but once you do you can't take it back. I've had people say things out loud in group settings that made it very obvious I had surgery ("she can't eat that anymore, her stomach isn't big enough for that....blah blah blah) . They didn't do it on purpose but it doesn't matter.