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I can tell you I have more self-esteem now at 240lbs than I did at 140. I was skinny and fit and had a 6-pack and HATED my body. I thought I was the most disgusting thing to walk this earth. Becoming fat was in a twisted way a blessing because I learned to love me for ME and not for how I looked. I was vain and self-absorbed and would pick at every invisible fat roll when I was skinny. Self-esteem should never be connected to the way you look. The only reason it is for some people, I think, is because society says it's "bad and wrong" to be overweight. Well, as a former skinny person... if you don't love yourself, you won't love your body no matter how it looks. Now I hope to lose the weight so my inner confidence matches my outward appearance.

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Why do we equate weight loss with self esteem, love to hear your answers
In my experience, it seems like we have been in the diet mentality for so long that we're convinced that "thin=happy." That's such backwards thinking!

In the media, especially diet commercials, we're shown pictures of larger people in disheveled clothes, eating terrible food and looking miserable while the thinner and more attractive (by society's standards) people are happy and doing exciting things.

We are fed (pardon the pun) the idea that our self esteem and happiness is contingent on our weight when we are kids (being bullied, jokes by family, left out of teams) and it sets our expectations for the future.

If we can wrap our brains around understanding that our self esteem is within our control and not dependent on the opinions of others, we can start feeling more determined to make changes that stick.

THAT could be, and honestly IS the key to real, longterm weight loss surgery success.

*steps off soapbox*

Sent from my SM-G930V using BariatricPal mobile app

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On 12/28/2018 at 14:24, mahelpme said:



Why do we equate weight loss with self esteem, love to hear your answers


We....or you?

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Because it was drilled into us, only. thin to the point of scrawny people are happy, you're plump, fat or even obese, you can't be happy, even if you accept yourself as valuable, think you're very fine as a person, believe you are doing the best you can for yourself, if you can't see your ribs stickingbout, your collarbone prominate, bones don't predominate over flesh, you haven't done enough . 1 lettuce leaf spritzed with EVOO, that's enough lunch for Anyone!

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I meant collectively but yeah, its so in our faces to be model like. I'm glad we are seeing more varity in model size, ethnic backgound, more inclusive

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Thank you for your comments on self esteem question. Looks like we are on the same page, but I still see women at the gym checking picking proding every little thing about themselves

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I hope we are raising the next generation of girls to love themselves better and accept that. they are worthy individuals. It will be a better world when we can do for ourselves instead of having someone put expectations of where they think we belong. I know I was so busy making others happy that I lost myself in the process. And being a soggy doormat is not a worthwhile goal.

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And do you need to give yourself a Boost today?

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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