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Fat shaming ?? Post op over 4 yrs



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You are a blessing to meet on here. I shall remember this wisdom and will remember to make compassion part of my attitude from this day forward.

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I follow a teacher who says that reality reflects back our own nature to us. If we look out at the world with predatory, judgemental eyes, then that is what gets reflected back to us. If we look out with curious, compassionate eyes, that is what gets reflected back. I know which I prefer
[emoji7]

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Im trying so hard but it's not easy when the world never fails to disappoint.

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Im trying so hard but it's not easy when the world never fails to disappoint.

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I know. I'm not good at it either. But I figure it's got to be better to try believing the universe is benevolent and giving me what I need at every moment* than t'other way around.

* I am completely dependent on everything other than me - even my body won't work without squidillions of bacteria in my gut doing whatever it is that bacteria in my gut do. It's a bloomin' miracle I'm here: Just one ancestor who got eaten by a sabre-tooth tiger instead of mating and no ummyasmin. In the face of that, what other appropriate response is there but gratitude?

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This is getting rather philosophical.

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I can honestly say that I've never judged someone based on their size, and if I ever did, I would be totally ashamed of myself. It is not my place to judge, whether silently or outwardly. As someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life, I know how it feels to have strangers laugh at you, gossip about you, and stare in disgust or amusement. It's truly one of the worst feelings in the world, and the reason that I was too scared to even leave my house for several months. I was terrified of being laughed at.

Some of the replies here truly make me sick -- especially coming from people who struggled with obesity at one point in their lives. Judging people is never right. Regardless of whether you think you're "helping" them, you aren't. You're making things worse.

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I know. I'm not good at it either. But I figure it's got to be better to try believing the universe is benevolent and giving me what I need at every moment* than t'other way around.

* I am completely dependent on everything other than me - even my body won't work without squidillions of bacteria in my gut doing whatever it is that bacteria in my gut do. It's a bloomin' miracle I'm here: Just one ancestor who got eaten by a sabre-tooth tiger instead of mating and no ummyasmin. In the face of that, what other appropriate response is there but gratitude?

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Careful you're beginning to sound like a socialist. You know how evil we are. *eye roll*

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Careful you're beginning to sound like a socialist. You know how evil we are. *eye roll*

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Bahaha I'm in Europe, we like socialists this side of the pond hahahah

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I think we all look at people and think they could benefit from our experience. However I think back to before I started this journey and know how I would have responded, which would not have been terribly well, had I been approached. I see it like someone who has given up smoking or found god. Mostly everyone else does not really want to hear about how they could transform their lives for the better. This is a journey you have to be ready to take. I know that this desire to evangelize comes from a good place, but mostly I don't think we have the right to tell someone we don't know how they should live their lives.
Having said all of that, if you want to people watch and secretly judge them, I am all for that. I know I do!
I'm definitely not staring at people or telling them that I had weight surgery. I just look and I was also looked at and I wore a big coat most of my fat days. Mostly because men would stare at my chest because my chest grew to a 42J size and now I'm normal again. I'm a 38D now which is what I've been my whole life. I had to have breast augmentation because my back was killing me by then. I certainly am not trying to hurt a person that's obese. I just can't help but see them when they are in the skinny ass clothes, but I'm not staring and making comments, if someone wants to know I tell them. That's it! What I think and how I act towards overweight people is not making fun of anyone, and I mostly look because it keeps me mindful of what I went through just to get where I'm at now.

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On 12/4/2018 at 6:48 PM, ummyasmin said:

This is getting rather philosophical.

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I like philosophical posts ❤

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On 12/5/2018 at 8:34 PM, ummyasmin said:

Bahaha I'm in Europe, we like socialists this side of the pond hahahah

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Quiet as it's kept, some of us do too

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

huh ? what? What? I didn't say anything

Edited by GreenTealael

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I haven't been obese very long. When I was thin, I judged people. I never once said anything to them or stared or anything overtly rude. But I would notice walking by and mentally make comments. If I was somewhere with friends and, say, in a car where someone couldn't see or hear, I'm sure we would make comments. I was VICIOUSLY cruel to my mother who was obese. I am obese now and still find myself looking at other obese people. Except now, I remember that I look similar to them and I just feel really depressed about myself because I DON'T want to look this way. I think "OMG Do I really look like THAT?!" Sometimes I completely forget I am obese and when I look in the mirror it is a huge shock. My brain still sees me as 140lbs. It hasn't caught up to the fact I am 250lbs. I haven't had that much time living in these shoes... and hopefully won't much longer.

I have more compassion for people than I did - I make an effort to make sure I smile to everyone I pass or not do the small things that make me, now, feel invisible to someone else who is my size.... things I inadvertently did when I was thin. I don't know if I necessarily feel empathetic... because I did this completely to myself and sometimes I project that onto others. I know everyone has their own reasons why they became obese. Not everyone "did it to themselves".

So, yes, I admit I am judgmental. I am hypocritically judgmental. I hate when people judge me, but I haven't broken totally out of that socially ingrained bias against obese people, either, because my brain still thinks I am skinny half the time. It's a work in progress, but at least I am working on it. And maybe judgmental isn't the right word anymore. I just feel down on myself when I see other heavy people. I never, ever would do anything to make someone else feel bad about themselves. But I do a whole heck of a lot to make myself feel awful. I don't let anyone else make me feel awful, though. Even the ones I KNOW are judging me. I don't care what other people think of me... I harshly care about what I think about myself.

Edited by mousecat88

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When I was obese I was judgmental of other obese people. I guess it was because I was one of them , I could be judgmental. I never approached anyone to make them feel bad and I never made comments to them as well.

Since my WLS I look at obese people in a different light. I truly hope that if they want, they can have the same opportunity to be successful in weight loss that I have. I also know that I can one day become obese again and it could be I that is at the end of the cruel comments. I'm just grateful each day that I have had ANOTHER opportunity to loose a good amount of weight and to become healthy once again. I work hard so that I don't squander this opportunity like I did so many other times in the past. Today no judgements just waiting for the opportunity to help someone lead a healthier life.

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I like philosophical posts [emoji173]
Me too, my Abrahamic cuz! [emoji106][emoji106]

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That's a crappy thing to do and I hope I don't feel that way after losing more weight. If you ate yourself up to a weight high enough to qualify for WLS you have no right to judge, even if you were able to get help. Obesity is an illness. Compulsive overeating is a an illness just like alcoholism. Surgery is a treatment, and we were lucky enough to be able to have it.

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