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Fat shaming ?? Post op over 4 yrs



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This isn’t about security or confidence. It’s about empathy. Mocking people is cruel. You’re not just avoiding the homeless person, you’re staring at them and making jokes with your friends about how filthy their jacket is.

Think what you want. But when thinking translates into action (snickering, staring, gossiping) then you’re officially in the “doing” zone.

It baffles me that you’re trying to frame this as “I’m just confident and free, and you’re a hypocrite”. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think for a second what your actions are making them feel. Sure, you’re breaking no laws but those are just guidelines. Kindness is what actually makes society work.

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No, I have enough of my own **** to work through. Like fitting comfortably in an airplane seat when, four years ago, I watched a couple fight over who had to sit next to me on a flight from Chicago to LA. Or yesterday, when I fit easily onto a roller coaster that I was thrown off of for being too fat two years ago (and after being proud of myself for having lost 60 pounds, no less). Why would I have the time to judge others when I have all this to work through?

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This has been an interesting thread. Thanks for all of your perspectives.

I guess I'm older and in a different place in life. Attitude, behavior and opinions are choices. I'd rather build people up.

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I agree with you on this, maybe since I am at the older range of posters. There is too much sorrow, too much weight bashing we need to show ❤. Not one Man Jack leaves this mortal coil alive, let's show kindness to each other while we are here!👫👬👭

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Hi!
Today is actually my 4 year anniversary, I’m also sober 11 years sober.
I do also find myself judging, I mean, we know what it’s like. I tried Intermittent fasting. Hell no lol I was STARVING!!! Lol
I found losing weight was harder than quitting smoking and drinking together.
I still have difficulties with emotional eating. But realize it when it does happen and I step back.
At least you're being honest, I'm not talking about pointing people out and laughing at anyone. I'm simply saying that when I'm in a store and a fat or skinny or any type of weird looking person walks in my path, yes, I check them out. Sometimes you have them in line at the checkout, you can't unsee that. People watching is more like a hobby for me and it's fun. I'm just being honest with it, because if anyone says they don't see this kinds of stuff they are lying. Thanks for being honest!

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I grew up with a mom who was all about the size of one's waist. I ended up with the impression that fat people are worthless, hence, I am worthless because I am morbidly obese. At 56, have been for most of my adult life. Mother is thin as a rail. I raised 6 kids and taught them that s person's worth is not based upon their waistline. I've also raised them to never discuss a person's weight or eating habits, unless invited to do so. I've taught them a person's weight is no one's business and is never to be a topic of discussion. I was very traumatized by my mother's judgemental stance toward the obese, and still battle daily her negative words seared into my brain. My heart breaks for the morbidly obese because I know first hand how they are suffering both physically and mentally.

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oh gods, nothing like the Internet to reinforce the idea that most humans suck hot donkey balls. I commend the few that don't.

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I don't judge anyone, in fact I mind my business (unless they ask me a direct question, then I will tell them about surgery, Keto or intermittent fasting)

After all I don't go around providing fashion, makeup, business, financial and child rearing tips to strangers that didn't ask for it. Why should I give tips for weight loss (It seems like an incredibly narcissistic thing to randomly do)

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Given the opportunity, I actually find myself going out of my way to smile, say hi, or even provide a compliment to someone overweight. A small gesture of kindness goes a long way. I think I do this because I remember (and honestly I hope I never forget) how it feels to be overweight and self-conscious that people are looking at you. I will admit sometimes I think to myself, God I hope they somehow are able to have the opportunity I had and look into surgery! I would never, ever think to randomly suggest surgery unless someone asked me about it.

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2 hours ago, nomorefattypatty said:

I'm just being honest with it, because if anyone says they don't see this kinds of stuff they are lying

We see it, it's just that not everyone judges a stranger based on their physical appearance some of which way be something out of their control.

2 hours ago, nomorefattypatty said:

People watching is more like a hobby for me and it's fun.

I imagine a lot of people enjoy people watching, but I think you need a new hobby - perhaps volunteering for the not so fortunate and those down on their luck. It may give you some badly needed empathy.

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I imagine a lot of people enjoy people watching, but I think you need a new hobby - perhaps volunteering for the not so fortunate and those down on their luck. It may give you some badly needed empathy.

I have empathy, I do enough volunteer work. I take care of my father every day 24-7 7 days a week. Both of my parents are elderly, dads 85 and moms 77, my father has dementia and ahlzeimers, my mom not too much yet. So if I enjoy people watching because I have to look up, to keep from walking into others I have no choice but to see them in all their glory with they're skinny pants. I am going to see them and I am going to think things. You don't have to like it, no-one does but the person that started this thread said he did it too so I thought that was funny too because I'm not the only one

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I think we all look at people and think they could benefit from our experience. However I think back to before I started this journey and know how I would have responded, which would not have been terribly well, had I been approached. I see it like someone who has given up smoking or found god. Mostly everyone else does not really want to hear about how they could transform their lives for the better. This is a journey you have to be ready to take. I know that this desire to evangelize comes from a good place, but mostly I don't think we have the right to tell someone we don't know how they should live their lives.

Having said all of that, if you want to people watch and secretly judge them, I am all for that. I know I do!

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I think we all look at people and think they could benefit from our experience. However I think back to before I started this journey and know how I would have responded, which would not have been terribly well, had I been approached. I see it like someone who has given up smoking or found god. Mostly everyone else does not really want to hear about how they could transform their lives for the better. This is a journey you have to be ready to take. I know that this desire to evangelize comes from a good place, but mostly I don't think we have the right to tell someone we don't know how they should live their lives.
Having said all of that, if you want to people watch and secretly judge them, I am all for that. I know I do!
Yep, and it's fun but I'm not harming anyone. I've been doing it forever, I didn't get fat until I quit drugs and substituted with food. I'm now going on my 9th year. My mom even people watches and she's 77 it's just good fun, and nowadays this depressed world needs a little laughter. I am a caretaker for my father 24-7, mom helps but she is 77 and it's very stressful to try and handle the both of them.

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I think we all look at people and think they could benefit from our experience. However I think back to before I started this journey and know how I would have responded, which would not have been terribly well, had I been approached. I see it like someone who has given up smoking or found god. Mostly everyone else does not really want to hear about how they could transform their lives for the better. This is a journey you have to be ready to take. I know that this desire to evangelize comes from a good place, but mostly I don't think we have the right to tell someone we don't know how they should live their lives.
Having said all of that, if you want to people watch and secretly judge them, I am all for that. I know I do!
Great job on the sobriety!!

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I follow a teacher who says that reality reflects back our own nature to us. If we look out at the world with predatory, judgemental eyes, then that is what gets reflected back to us. If we look out with curious, compassionate eyes, that is what gets reflected back. I know which I prefer
[emoji7]

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