A year ago today around this time I was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I was ready for my life to change. The following 9 months were spent meticulously following my plan, learning about my healing body, and being amazed at the progress I was making.

Months 10-12 have been different. My hunger is back in full force. I can eat more at a time than I thought, and head hunger has taken control. I'm not losing 1-2 lbs a day, or 1 lb a week, or even 1 lb every two weeks like I had been. My highest weight before surgery was 310, lowest after surgery was 211, and today I weighed in at 214. I am terrified, disappointed, and ready to take control again.

I have been active 5 days a week, but I have not counted calories at all. My fear is that if I start to count calories, I will fall into my old patters of guilt, depriving myself, guilt, treating myself, guilt, eating all day, guilt, guilt, guilt. But here I am, three pounds above my lowest post op weight, guilty. Where is the girl in the beginning of the journey who turned down carbs and sweets with absolutely no hesitation? Where is the girl who wanted to do exactly what the doctors suggested for fear of hurting myself, wasting thousands of dollars, and getting unhealthy again? After months of being so regimented I find myself face to face with the girl who got herself into the 310 pound mess she was in to begin with. Not only that, but when I start to get down on myself for losing control, I also get upset that I can't see just how far I've come. My thighs don't hurt when I walk. I don't have asthma attacks. My migraines are non existent. I can sit comfortably in a car and a plane with a regular seat belt. I can walk, run, and exercise for extended periods of time. I feel great, I like the way I look. But...I'm still 40 lbs away from my goal weight and stuck.

Have any of you gotten to this point? Has anyone else gained back a few pounds or hit a stall for months and felt useless? What advice could you give me for moving forward and learning to love who I am while still striving to lose weight?

22 hours ago, hap314ness said:

Thanks to @FluffyChix, @skinnylife, @proudgrammy, @VSGDavid, @summerset, @wanda247, and @GreenTealael for your input! I'm crying at work from your support, assessing my negative self-talk, and coming back to Earth. Therapy is coming, as is my year follow up, so I know I will have plenty of in-person guidance as well.

As far as maintaining a regimen, I will say that I have held fast to breakfasts and lunches that are measured and nutritionally sound. My weak spots as of 10-12 months tend to be

• snacking in-between meals at a new job where treats are brought in and stare at me
• too-large portions at dinner

I suppose I've gotten over the first hurdle of recognizing what I'm doing that will impede my weight loss. Now I must continue to jump the hurdles of being kinder to myself and maintaining motivation despite the stall.

This is the continued work with bariatrics. Recognising and confronting old behaviors. Finding strategies to get back into weight loss mode.

Great advice from the above posts.

Snacking: keep healthy options on hand get rid of temptations

Eating larger meals at night: Larger meals can still stay within your calories for the day. With your protein, load up on salad, steamed or roasted veggies.

The office and food holidays: Many people will appreciate healthy options. (I'm sure there are others watching their weight) Veggie and fruit tray, meat and cheese platter, Hummus dip, Spicy edamame, Salt n vinegar cucumber slices, Chicken or turkey meatballs. deviled eggs. My favorite is my dieticians white chilli.

My dietitians bariatric site for some inspiration:

http://insidekarenskitchen.com/bariatric-friendly-recipes/