One Year Out: Support, Motivation, and Tough Love

[hap314ness 90]

A year ago today around this time I was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I was ready for my life to change. The following 9 months were spent meticulously following my plan, learning about my healing body, and being amazed at the progress I was making.

Months 10-12 have been different. My hunger is back in full force. I can eat more at a time than I thought, and head hunger has taken control. I'm not losing 1-2 lbs a day, or 1 lb a week, or even 1 lb every two weeks like I had been. My highest weight before surgery was 310, lowest after surgery was 211, and today I weighed in at 214. I am terrified, disappointed, and ready to take control again.

I have been active 5 days a week, but I have not counted calories at all. My fear is that if I start to count calories, I will fall into my old patters of guilt, depriving myself, guilt, treating myself, guilt, eating all day, guilt, guilt, guilt. But here I am, three pounds above my lowest post op weight, guilty. Where is the girl in the beginning of the journey who turned down carbs and sweets with absolutely no hesitation? Where is the girl who wanted to do exactly what the doctors suggested for fear of hurting myself, wasting thousands of dollars, and getting unhealthy again? After months of being so regimented I find myself face to face with the girl who got herself into the 310 pound mess she was in to begin with. Not only that, but when I start to get down on myself for losing control, I also get upset that I can't see just how far I've come. My thighs don't hurt when I walk. I don't have asthma attacks. My Migraines are non existent. I can sit comfortably in a car and a plane with a regular seat belt. I can walk, run, and exercise for extended periods of time. I feel great, I like the way I look. But...I'm still 40 lbs away from my goal weight and stuck.

Have any of you gotten to this point? Has anyone else gained back a few pounds or hit a stall for months and felt useless? What advice could you give me for moving forward and learning to love who I am while still striving to lose weight?

[GreenTealael 24,850]

Hey love,

You are both of those girls, the tracker and the slacker. Make peace with yourself. Find a balance that is sustainable, because long term success is goal.

Don't want to count calories, then maybe predictable safe meals. I've had several stalls and had to hack my way to success. Still on the path, looking towards my 5, 10,15 yr plans and beyond.

I indulge and gain. I regiment and lose. But I don't spiral out of control because I know what to do now. Salads are regulars for me when I have hungry days because I can eat as much as I want without caloric penalty.

Advice:

Set up incremental goals and sustainable methods

Oh and drink lots of fluids. Some hunger is just thirst.

You can totally do it! We are cheering for you.

Safe Journey.

Edited November 13, 2018 by GreenTealael

[Wanda247 908]

32 minutes ago, hap314ness said:

A year ago today around this time I was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I was ready for my life to change. The following 9 months were spent meticulously following my plan, learning about my healing body, and being amazed at the progress I was making.

Months 10-12 have been different. My hunger is back in full force. I can eat more at a time than I thought, and head hunger has taken control. I'm not losing 1-2 lbs a day, or 1 lb a week, or even 1 lb every two weeks like I had been. My highest weight before surgery was 310, lowest after surgery was 211, and today I weighed in at 214. I am terrified, disappointed, and ready to take control again.

I have been active 5 days a week, but I have not counted calories at all. My fear is that if I start to count calories, I will fall into my old patters of guilt, depriving myself, guilt, treating myself, guilt, eating all day, guilt, guilt, guilt. But here I am, three pounds above my lowest post op weight, guilty. Where is the girl in the beginning of the journey who turned down carbs and sweets with absolutely no hesitation? Where is the girl who wanted to do exactly what the doctors suggested for fear of hurting myself, wasting thousands of dollars, and getting unhealthy again? After months of being so regimented I find myself face to face with the girl who got herself into the 310 pound mess she was in to begin with. Not only that, but when I start to get down on myself for losing control, I also get upset that I can't see just how far I've come. My thighs don't hurt when I walk. I don't have asthma attacks. My Migraines are non existent. I can sit comfortably in a car and a plane with a regular seat belt. I can walk, run, and exercise for extended periods of time. I feel great, I like the way I look. But...I'm still 40 lbs away from my goal weight and stuck.

Have any of you gotten to this point? Has anyone else gained back a few pounds or hit a stall for months and felt useless? What advice could you give me for moving forward and learning to love who I am while still striving to lose weight?

Try not to beat yourself up to bad...YOU lost 100 lbs and you worked your but off for it too, so you are to be commended.

You got off track a little which is life, none of us are perfect. Work on getting your mindset back into the journey that you started and you will start to work hard again, it's a lifestyle change, this is something we will have to work at for the rest of our lives so we will have times that we get off track but the most important thing is to remember why you had surgery, start over and get focused.

We are rooting for you, you got this!! ((Hugs))

[summerset 5,261]

34 minutes ago, hap314ness said:

A year ago today around this time I was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I was ready for my life to change. The following 9 months were spent meticulously following my plan, learning about my healing body, and being amazed at the progress I was making.

Sounds like this WLS diet worked pretty good for a while.

Quote

After months of being so regimented I find myself face to face with the girl who got herself into the 310 pound mess she was in to begin with. Not only that, but when I start to get down on myself for losing control, I also get upset that I can't see just how far I've come.

In the same place she used to be in earlier days when the diet she was on stopped working because the rewards weren't rolling in as fast as they did in the beginning (i. e. slower weight loss, stalls) and everything just seemed too hard and maybe even pointless. And you already seem to know this because you wrote:

Quote

After months of being so regimented I find myself face to face with the girl who got herself into the 310 pound mess she was in to begin with. Not only that, but when I start to get down on myself for losing control, I also get upset that I can't see just how far I've come.

Quote

Have any of you gotten to this point? Has anyone else gained back a few pounds or hit a stall for months and felt useless? What advice could you give me for moving forward and learning to love who I am while still striving to lose weight?

Indeed. What I did back in the days was reading what I could find about "normal eating". If you have access to counseling (and not only to these guys and dolls who'll tell you that their waiting list is at least about 1 year long) you might benefit from it.

Quote

and ready to take control again.

Are you? Or do you secretly wish for nothing more than getting a F*CKING break from all of this? (I can completely understand this wish.)

Quote

My fear is that if I start to count calories, I will fall into my old patters of guilt, depriving myself, guilt, treating myself, guilt, eating all day, guilt, guilt, guilt.

It seems like you already went at least partly down that rabbit hole.

---

I sometimes think WLS boards do more harm than good for some people. The comparing never seems to stop.

[GreenTealael 24,850]

1 hour ago, summerset said:

Sounds like this WLS diet worked pretty good for a while.

In the same place she used to be in earlier days when the diet she was on stopped working because the rewards weren't rolling in as fast as they did in the beginning (i. e. slower weight loss, stalls) and everything just seemed too hard and maybe even pointless. And you already seem to know this because you wrote:

Indeed. What I did back in the days was reading what I could find about "normal eating". If you have access to counseling (and not only to these guys and dolls who'll tell you that their waiting list is at least about 1 year long) you might benefit from it.

Are you? Or do you secretly wish for nothing more than getting a F*CKING break from all of this? (I can completely understand this wish.)

It seems like you already went at least partly down that rabbit hole.

---

I sometimes think WLS boards do more harm than good for some people. The comparing never seems to stop.

I agree.

Sometimes, yes, it's hard to watch other effortlessly succeed while you struggle and fight for every lb/kg lost. This is where self-care needs to step in. Do only what helps and not what harms.

But you have to know yourself enough to get that far.

Edited November 13, 2018 by GreenTealael

[summerset 5,261]

1 minute ago, GreenTealael said:

This is where self-care need to step in. Do only what helps and not what harms.

I think "self-care" is exactly on point.

Quote

Sometimes, yes, it's hard to watch other effortlessly succeed while you struggle and fight for every lb/kg lost.

It makes me sad (and sometimes mad) that WLS patients seem to look at themselves as "not a success" if they don't reach what is considered a normal BMI.

[VSGDavid 185]

As someone that is undergoing VSG soon, there was some great advice in here. Thank you!

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

1 hour ago, hap314ness said:

My thighs don't hurt when I walk. I don't have asthma attacks. My Migraines are non existent. I can sit comfortably in a car and a plane with a regular seat belt. I can walk, run, and exercise for extended periods of time. I feel great, I like the way I look.

hey bud

wow - look at those NSV's!!! I'm sure you have many more too!! Make a special icon on your desktop to keep records of all your NSV's. ( ie the 1rst time you wore a smaller clothes size)

you will see all your accomplishments and should be proud!!!🤗

Many OP go through different rough spots on their journey. Might gain a little too - but try not to upset yourself - causing you to possibly eat like the "good ol' days" (conflict in terms)!!

Sounds like you still need to weigh your food - that way you can't / shouldn't overeat. Or keep a tally of how a much a portion/calories for foods you eat a lot. IE a certain chicken dinner.< /strong>

it is hard when you don't see that bloody scale move - but you know the drill about stalls - their a bummer, but we must deal with them. Don't weigh yourself daily for awhile. then you won't see any possible fluctuations. I get that that you are scared and frustrated now!! But you know where you were - where you are now, and where you want to go. I know you can get back on that horse -

might be a little hard at this point - but you can, you can!!

btw - i'm almost 7 years sleeve PO - going strong weighing in this morning

.9 of a lb over goal. Also i'm still cute as a button LOL

good luck bud

kathy

[Healthy_life 1,437]

38 minutes ago, hap314ness said:

A year ago today around this time I was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. I was ready for my life to change. The following 9 months were spent meticulously following my plan, learning about my healing body, and being amazed at the progress I was making.

Months 10-12 have been different. My hunger is back in full force. I can eat more at a time than I thought, and head hunger has taken control. I'm not losing 1-2 lbs a day, or 1 lb a week, or even 1 lb every two weeks like I had been. My highest weight before surgery was 310, lowest after surgery was 211, and today I weighed in at 214. I am terrified, disappointed, and ready to take control again.

I have been active 5 days a week, but I have not counted calories at all. My fear is that if I start to count calories, Where is the girl in the beginning of the journey who turned down carbs and sweets with absolutely no hesitation? Where is the girl who wanted to do exactly what the doctors suggested for fear of hurting myself, wasting thousands of dollars, and getting unhealthy again? After months of being so regimented I find myself face to face with the girl who got herself into the 310 pound mess she was in to begin with. Not only that, but when I start to get down on myself for losing control, I also get upset that I can't see just how far I've come. My thighs don't hurt when I walk. I don't have asthma attacks. My Migraines are non existent. I can sit comfortably in a car and a plane with a regular seat belt. I can walk, run, and exercise for extended periods of time. I feel great, I like the way I look. But...I'm still 40 lbs away from my goal weight and stuck.

Have any of you gotten to this point? Has anyone else gained back a few pounds or hit a stall for months and felt useless? What advice could you give me for moving forward and learning to love who I am while still striving to lose weight?

Give yourself credit for all the weight lost. Amazing work!

Stalls and gains can mess with your head. I had a 16 pound gain and worked it back down. I understand the fear of gain and losing control. No reason to beat yourself down. You have a small gain and you are ready to take control again.

you said " I will fall into my old pattern of guilt, depriving myself, guilt, treating myself, guilt, eating all day, guilt, guilt, guilt. But here I am, three pounds above my lowest post op weight, guilty" Behavior change may be working on how you are talking to yourself. Change the negative statements you tell yourself about your weight. Be your biggest cheerleader. A therapist may be a good option to overcome these repeated patterns.

Wishing you the best,

Jenn

[FluffyChix 17,409]

Congrats on the loss! That's outstanding!!! And I'm sorry you feel like you are slipping or are slipping up. As everyone's said, give yourself huge proppahs for the work you've done and for catching yourself now at this stage while it's so "easily" corrected!!!

So I don't think structure and having plans are black or white, good or bad, existent or hedonistic. As @GreenTealael said, it's about finding balance and seeing if there is some level of trust you can establish?

For me, having a good action plan is very important. Others see me as rigid. But just like someone with autism who thrives in the tight body suit that allows them to rest, one person's restriction, is another person's security blanket. There are meals, even days when I take a break from worrying about what's on the menu/the food log/macro count. LOL. But overall, I know my RMR is so damn low, that if I want to lose and attain my goal (which is VERY important to me), then I have to be more vigilant and compliant than most.

I think we all hit the wall with diet fatigue. I know I do. When that happens, I try to change things up and shake things up, re-write the script/game to keep it fresh and challenging. One thing I did was add IF into my mix and it's made it more fun and challenging again. And also allows me to have some pretty "normal" days/weekends free from macro-duty.

I too can eat more than I feel I should be able to at this stage. And that's where my action plans have helped. I've figured out like @GreenTealael some of my go-to foods that I can eat without worry. I've figured out comforty dishes that are very deep nutrition and light on calories so I can sub them in when needed. And I've negotiated some rules for myself that allow me to have 1 "satisfying meal" while the other 1-2 meals while delish are really just to get deep nutrients in.

I think setting up some kind of system for yourself, actually GIVES you more freedom.

I also second and third the idea about counseling--maybe even get your RD involved again?

You can figure this out and losing the regain is gonna be easy, once you find your mojo again. Stick around and post a lot!

Edited November 13, 2018 by FluffyChix

[hap314ness 90]

Thanks to @FluffyChix, @skinnylife, @proudgrammy, @VSGDavid, @summerset, @wanda247, and @GreenTealael for your input! I'm crying at work from your support, assessing my negative self-talk, and coming back to Earth. Therapy is coming, as is my year follow up, so I know I will have plenty of in-person guidance as well.

As far as maintaining a regimen, I will say that I have held fast to breakfasts and lunches that are measured and nutritionally sound. My weak spots as of 10-12 months tend to be

• snacking in-between meals at a new job where treats are brought in and stare at me
• too-large portions at dinner

I suppose I've gotten over the first hurdle of recognizing what I'm doing that will impede my weight loss. Now I must continue to jump the hurdles of being kinder to myself and maintaining motivation despite the stall.

Edited November 13, 2018 by hap314ness

[GreenTealael 24,850]

1 hour ago, summerset said:

I think "self-care" is exactly on point.

It makes me sad (and sometimes mad) that WLS patients seem to look at themselves as "not a success" if they don't reach what is considered a normal BMI.

I won't reach a normal BMI, or if I do it will be accidentally. But my Surgical PA is legit amazing. He said studies show that people who are in my BMI bracket statistically live longer. I'm sure he has anecdotal evidence for everyone he meets with but the fact that my team made my journey and success feel customized means the world to me.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

15 minutes ago, hap314ness said:

gotten over the first hurdle of recognizing what I'm doing that will impede my weight loss. Now I must continue to jump the hurdles of being kinder to myself and maintaining motivation despite the stall.

@hap314ness

KNOWLEDGE is POWER!!

knowing the problem is half the solution!!

you know the issues/prob - take the ball and run with it!!

cliches' but true.

you are definitely on the right track!!!

i don't believe in the "food police" - but if you want, pretend

i'm watching you like a fly on a wall.!! (pllllease don't swat me!!)

Watch those portions carefully - i know you can. Put the

desired/correct portion on your plate - no more, and forget about

2nd portions (remember, i'm peaking!!)

keep up the good work

good luck

kathy

[FluffyChix 17,409]

8 minutes ago, GreenTealael said:

I won't reach a normal BMI, or if I do it will be accidentally. But my Surgical PA is legit amazing. He said studies show that people who are in my BMI bracket statistically live longer. I'm sure he has anecdotal evidence for everyone he meets with but the fact that my team made my journey and success feel customized means the world to me.

You look so beautiful and healthy girl! Congrats!

To @hap314ness that's brutal! Working around Snacks would be so so so tempting!!! Can you factor in "healthy" snacks to your day or delay eating, so you have a late lunch when the snack monster hits? Apply new strategies?

I know personally, it's hard to sin on a full tummy!

Oh! And also a thing that TOTES works for me is to stay fully hydrating like "water-loading". I make myself drink as much of a full bottle (pint) of Water at a time, then sip to fullness. Totally lose the urge to eat. I do that whenever I feel myself hungry. And then I stay topped off for the rest of the day. Then 15minutes before a meal, I water-load again and sip sip sip to full. Then nothing for 2hours after the meal. Really helps put you in touch with satiety and keeps me from snacking.

[GreenTealael 24,850]

7 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

You look so beautiful and healthy girl! Congrats!

To @hap314ness that's brutal! Working around Snacks would be so so so tempting!!! Can you factor in "healthy" Snacks to your day or delay eating, so you have a late lunch when the snack monster hits? Apply new strategies?

I know personally, it's hard to sin on a full tummy!

Oh! And also a thing that TOTES works for me is to stay fully hydrating like "water-loading". I make myself drink as much of a full bottle (pint) of Water at a time, then sip to fullness. Totally lose the urge to eat. I do that whenever I feel myself hungry. And then I stay topped off for the rest of the day. Then 15minutes before a meal, I water-load again and sip sip sip to full. Then nothing for 2hours after the meal. Really helps put you in touch with satiety and keeps me from snacking.

Time to barrage everyone with raw veggies platters... Two can play this game!