Out-of-the-blue disaster

[sideeye 1,440]

I’m six months out and was going pretty well, weight loss has slowed but not stopped, I’d mostly put it down to some stressful work situations and losing control of some food choices due to a lot of travel. Still, was looking forward to the fall to get back on track. Then, disaster.

One of my best friends experienced a freakish, frequently fatal complication during the birth of her first child and is in a coma. She has been for weeks. We’re now well beyond the time she was expected to come round and it’s becoming increasingly clear that intense damage occurred. She lives in an area far from family and friends, I’m one of the closest but still hours away. I’ve been taking time off work to go care for her as her husband deals with the totally separate medical emergency that is their newborn. I feel like my brain’s been puréed, I can’t focus on a damn thing and am in a constant hypervigilant state. I don’t sleep much anymore and I’m a zombie at work.

It’s taken me three weeks to notice that I’ve totally stalled out weight-wise (I suppose I noticed day-to-day while weighing myself, but then didn’t chain the days together). And I know why: I’m grazing, I’m not prioritizing Protein, I’m not drinking enough Water. Worse, some of the habits I’ve kept at bay for almost half a year have come roaring back, including stopping by the local CVS to pick up junk food. I ate half a packet of Oreo’s, for pete’s sake. I don’t even like Oreos, at all, never have.

I’m going through the house this morning to throw out any junk food I’ve mindlessly bought, but I can also feel that the need to have quite literally anything make me feel slightly better is translating to the old emotional and current chemical boost junk food loans you. I know I’m going to have to just be more aware of all of this, now I’ve spotted it. But my entire life feels like a bomb went off at its center, and given how hard I’m finding it to focus on ANYTHING, I’m going to have a hard time being mentally guarded against lifetime habits creeping in again.

This sucks. THIS SUCKS.

Edited September 15, 2018 by sideeye

[Rosie T 72]

Oh my gosh. What a hard situation. I am so sorry for your friend, her husband, the baby and you. I’ll be keeping all of you in my prayers and hope you are able to find some moments of peace and self care in this really really hard time.

[rs 1,473]

@sideeye I am so sorry about your friend and her family, and the struggles you are having along with it. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you emotionally and I can see how it's become extra challenging to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It sounds like you've recognized that you've veered off the track on healthy eating and are now making a more conscious effort to course correct. Good for you. Be kind to yourself.

[Hannah83 214]

(soft hug) I don't have words to offer and I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you tightly, be kind to yourself indeed as others have said. Take time for you, if you can. I myself have been in a dip of depression recently and old habits of spitting out food after chewing it have crept back, working out at 2 am etc. Disordered things I thought long buried have become zombies now that the chips are down mentally so I understand being frustrated with yourself. Hell, I've even had ice cream swallowed it only for it to come back up in the trash can. It worries me because of the purging aspect of it, and another unhealthy coping thing. End my own rant to say I in some way understand.

[Lynn Cannon 49]

So sorry. Be kind to yourself. Make the best food decisions you can understanding that your only human and are going to slip up. You’ll get stronger but you have lots of love and prayers to get through this sometimes one second at a time.

[sillykitty 10,787]

I'm so sorry you have such a hard situation to deal with

[FluffyChix 17,418]

Oh wow. I just read this. I'm so sorry for all of you! ((hugs))

[GreenTealael 25,560]

Oh so sorry, we are here for support...