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Should weight matter in a relationship?



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Many people are depressed because they lose self-confidence and self-worth because of their weight, but should it be an issue, to the point where it causes the end of a relationship? Can't couples do something to make it work without one having to leave the other? That's just depressing.

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I think sometimes what happens is you lose attraction for the other person. If you meet someone and fall in love with them, and gain 150 pounds during the course of the relationship, it may change your willingness to do things like travel, and do activities you used to do as a couple. Even if someone loves you it may be a bit naive to think they will remain physically attracted to you through all of that.

The opposite is often true as we see on here. One person gets healthy and then the relationship falls apart. It goes both ways.

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I have personally never seen people break up solely because of weight gain or loss, there always seems to be a different problem lurking in the background and this is the easier thing to pick as the motive (even when its closely related its usually health issues caused by it)

People who want to be together find ways of making it work and last in healthy balanced ways.

Others can't wait for a legitimate "looking" reason to escape without seeming like the villain.

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Typically overweight people and healthy people have different lifestyles. This can lead to incompatibility on lots of levels.

It is also hard to watch someone you care about be sick and unhealthy, over time this can wear at a relationship too.

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I think it’s most definitely an issue, or could be rather.

I met my husband at 220 lbs. at 5’ 2” and he was a 180 (tops) at 6’1”. We were both attracted to one another the way we were.

We have always had silly “what if” conversations and we had a what if I ballooned to 400+ pounds....let’s just say, we would be divorced if change didn’t occur and one didn’t seek help. I would not stay in an unhealthy relationship. Whether it be a food addiction, drug, alcohol etc. And neither would my husband

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BIG CONFESSION TIME

I had a boyfriend of 7 years, who left me over my weight.

When we got together I was probably around 170-180. When he left me I was about 230.

We had no other major issues. We got along extremely well. We had only a few fights during our entire relationship. Despite my weight I was more physical active, and active in general (more social, traveled frequently), and also took a lot of pride in my appearance. He was slightly overweight when we met, gained some weight, and then lost weight to end up just very slightly overweight.

I noticed he started to not invite me to things with his family or friends. I didn't think too much about it. Holidays were off the table with him having 2 sets of kids, and me with my family, so we never did those together. Otherwise he was pretty much a homebody, so other social events for him were few and far between, made it easy to ignore. We both had demanding and social jobs, so staying in and me cooking was the norm. I barely noticed the decline in going out.

I knew from the beginning I wasn't his physical type. But I figured it wasn't a big deal, because we had a great sex life. There were things about him that weren't ideal, but all the good stuff made up for, I thought it was the same for him.

He began to get more distant. So we finally sat down and talked and he said he wanted to break up. He wouldn't give me an answer why really. I finally asked him if it was my weight. He was surprised I knew it was an issue for him. He told he was embarrassed to bring me around his family and friends or to be seen in public with me. He was still sexually attracted to me, but too embarrassed to be seen with me.

That was four years ago. I only told one person the real reason we broke up, and I did it when I was drunk, lol.

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@sillykitty That's terrible. I would flaunt those curves just to show him what he missed out on. He didn't deserve you anyway. On to bigger and better things!

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On 07/27/2018 at 21:32, sillykitty said:



BIG CONFESSION TIME




I had a boyfriend of 7 years, who left me over my weight.




When we got together I was probably around 170-180. When he left me I was about 230.




We had no other major issues. We got along extremely well. We had only a few fights during our entire relationship. Despite my weight I was more physical active, and active in general (more social, traveled frequently), and also took a lot of pride in my appearance. He was slightly overweight when we met, gained some weight, and then lost weight to end up just very slightly overweight.




I noticed he started to not invite me to things with his family or friends. I didn't think too much about it. Holidays were off the table with him having 2 sets of kids, and me with my family, so we never did those together. Otherwise he was pretty much a homebody, so other social events for him were few and far between, made it easy to ignore. We both had demanding and social jobs, so staying in and me cooking was the norm. I barely noticed the decline in going out.




I knew from the beginning I wasn't his physical type. But I figured it wasn't a big deal, because we had a great sex life. There were things about him that weren't ideal, but all the good stuff made up for, I thought it was the same for him.




He began to get more distant. So we finally sat down and talked and he said he wanted to break up. He wouldn't give me an answer why really. I finally asked him if it was my weight. He was surprised I knew it was an issue for him. He told he was embarrassed to bring me around his family and friends or to be seen in public with me. He was still sexually attracted to me, but too embarrassed to be seen with me.




That was four years ago. I only told one person the real reason we broke up, and I did it when I was drunk, lol.


Girl! You are brave for sharing that story, but have come so far! I’m so proud of you and he didn’t deserve you at your worst, def not at your best! He was sexually attracted to you, so it sounds like he was more insecure of what people thought of him than anything else. Screw people like that. Be proud of what you love.

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Thanks @Chrisb428 ... I have to tell you I do have a fantasy of running into him in public, especially after I get my plastics, lol! Even better if I have a hot bf with me!

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3 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

Girl! You are brave for sharing that story, but have come so far! I’m so proud of you and he didn’t deserve you at your worst, def not at your best! He was sexually attracted to you, so it sounds like he was more insecure of what people thought of him than anything else. Screw people like that. Be proud of what you love.

Thanks Ash .... you're right on every point.

What I tell myself is he had the absolute best of me for 7 years. And his embarrassment over my appearance mattered more to him than anything else. I can change my weight (and I am!), but he can't change his shallowness

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4 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

Thanks @Chrisb428 ... I have to tell you I do have a fantasy of running into him in public, especially after I get my plastics, lol! Even better if I have a hot bf with me!

I would make sure to run into him in a killer little dress with the hottest man u can find...lol Then I would just happen to forget his name when introducing him to your date if he approaches.... We can always give karma a little help..haha

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5 hours ago, Numbheart said:

Many people are depressed because they lose self-confidence and self-worth because of their weight, but should it be an issue, to the point where it causes the end of a relationship? Can't couples do something to make it work without one having to leave the other? That's just depressing.

Should it or does it? It should not but it does, definitely.

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And isn't IT Sad that we too are guilty of something we berate people,outside the weight LOSS community Judging people by the Outside Covering rather than their lovely soul and spirit within.😪💦😪

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11 hours ago, Numbheart said:

Many people are depressed because they lose self-confidence and self-worth because of their weight, but should it be an issue, to the point where it causes the end of a relationship? Can't couples do something to make it work without one having to leave the other? That's just depressing.

In an ideal world, a person's weight should not matter in a relationship as we should really love someone for the entirety of the person. However, in the United States at least, physical attraction plays too large a role. I am now at the weight I was at when I graduated high school back in 1997 so clearly weight has been a lifelong struggle of mine yet I refused to see beauty in overweight women.

I spent so much of my life in the shallow end of life's swimming pool that it wasn't until I began addressing my weight from a serious and sober perspective, i.e. this weight loss surgery journey, that I found myself looking honestly past physical imperfections. Something in me clicked and I realized physical beauty can be found in anyone! Where I am working, there is a beautiful dispatcher. She's overweight but has a beautiful face and striking eyes. Man, the old me would have totally missed this and I would've missed a very nice person. She's too young for me as she's only 22, but by all accounts, she's very beautiful. I kind of wish I was a younger man (with my present accumulated wisdom) because she would be in trouble ;-)

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