I can't make a decision

[nourishing heather 36]

PS: Just finished reading your article. You are gorgeous and I love those floral leggings! Keep on smiling (:

Thank you for reading! I want to document my journey so I can look back with pride on my progress and hopefully be a resource for others.

My Blog: www.nourishingheather.com

HW: 325
CW: 314
Surgery Date: 8/1/18
GW: 160

[DianK 1]

Hi:...I too had these same questions...this is normal...everything we do daily revolves around food. I’ve spent hours reading and trying to understand why I could take the weight off, but couldn’t keep it off. I wasn’t heavy growing up, but put on a lot of weight after quitting smoking.
I think I finally started to understand why it’s so hard to keep weight off after reading “A Pound of Cure” by Matthew Weiner, MD, FACS, a Bariatric surgeon. He talks about your metabolic thermostat and resetting it. Spend some time collecting the facts. List all the pros and cons. I think this will help with your decision. I hope this helps.

[AliciaL 6]

You're absolutely right. Right now I am not ready for the procedure. But the good thing is I still have 4 months to keep doing research and asking questions and watching Youtube videos and hearing other peoples experiences to get my mind, body and soul ready for this journey! I am going to see a dietitian July 31st (not through the VSG doctor, I see their nutritionist mid August). As of now I'm not emotionally there but I think that's why we have to go through the 6 month process to make sure this life changing surgery is the right fit for us! Thank you for your feedback and if you have any other advice I'd love to hear you out! Best.

I have gone through everything you're describing and I totally get you. I began the process in 2012 at 341, im 5 6 1/2. I thought to my self all of your same thoughts. I cancelled the surgery a week prior and began working hard qith exercise and calorie counting. I DID GREAT! I lost 80 pounds, felt awesome. Oh so gradually the pounds returned plus 6 additional! Now with new blood pressure issues. So again I explored the procedure, worked with a few women I was lucky enough to follow their progress. Started the steps and I was approved right away. I still have reservations up until the day I went in for surgery. I think that is normal. As long as you know exactly what you're getting into and what it will take to succeed afterwards you are ready. I'm going into my third week post-op, and up until a few days ago I was having regrets, which is also expected just as those in my support group my surgeon and the other people who have had it done said may happen. Im now starting to feel normal, i am able to test more things. I'm unable to eat more than a couple teaspoons but surprisingly it is very satisfying now and gets better each day. Ive lost 22 pounds at my 2 week follow which includes the 2 wk preop liquid Protein Shakes (5 daily!) So far so good. I need to get moving and ill be more successful. Back to work Monday that should help. So bottom line is, in my opinion, you are perfectly normal to have questions and concerns. Good luck!

Sent from my SM-N920V using BariatricPal mobile app

[TakingABreak 2,733]

On 07/17/2018 at 16:10, CashmereAndBones said:

Yes the honeymoon phase is crucial to succeeding I just don't want to feel like I'm constantly counting calories and not living a flourishing life when I move to Los Angeles. I remember flashbacks of when I was anorexic and would literally count EVERYTHING, from lettuce to carrots, fruit, coffee (black), etc. I just hope I don't fall into those tendencies again, also thanks for the follow up post of cheats and everything (: all the best Ash!! <3.

To be honest I don’t track daily. I have got my diet down enough where I don’t have to log everything to ensure I meet my nutritional goals for the day. It is helpful to do if you are stalled, to see if you have increased something somewhere. I think the first few months are crucial but then you are like a normal person and it becomes less of a chore and more normalcy. I think if you can make it through the first 6 months (tops) you will find it’s easy sailing from there.

[Shoelace 63]

12 hours ago, Matt Z said:

@CashmereAndBones
The first thing I noticed is your goal... From your starting weight, that goal isn't very realistic with the Sleeve. Check this site, it has calculators to show you what you can realistically expect for weight loss for each surgery type.
For your starting weight of 325, for a Female that's 6 foot tall, it's reported that 80% of patients will reach 249 in 18 months, 50% reach 226 and only 20% reach 203.

https://www.obesitycoverage.com/weight-loss-surgeries/gastric-sleeve/gastric-sleeves-how-much-weight-will-i-lose

The Bypass has perspective losses listed for your weight/height as 80% reach 231 in 18 months, 50% reach 210, 20% reach 189.
https://www.obesitycoverage.com/weight-loss-surgeries/gastric-bypass/how-much-can-i-expect-to-lose

These are averages and generalizations, can you lose 200 lbs with the Sleeve, maybe, but it's going to be a lot of very hard work and some serious dedication and commitment.

Can you lose the weight on your own? You totally can! Search for "Obese to Beast" on YouTube. This kid is great, he dropped from 370 down to like 180 with nothing but diet and exercise. It is possible, but you are going to have to really fight the hunger sensation to do so.

I initially got the band back in 2011, having hit 370 lbs at 5 foot 9, things were just on the cusp of getting out of control. People get the surgery because, there is a point where just reducing your intake and exercising isn't quite enough to make the changes needed to stop the snowball effect. I didn't want the bypass back then because I didn't want any permanent changes to be made. In hindsight that's the stupidest thing I've ever thought. I didn't want to make a change that would cause permanent changes. Well, that's exactly what happened. I dropped 70ish with the band, and then it started to come back. Because, I didn't make permanent changes.

This past March I finally had my band removed and converted over to the bypass. I'm kicking myself for not doing the bypass in 2011. I've lost 7 years that would have been so much better if I only wasn't afraid of those changes.

Whatever you do decide to do, don't lose sight of the fact that these changes *NEED* to be permanent, otherwise you'll find yourself right back at the start wondering what you did wrong. If you don't make life long habit changes... then nothing will actually change.

Wow, I just checked my ideal weight on the calculator you have here and it says between 106 and 143..I had thought 150 was doing great! I might just have to re-assess! Thanks for the link.

[BurBur 113]

Dear Friend,

Listen to your body and your mind. This decision is HUGE. Should you have it? Which surgery should you have? What will happen to you in the future? How will you feel after surgery? There is MUCH uncertainty and if you are questioning yourself now, it is worth it to continue to think on it. You have time. I'm so glad you are thinking hard on it. This is the only body you will ever have and there is more than one way to show how much you love your life and your body.

I knew beyond a doubt that I needed surgery. I spent years trying to be successful on my own. (My whole life really.) I thought as you did, that I SHOULD be able to do this on my own! Why can't I??? I started trying to get surgery at 30 and was easily defeated when the doctor said "no." Then I tried again at 35 and again at 38 and each time, I was defeated by doctors who felt they knew me better than I knew myself. All this time I was dieting and trying with all of my heart and mind and will power, but I just couldn't do it. In fact. I kept getting heavier and heavier. Finally at 43, newly diagnosed with diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol and a body that literally felt like it was winding down to be done for this earth, I was able to get my doctor to help me get the appropriate referrals. I wish, wish, wish they would have helped me years ago, before I really began to fall apart. This is one thing I would encourage you to think about. How is your health and how has your resolve been in the past as far as weight loss goes. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do this on your own, but also be careful not to let your life carelessly disintegrate while you try to be the responsible person we all wish we could have been.

I learned after surgery something I couldn't see or understand before. There was this insatiable appetite I was battling. It was beyond my control--a complex issue of mental and physical and social disfunction. I learned there is a line that can be crossed where there is virtually no return without a miracle. And..I don't believe in miracles so surgery was my only option and I knew it before and understood it later. It is difficult to explain, but after the surgery it was as if I learned for the first time, what it was like to actually choose to eat. There isn't this drive ruthlessly grinding me through food and controlling my thoughts, my actions and my whole damn day. I'm so scared that one day, that might take me again, but at least now, I KNOW. At least, I have a chance now and I will do everything I can to make it worth it--and believe me, I've paid a very steep price. My friend, if I knew in advance what would happen to me after surgery, I would cry and cry, but I would still go through with it. Please take the time to read my profile about my surgery and recovery. I don't want to put all that here in this post, but you'll understand why I tell you that I'm so glad you are thinking about it carefully. Things can go wrong. Unexpected events can happen. If you've tried hard in your life to make things right with your health and you haven't been successful, then surgery may be whats best, but you do it because you know it's the right thing for you. You're fully informed and the risk that you take is worth the potential reward.

I wish you the very best and should you proceed with surgery, I hope you have a speedy recovery and zero complication. Should you wish to continue your endeavor to adapt a healthy life on your own merit, I give my best regards and thoughts to you. It's something I wish I could have done myself.

[NYJenn 1,464]

I think if the decision isn’t banging you over the head as the right one...then you (or anyone) simply are not ready for the commitment. It’s a huge undertaking and if you aren’t ready, wait until you are.

[Gundy 139]

The four months remaining on your dietary visits would be a good time to test drive how changing your diet and portions work for you. Many people lose quite a bit of weight during their six months of dietary visits and welcome the time to practice the new lifestyle. As example, my NUT had be practicing 30/30 and more Protein early in our visits.

May I ask what changes you’ve tried thus far? What has worked for you?

[CashmereAndBones 36]

Wow!! The immense amount of feedback, advice, encouragement and similar thoughts I've received from all of you is amazing. Thank you to EVERYONE for posting, I really truly appreciate all of your posts and while a bit overwhelming it gave me a lot to think about and a lot more questions and reading to do! You all are amazing human beings and I'm so glad to have found such an amazing support system with such positivity. Eventually I will respond to all of your posts directly but for now a general one since I have some homework I need to get to and I don't want to rush my responses! Thank you all once again, truly heartwarming comments <3 Best to everyone!

[sillykitty 10,787]

On 7/16/2018 at 11:38 PM, CashmereAndBones said:

shrinking your stomach to make it so you can't eat a lot but you're still following an extremely restricted diet, why not just do the same diet without the surgery? Is Portion Control too hard? Can anyone tell me why they got the surgery rather than just eating what they would have with the VSG but not actually getting it surgically done? I I want to be able to have that once in a blue moon treat myself if it's a girls night out or birthday or vacation, etc. I don't want to fall into a depression because of fomo (fear of missing out), I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up sparkling Water, sugar (in strict moderation, but I hate sugar free since it's just "sugar" but chemically made so it's not real sugar) and especially the whole drinking and eating rule.

I had VSG because Portion Control is hard. It's hard to eat only a little, or restricted foods while dieting. You're hungry, and it takes a lot of food to fill you up. But with VSG, I have much reduced hunger. And when I do eat, the quantity is so small, it's max a few hundred calories, and I'm full. I have lost nearly 70 lbs in 5 months, and it has been easier than any diet I've ever been on.

You also seem to think that you have to be on a crazy restrictive diet after VSG. I'm certainty not. I eat quite healthfully when I'm home, focusing on Protein and otherwise fairly low cal foods. But I don't restrict anything, I eat fruit, bread, protein Pasta, cheese, frozen yogurt bars, frozen fruit bars, etc. But for example I don't make fettuccine alfredo or fried chicken at home. So it's balanced and moderate, IMO.

I actually eat out multiples time per week for work. I wouldn't recommend eating at as much as I do, because it is harder to make healthy choices, and hard to track restaurant food. But for me it is unavoidable. Sometime I make healthy choices dining out, sometime I don't. I could eat healthier while dining out, but with clients and colleagues it's not appropriate to customize dishes very much. I've seriously eaten just about everything in the last 4 months, including bites of dessert. And most days even with 3 meals out, I'm still under 600 calories because my stomach size is so restricted. But I am very conscience of what I consume, I log everything. So even though I might have biscuits and gravy for Breakfast, I'm not off the rails and have a f it attitude, if that makes sense?

As far as FOMO, there is only one hard decision I made. I've cut out all alcohol. I didn't have to, it doesn't have an adverse effect when I do have it. I just don't want to add the empty liquid calories to my diet. It was a big deal because of the travel and entertaining I do. I'm in bars multiple times a week, and I'm drinking water, so definitely awkward. But if it was only glass of wine or two a week, I wouldn't have cut it out completely, as that's pretty immaterial in the scheme of things. But for me, many weeks would be 20+ drinks, so it just would have counteracted my WLS too much.

[anassathalassa 35]

I tired pretty much my whole life to lose weight. I’ve done every diet out there. Everything worked for a while then I would slip back and gain everything back plus some. With the VSG, the year after surgery I was able to relearn how to eat, how to look and think about food. I think the biggest thing for me is that even 2 years out I rarely (and I mean rarely, maybe once a month) feel hungry. Hunger is what always sabotaged me. It’s changed my life so much!

VSG May 2016. HW 292. GW 160. CW 152 and maintaining for 9 months

[apositivelife4me 189]

On 7/17/2018 at 7:06 AM, AshAsh1 said:

First of all... I've already responded to all to your concerns on your first post about your fears.

In your case, I wouldn't recommend surgery. You aren't ready, nor near ready for the commitment to change. I'd try the Portion Control route first. I do wish you luck. When you hit your rock bottom, like most people on here do, you won't be worried about giving up the things you've listed in your post. And I mean this with the upmost respect, because you have to be *ready* to take this journey. I don't believe you are.

I agree with you AshAsh. She is NOT ready.

[Frustr8 7,886]

And many changes in her thinking will have to occur for her ever to be ready. You have to feel major surgery is preferable to continue living as you are and she doesn't seem at that point. Maybe later, maybe never.