I'm just not happy.....

[BuzzVSG 252]

I had my 3 month surgiversary the other day. I truly thought that having the surgery and losing weight would make me somewhat happier. I have lost weight, and their has been some major positive changes health wise. Physically I feel good. Emotionally, not so much. I am shying away from social situations and situations where I cannot control the way I eat. The way I eat is somewhat regimented. Going out with friends creates anxiety for me. I also still see myself as the big fat guy that I have been my entire life. I get compliments from people that have known me, but I look in the mirror and still see the guy that I was before the surgery. I had more confidence when I was heavier, now I second guess everything. I am just not happy with myself. I have 27 lbs to go before goal weight. Has anyone ever felt this way before?

[Strivingforbetter 246]

When I'm around certain people or when I eat certain things, I feel like I haven't lost even one pound. I worry that I'll wake up the next morning, and the scale will show a five pound gain and the old me will come exploding out. The truth is I've lost a significant amount of weight and haven't gained even one pound in the year since I had my surgery. It's body dsymorphia. It takes a while for our minds to catch up with the new body. As far as social situations, I find myself wearing shorts and clothes I have shied away from for the past 20 years. I also don't hide behind people in photos anymore. I've practiced making good food choices this past year, so I can usually find something to eat or I eat very little if the choices aren't so great. If your anxiety is really distressing you, I would find a good counselor and talk it through with them. It also might help with your self-confidence and/or depression.

Edited June 22, 2018 by Strivingforbetter

[shay_148 23]

I feel that way all the time. It’s hard seeing your self smaller but you still don’t feel small! I shy away from my friends and family, they always want to go out to eat. It’s been 14 months since my surgery. I eat the same things every day. I’m still worried I will gain it all back.

[Creekimp13 5,838]

Time will help. It gets easier. You've gone through some stunning changes at break neck speed. Give your heart and mind time to catch up. It's ok to feel conflicted and unsure. The positive feelings will come if you're patient:)

Edited June 22, 2018 by Creekimp13

[myfanwymoi 102]

At 18 months as I relax my grip on intake (and my stomach accepts and craves a wider range of food) I struggle to cope.

People tell me I'm too thin and I can't see it, but my fear is the sugar monster who wants to take me over again.

We can do it. As creekimp says, huge changes.

The key is kindness: to ourselves. And that's hard because who nearly eats themselves to death out of self love! But it can be learned.

Be well

[magpie26 244]

I understand how you feel. Maybe it was the "fat girl confidence" the extra humor etc. I'm not even 3 months out, but at 25 pounds lost I felt dead sexy, now I'm approaching 50 and now I am seeing a fat girl (sometimes) in the mirror. This wasn't the case before! I like that people think I look great, but newly out of the gate social situations are really awkward. I still can get painfully full, I can't drink with all my friends (not that I'm a big drinker), I went gluten free so my food choices are limited. I'm happy I did this, but I'm unhappy that I all of the sudden see myself as fat and unattractive. Sorry for stealing your post, but I know what you're going through.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Gosh @ Magpie26, what if nobody likes FIT and FINE FRUSTR8 when all they've ever,known was FAT and FUNNY FRUSTR8? They will just have to deal with it, I have come this far, I AM NOT turning back!😪

[BuzzVSG 252]

1 hour ago, magpie26 said:

I understand how you feel. Maybe it was the "fat girl confidence" the extra humor etc. I'm not even 3 months out, but at 25 pounds lost I felt dead sexy, now I'm approaching 50 and now I am seeing a fat girl (sometimes) in the mirror. This wasn't the case before! I like that people think I look great, but newly out of the gate social situations are really awkward. I still can get painfully full, I can't drink with all my friends (not that I'm a big drinker), I went gluten free so my food choices are limited. I'm happy I did this, but I'm unhappy that I all of the sudden see myself as fat and unattractive. Sorry for stealing your post, but I know what you're going through.

You are so not stealing my post. I so appreciate you and everyone elses thoughts. I felt great 25 lbs down as well, but then I am not sure what happened. I mean physically I know I lost weight, I have had to change wardrobes a few times. But looking in the mirror and seeing selfies I take sometimes I don't see a difference. You know what I find weird, and I know I shouldn't live my life according to compliments. People were so quick to comment when i gained weight, but some people in my life have not said anything now that I lost weight.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

13 hours ago, BuzzVSG said:

I had my 3 month surgiversary the other day. I truly thought that having the surgery and losing weight would make me somewhat happier. I have lost weight, and their has been some major positive changes health wise. Physically I feel good. Emotionally, not so much. I am shying away from social situations and situations where I cannot control the way I eat. The way I eat is somewhat regimented. Going out with friends creates anxiety for me. I also still see myself as the big fat guy that I have been my entire life. I get compliments from people that have known me, but I look in the mirror and still see the guy that I was before the surgery. I had more confidence when I was heavier, now I second guess everything. I am just not happy with myself. I have 27 lbs to go before goal weight. Has anyone ever felt this way before?

Its not as uncommon as you might think to have these feelings after weight loss. You've almost lost your identity. I know for me, my weight was part of it, I would joke about my weight and make excuses because of my weight. It became who I was. Once you lose that part of you, it takes awhile to figure out what makes you, you again. I still have anxiety because sometimes I'll be super confident and rocking a cute top... and then I'll panic sets in, and I look around, and think... OH CRAP, Am I really wearing this shirt? What was I thinking?!? This comes and goes. I still see the same person from before surgery, until I look at photos, and that's when I can see a big difference. Have you tried looking back at old pictures when you feel down or unconfident?

[BuzzVSG 252]

17 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

Its not as uncommon as you might think to have these feelings after weight loss. You've almost lost your identity. I know for me, my weight was part of it, I would joke about my weight and make excuses because of my weight. It became who I was. Once you lose that part of you, it takes awhile to figure out what makes you, you again. I still have anxiety because sometimes I'll be super confident and rocking a cute top... and then I'll panic sets in, and I look around, and think... OH CRAP, Am I really wearing this shirt? What was I thinking?!? This comes and goes. I still see the same person from before surgery, until I look at photos, and that's when I can see a big difference. Have you tried looking back at old pictures when you feel down or unconfident?

The whole identity perspective I can totally relate too. What defined me was my weight, at least in my own mind. I can relate to the anxiety because I have it now. My doctor said that the surgery basically resets everything. I definitely look at photos, sometimes I cringe when I see a picture of me at my heaviest and think "how did I let myself get that way?" I definitely compare pictures, it is like a daily ritual for me. Thank you for your insight as well.

[sillykitty 10,705]

16 hours ago, Strivingforbetter said:

I would find a good counselor and talk it through with them. It also might help with your self-confidence and/or depression.

I agree with this. Feeling anxious and unhappy is no way to live. I'd see if talking to a therapist would help.

[magpie26 244]

I do have to say that most of the time I do feel better about me and how I'm progressing and looking but sometimes I see her looking back and I hate it! It doesn't help that I'm currently broke and can't afford an "in between" wardrobe. So I'm stuck with a good amount that's too big, my pants are ok but catching up but my tops are getting BIG! I've hunted goodwill/ thrift stores but not having much luck I could buy new stuff for what they charge half the time. I hear this a lot and I know we're not alone.

[Frustr8 7,886]

That's why I think more bariatric practices should institute a Clothes Closet, as an example,i am currently a 26W, oh but,i plan to change down soon. It would be,nice to take,my 26s in and exchange for 20-22-24. Now some I concede,are slop-alongs but some are things anothe person coming,in from 28 or 30 or 4x would be happy to wear. Likewise guyswould,be,happy to trade in their 50 for 46 or 48. And as you return in outgrown you trade for smaller, 2 dresses for 2 dresses, 3 j3and for 3 jeans, you get,the,.picture. And I'm on SocialSecurity, I surely can't afford boutiques but sometimes I can't afford Goodwill, Salvation Army,of Volunteers of America unless it's just a few items. Like you, I've noticed Goodwill jacked up their prices, maybe they are sad to see,their donations go!

.

[GreenTealael 24,857]

On 6/21/2018 at 9:26 PM, BuzzVSG said:

I had my 3 month surgiversary the other day. I truly thought that having the surgery and losing weight would make me somewhat happier. I have lost weight, and their has been some major positive changes health wise. Physically I feel good. Emotionally, not so much. I am shying away from social situations and situations where I cannot control the way I eat. The way I eat is somewhat regimented. Going out with friends creates anxiety for me. I also still see myself as the big fat guy that I have been my entire life. I get compliments from people that have known me, but I look in the mirror and still see the guy that I was before the surgery. I had more confidence when I was heavier, now I second guess everything. I am just not happy with myself. I have 27 lbs to go before goal weight. Has anyone ever felt this way before?

Yes, you are not alone in how you feel. Please please please take care of your mental health as well as physical during this journey.

[GotProlactinoma 458]

Enough wonderful, supportive messages are here but I just wanted to add one tinything: some nutritionists don’t emphasize the gut bugs and their effect on our moods and minds. This is newish science so they might not be taught it in school, but mental health studies are starting to come around.

All of us after weight loss surgery have thrown our poor gut bugs to the wind. Good populations might have died out from our lack of food for them. Bad might be growing, or just different species are starting to war for control of our immune systems. What you can do to encourage the good populations are maybe some children’s chewable Probiotics in tiny quantity, and a teaspoon or so of inulin (powder from Jerusalem chokes, not to be confused with INSULIN) or potato starch in each Protein Drink to feed the gut bugs, even in the after surgery days. See if chewable kids probiotics plus Prebiotic powder doesn’t lift the mood more. We can’t survive without gut bugs and when they are happy, we are happier too.

and once we get into eating real foods, while we definitely have to concentrate on Protein, we must always feel the gut bacteria with the starches they like. They don’t need much. So if you have 3 tbsp of scrambled eggs say, add a tsp of cooked and cooled potato to it. (Once it’s cooled it can be rewarmed as well, but cooked and cooled root veggies have a lot of the resistant starch the gut bugs need) They are using good gut biome care to help treat schizophrenia and bipolar. It can help everyone.