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Husband threatens divorce if I have surgery



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Damn, he's an ass. I'm with the others: have your surgery and let the chips fall where they may. I'm 53, and I gotta say, extra weight gets harder the older you get.

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2 hours ago, Copper5 said:

Hello

im a nurse of 41 yrs and have been approved for gastric bypass for many reasons including metabolic syndrome, failed diets, painful osteoarthritis gastric ulcers from those meds, hypercholesteremia etc etc

ive been scheduled for my insurance approved procedure now twice first time I discussed with husband he threatened divorce and was going to start to pack his bags , I gave it a 6 month effort of strong exercise regime along with my nursing schedule have had to drop my arthritis meds due to non healing ulcers after 3 EGD's finally healed and rescheduled and although I've been exercising the very best I could have I've GAINED 4-5 pounds and my bones and body is in extreme pain...again he stated he's going to divorce me if I have the surgery

he's 14 yrs younger exercises regularly but can't and won't understand a postmenopausal series of events leading me to my present health crisis..I don't over eat in fact I eat very healthy but liver enzymes cholesteroland glucose keep going up..( both my sisters are obese have headaches and high cholesterol..)I can't get him to attend doctors meetings or classes he just gets garbled info from his work customers of their troubles having surgery and I on the other hand have waited and watched at least seven other nurses in my own hospital department have my doctor perform their surgery w/o complications and great results

i want a better quality of life of life and hopefully extend my life but I also love and want my husband to stay with me

i know if issues don't resolve we'll get divorced or I'll get heavy and have heart problems develope or develop more ulcers which could end cancerous( aunt died of gastric cancer she also was a stressed out nurse died at age 60) I'm presently turning 64

i don't know what to do I feel ugly look ugly in pain have no love life at present because of the way I feel and he keeps telling me to get off my fat @ss and just exercise more... Please someone help if you've had this occur what did you do ?

my surgery reschedule is May8th

thank you for listening

As the millennial saying goes, you only live once. I think you need to tell your husband to get bent and go ahead with improving your life. I cannot countenance being with someone whom will be so unsupportive. It's time for you to live life for you.

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I'm a husband and yikes, this is not a good situation. I don't think I saw anywhere how long you've been married, so that may play a factor in it. But certainly, it's all about control.

I got married the first time when I was 23 and over the first couple of years I didn't realize just how co-dependent my wife had become. She'd gone from living with her mother to living with me. When she was with her mother, her mother made all the decisions, so when she was with me she deferred to me a lot. At first I was flattered, thinking she trusted me that much as to let me make all of the important decisions. I'll admit it made me feel powerful knowing that almost whatever I said was how things would be.

It took a lot of self-introspection to realize how unhealthy that was and we ended up divorcing over other issues soon afterward. But my point is that I could see how such power can go to a husband's head. It was to the point where my ex would not make any decisions, even about things like her own hair and clothes without checking with me first, and quite frankly it was intoxicating and can certainly be addicting.

On the bright side, once I was ready to start dating again I made a list of qualities I wanted in a woman and qualities I wanted to avoid. The most important qualities were independence and the ability to handle everything on her own if necessary instead of relying on me for anything. The first woman I met matched my list almost perfectly, with the one difference being our outlooks on religion, and we've been married almost 23 years now with two great kids. I told her up front about the whole controlling/co-dependency issues I had in the past and she promised she'd never let that become an issue with us.

So please don't get the idea I'm trying to excuse any of your husband's behavior, I'm just giving one possible reason for it. I hope things work out for you.

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As a nurse I am familiar with the old enabling trap. We are quick to worry about other people’s needs, loosing ourselves in the process. Sounds like he has issues but remember they are his issues not yours. If you feel like it is right for you, go get the surgery. It doesn’t sound like he is supportive of your needs anyway—-no loss.

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So sorry for husband's lack of support, he may be worried about the risks, or he may be a bit of a jerk or both.

Good luck and make the decision based on your health.

Are you doing bypass because of acid reflux? My PCP's nurse had bypass 7yrs ago and she got ulcers in the disconnected stomach portion because it still makes hydrochloric acid but gets no food to use it up with, so you might consider the sleeve instead. And it is difficult to treat that disconnected stomach. Also 2 people in the wls surgery group had Iron deficiences and they were bypass patients. At least think about it.

I wish you the best.

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Hello
im a nurse of 41 yrs and have been approved for gastric bypass for many reasons including metabolic syndrome, failed diets, painful osteoarthritis gastric ulcers from those meds, hypercholesteremia etc etc
ive been scheduled for my insurance approved procedure now twice first time I discussed with husband he threatened divorce and was going to start to pack his bags , I gave it a 6 month effort of strong exercise regime along with my nursing schedule have had to drop my arthritis meds due to non healing ulcers after 3 EGD's finally healed and rescheduled and although I've been exercising the very best I could have I've GAINED 4-5 pounds and my bones and body is in extreme pain...again he stated he's going to divorce me if I have the surgery
he's 14 yrs younger exercises regularly but can't and won't understand a postmenopausal series of events leading me to my present health crisis..I don't over eat in fact I eat very healthy but liver enzymes cholesteroland glucose keep going up..( both my sisters are obese have headaches and high cholesterol..)I can't get him to attend doctors meetings or classes he just gets garbled info from his work customers of their troubles having surgery and I on the other hand have waited and watched at least seven other nurses in my own hospital department have my doctor perform their surgery w/o complications and great results
i want a better quality of life of life and hopefully extend my life but I also love and want my husband to stay with me
i know if issues don't resolve we'll get divorced or I'll get heavy and have heart problems develope or develop more ulcers which could end cancerous( aunt died of gastric cancer she also was a stressed out nurse died at age 60) I'm presently turning 64
i don't know what to do I feel ugly look ugly in pain have no love life at present because of the way I feel and he keeps telling me to get off my fat @ss and just exercise more... Please someone help if you've had this occur what did you do ?
my surgery reschedule is May8th
thank you for listening


The question is what do you want. This does not sound like love. My husband doesn’t want me to have this either- he has many reasons. He has been tremendously supportive though because it is my body and my life. If your husband says he will leave, let him leave. This might be emotionally hard for you at first, but take care of yourself. This is your life and you only get one. You are not ugly-Love yourself and be positive. Life is so short and I know you know this. There can be complications with this surgery, but chances are small. If you follow doctors orders, you will do great. Sounds like you don’t feel so well now- your body is becoming a complication now so take care of yourself,please love yourself, and if you want this you can have this. You are worth it. I am due to have my surgery February 7th and hope you will join all of us on May 8th with your journey. Good luck!


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20 hours ago, BigViffer said:

Call his bluff. Make him seriously think about what it would mean if he divorced you for medical reasons. I am pretty sure you would take him to the cleaners financially. Don't appeal to his emotions, show him how it will cost half of his possessions, retirement, and a good chunk of his income.

Texas is a "Fair & Just" divorce state. That doesn't necessarily mean a 50/50 split. He may want to think before he opens his mouth again.

It's a great point, BigViffer. Yikes. I'm not sure that personally I'd want to remain married to someone whom I had to convince to stay with me using financial incentives (or threat of disincentives). Just the thought of having to say this to my partner would make me want to leave.

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Hmmm. Sounds like an excuse for him to leave. The question is do you want him to leave? My ex-husband was the reason I was overweight in the first place. Unfortunately, I didn't get out soon enough. The stress of being married to an addict for 20 years ultimately gave me breast cancer as well.

Sent from my SM-G930V using BariatricPal mobile app

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On 1/31/2018 at 1:18 PM, Copper5 said:

Hello

im a nurse of 41 yrs and have been approved for gastric bypass for many reasons including metabolic syndrome, failed diets, painful osteoarthritis gastric ulcers from those meds, hypercholesteremia etc etc

ive been scheduled for my insurance approved procedure now twice first time I discussed with husband he threatened divorce and was going to start to pack his bags , I gave it a 6 month effort of strong exercise regime along with my nursing schedule have had to drop my arthritis meds due to non healing ulcers after 3 EGD's finally healed and rescheduled and although I've been exercising the very best I could have I've GAINED 4-5 pounds and my bones and body is in extreme pain...again he stated he's going to divorce me if I have the surgery

he's 14 yrs younger exercises regularly but can't and won't understand a postmenopausal series of events leading me to my present health crisis..I don't over eat in fact I eat very healthy but liver enzymes cholesteroland glucose keep going up..( both my sisters are obese have headaches and high cholesterol..)I can't get him to attend doctors meetings or classes he just gets garbled info from his work customers of their troubles having surgery and I on the other hand have waited and watched at least seven other nurses in my own hospital department have my doctor perform their surgery w/o complications and great results

i want a better quality of life of life and hopefully extend my life but I also love and want my husband to stay with me

i know if issues don't resolve we'll get divorced or I'll get heavy and have heart problems develope or develop more ulcers which could end cancerous( aunt died of gastric cancer she also was a stressed out nurse died at age 60) I'm presently turning 64

i don't know what to do I feel ugly look ugly in pain have no love life at present because of the way I feel and he keeps telling me to get off my fat @ss and just exercise more... Please someone help if you've had this occur what did you do ?

my surgery reschedule is May8th

thank you for listening

you need to be like BYE FELICIA.

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It's all about your health my dear. You only get one life to live and someone being selfish enough to stop you from making a better choice for your own standard of living is not someone you should want in your corner. May 8th is a very lucky day, that was when I had mine last year. Good luck on your journey and remember this is about you.

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You sound educated and regret to inform you something may know, your husband needs education and presents a perspective of someone receiving plastic surgery and of greed. Wish I could give you a quick answer, take him to the church house and maybe he will see the light. My father miss treated my mother and tossed her in the Christmas tree to finalize that divorce growing up, so I always have the natural reaction to wanna kick a dude's ass when I hear of men who miss treat women, However, the verbal abuse is just as damaging, so I have to keep my emotions in check, especially witnessing this similar behavior in my 21 years in the Marines and I let em have every chance I get when they decide to open up in conversation, because some of these #$%holes openly talk about this &hit in the mens locker room. Hope the best for you and your courage takes over the steering wheel.

Edited by Sammy 10-30

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6 hours ago, Sammy 10-30 said:

Hope the best for you and your courage takes over the steering wheel.

Ha! This=BEST!!! :D

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17 hours ago, JohnnyCakes said:

you need to be like BYE FELICIA.

Or maybe this! Felicia is such a tool. :D

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