Never Ending Comments About my Body

[Middus 491]

On 10/29/2017 at 11:48 PM, Kat410 said:

Thanks for the mansplaining here.

I am clear it is well intentioned. Peoples actions are what communicates, not their intentions.

It could just be different for us girls, given our bodies are regulated, legislated and seemingly up for grabs in even casual social interactions.

Mansplaining or not, I sort of agree with him.

I don't intend to be dismissive of your feelings of displeasure, but I would advise you to give it a bit of time. Comments always dry out. The analogy of the cancer or amputation is fitting, because let us be honest, If an acquaintance suddenly lost all their hair due to chemo, wouldn't we ask them questions?
I initially got many compliments too, and everyone was sort of in my Biz. People got quite nosy. From asking about food choices, to observing what I ate (and trying to copy), it was a lot. Sometimes it even got really awkward, like when a 'casual' acquaintance went as far as asking me if sex felt different and all. There was even this seminar, about health insurance and getting reward points for weight loss,m where I was dragged out to the front by co-workers for no other reason than the fact that I had lost a lot of weight. That was June. Now no one cares. I am even invisible to new members of staff. I'm just a slightly overweight dude to new neighbors.

Give it 2 more months, the comments will vanish... save for one or two people (who will always be up in your business). Everyone has those 2 (weightloss or not)

Edited November 1, 2017 by Middus

[FluffyChix 17,418]

2 minutes ago, Middus said:

... save for one or two people (who will always be up in your business). Everyone has those 2 (weightloss or not)

bahahahahaha! This is hilarious! Ain't that the truth, cuz?!! Ain't that the truth!

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

The attention is a bit unnerving. Comments can be complementary, insulting, creepy or flat out hilarious.

An example that still sticks in my head after three years...(I wish I could poke it out of my minds eye.)

dinner party with my husband. Guy across the table looks at my husband and say's " you must be having sex all the time now" Holy hell awkward moment. The table went silent.

After your body settles, and the shock and awe goes away. Life will be normal again.

[Strivingforbetter 247]

5 hours ago, jenn1 said:

The attention is a bit unnerving. Comments can be complementary, insulting, creepy or flat out hilarious.

An example that still sticks in my head after three years...(I wish I could poke it out of my minds eye.)

dinner party with my husband. Guy across the table looks at my husband and say's " you must be having sex all the time now" Holy hell awkward moment. The table went silent.

After your body settles, and the shock and awe goes away. Life will be normal again.

Oh, my word. What is wrong with people???? Yes, very awkward indeed.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I am such a smart mouth - I am sure I would have said something to embarrass HIM back.

If I am in the right mood, I am Princess Grace and just ignore the rude and ignorant as though the words were never said...

On 11/1/2017 at 1:29 PM, jenn1 said:

The attention is a bit unnerving. Comments can be complementary, insulting, creepy or flat out hilarious.

An example that still sticks in my head after three years...(I wish I could poke it out of my minds eye.)

dinner party with my husband. Guy across the table looks at my husband and say's " you must be having sex all the time now" Holy hell awkward moment. The table went silent.

After your body settles, and the shock and awe goes away. Life will be normal again.

[Guest]

I guess I am a different creature cuz I like to hear the comments...No one has been rude just happy for me. I am almost in "onederland" and my family and friends know how excited I am to be there. I am a greeter at church and I get wonderful comments...I do feel a little like I'm on a stage and everyone is looking at me but so far...I am embracing it. Many people come to me and say they wish their loved one would do what I did. I'm liking the attention, especially from my hubby

[ChaosUnlimited 559]

On 11/1/2017 at 4:29 PM, jenn1 said:

The attention is a bit unnerving. Comments can be complementary, insulting, creepy or flat out hilarious.

An example that still sticks in my head after three years...(I wish I could poke it out of my minds eye.)

dinner party with my husband. Guy across the table looks at my husband and say's " you must be having sex all the time now" Holy hell awkward moment. The table went silent.

After your body settles, and the shock and awe goes away. Life will be normal again.

Just tonight my husband and I were out at a memorial where there were people we've known for years through kids school stuff but only see occasionally now. One guy was like "OMG, you look so good!", then turned to my husband and said "Dude, you are so lucky, you better watch out, keep an eye on her, she's a new woman!" I know he is just one of those people that says off the wall stuff, but it was a bit awkward. I just laughed it off and moved on to talk to other folks.

I get comments all the time at work, I have worked for my company for almost 15 yrs and know a lot of people there. I decided to let most everyone know that I was having surgery because I didn't want people whispering and speculating about my wt loss behind my back, and in my current area, they would. I get a lot of comments from all over, but especially from former coworkers who haven't seen me in a couple months, so I can understand getting frustrated with it being the center of conversation. Sometimes I get tired of talking about it, but I have had such great support and genuine caring from most everyone, that I try not to let it bother me, and I figure once everyone gets used to my new look it will taper off.

[Neens 60]

So far I've gotten a lot of comments and I really don't mind them. People are really happy to see my progress friends, family, co-workers and even patients at the clinic I work, when they ask how I did it I tell them the truth, I had Gastric By-Pass. Some of my co-workers even came to me asking about the surgery because they are thinking of starting the process themselves, and I love to help them.

[JerseyJules 862]

On 10/28/2017 at 8:21 PM, Kat410 said:

Is it just me - or does anyone get annoyed by the NEVER ENDING STREAM OF COMMENTS about your body???

I work in an environment where I interact with hundreds of people every day, and while the comments are "nice", I am unbelievably sick of people thinking they have the right to comment on my body, how I look, their assumptions about how hard it's been, what this means, how they think I feel, what they think this means to me, what they think I have had to deal with, their opinions about it, etc.

I mean.... it is NON STOP. People literally say things like "You must feel so much better!" (I didn't feel bad before). "This must have been so difficult!" (no, it really wasn't because I was mentally read). "You look so much younger!" (I didn't realize I looked old before). "How much weight have you lost?" (I have lost none of your business pounds).

Am I nuts to get so annoyed about this?

I really really hate your attitude about this. We have turned our society into a PC mine field where we cant say anything negative about anyone and now when people are saying positive things towards you and your choice to be healthy, it offends you?? Seriously lady, I dont see many posts on this forum that make me angry , but yours just did. Its so self centered and entitled that its not even funny. To answer your question, YES you are apparently nuts.

You should be embracing the positive reinforcement people are giving you. Not many people understand obesity and chose to ignore it like the 800 lb gorilla in the room and pretend to not notice it. And if they do notice it, people snap their heads off and call them fat shamers.

Now they are noticing your new found health and trying to connect to you on a deeper level and understand what you went through and that bothers you? Seriously? (trust me if you heard what they said behind your back when you were fat, you would be offended)

From my experiences,overweight people are NOT happy and they feel like crap 24/7, if you say otherwise I will call BS over and over again. Now get off your high horse and learn to say "Thank you" to the compliments and enjoy the newfound positive attention. .

Edited November 7, 2017 by JerseyJules

[LetGoJo 27]

I haven’t got to that stage yet - but have decided that I will be making it clear it’s personal and won’t be discussing it. I work with older people in a residential setting and I know how they would love to talk my business. But I find it hard enough fitting in my tasks without having this level of conversation,

[Mattymatt 491]

On 10/28/2017 at 8:21 PM, Kat410 said:

Is it just me - or does anyone get annoyed by the NEVER ENDING STREAM OF COMMENTS about your body???

I work in an environment where I interact with hundreds of people every day, and while the comments are "nice", I am unbelievably sick of people thinking they have the right to comment on my body, how I look, their assumptions about how hard it's been, what this means, how they think I feel, what they think this means to me, what they think I have had to deal with, their opinions about it, etc.

I mean.... it is NON STOP. People literally say things like "You must feel so much better!" (I didn't feel bad before). "This must have been so difficult!" (no, it really wasn't because I was mentally read). "You look so much younger!" (I didn't realize I looked old before). "How much weight have you lost?" (I have lost none of your business pounds).

Am I nuts to get so annoyed about this?

I just use those stupid remarks and questions to brag on myself a bit :-P

[Kat410 423]

On ‎11‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 9:56 PM, JerseyJules said:

I really really hate your attitude about this. We have turned our society into a PC mine field where we cant say anything negative about anyone and now when people are saying positive things towards you and your choice to be healthy, it offends you?? Seriously lady, I dont see many posts on this forum that make me angry , but yours just did. Its so self centered and entitled that its not even funny. To answer your question, YES you are apparently nuts.

You should be embracing the positive reinforcement people are giving you. Not many people understand obesity and chose to ignore it like the 800 lb gorilla in the room and pretend to not notice it. And if they do notice it, people snap their heads off and call them fat shamers.

Now they are noticing your new found health and trying to connect to you on a deeper level and understand what you went through and that bothers you? Seriously? (trust me if you heard what they said behind your back when you were fat, you would be offended)

From my experiences,overweight people are NOT happy and they feel like crap 24/7, if you say otherwise I will call BS over and over again. Now get off your high horse and learn to say "Thank you" to the compliments and enjoy the newfound positive attention. .

It doesn't take much to get your panties in a knot, does it?

I am not sure how expressing annoyance and discomfort with people who I barely know commenting on my body in ways that are best just plain odd makes me entitled or self-centered.

The many people who ask genuine questions, offer a compliment or support are doing what you call "trying to connect on a deeper level" are not the problem. And I don't assume I know their motives - but when they talk, it's usually not that. Sometimes it's just curiosity. Sometimes my health change has triggered something that they are dealing with either for themselves or someone they care about. A lot of the times the intention is to support, encourage or acknowledge.

I have more of those conversations than I ever imagined possible - and they've been the kind of conversations that have made a difference for both me and those people for lots of reasons.

I do not think the random dude in a hallway calling out "how much weight have you lost?" represents any attempt at a deeper connection or even a basic grasp of being appropriate.

By the time my workday is done on a slow day, I have had 10 such interactions and on some days 30-40. The volume of unsolicited comments is a function of the kind of work I do. And about a quarter of them are about as clueless as your reply. And while I am generally uncomfortable with a lot of public attention, I do smile and thank the people behaving like a normal decent person and I am annoyed and irritated with the stream of idiots.

The best advice so far in this thread is to remember all the shock and awe will fade and the comments will stop.

And speaking of high horses, you may want to check the mount you rode in on.

[JerseyJules 862]

10 minutes ago, Kat410 said:

It doesn't take much to get your panties in a knot, does it?

I am not sure how expressing annoyance and discomfort with people who I barely know commenting on my body in ways that are best just plain odd makes me entitled or self-centered.

The many people who ask genuine questions, offer a compliment or support are doing what you call "trying to connect on a deeper level" are not the problem. And I don't assume I know their motives - but when they talk, it's usually not that. Sometimes it's just curiosity. Sometimes my health change has triggered something that they are dealing with either for themselves or someone they care about. A lot of the times the intention is to support, encourage or acknowledge.

I have more of those conversations than I ever imagined possible - and they've been the kind of conversations that have made a difference for both me and those people for lots of reasons.

I do not think the random dude in a hallway calling out "how much weight have you lost?" represents any attempt at a deeper connection or even a basic grasp of being appropriate.

By the time my workday is done on a slow day, I have had 10 such interactions and on some days 30-40. The volume of unsolicited comments is a function of the kind of work I do. And about a quarter of them are about as clueless as your reply. And while I am generally uncomfortable with a lot of public attention, I do smile and thank the people behaving like a normal decent person and I am annoyed and irritated with the stream of idiots.

The best advice so far in this thread is to remember all the shock and awe will fade and the comments will stop.

And speaking of high horses, you may want to check the mount you rode in on.

Whatever you say lady...If you're offended at random people making comments about your impressive weight loss, and think it is rude or out of line, you should have heard what they were saying or thinking about you before...I personally think your attitude about it is down right silly. I was overweight my entire life and what people said to me was hurtful, so getting some positive comments and reinforcement from strangers is a welcomed breath of fresh air. If youre not cool with the attention you can just gain all your weight back if you would like and they wont say a thing to your face anymore.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

50 minutes ago, Kat410 said:

I do not think the random dude in a hallway calling out "how much weight have you lost?" represents any attempt at a deeper connection or even a basic grasp of being appropriate.

I hear you.

And I see a direct analogy. In primary (elementary) school and in high school, before weight and obesity became a feature of my life and my being around a quarter of a century later, I was part of a group of very high-achieving students in mathematics, civics, public speaking, debating and inter school competitions.

Of the other 80+ students in our grade/year, about 50 or so spent their days in the schoolyard, their mornings and afternoons on the school buses and trains and random meet-ups at the cinema or shopping strip as random opportunities to insult our skills or achievements, to shout offensive remarks, etc. They "hunted" in packs; they jostled, they assaulted; they were nasty in unison.

Of the four of us, despite invitations and opportunities to attend the 10th, 20th, 25th, 30th, 40th reunions of the class, only one of us has attended just one of the events and only ever once. The other three of us have not attended at all.

Because of my career success and my recent community awards and my time at the city council, my name is well-known in this city/region. Recently, representatives of the majority of the student body have asked. They have asked two of the "still-alive" teachers to approach me to be at the 45th reunion next year. They have even offered me the chance to provide the keynote address. The other three have also had the same or similar offers.

We still decline.

We did not enjoy their blatant bullying and belittling tactics at school (and outside) in the 1970s. We never liked the hateful notes, the jibes, the anger at our success. We had many years of nastiness directed at us.

We, OTOH, were generally congratulatory of others' sporting and pastime successes. We often provided study support or essay help to some of the students that originally asked ... but we eventually let that slide.

The painful memories mean that we have no empathy for sharing time drinking to celebrate/remember old times that we never fully enjoyed.

- - -

In my recent years, while obese, I have heard some very shitty comments from truly ignorant people and I don't have to like or acknowledge them either.

Four men (now in their 62nd or 63rd year have no interest in sharing time with hollow people from our early lives who treated us with derision.

@Kat410 ... you are well entitled to not like dealing with ignorant or ill-informed comments and veiled (or real) disrespect. My opinion does not matter and neither does anyone else in this thread if they don't fully understand the shoes in which you walk and the exact experiences you've been through.

Edited November 8, 2017 by Rainbow_Warrior

[Candygyrl 637]

I understand why you must feel this way it can be a little irritating I guess. I love it! "I have to say you look absolutely amazing" "what are you like a size 4 now?" I love it ALL . I think most people have good intentions so I don't feel offended. You'd be surprised how many people won't speak to me anymore. Its weird so I appreciate the ones who praise me and tell them I have inspired them. Keep it coming I say.