Unfriendly Friends

[Gone4Now 4]

Tonight I had a conversation with my friend (best friend for over 16 years). She was asking me about my weight loss and what I weighed now. As of this morning I am 267, down from 295.

She said, "Oh! Three more pounds and I'm going to hate you! I've always been at least 10 pounds lighter than you. If I weigh more than that, I'll hate myself!"

WTH?

I kind of laughed it off, since I really didn't know what to say. I love her, but that stung. I'm the fat one, right? Uggg.

Any one else have this issue with friends? Did the friendships last through the weight loss? Did it help overweight friends to focus on a weight loss plan/get surgery?

[Michee 2]

Hi Voon

I am in the process of watching some friendships change, and possibly I may lose some friends. There are a couple of friends who I started hanging out with the last few years. They are kinda like "binge buddies" we would always be going out to eat, then going to get mani and pedi. Never going for walks or any healthy pursuits. As I am not eating much, I am not so eager to go for dinner. I am also spending more time working out, so I am not available for mani and pedi. I am sure shopping is no longer fun either, since they need the plus stores and I am able to wear regular sizes now.

I am going through a transition, physically socially and emotionally. I know it is for the best.

[coltonwade 27]

Have you ever been thin around this person ?

If not then your friendship might change .

If she is a real friend she will stand by you , just as you would if she were thin or over weight. I had some friends, long time friends over 15 plus yrs we had been friends who i think got use to be being the "fat friend" ( I was thin once upon a time and they knew me thin) and they were all thinner than me. when i told them i was getting the surgery initally i got some negative reactions .

Some of it I think was due to them not knowing much about the surgery some I think was the " Oh no Mindy's not going to be the fat friend anymore" They eventually all came around and are all very supportive now. one friend who is over weight herself, but not as over weight as I am comes and walks with me . She's considering the surgery now .

If she's a friend she will come around. I would tell her that comment hurt you . And to not say those things to you ..

Good luck

Mindy

[faybie 0]

Unfortunately, I don't think this ever stops. I have friends now who were skinny to begin with. I have lost 70+ pounds and I am now wearing a size 8. My skinny friends now resent me at times. They tell me that I have it easy and get angry at me when they gain 5 pounds. I don't think I will be telling anymore friends, I would rather let them think I am bulimic or something. Just be strong and tell her that she has the same option that you chose and it is a choice that you made for yourself. Don't let her bring you down, keep your chin up and remember that you did this for you, don't feel guilty and be supportive of her if she needs it.

[ragdollx19 1]

My best friend is overweight also, because our heights are different I have always weighed more than her. We also carry our weight in different places. I get lots of comments about how I am anorexic now and how she is finding the weight I am losing. My friend is sure that surgery is not an option for her, which is fine by me. I just hate knowing how she feels being overweight and not having the willpower to do anything about it.

I think for me and my friend it was a comfort to have someone so much like yourself that you didn't feel bad eating bad foods around or feel bad about how you looked and could sympathize with feeling so overweight and tired all the time! I know our friendship will survive a weight difference, our relationship just wont be focused on food anymore.

And I would LOVE some of my newly found healthy habits to rub off on my friend but its her choice and I will not be pushy.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I am having best friend issues as well. While on one hand I know she is proud of me, I think I am just starting to piss her off now. We got into it last week and haven't talked since.

I told her I am a size 10 now, same size as her. She proceeded to call me a B*tch and said "you've got it so easy". Which made me blow a gasket. She knows I am in the gym everyday at 4 am working my a$$ off. This hasn't even been close to easy!

[Gone4Now 4]

I am having best friend issues as well. While on one hand I know she is proud of me, I think I am just starting to piss her off now. We got into it last week and haven't talked since.

I told her I am a size 10 now, same size as her. She proceeded to call me a B*tch and said "you've got it so easy". Which made me blow a gasket. She knows I am in the gym everyday at 4 am working my a$$ off. This hasn't even been close to easy!

BooBoo -

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. That's a terrible reaction! I'd like to think that if I were thin, I'd be supportive of people losing weight and being healthly and not jealous of them.

[Gone4Now 4]

My best friend is overweight also, because our heights are different I have always weighed more than her. We also carry our weight in different places. I get lots of comments about how I am anorexic now and how she is finding the weight I am losing. My friend is sure that surgery is not an option for her, which is fine by me. I just hate knowing how she feels being overweight and not having the willpower to do anything about it.

I think for me and my friend it was a comfort to have someone so much like yourself that you didn't feel bad eating bad foods around or feel bad about how you looked and could sympathize with feeling so overweight and tired all the time! I know our friendship will survive a weight difference, our relationship just wont be focused on food anymore.

And I would LOVE some of my newly found healthy habits to rub off on my friend but its her choice and I will not be pushy.

My friend and I are like you and your friend. Both around the same weight, but she's taller so carries it better than I do. She has a twin sister tha was always thin, or what I call "normal" size. So, I was her relief when she wanted to be comfortable being fat. We've been through the, "I'm just going to be fat and happy, damnit!" phase, and the "What's wrong with me" pity parties together. So, you're right - our focus needs to change from food to our other common interests.

[Gone4Now 4]

Unfortunately, I don't think this ever stops. I have friends now who were skinny to begin with. I have lost 70+ pounds and I am now wearing a size 8. My skinny friends now resent me at times. They tell me that I have it easy and get angry at me when they gain 5 pounds. I don't think I will be telling anymore friends, I would rather let them think I am bulimic or something. Just be strong and tell her that she has the same option that you chose and it is a choice that you made for yourself. Don't let her bring you down, keep your chin up and remember that you did this for you, don't feel guilty and be supportive of her if she needs it.

Thank you! Part of my makeup is GUILT! :Banane35: I feel guilty, and I need to stop! I get angry at her for hurting me, then feel bad that I got mad. I usually can see the other side of things, so I do know where she's coming from and I don't want HER to be hurt. In the end, though, we're both hurting.

The resentment you're talking about is something I was hoping to avoid. I am worried about her, though. I worry that she'll get depressed and eat more. She's on the verge of losing her job, and I'm scared that stress will be too much for her.

I'm not sure how to bring all this up, either. She's very defensive and stubborn. I'd rather avoid an argument if all it does is make her feel worse. I'd like to have a conversation about my weight loss with her, but I'm not sure that's possible right now.

[Gone4Now 4]

Have you ever been thin around this person ?

If not then your friendship might change .

If she is a real friend she will stand by you , just as you would if she were thin or over weight. I had some friends, long time friends over 15 plus yrs we had been friends who i think got use to be being the "fat friend" ( I was thin once upon a time and they knew me thin) and they were all thinner than me. when i told them i was getting the surgery initally i got some negative reactions .

Some of it I think was due to them not knowing much about the surgery some I think was the " Oh no Mindy's not going to be the fat friend anymore" They eventually all came around and are all very supportive now. one friend who is over weight herself, but not as over weight as I am comes and walks with me . She's considering the surgery now .

If she's a friend she will come around. I would tell her that comment hurt you . And to not say those things to you ..

Good luck

Mindy

I've never been thin. I was 12/14 in high school when we met, but I had the fat mentality and dressed in size 20s sweaters and jackets! By the end of high school I was a 20, then up and up from there.

But now, down and down! :clap2:

[Gone4Now 4]

Hi Voon

I am in the process of watching some friendships change, and possibly I may lose some friends. There are a couple of friends who I started hanging out with the last few years. They are kinda like "binge buddies" we would always be going out to eat, then going to get mani and pedi. Never going for walks or any healthy pursuits. As I am not eating much, I am not so eager to go for dinner. I am also spending more time working out, so I am not available for mani and pedi. I am sure shopping is no longer fun either, since they need the plus stores and I am able to wear regular sizes now.

I am going through a transition, physically socially and emotionally. I know it is for the best.

:Banane35: Thank you. I have a 10 year old that I'm trying to set a good example for, too. So, even though my friends are important, I have got to do this for me.

********

And, sorry for all the posts folks. I don't know how to multiquote! Please PM me and let me know how...? Thanks.

[Cerrin 3]

All but one of my friends is supporitive. I havent had the surgery yet but they are all really proud I am going to do it.

Only one of my friends is kinda rude about it asking me if I have ever tried normal diets....lol...like I got this big with never trying to lose it. yeah like that is possible. So I just dont mention it to her. If after the surgery she dosent want to hang out with someone that is smaller then her...her loss.

[make33 2]

I have two wonderful cousins, one of which is about my size and the other is much larger (who started into bypass, but has much bigger health issues)

When the other cousin found out about my upcoming surgery (and the other's attempt), she said "Oh, you two were going to LEAVE ME BEHIND!" I was shocked, because I feel it's an individual choice!

The "General (Normal-Sized) Public" seems to feel that by having this surgery, we are 'cheating' and opting for a short cut to the thin and easy life. Boy, if they only knew what we've been through to try to lose the weight and what we face without the surgery!

The Band rules are strict, and we all know what we have to do to achieve our goals. It's just a shame these people can't just have a sample, so they respect this decision more...

[ShineNSta 0]

I have two wonderful cousins, one of which is about my size and the other is much larger (who started into bypass, but has much bigger health issues)

When the other cousin found out about my upcoming surgery (and the other's attempt), she said "Oh, you two were going to LEAVE ME BEHIND!" I was shocked, because I feel it's an individual choice!

The "General (Normal-Sized) Public" seems to feel that by having this surgery, we are 'cheating' and opting for a short cut to the thin and easy life. Boy, if they only knew what we've been through to try to lose the weight and what we face without the surgery!

The Band rules are strict, and we all know what we have to do to achieve our goals. It's just a shame these people can't just have a sample, so they respect this decision more...

Hi Voondahbah.. having been on the other end (the friend supporting another who has lap band surgery) I can understand a little how others would feel. I would sincerely hope your friend was joking when she said what she said but it is always possible that she could be semi-serious about it. My own best friend of 10 years had lap band surgery about 3 years ago. When she got the surgery I was happy for her...but secretly felt jealous knowing that she was going to be dropping the weight where I couldn't. I knew it was silly to think like that but I think it was my competitive side - you always compare youself to your best friend and she was a huge motivator for me in all facets of life - work, relationships..even weight! Eventually I got over myself and once I got used to seeing her getting smaller the jealousy vanished. Change takes time to get used to..if your friends really care for you they will come around eventually... Maybe this will be an opportunity for you and your friend to join a gym together and get fit with one another?

[Ginaki 0]

Im getting banded in 9 days and already had an argument with my best friend (on Msn)(i hate chatting to friends on msn, i always hget my self into trouble) about the changes that might happen after my weight loss.....

She keeps saying im gonna become a snob and not want to talk to them all again (meaning the whole group, theres 5 of us) my response was treat me right and ill treat u all right....the conversation got a bit intense and because our friendship is constant lately hitting low but somehow we always bounce back to been really close, i proceeded to saying that the following year for me will also be a test for all my friendships, cause thats when im gonna need their support...its pretty easy to say u have friends but really guys ur friends show when u are at a time of need , and we shall see how many will run for me!

i think i upset her, cause i went over to her place the next day(friday) and she seemed like she was crying all night, refused to talk to me about it, didnt hear from her yesterday and today i called her and she aint happy , i could tell in her tone of voice....

I was harsh, wasnt i?

NO i wasnt it seems lately my bum chum gets upset with the other girls and takes it out on me!

Thanx for listen to me guys, i needed to get that off my chest..........