So I preface this with....I need a moment to vent. I'm not far into my journey, currently in my 6 month supervised. I was originally keeping a lot of this process to myself, partly because I didn't want to say anything only to find out the I wouldn't qualify. Partly because I was afraid of the various reactions. But based on conversations with my boyfriend I started feeling a bit guilty about the possibility of just springing surgery on my family and close friends.

So with that I started to tell folks little by little and every reaction thus far has been completely unhelpful and depressing. I know most are reacting to concerns about "surgery" and associated dangers, but the result has been a number of comments and questions that make me regret opening the door for their opinions at all:

1. Do you really qualify?

2. Seriously, you just need to deal with your stress once you do that you'll be able to manage things.

3. Well it's no surprise you'd consider surgical intervention

4. Just get a new job

5. Are you sure you wanna do this, once you have kids you won't be able to eat with them like a normal family.

6. Even my freakin podiatrist- omg are you really doing it, my patients who have done it can't manage all the vitamins and they have a really hard time when pregnant.

7. We'll if being skinny is the most important thing for you

8. I hope you realize this isn't a magic bullet

Etc.....

I feel like this is partly on me for introducing the subject, it seems I've somehow given permission for all these reactions. I'm just really annoyed and I'm trying really hard not to let these opinions sway me from doing something that's right for me (if I make this choice).

All of this has left me feeling like I'm shallow and only going through this for cosmetic reasons. I'm constantly defending myself and trying to explain the medical reasons that have gotten me to this point, but I'm pissed that I've even got to do that. And even when I do explain, most still don't think "it's bad enough for surgery."

Clearly I'm at my wits end, hoping for a little insight from others....

Too funny... but kind of sad as well.

I've just decided I really don't care what other people think. This has taken me a lot of thought and soul searching to get my head round, I'm fairly sure that whatever I say isn't going to make that much difference to anyone else's preset opinions.

I reached a point where my weight peaked and the judgement of others, often implicit, was dragging me down. I'm not letting that happen with this - pride is the name of the game!

Too funny... but kind of sad as well.
I've just decided I really don't care what other people think. This has taken me a lot of thought and soul searching to get my head round, I'm fairly sure that whatever I say isn't going to make that much difference to anyone else's preset opinions.
I reached a point where my weight peaked and the judgement of others, often implicit, was dragging me down. I'm not letting that happen with this - pride is the name of the game!

I appreciate your take, I think you right about fortifying your own mind. Did you find that it was easier to just stop talking to folks about it?

Because I have no patience for the types of comments you received, I'm only telling a select few. I have enough to focus on without negative comments (even well meaning ones go right through me).
It's sad that we feel we have to defend a decision to improve our life. Ugh!

I feel the same way they can kiss my phat butt lol

Sent from my LG-K373 using BariatricPal mobile app

53 minutes ago, BMC blogger said:

I appreciate your take, I think you right about fortifying your own mind. Did you find that it was easier to just stop talking to folks about it?

Hi BMC,

I hear what you're saying about not talking to folks though, part of this for me is that this is the new normal and you don't spend your time talking and explaining about what's normal. I'm not avoiding talking to people about it - right now i'm just 'dieting' as far as anyone's concerned - but if they ask once I've had the operation I'm happy to talk about it (I say this now - who knows!). I'll talk about it as and when I want, and how I want - not making excuses to accomodate some damn fool's ignorance. So I won't make excuses and I certainly won't hide it.

For me, I know we're all different, hiding it just plays right into the shame/embarrassment cycle that has made me so effing unhappy. I feel an amazing energy right now and I'm going to keep that. If people want to think I took the easy option or that I'm somehow weak or defective, let them. This is my reality and I'm not just taking control of my body I'm taking control of how I feel about it.

You've got me ranting now. :-)

But I have given this a lot of thought. I don't know how well I'll live up to my plan, but I'll keep trying and not judging. A lot of us have been hurt by people's attitudes and we know what it's like to turn that into something painful. My head, right now, is on the start of a big journey like my body is.

Here endeth the sermon!

Love & peace,

Jx

Hi BMC,
I hear what you're saying about not talking to folks though, part of this for me is that this is the new normal and you don't spend your time talking and explaining about what's normal. I'm not avoiding talking to people about it - right now i'm just 'dieting' as far as anyone's concerned - but if they ask once I've had the operation I'm happy to talk about it (I say this now - who knows!). I'll talk about it as and when I want, and how I want - not making excuses to accomodate some damn fool's ignorance. So I won't make excuses and I certainly won't hide it.
For me, I know we're all different, hiding it just plays right into the shame/embarrassment cycle that has made me so effing unhappy. I feel an amazing energy right now and I'm going to keep that. If people want to think I took the easy option or that I'm somehow weak or defective, let them. This is my reality and I'm not just taking control of my body I'm taking control of how I feel about it.
You've got me ranting now. :-)
But I have given this a lot of thought. I don't know how well I'll live up to my plan, but I'll keep trying and not judging. A lot of us have been hurt by people's attitudes and we know what it's like to turn that into something painful. My head, right now, is on the start of a big journey like my body is.
Here endeth the sermon!
Love & peace,
Jx

Thank you!

I think after I lose weight and feel more comfortable with my new way of life I'll be happy to talk about it. Being so new, I don't want to deal with it. Eventually-but this time is my time for me to learn and adjust.

1 hour ago, BMC blogger said:

I appreciate your take, I think you right about fortifying your own mind. Did you find that it was easier to just stop talking to folks about it?

Hi BMC,

I hear what you're saying about not talking to folks though, part of this for me is that this is the new normal and you don't spend your time talking and explaining about what's normal. I'm not avoiding talking to people about it - right now i'm just 'dieting' as far as anyone's concerned - but if they ask once I've had the operation I'm happy to talk about it (I say this now - who knows!). I'll talk about it as and when I want, and how I want - not making excuses to accomodate some damn fool's ignorance. So I won't make excuses and I certainly won't hide it.

For me, I know we're all different, hiding it just plays right into the shame/embarrassment cycle that has made me so effing unhappy. I feel an amazing energy right now and I'm going to keep that. If people want to think I took the easy option or that I'm somehow weak or defective, let them. This is my reality and I'm not just taking control of my body I'm taking control of how I feel about it.

You've got me ranting now. :-)

But I have given this a lot of thought. I don't know how well I'll live up to my plan, but I'll keep trying and not judging. A lot of us have been hurt by people's attitudes and we know what it's like to turn that into something painful. My head, right now, is on the start of a big journey like my body is.

Here endeth the sermon!

Love & peace,

Jx

That's. A excellent point of view Bmc

Sent from my LG-K373 using BariatricPal mobile app

1 minute ago, Joann454 said:

I think after I lose weight and feel more comfortable with my new way of life I'll be happy to talk about it. Being so new, I don't want to deal with it. Eventually-but this time is my time for me to learn and adjust.

You're right Joann. It is your time and we'll all find our ways. Please don't think I'm prescriptive or evangelical - I'm working this stuff out as I go along just like the rest of us!

Love & Peace,

Jx

I told my immediate family about a month before because I was so scared. I started with my health concerns and led into the surgery that it was recommended by my Dr because I knew they would trust that more. Post op I've told people at work and some were very shady about it like I could see the judgement on their faces. However in the past couple of weeks (I'm 8wks post op) they've all come up to me and said how fantastic I looked.

I'm sorry you're facing criticism. I think if I was in your shoes I'd stop telling people for now and tell them after. It's really hard for people to understand why someone would willingly have surgery. And that's because our society views obesity as a self control issue vs a medical one.

You're right Joann. It is your time and we'll all find our ways. Please don't think I'm prescriptive or evangelical - I'm working this stuff out as I go along just like the rest of us!
Love & Peace,
Jx

Nah, it didn't come off that way.
We just all have to do what's right for us.
If someone has thick skin and doesn't care about explaining, I say go for it! I just can't be bothered right now to be an advocate for WLS. [emoji6]

You're right Joann. It is your time and we'll all find our ways. Please don't think I'm prescriptive or evangelical - I'm working this stuff out as I go along just like the rest of us!
Love & Peace,
Jx

Agreed, not preachy at all. Just honest and straight forward.

I told my immediate family about a month before because I was so scared. I started with my health concerns and led into the surgery that it was recommended by my Dr because I knew they would trust that more. Post op I've told people at work and some were very shady about it like I could see the judgement on their faces. However in the past couple of weeks (I'm 8wks post op) they've all come up to me and said how fantastic I looked.

I'm sorry you're facing criticism. I think if I was in your shoes I'd stop telling people for now and tell them after. It's really hard for people to understand why someone would willingly have surgery. And that's because our society views obesity as a self control issue vs a medical one.

Yea...agreed. Lesson learned, just going to leave it alone and keep quiet at least for a bit.

Thanks everyone, appreciate hearing from folks who have been through it.