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My Story and My Truth- 7 years Post-Op
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Hello Everyone,
So much to say, where to begin? Hmmmmm.
Ok, so I had RNY Gastric Bypass surgery back in 2013 when I was topping the scales at 289 at my heaviest. Having been on every diet under the sun by age 16, being approved for WLS was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. At the ripe age of 23, I had the idea that if my weight was under control then my life would be great, my life would have meaning, I would be happy. Growing up hating yourself because of what you look like is so lonely, it's so painful, and a prison that nobody can set you free from. As I have grown and matured over the years since my surgery I have gained a greater understanding of the why behind the what. What was the issue? I was obese, but why was I obese? The why is not addressed when someone signs on the dotted line after being approved for WLS. I am 7 years out of surgery and I had to learn the why through grueling life experiences that ran me face first into, well...ME. I will forever be grateful for the tool that was given to me through my surgery but I have come to realize that if the why isn't dealt with then my tool will be of no use to me. After my surgery I lost 132 pounds from my heaviest weight going from 289 to 157 and I loved it! I was on top of the world fitting into my size 8 jeans and able to wear whatever I desired but soon my life started to spiral downwards. Since I was no longer able to overeat, I substituted that for an unhealthy relationship, drugs and alcohol. To the naked eye my life seemed great because from the outside everything looked wonderful. The reality is that I sold myself a lie when I convinced myself that when I lost weight my life would automatically be great. Don't get me wrong, losing weight is wonderful but in my case it was much deeper then the extra pounds I was carrying. I needed healing from a life long battle of rejection, abandonment and emotional wounds that shedding 132 pounds didn't cure. I maintained my lowest weight of 157 until 2015 along with my out of control pain pill and adderal addiction and emotionally abusive relationship but it all came to a head when I found God (don't tune out if you don't believe as this is my truth and my experience) in January 2015. In surrendering my life to God and with His power, I was given the strength to leave that relationship and leave the drugs behind and thats when the real work began. In the last 2 years I have gained about 50 pounds and have come to realize that I never dealt with the real issues that caused me to almost be 300 pounds in the first place. I am in a really good place in my life right now as God is helping me tackle the root issues of my brokenness that manifests itself in self destructive behaviors like compulsive overeating or substance abuse. Emotionally I am at a place now that I wish I would have been when I had my surgery, in a place that I can appreciate the tool that has been given to me but more importantly having an awareness of what is going on within. I believe that I had to gain this weight to really appreciate not only what I have but knowing that my weight can't make me or break me. I no longer live in fear that I am not good enough like I did for my whole life leading up to WLS. I allow myself to feel and not numb my emotions with outside things which has been a constant in my life. So unlike most stories of feeling like a failure after regaining weight, this is a success story and one that is still being written! I want to document my journey to losing the regain and hope to encourage, inspire and open the dialogue to similar stories like mine. This is life peeps, if we aren't growing, we are dying. I started on Tuesday going on walks and getting back to the basics and am down 5 pounds and my goal is to get to 150. I know I can do this and would love the support from my fellow WLS community. My first time around, I did it alone but i know that there is power in unity and community. Be Blessed family.
I have attached a progression picture of me at my heaviest, my lowest and now.
-Mari