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Food anonymous, (like AA but good)
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Hi all, I was just thinking about how my relationship with food has affected my whole life and how it has lead me to todays post sleeve. I thought we might all benefit from talking about the emotional aspects of this journey. Make a few friends and keep each other motivated and balanced.
Now I'm not saying we need to do the whole, it's been 4weeks since my last stress eating or anything but I wouldn't shy away. I guess I'll start, jump in if ya not scared.
I was homeless for a 9months as a kid. (13yrs old) This is where my relationship with food started to go bad. Being hungry all the time and having nothing to stop the pain or fill the void was horrible. The blinding migraines, gut wrenching spasms and dry heaves over powering every thought. I was very angry and picked fights often to deal with my anger and starvstion. I remember eating people's left overs as the went to pay their a bill at a restaurant, begging for change, being happy when a McDonald's had a to toss out old food, eatting out of the trash littered with bugs. I know gross!!!I didn't know the affect that would have on me as an adult. I managed my weight through sports but once I was out of school and working everything slowed down.
I wasn't exercising like normal, and I got pregnant. When I miss carried the stress pushed me into this survival mode. All I wanted to do was hide and my grief, anger, and shame by eatting it. Fast forward a few years and my Max weight was 253lb and I was miserable about it. Diabetes, fibromyalgia, insomnia blah blah blah all hit me and then the doc said my liver was fat. That pissed me off!! Enough that I realized it I had been 12 years fighting my weight and I was losing. I needed help. So here I am 3 weeks Monday post op. I'm down to 211lb.
My fears are around my mental fortitude. I am hungry and when it hits it hits like it did when I was starving. I feel like I can't breath and like I'm being hollowed out all over again. That makes me want to reach for the closest food. I'm doing ok now because it hurts to eat I haven't figured out how eat slower. It's like a mad dash to fill the void do though put the spoon down between bites I'm still to fast for my tummy to adjust.
Goal weight 140lb. Attitude determined but scared. Plan, therapy and support network.
So there ya have it.
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