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Spouse helping

HookerSpouse

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KWeilbrenner09    88

KWeilbrenner09
Posted

Not my spouse but I stayed with my mom for the two weeks after my surgery.

What helped me was having all my "food" in one place on the counter and one shelf in the fridge. She also would go on my walks with me and that was super nice.

Also, helping to remind your wife to eat and drink on schedule. It isn't easy but the reminders are nice.

I needed help getting up and out of bed for the first week as well as taking showers and going to the bathroom.

Lastly, because I went to bed so much earlier, I was sleeping 12-14 hours per night post surgery, mom would tuck me into bed. It just felt nice to be cared for.

After the first week, I was much more independent! Hope this helps!

Katy W- Louisburg, NC

Lapband revision to VSG with DS

HW- 297

Weight at Surgery-279

CW- will update at two week appt

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DaleCruse    756

DaleCruse
Posted

You're being a very good spouse by asking for suggestions. Nice job! One thing to keep in mind is your spouse may look very different after losing a lot of weight. But that person is still the person you fell in love with. That person may look a little different, may act a little different, but is still that person you fell in love with.

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HookerSpouse    7

HookerSpouse
Posted

I never thought about that aspect. I do realize it will be the same person. I have kept on seeing that her attitude would change after surgery.

With that said. What things can I do and say to get through those attitude changes.

Thanks for all the advice and eye opening perspectives.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Vee16    33

Vee16
Posted

Everyone is different so it's hard to say what you should say to your wife but for the most part and in general we just want our partners to look at us the same way they did before. In love.

This surgery made me emotional and cranky. So just be patient. In the end she will be so happy and much more in love with you. My husband was so caring and attentive even when I was moody and now I'm doting on him lol

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Hellya    144

Hellya
Posted (edited)

This surgery made me emotional and cranky. So just be patient.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This. So much this. I got so mad at my husband one time when he was actually trying so hard to be helpful! Of course, I wasn't mad at him at all, just mad that I was feeling crappy and nothing was making me feel better. What I really needed was gas-x strips and kaepectate, lol. She will want to feel better sooner than she will, and that can be hard, so be kind and patient and aware of what her needs are. I like to be mostly left alone when hurting or sick, but some people need a cuddle or to be doted on. You know your wife. :)

Edited by Hellya

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abaker04    22

abaker04
Posted

This surgery made me emotional and cranky. So just be patient.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This. So much this. I got so mad at my husband one time when he was actually trying so hard to be helpful! Of course, I wasn't mad at him at all, just mad that I was feeling crappy and nothing was making me feel better. What I really needed was gas-x strips and kaepectate, lol. She will want to feel better sooner than she will, and that can be hard, so be kind and patient and aware of what her needs are. I like to be mostly left alone when hurting or sick, but some people need a cuddle or to be doted on. You know your wife. :)
Same here. I'm not even a week out and had a huge breakdown today. Like ugly crying breakdown. He listened and did not critize me. Mainly it was "I'm hurting, I'm hungry, I'm tired etc etc..what did it do to myslef?" He knows as well as I do that I chose this. But I for sure didn't want to hear "Suck it up buttercup! You chose to have this surgery, so get over it. " Just like the other ladies said be there for her. Also if you have kids try to keep them out of her hair. You delegate and take care of them. Try to let her rest. Sounds like you will do fine! Good luck.

~Ashley~

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HookerSpouse    7

HookerSpouse
Posted

Thank you all!! I am taking leave for a about a week to make sure I can have our lil one outta her hair. Also to help her in what she needs to do.

I would never tell her to suck it up. Lol. Only do that if I wanna get knocked out.

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abaker04    22

abaker04
Posted

Thank you all!! I am taking leave for a about a week to make sure I can have our lil one outta her hair. Also to help her in what she needs to do.

I would never tell her to suck it up. Lol. Only do that if I wanna get knocked out.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

You sound like a smart man! My husband would never say that to me either unless he wanted to die! Lol However you know what I'm saying. He would have been right to say "well you chose to have this surgery etc etc" but instead he just listened and asked if there was anything he could to make it better. Short of time traveling into the future where I get to start soft "real" food I don't think so! Just listening and showing his support is plenty.

~Ashley~

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doxaholic    252

doxaholic
Posted

Hooker spouse make sure you thank your parents they seem to have raised a good kid. Good for you for wanting to be there for your spouse. Your type of story is rare to hear most of the stories of spouses on here are of them being selfish and cruel. So your questions are very refreshing. Make sure you eat but dont do it like your hiding from her. Also yes you have to eat but keep it simple dont go get her favorites and chomp down in front of her.

Sent from my SM-G920P using the BariatricPal App

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 1 reply
      1. Phil Penn

        Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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