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Spouse helping

HookerSpouse

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KWeilbrenner09    88

KWeilbrenner09
Posted

Not my spouse but I stayed with my mom for the two weeks after my surgery.

What helped me was having all my "food" in one place on the counter and one shelf in the fridge. She also would go on my walks with me and that was super nice.

Also, helping to remind your wife to eat and drink on schedule. It isn't easy but the reminders are nice.

I needed help getting up and out of bed for the first week as well as taking showers and going to the bathroom.

Lastly, because I went to bed so much earlier, I was sleeping 12-14 hours per night post surgery, mom would tuck me into bed. It just felt nice to be cared for.

After the first week, I was much more independent! Hope this helps!

Katy W- Louisburg, NC

Lapband revision to VSG with DS

HW- 297

Weight at Surgery-279

CW- will update at two week appt

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DaleCruse    756

DaleCruse
Posted

You're being a very good spouse by asking for suggestions. Nice job! One thing to keep in mind is your spouse may look very different after losing a lot of weight. But that person is still the person you fell in love with. That person may look a little different, may act a little different, but is still that person you fell in love with.

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HookerSpouse    7

HookerSpouse
Posted

I never thought about that aspect. I do realize it will be the same person. I have kept on seeing that her attitude would change after surgery.

With that said. What things can I do and say to get through those attitude changes.

Thanks for all the advice and eye opening perspectives.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Vee16    33

Vee16
Posted

Everyone is different so it's hard to say what you should say to your wife but for the most part and in general we just want our partners to look at us the same way they did before. In love.

This surgery made me emotional and cranky. So just be patient. In the end she will be so happy and much more in love with you. My husband was so caring and attentive even when I was moody and now I'm doting on him lol

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Hellya    144

Hellya
Posted (edited)

This surgery made me emotional and cranky. So just be patient.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This. So much this. I got so mad at my husband one time when he was actually trying so hard to be helpful! Of course, I wasn't mad at him at all, just mad that I was feeling crappy and nothing was making me feel better. What I really needed was gas-x strips and kaepectate, lol. She will want to feel better sooner than she will, and that can be hard, so be kind and patient and aware of what her needs are. I like to be mostly left alone when hurting or sick, but some people need a cuddle or to be doted on. You know your wife. :)

Edited by Hellya

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abaker04    22

abaker04
Posted

This surgery made me emotional and cranky. So just be patient.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This. So much this. I got so mad at my husband one time when he was actually trying so hard to be helpful! Of course, I wasn't mad at him at all, just mad that I was feeling crappy and nothing was making me feel better. What I really needed was gas-x strips and kaepectate, lol. She will want to feel better sooner than she will, and that can be hard, so be kind and patient and aware of what her needs are. I like to be mostly left alone when hurting or sick, but some people need a cuddle or to be doted on. You know your wife. :)
Same here. I'm not even a week out and had a huge breakdown today. Like ugly crying breakdown. He listened and did not critize me. Mainly it was "I'm hurting, I'm hungry, I'm tired etc etc..what did it do to myslef?" He knows as well as I do that I chose this. But I for sure didn't want to hear "Suck it up buttercup! You chose to have this surgery, so get over it. " Just like the other ladies said be there for her. Also if you have kids try to keep them out of her hair. You delegate and take care of them. Try to let her rest. Sounds like you will do fine! Good luck.

~Ashley~

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HookerSpouse    7

HookerSpouse
Posted

Thank you all!! I am taking leave for a about a week to make sure I can have our lil one outta her hair. Also to help her in what she needs to do.

I would never tell her to suck it up. Lol. Only do that if I wanna get knocked out.

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abaker04    22

abaker04
Posted

Thank you all!! I am taking leave for a about a week to make sure I can have our lil one outta her hair. Also to help her in what she needs to do.

I would never tell her to suck it up. Lol. Only do that if I wanna get knocked out.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

You sound like a smart man! My husband would never say that to me either unless he wanted to die! Lol However you know what I'm saying. He would have been right to say "well you chose to have this surgery etc etc" but instead he just listened and asked if there was anything he could to make it better. Short of time traveling into the future where I get to start soft "real" food I don't think so! Just listening and showing his support is plenty.

~Ashley~

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doxaholic    252

doxaholic
Posted

Hooker spouse make sure you thank your parents they seem to have raised a good kid. Good for you for wanting to be there for your spouse. Your type of story is rare to hear most of the stories of spouses on here are of them being selfish and cruel. So your questions are very refreshing. Make sure you eat but dont do it like your hiding from her. Also yes you have to eat but keep it simple dont go get her favorites and chomp down in front of her.

Sent from my SM-G920P using the BariatricPal App

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • KeeWee

      KeeWee

      It's been 10 long years! Here is my VSG weight loss surgiversary update..
      https://www.ae1bmerchme.com/post/10-year-surgiversary-update-for-2024 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Aunty Mamo

      Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
      I live on the island of Oʻahu and spend a lot of time in the water- for exercise, for play,  and for spiritual & mental health. The day I had my month out appointment with my surgeon, I packed all my gear in my truck, anticipating his permission to get back in the ocean. The minute I walked out of that hospital I drove straight to the shore and got in that water. Hallelujah! My appointment was at 10 am. I didn't get home until after 5 pm. 
      I'm down 31 pounds since the day of surgery and 47 since my pre-op diet began, with that typical week long stall occurring at three weeks. I'm really starting to see some changes lately- some of my clothing is too big, some fits again. The most drastic changes I notice however are in my face. I've also noticed my endurance and flexibility increasing. I was really starting to be held up physically, and I'm so grateful that I'm seeing that turn around in such short order. 
      My general disposition lately is hopeful and motivated. The only thing that bugs me on a daily basis still is the way those supplements make my house smell. So stink! But I just bought a smell proof bag online that other people use to put their pot in. My house doesn't stink anymore. 
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      BeanitoDiego

      Some days I feel like an infiltrator... I'm participating in society as a "thin" person. They have no idea that I haven't always been one of them! 🤣
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • ChunkCat

      ChunkCat

      Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I totally forgot I wrote an update here... I'm one week post op today. I gained 15 lbs in water weight overnight because they had to give me tons of fluids to bring my BP up after surgery! I stayed one night in the hospital. Everything has been fine except I seem to have picked up a bug while I was there and I've been running a low grade fever, coughing, and a sore throat. So I've been hydrating well and sleeping a ton. So far the Covid tests are negative.
      I haven't been able to advance my diet past purees. Everything I eat other than tofu makes me choke and feels like trying to swallow rocks. They warned me it would get worse before it gets better, so lets hope this is all normal. I have my follow up on Monday so we'll see. Living on shakes and soup again is not fun. I had enough of them the first time!! LOL 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

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