Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

How do you view overweight people now that your thin?



Recommended Posts

I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?

Sent from my SM-G920P using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Considering how many times I've flipped from fat to thin, I feel compassion mostly.

But it seems that we are most critical of traits we see in others that we dislike in ourselves. So I guess his disdain is a reflection of his fear of going back to being that fat guy again.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is a very hard thing, what the other poster said about never dating someone who was obesee, now that they where at a healthier body weight(goal weight). We have worked so hard to change our bodies and improve our health, that sometimes it might seem taboo to date someone who is obese, for fear that their eating habbits will pull us back to unhealthy ways. Every person has to come to their own resolutions about their bodies and weight, in their own time and way. Bariactrics is not a fix all, it's just part of the bigger solution.

From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides. I wish sometimes that my husband could feel the distain I feel when I've gained weight and my bras don't fit or my jeans are to tight, it sucks. I know that going backwards will literally make me go backwards. Sometimes I think the spouses who are not surgically intervined need more therapy then we do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't judge people physically. It is a person's character that defines them to me.

If the overweight person is struggling with weight related issues, then I view them with empathy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Those are some great questions to ask. I personally have not undergone my surgery as of yet, but have lost some weight under my weight management and expect to have lost some more with my pre-op diet. Having been obese for practically all of my life, I can't help but say that I would feel empathy/compassion towards people that are in the same situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@doxaholic

What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?

I have not forgotten how far I have come. I was compassionate before surgery. I'm still a compassionate person after my weight loss. I know what its like to walk in the shoes of a morbidly obese person. I would never disrespect someone based on weight.

On the dating side. I don't want to slide back. Weight wouldn't be a deal breaker if it was the right guy. The other part to this is I'm now athletic. I find other men that are athletic attractive. I would not have this type of attraction when I was obese. I would have been way too intimidated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides.

I think this is absolutely true and it's not specific for weight loss. It applies to every diet or diet philosophy (e. g. organic vs. non-organic). I had my fair share of discussions with my hubby on this and it continues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't judge people physically. It is a person's character that defines them to me.

If the overweight person is struggling with weight related issues, then I view them with empathy.

I don't think this can be emphasized enough. Too many people are preoccupied with physical appearance. Some of the most beautiful people (physically speaking) have some of the worst personalities. They are full of nastiness and contempt for others. On the other hand, those who are more "homely" are often more generous in spirit and much more pleasant to be around. Every person should be evaluated by their character.

I posted a while ago about being in Walmart and seeing boatloads of fat people everywhere. Aside from my usual irritation at being forced into a crowd setting, I mainly felt sympathy for many of them. Treating people badly because of their physical appearance is a sure sign of a shallow personality. I did my best not to be that way before, and I will continue on that way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say mostly I feel compassion because I was there for a very long time. I know that likely they are feeling pain physically but also mentally.

And there is a part of me that wants to simply tell them they don't have to live like this.

But I have also learned that someone suffering from obesity has to get to their breaking point before they are ready to listen and take action.

My husband is a great example. He is morbidly obese and a few years older than I. He watched me go from from a normal size when I met him to exceed a BMI larger than his now. He also watched me suffere through many back surgeries and health issues because of it.

When I decided I was going to have WLS, he decided he was going to too and began the process with me.

He backed out and although extremely supportive of my decision to move forward, he clearly is not ready. He eats completely out of boredom not hunger and yes, it does frustrate me to know he could be living differently but he clearly is not ready.

I think it will take a health issue to make him ready. He is generally healthy and does not feel pain yet. Something will have to be his last straw and he will have to get there on his own.

I have many friends and colleagues who are morbidly obese and they are all curious but none ready to do anything so drastic to take action.

So, I feel empathy and compassion because I know that at some point they are going to feel pain or end up with serious health issues and they don't need to live like that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great topic.

I guess it is human nature to view the world through the filter of your own experiences. People who have never struggled with weight mistakenly assume that our brains/hormones work the same way as theirs, so judge us by their own experiences and will never understand or empathize.

No matter how much weight I lose, I will never forget the struggle and will always have compassion - because I lived it. My question to myself is, what biases/prejudices do I have for people who struggle with other challenges or addictions that I have never experienced?

On the other hand, it is very scary to allow someone into your daily life that could potentially derail you. So I can see the youtube guys point. My newfound behavior changes are so delicate. I know fat brain is lurking in the background, ready to take over if I open the door even a crack.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Over the years, I vacillated back and forth between sympathy and outright hatred. I know the hatred was as another poster noted, really self hatred for what I used to be.

Now that I am four years post WLS, when I see a morbidly obese person, all I think is 'there but for the grace of God go I'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides.

I think this is absolutely true and it's not specific for weight loss. It applies to every diet or diet philosophy (e. g. organic vs. non-organic). I had my fair share of discussions with my hubby on this and it continues.

This is an excellent point. Several years ago, Mrs. LittleBill was diagnosed as extremely gluten sensitive. She was having a number of health issues, and removing gluten from her diet cleared them up. Now all it takes is a few milligrams to make her sick. Once she started with her diet, we did not completely remove gluten from my diet, but we did make quite a few adjustments in our common food to make sure she did not have any problems, physical or emotional. A big part of it is me reading lots and lots of labels at the grocery store to make sure I don't buy something that will poison her. When they told me at the bariatric program that I would have to start reading labels, I said, "Yeah, I've been doing that for years. Next."

Now that I am on my own restrictive diet, she has made changes of her own to accommodate me. She is a borderline candidate for WLS, but I have already told her it is completely up to her, and she is comfortable with that. Right now she is doing well with her weight loss the old fashioned way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like others have said, I feel compassion and I feel empathy. I wish I could share what's worked for me, but I know it likely won't be well received by someone who isn't ready for it.

I think as far as choosing a partner, too much emphasis in our society is put on "falling in love" (way too easy to fall OUT of love) and not in selecting a life companion. You chose a companion based on shares values, outlooks, beliefs, lifestyles, etc. i think it would be hard for me, were I selecting a life companion today, to chose one who was obese because our values and lifestyles would be too different. It would have nothing to do with my feelings about the person and their worth/heart/etc.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When they told me at the bariatric program that I would have to start reading labels, I said, "Yeah, I've been doing that for years. Next."

When I ate vegetarian first and then vegan for a whole while reading labels was some kind of a special hobby as well. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • AmberFL

      2 of the Biggest NSV thus far in my life; 1) my 6yr old daughter can wrap her arms around me for the first time ever! 2) My 12yr old son is having a basketball game for the parents vs. their players and I am playing with him! Its been awhile since I played basketball so I have been practicing lol but I would never had even volunteered to do this 70lbs ago! 
      This surgery has changed my life for the better!
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        That's fantastic!

    • Newtransformation79

      It has hit me today, as I sit in my chair at work that I don't have my belly sticking out to where it would hit the desk. Oh and I can cross my legs more comfortably. It amazes me just how much I have loss in inches vs actual pounds, I have lost 24 lbs all together. But I believe in inches all over about 3 inches. I am noticing more energy and have pep to my step. My skin is a lot clearer. My watch band is shorter by 3 notches. the little things are what I am noticing. When I bend over I don't feel out of breath or I am going to fall over ( weeble wobble). 
      I am having a hard time with my sweet tooth, it is very hard to not want to get some ice cream or chocolate. Candy I can do without. I have no craving really for that, just chocolate and ice cream. I have gone as far as taking Popsicle and putting them in my mixer with almond milk and making like ice cream with that/ sometimes I have added un-flavored protein powder. 
      I feel better everyday. The energy is great to have with having younger kids and being able to have the energy to keep up. 😃
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Manisha Sharma

      Buy Dohar Set Online: Top Picks for Cozy Comfort & Style 
      Check out our top selections for cozy bedding, perfect for adding a touch of style to your bedroom while ensuring warmth and comfort. Find the best Dohar sets online for ultimate comfort and style.
       
      Visit - https://amoliconcepts.com/product-category/throws-quilts-dohars/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Clueless_girl

      If anyone has any advice on how to make your stomach feel better after you eat something you shouldn't have or at too fast, I would GREATLY appreciate it!! It's painful on both sides of my abdomen (like to the point I'm doubled over and using a hot water bottle in addition to medicine) and I'm really nauseous (the thought or smell of food is 🤢).
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Mandirigma

      Just wondering if any of the Type 2 Diabetics also have there blood glucose go high when having only a Premier Protein drink for breakfast?  How does Premier Protein compare to BOOST Glucose Control in your experience?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×